Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

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You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Jeremy will take a letter into the bathroom with him if we are running low on toilet paper.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. Without any further ado, throw your mittens around your kittens and away we go:

1.) What are your thoughts on the Repo Man? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an interesting question, Dusty, I was just thinking about the Repo Man. Like, have you ever wondered who drives the Repo Man to the place where he is repoing the car? Because he always just hot wires the car and drives away with it, right? So, like, is a friend dropping him at the house so he can repo the car? Is he taking public transportation, like a bus or a taxi cab to get to the place to repo the car? Perhaps there is a never ending stream of repo’d cars that serve the purpose of leading him to the next house to repo the next car. Maybe he lives close by and just walked.

The point of the matter is that Repo was completely awesome and I always felt like if a bunch of the guys had teamed up to eliminate Yokozuna at the 1993 Royal Rumble, that match was Repo’s for the taking. See what I did there with that sentence? Why am I asking you the questions?

2.) What are your thoughts on the whole Jimmy Hart/Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters/Money Inc thing? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an excellent question. I was just thinking about this recently. See, it all goes back to Mr Fuji in 1990. In early ’90 Fuji managed the Powers of Pain. And then in like February, he debuted the Orient Express. Everyone put up a stink about what an obvious conflict of interest this was, and so Fuji ended up selling the Warlord to Slick and the Barbarian to Bobby Heenan, so he could concentrate all of his energies on managing his new, completely inferior team. It was tremendous booking.

So now Jimmy Hart in 1991. His Nasty Boys win the tag belts from the Hart Foundation at WrestleMania so that they can drop the belts to the Legion of Doom at SummerSlam and break up the Foundation so that Bret can finally get a big singles push. The problems start right before SummerSlam when Jimmy unveils his new tag team, the Natural Disasters. At SummerSlam, LOD should have beaten the Nastys, and the Disasters should have beaten the Bushwhackers. And then you *have* to turn the Nastys face. You cant really split them up since they’d be crap on their own, and you can’t keep them with Jimmy since he now has a new team. So that Survivor Series match (Rockers & Bushwhackers vs Beverly Brothers & Nastys) would have to be changed around, but I’m not trying to be a completist here. I’m talking about one specific line of booking.

So then you have LOD beat the Disasters at Royal Rumble 1992, shortly thereafter Jimmy unveils another new team, Money Inc. At this point, the Disasters have to turn face, since they would be clearly butt hurt about Jimmy favoring his new team over them. Maybe you wait until after WrestleMania 8, though, where you could have LOD over the Disasters and Money Inc over the Nasty Boys, if you so wanted.

There could be many different ways to achieve that same goal, but the point is they didn’t do any of them. They keep the Nastys with Jimmy all the way through SummerSlam 1992, which was logically ridiculous and clearly defied the hallmark they themselves had put into place a couple years prior. It just honks me off like a goose!

3.) Some idiot recently said that Ultimate Warrior was the worst main eventer in history. Your thoughts, please? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Very good question. Yes, he is an idiot, first of all. Second of all, it’s not really close to true. This subject was recently batted around on Facebook and a lot of people got lost in the tall grass, arguing that Warrior was a horrible worker. It might or might not be true, but it’s completely besides the main point.

See, Diesel was the worst drawing WWF Champion in history. So since he came *after* Warrior, that automatically makes him worse, no? He was no great shakes in the ring, either. Bret got a good match out of him, but Bret could get a good match out of the couch. Diesel was atrocious, didn’t draw a dime, and he was just really terrible.

Another matter is that Warrior was completely sabotaged by Hulk Hogan every step of the way. Follow me here on a history lesson. They debuted Earthquake by making him friends with Dino Bravo and having the two attack the Warrior. Before his Mania win over Hogan for the WWF Title, Warrior was beating Bravo at house shows. Therefore, all of that would lead perfectly, one would assume, towards Warrior feuding with Earthquake post WrestleMania. It should stand to reason that the number one face should be feuding with the number one heel in the company. (Please note that I’m not slagging Rick Rude at all by saying this. It’s just that he was a step or two below Quake on the totem pole at his point.)

Instead, Hogan got the A-match at SummerSlam and all of the hype leading up to it, with the injury angle, the get well letters campaign and the guys in the corner stuff. Warrior got the second most hyped match. And then, even more ridiculously, Warrior had no feud whatsoever going into the Survivor Series. He was pasted into a survivors match that he nothing to do with (Perfect vs. Tornado, Demolition vs. LOD). And then by Royal Rumble ’91, he was already losing the belt.  Hogan, meanwhile, carried the Earthquake feud through the end of the year, won the Rumble, and then beat Slaughter for the belt at Mania. There was never really a point during Warrior’s title reign that you couldn’t plausibly argue that Hogan was still the top star in the company.

So what I’m saying is, other than the workrate, you could conceivably blame every one of Warrior’s failings as top dog in the company on Hogan. After that he started flaking out and no showing stuff and trying to hold up Vince for more money and all of that, and I would argue that you could trace all of that back to Hogan sabotaging him in 1990.  But I mean, it’s not like Hogan has a history of doing that, or anything.

Also of note is that guys like Jack Swagger and the Miz are much worse main eventers as well. It is actually embarrassing that guys like that were allowed to hold the title. It’s a byproduct of today’s environment, where the name WWE sells the tickets and it doesn’t really matter who the champion is, and everyone gets a turn with every belt anyway, and there’s 5 million belts anyway, and nothing means anything, but man, do those guys suck. Especially Swagger.

Also of note is that workrate doesn’t mean shit in professional wrestling.

4.) Who are your top five SportsCenter anchors of all time? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Such a great question. I would have to go like this…

1 – Keith Olbermann

2 – Dan Patrick

3 – Kenny Mayne

4 – Scott Van Pelt

5 – Charley Steiner

Speaking of SportsCenter and ESPN, isn’t it weird that Chris Berman is, as Bob Ley once called Steiner, a “professional putz” when he went to Brown University and graduated with a degree in history? You would think he would be more serious, like Ley, instead of being Mr Sound Effects and guy-who-gives-everyone-a-crummy-nickname guy. Then again, him graduating college in the late 70s does explain his shitty taste in music.

5.) Who could it be now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

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