Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review #WWE #Raw

BlankIn more ways than one am I drawings a blank. Let’s roll.

Edge kicks off the show. Jerry Lawler looks really odd in a WWE polo. It’s better than his King t-shirts though. Edge is bringing us a “Cutting Edge”.  He is mad about not interviewing Christian. HHH wants him to interview Randy Orton. Edge instead introduces Daniel Bryan. He is enjoying the struggle because there will be satisfaction when he wins. Randy Orton arrives to dispute his unsavory tactics. HHH comes out to defend himself. Edge is getting in some nice shots. HHH in plug mode is what kills me. He shouldn’t be shilling like that if he’s the bad guy. HHH is claiming Edge “Never drew a dime.” Dean Ambrose vs Daniel Bryan is a match tonight. HHH is doing another good job which again goes back to the shilling and approving things like Paul Heyman getting a beat down from CM Punk make no sense. The Christian ransom drop was a weird way to end that segment.

HHH is still making neck jokes. He claims Toronto is his city. HHH tosses Edge from the show. Kofi Kingston has a rematch against Curtis Axel this week. Lucky us. Axel grabs the ropes after this week’s SOS. Axel loses on a DQ. I thought he was getting a win back tonight. Instead we get a lesson point. Axel ends up eating a Trouble In Paradise. This looks way too dire for Heyman. Brock interferes Sunday, right?

Paul Heyman is being carried to the back. He slipped in the hallway. Ha. Nice try to get out of the match. “Heyman is so worried, he might have wet himself” Lawler killed that line. Booker T is giving Big Show advice. This scene is so over the top. He’s not Marsellus Wallace.

Dolph Ziggler is in the ring. We get the long form intro for the Wyatt Family. It appears as if Bray Wyatt is his opponent. Oh, Jeremy told me to correct my article that mentioned the “Ferrari Engine in the body of a tank” and attributed it to Mitchell Cool. He believes that the line was made by the now fired  Cody Rhodes. Fame Asser doesn’t do it for Dolph. Wyatt takes advantage of a distraction. Sister Abigail for the win. Ziggler has got to hate Jack Swagger for punting him in the head. He has to think about murdering him, right? Maybe sleeping with Swagger’s wife? She is a looker.

Catalina White aka Jack Swagger's wife from IGN.com

Catalina White aka Jack Swagger’s wife from IGN.com

We get a review of all of Goldust‘s funny antics. Paul Heyman comes out to the ring on crutches. Of course he tries to weasel out of the match. Brad Maddox comes out with the WWE’s doctor. Of course, the bad guy GM is going to play the good guy here like HHH. I could handle the flip flopping if it was in any way consistent. “This is awkward” and boring. The doctor thinks he’s fine. CM Punk comes out with a kendo stick. Paul Heyman bolts. The fake doctor gets to take the beating. The fake letting him out of the routine was funny.

Total Divas Baby Faces have a three way match with Layla El, Alicia Fox & Aksana. AJ Lee’s tattoo is of the date of her Diva’s Title victory. Natalya gets the tap out win. I missed that it was Brie Bella in there. It makes no sense for her to be chummy with them just because of AJ.

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