Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

acc-logoIt’s time like this that I’d love to have my cable box built in picture in picture. Not that I have a lot of hope for the Pittsburgh Panthers to defeat Florida State but I would like to keep an eye on it. I’m sure this review will now go slowly as I stop to check the score every commercial break. Let’s roll.

Just what I wanted to start the show, more HHH. So remind me as to why the McMahons were involved in this storyline when HHH was just going to take it over when the plan was revealed? He introduces Randy Orton. I’m not going to be able to handle more Mitchell Cool. That’s the other problem with using the same announcers from show to show, they argue the same stuff show after show. Cool & JBL had the same arguments on Smackdown as they did on Raw last week. Jerry Lawler doesn’t add any spice to the arguments. Or at least not enough. Orton finally gets mic time. He doesn’t do much with it. HHH gets to bore us some more. He gives us a lesson in popularity vs best for business. Daniel Bryan finally ends our misery. He delivered. Unfortunately, HHH gets to suck the air out of the place. Big Show is Bryan’s opponent for the night.

Man, things are starting to get ugly right before half. Cody Rhodes walks by a chummy HHH and Randy Orton. Rhodes of course gets himself in hot water with his potty talk. For some reason, HHH didn’t get an invitation for Rhodes wedding. Rhodes takes on Orton tonight. HHH promises that if he loses, he won’t have employment. Fandango is taking on the Miz. I didn’t need Mitchell Cool to talk about twerking. Plus, it always seems stupid that JBL & Cool do an online show where they always imply they’re friendly so why would they bicker so much on TV? JBL is trying but no one is joining him. FSU scored again after another INT. Pitt’s QB situation hasn’t gotten better this year. Fandango had control after the break. Fandango’s pants are fantastic. Cool sling shot leg drop from him too. Miz turned it into the Figure Four. The Miz wins for the first time in a while.

Booker T talks to Daniel Bryan about giving up the title match. Bryan can’t believe he just said that. We all saw that one coming, right? Not necessarily a bad thing. We get review of CM Punk/Paul Heyman/Curtis Axel. I’m mostly paying attention to my fantasy football draft during it.

Dolph Ziggler is waiting in the ring when Dean Ambrose attacks him from behind. He gets tossed shoulder first into the post. Ryback comes out as Ziggler’s opponent. They recycle the good employee arguments for Ziggler. JBL isn’t convincing even though he’s the only one making points. Ziggler gets a short run of offense. Shellshock. First time, he’s won in a while too. He was chickening out of matches. Stephanie is backstage with HHH. Brad Maddox informs them that Big Show is refusing to wrestle Daniel Bryan. We’re getting a public call out.

As if they listened to my column, Steph gets involved in the angle. Big Show made a bunch of bad investments. It isn’t an Iron Clad contract if they have clauses to fire him. Big Show makes a good puppy dog face with Steph pulling on his heart strings. Better than HHH.

Prime Time Players are taking on 3MB. Drew McIntyre is still the odd man out. Slater’s new ink looks pretty awesome. Darren Young gets to take the beating. Titus O’Neil gets the hot tag. Glad a big boot didn’t end the match. Sky High for the win.

Oh wow, just flipped back to the Pitt/FSU match up. Officially ugly. Brad Maddox is on the phone when Paul Heyman walks in. HHH comes in to defend the decision Maddox made. HHH doesn’t think Heyman can weasel out of this predicament but he wants to see him try. HHH wins with a weasel or a Heyman beating. Okay, so why is HHH now a fan favorite by making that decision and cutting that promo? Much better than earlier in the show. Bray Wyatt talks about Icarus. He talk like Kane is going to join his crew. I like the extended audition. I can’t stop thinking about Kid Icarus though.

Kid IcarusCody Rhodes comes out to save his career. The announcers of the FSU/Pitt game are trying to sell Pitt kicking a FG down 31-10 is a good thing. They’re within three scores at 31-13. That’s conceding a loss. Randy Orton comes down to help me catch up. We get some more argument out of this trio about being a good employee. Is Lawler purposefully being quiet? Cool finally defends free speech but JBL no sells him. Awful. Orton is in control at the break. They wouldn’t need to sell Cody getting canned if he were over proper like. A couple of wins over Sandow isn’t enough. I zoned out until Rhodes went on offense. Near fall after a Disaster Kick. The crowd gets behind him. Rhodes airballs a moonsault. Hanging DDT. The crowd cheers when Orton tosses his arms around. Cross Rhodes doesn’t get Cody the win. Rhodes has to fake a knee injury. RKO for the win. I hope we don’t get a new version of the Kiss My Ass Club. Nope, we just get a Rhodes canning. “At such a young age, what does he do now?” asks Jerry Lawler. Go to another federation because he’s better than anyone there. Go back to school, get a degree and get a desk job. Open a wrestling school with your father. He has lots of options King.

CM Punk wants a fight. He wouldn’t want to fight himself right now. Yuck. Punk is going to break Paul Heyman’s face. He did a pretty good job but not one of his better ones.

Daniel Bryan is warming up when Big Show comes in. Big Show is worried about his contract. Bryan tells Show he’s going to win tonight. Show doesn’t even seem to get riled up at that line. Naomi vs Natalya vs Brie Bella for a shot at AJ Lee, who comes skipping down to ring side. She pulls up a headset. Natalya goes for a roll up too early. I’m glad AJ’s psychosis is being directly at women now. Naomi looks like she has a win over Natalya when AJ attacks Naomi. All three gang up on AJ. That fits her personality though if they are keeping her crazy.

So did Ricardo go with RVD because he could still roll an R? Damien Sandow was already in the ring. Alberto Del Rio shows up when RVD loks to be going for the Five Star. Commercial break time. Sandow gets some offense for a change. Unfortunately it still means dick after another loss. Five Star Frog Splash.

Stephanie has to handle the Diva’s duties. It’s a Fatal Four Way match for the Diva’s Title. Josh Matthews gets to Cody Rhodes for an exit interview. He says the McMahon’s have hated the Rhodes for a long time. Cody won’t say anything tohis future wife.

Daniel Bryan fights Big Show into a match. They turn it into one of their regular Big Man vs Little Man matches. Almost as good as Rey vs Big Show. Someone had the polka dots on in the front row. Didn’t notice until now. Big Show, just choke slam him! You don’t need to WMD him. HHH orders Big Show back into the ring. Triple Power Bomb by the Shield. Oh dear lord, I’ve checked out. Big Steph comes out because he won’t WMD Bryan for HHH. Big Show finally does it for her. Randy Orton slides into the ring. Orton puts his boot on him and raises the belt. He barely gets booed. – Kevin

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