Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

kids_health_tvI ended up watching 2 Smackdowns, 1 Raw and 1 Impact Wrestling in roughly a 24 hour time period. No more than 28 hour time period. It was rough. There was debate of watching one of the two ROH but I ran out of time. Fuck those guys anyway. I couldn’t have watched Summerslam for fear of overload. It sounded pretty damn solid. I like the outcomes of the matches. Lesnar needs to win every now and again to stay relevant in between down times. Daniel Bryan losing it to Randy Orton is great for both men. Orton has been stale for a long time. Daniel Bryan will be hotter for even longer. Hunter didn’t need to be involved but makes him more interesting for the first time since he came back as “office guy”. I’m interested to see how this Raw shakes out. Let’s roll.

Hot damn, I forgot it’s in Anaheim. This crowd always blows. John Cena starts the show. By the way, watched the Steelers first team defense get smoked by Rex Grossman. Wow, it’s going to be a long season. 8-8 might look good by the end of this thing. Cena is taking some time off. This crowd is pretty lively. Did the city re-populate? Solid going away speech. Daniel Bryan gets introduced by Cena. Before he can say anything, Stephanie McMahon comes out. She apologizes to him. Bryan does his best undressing her. So they all did this as a big set up to go against Bryan? Steph is being a solid bitch. She tops it off with calling for security. I hope he eventually calls out HHH for being a coward and having Steph do his dirty business.

Damien Sandow is taking on Cody Rhodes again. Good thing I didn’t watch this part of the PPV. The crowd is back to it’s normal self for this match. They get a commercial break. Good for them. Cody had a long run of offense. Sandow got out of Cross Rhodes. Sandow gets hit by the Disaster Kick. Sandow irish whipped Rhodes into the corner. Rhodes rolls up Sandow for his second straight win. Brad Maddox gives us a tweet from Dolph Ziggler. Maddox puts him in a handicapped match with The Shield. My boy is still getting some good attention.

Paul Heyman reminds us of CM Punk’s loss to Brock Lesnar. Paul is hoping Punk rejoins him. He forgives Punk. That trick never works. Heyman still loves him. No one seems to care. The Bellas are mad at the Funkadactyls. Noami chills out Cameron? I can’t remember their wrestling names.

Mitchell Cool helps me out. I had them switched. The Funkadactyls are wrestling AJ Lee & Layla El. Reality show team wins, right? The lady and I are going to do a double dose of Total Divas sometime later this week. Naomi is taking the punishment. She gets out of it with an enziguri. Layla knocked Cameron off the apron. Naomi rolled her up for the win.

Dolph Ziggler gets to the ring for the Hounds of Justice to come down from the crowd. I wonder way Dean Ambrose has moved to the Under Armour shirt. Seth Rollins turns it around with the help of Charles Robinson. Roman Reigns gets to lay the wood. Cool backed JBL into a corner fairly well. JBL battled out well. Reigns gets caught moving slow. Rollins makes a save. Ziggler sells a jumping spear to Reigns for the loss. Good showing. He gets a triple power bomb.

Alberto Del Rio has a seriously busted up eye. He fights whatever happened to Sin Cara. Lawler tries to make it exciting. He fails. Sin Cara acts like he’s hurt. Maybe he is. That’d be kind of funny. He plays up the Latino crowd. Are they turning him baby face since Orton went heel and back to Raw? Ricardo Rodriguez tells us Del Rio isn’t a hero. He is out to introduce his new client. It’s RVD. Weird combo. Is it supposed to be like Bill Alphonso & RVD weirdness? RVD chases Del Rio from the ring.

I stepped out for some chipotle pepper cheese while Zeb Colter talked. Antonio Cesaro & Jack Swagger are taking on Darren Young & Titus O’Neil. No mention of Young’s orientation yet. I’m tired of O’Neil’s potential. So are JBL & Lawler. Glad you agrees with me. O’Neil is taking the punishment so Young is going to get a hot tag? Spinebuster by O’Neil brings it to be. Young with a nice looking suplex. Gut Check by Young gets the win. Well, no mention of the news. Renee Young gets to interview the smiley Big Show. He confirms the rumors that him & Mark Henry are going to team against the Shield for the tag titles. Brad Maddox puts him in a handicapped match against the Shield. Shouldn’t they be a little pissed? They did take some punishment because you didn’t make the rules the same against Ziggler? Zack Ryder, Summer Rae & Fandango get to endorse Foot Locker. I’m not going to buy my shoes at Foot Locker now.

Ryback gets to intimidate a local wrestler. He makes him fill up his bag with water. He seems to be enjoying himself. I get the point of the segments but they seem to lack genuineness to me. The Big Show gets to take on the Shield. Lawler selling the Shield’s earlier match. They regroup after a Big Show spear of Reigns. Dean Ambrose ends up being the last in the ring. Rollins clips Show to turn it around. Show suplexes Rollins & Ambrose. Reigns spears Show. Triple Power Bomb for the win. Good stuff. The Shield narrowly wins.

CM Punk hobbles down to ringside. Punk berates a fat guy in the crowd because he booed him. The crowd goes bananas. Punk wants Paul Heyman out face to face. He comes out with Curtis Axel. Punk is hilarious. He still wants his revenge. Heyman apologizes for what is about to happen to him. Axel is going to finish Lesnar’s job. Punk stayed in the ring after the break. Axel gets the upper hand quickly. Punk gets on the advantage outside the ring. Axel slips out of the GTS. Axel takes over. Dumb ass misses the leg trapped in the chair routine. Punk GTSes him on the steel steps. He’s still angry at Paul.

Bray Wyatt gets the full intro. He’s taking on R Truth. Wyatt takes over with a side spear. His move set doesn’t seem too much different than what I remember. Wyatt wins in a squash.

I was going to FF thru the matador segment until I realized they are going to be a tag team. Los Matadores. Interesting. Are we going to get a bunch of side job for our wrestlers again? 3MB is a band on the side. The Usos are our Samoan dancers. The announcers are highlighting the tag team division. Am I watching the WWE? Drew gets 3MB control even though he’s not in the match. I’m digging Heath Slater’s right arm tattoo. How new is that? I feel like I have seen it but it’s still somewhat new. Super kick by Jey. He tags in Jimmy as he flies to the outside to take out Drew & Heath. Jimmy with the splash for the win.

The Miz was interrupted by Fandango last night. The Miz decked him. No surprise the Miz came out next. He’s taken on the slowly starting to re-beard Wade Barrett. The “Do you remember when these guys were relevent?” match should be a blast. I love JBL for trying to compliment Lawler and having to take it back. Barrett gets to tap, oh no he doesn’t. Fandango leg drops the Miz. Brad Maddox tells Stephanie that Daniel Bryan is back in the arena.

The Shield is playing body guard for the McMahons. So all of the bickering was to set up Daniel Bryan? Wow, they really like him. HHH gets to run down the fans. He did it for us. We deserve better than Bryan. This segment is dying. Anaheim has been better than usual but they are sitting on their hands now. He introduces Randy Orton. The McMahons aren’t really going to help Orton look more evil. Orton owes all of this to HHH. Triple H asks Daniel Bryan to come out. Bryan fights out of the Shield attack. My DVR cuts off at 11:10 and the segment is still going. Go fuck yourselves WWE. -Kevin

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