Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

I'm_ScrewedSo when you consistently do something like this blog, of course you want some level of fame. We have a decent little pocket of fans but it’d be nice to have more. Example of why we’re not going to have more. Jeremy has been texting me about Raw for at least the last month. Every time he asks me if I’ve seen segment X (which is usually at the 9 PM spot). I’ve told him no, I haven’t started yet. So he hits me up about the second interview I recorded last week to make sure he was editing things correctly. We got that cleared up and he asks me “Oh my god please tell me you are up to date on raw.” My answer was “Do you know what the name of my column? Dog walk then starting.” If I can’t get a fellow contributor to know what and how I run my column, what chance do I have roping in more fans? I’m screwed. Oh well, time to do the column any way. Let’s roll.

CM Punk kicks off the show and gets a bigger pop than I remember in a while for him. Ha, glad he steered away from sounding like Mick Foley and said right here…on Raw. By the way, super awesome to be doing this from my rebuilt Mac. Water is half way across the room. Brad Maddox re-appears. Punk busts him for not having an entrance song. Maddox is trying to hold it together and get off his lines. Big E Langston seems to accept Punk’s challenge. Did he get injured? I didn’t miss him. Langston whacks him with the mic. The match starts next!

Big E has the upper hand. JBL starts blowing Big E. He’s got everything except mic skills. Still haven’t seen enough of him in the ring to go one way or the other. Round house kick gets a two count for Punk. Big elbow drop then Punk sets up the GTS. Punk wins with it. Nice of the announcers to mention the Big E/Ryback similarities. Good spot for Big E. He’ll get a chance down the line.

Oh goody, we get Fandango versus Kofi Kingston. I barely pay attention trying to set up other stuff on the refurbished lap top. Kofi with the Trouble in Paradise. I lost everything except the hard drive. Lots of little things to fix. The Wyatt Family visits Kofi. Bray Wyatt wants everyone to fall down one at a time. Kofi doesn’t get beat down.

Holy crap, my boy Dolph Ziggler is on the pre-PPV match. Thanks Jack Swagger. Randy Orton creeps out the Bella Twins. He wants Brie to get married sooner rather than later because of what he will do to Daniel Bryan. Renee Young interviews Paul Heyman. He won’t be bullied by Punk any more. He stresses the us with him & CM Punk holding the title. Heyman has a plan for tonight and dares Punk to try. I haven’t watched any of these Matador vignettes. It’s ridiculous.

Holy shit. The midget has some serious moves. 3MB in the form of Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal are fighting Epico & Primo. As amazing as the little person was, big down grade from Rosa Mendes. (Next Day Edit: Jeremy & I can’t decide if El Torrito is a midget or a child. He looked too proportional to be a little person, right? I’d still rather see Rosa.) I didn’t expect this match to last this long. This is what Jeremy alerted me too. So ridiculous. They went more over the top than Fandango. Wow. Double Samoan Drop for the win. At least it was a team work finisher which is lacking these days.

It's got to be from WWE.com, right not beautifallwallworld.blogspot.com, right?

It’s got to be from WWE.com, right not beautifulwallworld.blogspot.com, right?

HHH & Big Steph come down to the ring first. HHH calls out the Rhodes family. Old school music hits. Condescending Steph is her best version. Condescending HHH is not as good. They acknowledge Dusty’s job with the WWE, I think for the first time. They need to beat Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns at Battle Ground and they have jobs. They all lose their jobs if they lose. Dusty just wants to be in their corner. Steph implies he’ll be beat up. The Shield beats them down. Captain America Believes In The Shield. All but cementing the Rhodeses return.

R Truth is taking on Curtis Axel for some reason. It’s actually a good match. Axel gets to learn from a vet who has some credibility with the crowd. I liked the modified Stunner from Truth. This crowd has been quite lively tonight. Punk’s music distracts Axel. R Truth hits Pay Dirt for the win. Heyman starts laughing realizing he got caught.

They give us a Total Divas review on Brie Bella & Daniel Bryan. The lady and I watched the mid-season finale last night. Column will be up tomorrow some time. Alicia Fox is taking on Brie with Nikki. The crowd is even behind Brie. Face buster for the win. Were they setting up dissension between the twins earlier? (Next Day Edit: Brie said something about being excited for winning the title then Nikki said something about “us” winning the title. Skinny sister vs Fat sister, I can’t wait!)

Curtis Axel is clutching his Intercontinental Title. Paul Heyman calms him down. Ryback comes in. He’s ready to give Punk what he wants. Heyman has a new outlook on life. Paul’s going to propose to Ryback. It’s too put on for me to ask the obvious. Renee Young gets to ask Big Show about his Smackdown appearance. HHH got to toss him a punk card. Big Show busts out the Damocles Sword reference. Big Show says he’s going to knock HHH out. I’m sure you won’t.

In case you were wondering about Damocles Sword.

In case you were wondering about Damocles Sword.

R Truth is talking to Brad Maddox about the IC Title. Big Show comes in and Truth does the smart thing and bolts. Show picks up Brad by the face. That looked scary. Okay, I understand the breast cancer thing but it’s completely ridiculous when the heels do it. Alberto Del Rio offended me. He gets to beat Zack Ryder. Has he made it on TV for a month straight now? Ryder bites it on a sling shot splash. He’s looked stronger than any of his other matches. I never expected him to be champ but he’s a useable wrestler at a minimum. Double stomp by Del Rio on Ryder. Cross Arm Breaker for the win. That was a quick turn around.

I have never noticed Ryback‘s song is “Meat On The Table.” Hilarious title. Paul Heyman gets to complain about Punk being a bully. They decide to get creepy as Ryback pats his cheek. Heyman has felt liberated since he met Ryback. Heyman wants to make an honest man out of Ryback. Paul drops to a knee and grabs Ryback’s hand. The crowd chanting “No!” is a riot. He asks him if he’ll become a “Paul Heyman guy”. Everyone groans because no one expected a real proposal. Ryback Mountain line by Lawler. Nice work. CM Punk “hurts” himself jumping the barricade. Ryback & Heyman stay in the ring. Punk tries to get in the ring. Punk pulls a kendo stick from under the ring and attacks Heyman & Ryback. Axel gets a beating too. Even steven booking says he loses at the PPV.

Dolph Ziggler waits for his team mates, the Usos. They’re taking on The Shield. Hey, didn’t the Usos just win the #1 Contendership last week? Why did it take me this long to remember this? Shouldn’t they be pissed that the Rhodes Family is swiping their spot. Mitchell Cool gets to explain Dusty Rhodes’s job a little more. Why did the Shield hold on to Jimmy Uso? Dumb bells. Dive over the top rope second week running. If you keep showing the break footage from the app, I will continue to not download it. They only show it for matches which would be the only time I’d pay attention anyway. Reigns over shoots Jimmy. Super kick gets him space. Dolph gets the hot tag. He’s in against Ambrose again. Fame asser but Reigns breaks it up. Reigns with a spear on Ziggler for the win. The ref mentioned the tag before Ziggler got belted. Big Show is still in HHH’s office.

Big Show is still there. Police come. He’s been threatening a WWE employee. Big Steph talks the cops back. Steph also says that Big Show hasn’t been measuring up to his wife’s expectations either. Weird story line. Big Show angry at HHH poster. I hope Big Show knows how to patch drywall. Renee Young interviews RVD. We get more Youtube videos. I agree with the No. 1 pick. He got some killer distance on that. About what you expect RVD in the promo department. (Next Day Note: 3 appearances by the backstage interviewer is a lot, right? Seems like more than normal to me. I guess she’s more camera ready than Josh Matthews.)

I have no idea why this was under "Damocles Sword" search. Enjoy it anyway from bikernet.com

I have no idea why this was under “Damocles Sword” search. Enjoy it anyway from bikernet.com

Santino Marella & The Great Khali are taking on, oh no, it’s a singles match. Santino againts Antonio Cesaro of the Real Americans. They show the great swing. Santino goes for the Cobra. Cesaro does the swing again. He’s found his gimmick for TV time that used to be his gimmick in ROH. Santino Judo rolls him for the win. Zeb Colter’s disappointing face needs to be posted by now. (Next Day Note: I checked Google to no avail.)

Jerry Lawler invites Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton down to the ring. Orton gets to rehash his change in attitude. Bryan wants Orton to know that he’s never needed anyone’s motivation to become the best. He’s made himself the best. Orton ends up beating down Bryan. Brie Bella comes out for the save when Orton goes for the hanging DDT. Orton still drops him. Drama! Orton tears apart the announcers table. RKO as if the table somehow makes that worse. Brie yells at Orton. So Bryan wins the belt then? That makes no sense. – Kevin

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Dusty’s Blog: A Simple Rant About 90s Music

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Have you ever listened to Hole’s Pretty on the Inside album? It is easily one of the five worst albums I have ever had the miserable misfortunate of laying my ears upon. It is an unholy abomination. It is garbitch! It’s almost so bad that you have to hear it, but if you go out of your to hear it based on what I’m saying about it in this column, you will want to devastate me. Hell, I want to devastate myself for listening to it.

In any event, a cursory glance of his album reveals no songwriting ideas whatsoever. The lyrics almost sound like a parody of what grunge is supposed to be. And if it’s a parody, that means it’s insincere. And if its insincere, that means it goes against whatever bullshit unwritten code of conduct grunge had written for itself.

And so now allow me a moment to indulge myself in my hatred of grunge music. Since I’m going there anyway, let’s use Nirvana as the example. Long haired fellows who play rebellious music that appeals to kids and rebels against the popular music of the time. One band member has a crippling heroin addiction. How is that not exactly Motley Crue? And yet they hated bands like that, and brainwashed their fans into doing the same. Grunge really was the dirt worst. Phony, insincere nonsense.

So in any event, Pretty on the Inside features no songwriting prowess whatsoever, no good chords are played, and the lyrics are belted out at top volume by a drugged out witch who cannot hold a note. It is literally agonizing to listen to this album.

So then we’re supposed to believe that all of a sudden Courtney Love learned how to write good songs and play good guitar notes just in time for Live Through This to come out. Obviously, I am implying that i believe the conspiracy theory here that Kurt Cobain wrote all the lyrics to these songs and probably played guitar on them as well.

What you had with Kurt and Courtney was the classic case of a no talent waste of tissue woman glomming on to the more talented man and using his talent and fame to forge a career for herself. Courtney was a parasite who was willing to do whatever it took to get ahead, because she knew if she kept cranking out more albums like Pretty on the Inside, she was going to end up in the bargain bin of history, being passed over in favor of the Was Not Was album that had that dinosaur song on it.

Sleeping your way to the top is often not enough for women like Courtney, who worked tirelessly to keep down and insult more talented women artists of the time. (This is where I cite the example of Courtney bad mouthing Kim Shattuck and accusing her of stealing her dress ideas, which I’m sure stealing stuff from Courtney was the primary thing on Kim’s agenda. This is also where I mention that punk will always be better than grunge music, because good always overcomes the power of evil, and what are the Muffs if not the female-led Ramones?)

In other news, Daniel Bryan is engaged to Brie Bella and you can catch Maria Kanellis at an ROH show near you!

#SippyTimeBeer Review – #Cbus Microbrew Festival

Cbus Microbrew Festival '13

I got to taste a lot of local beer when I went down to the Columbus Microbrew Festival. I had a chance to taste some of my favorites but as usual, I decided to try beers that I didn’t have. Zauber Brewing is still working on a larger facility. Four Strings had a couple of offerings there and I passed on them along with Barley’s, Barley’s Smokehouse & Pub, Columbus, Elevator, Gordon Biersch, Great Lakes, Ohio & Thirsty Dog because I have had and reviewed a number of all of their products. I’ll list in alphabetical order what I did have since I’m not completely sure of the order I drank them in. They were supposed to serve 4 ounce portions but almost everyone was very generous with their pours so I got a good idea of how they all taste.

Buckeye Lake BreweryOctoberfest – It’s that time of year, Oktoberfest & Pumpkin beers are everywhere. I’ll get around to a whole column on pumpkin beers later. This brewery just east of Columbus in, you guessed it, Buckeye Lake has gotten good reviews from my friends in the area. It was finally time to try some for myself though. I’m not sure if it was fair to try a seasonal beer though. If it is indeed seasonal since they don’t even have a beer list on their website. The beer had the red hue that most “Marzen” (March in German because of when they brewed them) beers have. This one has a nice balance of hops and malt to make it taste really good. Thumbs up for my first taste of Buckeye Lake.

Great Black Swamp BrewingWetlands Wheat – This company is based in Toledo, OH so it’s not the most local beer there but it was a new one to me. No one wants to go to Toledo so I’m glad they came to us. I love wheat beers so it was an easy first choice from the company and it delivered. Nice and crisp on a night that was reminiscent of Fall than the Summer.

Great Black Swamp BrewingBull Frog Stout – Because there weren’t any cider beers on tap, my girl friend ended up giving me her tickets. Since they had a hard closing time of 10 PM on Friday, we had to venture back Saturday afternoon to finish using the tickets. You don’t need to twist my arm. Since I had a second crack at this brewery, I went with their Bull Frog Stout which was quite good. Double thumbs up from this company.

Homestead Beer CompanyPine Table Pale Ale – This beer is from Licking County which, like Buckeye Lake, is just east of Cbus. Unfortunately, my memory of this beer is hazy at best. I didn’t take notes and I didn’t Instagram each beer, just their label. No, it wasn’t from drinking too much, this time. It just means I’ll have to try it again.

Homestead Beer CompanyBoat India Pale Ale – On Saturday, I couldn’t remember how many choices Homestead had. When I got to their station, I was talked into trying this beer. “It’s the right balance of hops & malt” said the worker who must have been part of the brewery because he was dead on.I could get into more IPAs if they were like this one.

Hoof Hearted BrewingVoltan – Russian Imperial Stout – Aside from the over played but somewhat amusing name, they do have a goofy centaur as a mascot so these guys know how to market. Of course, it helps when you have a fantastic beer. One of the best beers of the weekend.

Jackie O’s BreweryMatriarch Tri-Pa – I have reviewed two of their beers with another one on my “To Get To” list. I hadn’t seen their Tri-Pa probably because it contains six different kinds of hops and a total of five pounds of it per barrel. It’s no wonder this beer cost me not the normal one ticket for four ounces but three tickets. Another reason the cost was so high was because of it’s 11% alcohol content. If you want to get drunk in style and quickly, have this beer if you can get a hold of it.

Lagerheads BreweryWhite Water Witte – When we arrived Saturday, I grabbed this beer first because the vendors let us in without getting our 21 and over wrist bands. No one cared that we didn’t have them on. Yep, starting to get old. Any way, since it was good and sunny, mid 0s I went with a Belgian wheat beer. Perfect plan to soak up some of the last rays of summer. Come Fall and Winter, that whole sun thing is going to be scarce around these parts. Glad I could enjoy a smooth crisp and citrusy beer. They are located up in the Abbeyville OH which is just south of Cleveland.

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Stunt Granny Interview Series – @BenjaminBoone1 of @PrimeWrestling

Two years ago, we had “Amazing” N8 Mattson for Wrestlelution 4: Overdrive. This year, we greet his partner in the Sons of Michigan, Benjamin Boone. Kevin & Dan get off to a rocky start with Mr. Boone because of Dan’s tardiness. We get around to asking the hard hitting questions when we talk about someone else who has angered Boone recently and that’s Jay Flash. What does Boone think about Flash’s one victory in three attempts? Was he expecting bigger challenges when he issued the open challenge that brought out Flash three straight times? Another one of his opponents at Wrestlelution 6: The Art of War is Aiden Veil. What are his strengths? The Sons of Michigan brought Bryan Castle into Prime Wrestling as an enforcer. What does Boone think now that he’s an opponent at Wrestlelution? Will they use his trade mark head band against him? Kevin & Dan do take time to address the write ups of the “lost” episodes of Prime Wrestling in which the Sons of Michigan complain about not being in the faction wars in Prime Wrestling. Will N8 Mattson & Boone add their tag team partner Bobby Shields to the Sons? What did he have to say about failed prospects like Ben Fruith and Zack Gowen? Do they have anyone else in mind? Not all secrets are that easy to pry away from Boone, but he does talk about the gloriousness that would be the Sons of Michigan reigning supreme over Prime Wrestling. Join us for the latest in the Stunt Granny Interview Series when you click below!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #231

The Guardian Did Age Progression on Dixie Carter

The Guardian Did Age Progression on Dixie Carter

Jeremy & Kevin are back in your ear holes. They start off by talking about Kevin’s awful trip into Pennsylvania this past weekend. If watching your team lose is bad, what makes it even worse? Kevin got two experience two different types of insult to injury during the Kent State and Pittsburgh Pirates game. They move on to talk about wrestling, specifically Raw. Did any of the story lines move along? Did that make the show bad? How bitter is Jeremy about the Chicago Blackhawks beating the Detroit Red Wings? Did this taint his evaluation of CM Punk’s promo? They weren’t surprised by the eliminations on during the 11 on 3 for the baby faces but they did break down the eliminations of the Shield members. Should the announcers had made a bigger deal out of Roman Reigns being pinned? Why was Seth Rollins the last one in the ring? Jeremy & Kevin move along to Jerry Jarrett’s take on Dixie Carter. Was he correct in his criticisms? Do you need to eat, sleep and breath wrestling to be successful? Did it help Jarrett succeed? Does he have anything in common with Carter? They segue into Dixie and her stellar acting going against AJ Styles. What built in storyline did TNA skip over to produce another heel authority figure? Should they have put over Magnus instead of Styles to avoid this angle? Is the Bound For Glory Series where TNA home grown stars go to die? Does it help Bobby Roode to be back in a team? Does anyone remember James Storm? Is TNA even wasting WWE talents like Jeff Hardy? We know some of these questions are easy to answer but we give them the analysis that you crave. Grab a #SippyTimeBeer, slap on the head phones and enjoy this romp through sports and wrestling.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

This website took things into their own hands for labeling.

This website took things into their own hands for labeling.

So if I had just made up my mind and had my computer repaired, I wouldn’t be using my parent’s spare old Dell. Of course, maybe dropping water on the lap top should have warned me that the rest of my week was going to suck from then on. I’m starting late again so I’m doing babbling. Let’s roll.

Angelo Savoldi is recognized. I get to learn who he is on Wikipedia. I’m sure I can do the reading during HHH‘s long speech. Stephanie gets to tell them that the 10 are “men.” RVD gets to be the mouth piece of the group. The McMahon’s try to turn the tables mentally on the 10 by giving them the Shield. He’s having a hard time pronunciating “frustration.” Okay, maybe they have me again. Not sure where they’re taking this thing and they don’t seem to know either.

Kofi Kingston is taking on Alberto Del Rio. Are the McMahon’s trying to wear out the 10 before their elimination match? Lawler asking if the match is fair to the Shield is pretty weird. Shouldn’t that be JBL’s role? They get a break with Kofi in control. The crowd is starting to do random chants. No surprise that Chicago is bringing it. Kofi gets a near fall from an SOS. I can’t remember the last time I saw a Boom Drop. It hasn’t gotten better. Nice German Suplex by Del Rio. Kofi screws up a DDT. Kofi misses a cross body. Del Rio goes vicious. Kofi taps out to the Cross Arm Breaker.

Renee Young gets to ask Miz the tough questions. HHH can’t let him wrestle because of his condition. He gives Miz the Big Show on Miz TV. They recap the Rhodes happenings.

The Prime Time Players get to take on the Wyatt Family in the form of Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. The beat down of the 10 continues. Darren Young is taking it. The lights go off momentarily. Most exciting news of the match so far. Titus O’Neil gets the hot tag. Young takes out Rowan. Harper capitalizes on a distracted O’Neil. Clothesline for the Wyatt win. Young gets Sister Abigail’s kiss. Mitchell Cool gets cut off making a good point. Did someone just get in trouble?

Miz TV is on. The Miz wants to know why the Big Show would do that. The Miz asks the Big Show to stand up for himself. Stephanie McMahon strides down to the ring. Steph calls the Miz a utility person. She does condescending well. Steph makes Big Show knock out the Miz which he does with no hesitation. (Next Day Note: Did the WWE realize Big Show is a lot better as a heel? If so, good for them. I’d be happy to get rid of smilely Big Show again.)

Randy Orton comes out and finds out that his opponent is RVD. The announcer banter is the best part of the match until the early break. Buzzing thru entrances makes this so much quicker. I might catch up before the finish if I keep it up. Orton makes it interesting by kicking RVD off the top rope. He appears to have snapped. They get counted out but Orton still beats down RVD. So why aren’t the other 10 helping RVD out? What a bunch of pussies. Top Rope hanging DDT.

Randy Orton runs into the Bellas back stage. He warns Brie of his awaited beating. They’re doing a good job of putting more heat on Orton instead of the McMahons. They show clips from HHH’s new DVD. Big Steph does more condescending, this time to AJ Lee. AJ doesn’t like the way she’s being treated as Divas Champion. AJ listens to Big Steph.

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Stunt Granny Audio #230

Whatever.

Whatever.

Jeremy and Kevin are back for the second week in a row. How very nice of them to do this to get traffic to the website they created with Dusty and Eric. Why is the quality of the audio low? Did it have to do with Kevin spilling water on his lap top during his Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw? They start by talking about TNA’s long delayed roster game. Can they rattle off all of the people that have been released? Devon, Mickie James and  Do they complain about any of the releases? Is TNA still too heavy on talent? What are the chances that Hulk Hogan leaves when his contract is up on October 1? Would that be good for TNA’s business? They move on to one last big name that asked for his release, Matt Morgan. Is there any chance that he comes back to the WWE? Has enough time elapsed that WWE has made their intentions known? Jeremy & Kevin moved on to the WWE where Daniel Bryan is still the main topic of conversation. How hard is it to rip on an angle when crowds are hot and super into Bryan? Are the guys still okay with this continued evil management regime? Or has the WWE screwed up being evil with their actions involving Randy Orton? Speaking of Mr. Orton, how well did the Miz’s “parents” sell his beating? Who wants his “dad” to keep his hairdo? Will it come back into style? Did they pass up talking about his “mom’s” 80’s hair puff? Who brought the show to a grinding halt comparing the Raw crowd compared to the shots of the crowd for Impact Wrestling in Cleveland by site favorite Aaron Maguire? Find out that and more in the link below!

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