Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Olympics Day 4 - Equestrian


I expect a nail biting Game 5 in St. Louis after a nail biter today in the ‘Burgh. I’ll hope Buctober keeps up for another round. Starting late so let’s roll.

We get a recap of what everyone on the internet was bitching about. I wasn’t that upset because A.) They didn’t promote the PPV B.) It’s an off PPV so I didn’t expect much C.) With more focus being put on Big Show than Randy Orton & Daniel Bryan, what did you expect? D.) I didn’t order the PPV because it was a throw away. Big Steph starts us off. She’s not being condescending so she isn’t fairing well. Plus, her being witchy with more pink than an NFL official is hard to take seriously. Big Show comes down to get berated. He laughs her off. Is it supposed to be an insult that Show doesn’t have a soul? Who thought that was a good insult? Probably the same people that thought last night’s ending to a PPV was a good idea. Big Show is fired. Like anyone believes that. Everyone who has ever been fired in wrestling has gotten their job back. (Next Day Edit: Even though I’m not that worked up about the angle, it doesn’t mean it’s good or the right thing to do.)

Dolph Ziggler gets a rematch against Damien Sandow. Hmm, that should be worded the other way around since Sandow lost. JBL’s logic for debunking Big Show’s claim is not sound at all. Thank goodness Mitchell Cool calls out JBL but drops his point way too early. They make us think this match matters by giving it a commercial. It doesn’t matter. Ziggler has been relegated since being concussed and Sandow has a losing streak gimmick after winning MITB. Mitchell Cool rubs dirt in the wound. Hey fuck-o from Texas, not a single team from that state made it to the playoffs. Remember that series when the Rangers lost to the Pirates in a sweep? Fame-Asser for the win. This match benefits no one. Stephanie gets to berate Brad Maddox. She blames him for everything. So, we get Vince back, right? And that’s why Big Show was giddy to get fired after a month of being sheepish? I love Maddox, but I don’t want him to waste my time with an apology.

Bruno Sammartino got a birthday song from the crowd. For some reason, the ladies get full entrances. Natalya is with Jojo & Eva Marie are against Aksana, Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendes. Why are the newbies in the ring? Actually, only Eva has gotten time. Discuss clothesline leads to a Sharpshooter tap out of Alicia. I want to drink. That’s what I should have been doing during the match. Brad Maddox interrupts the victory celebration so that the WWE can make up for their lapse in judgement in giving the ladies entrances. His apology is more shilling for the WWE App than it is sincere. Booker T is one of our choices for guest ref at HIAC for Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton. Mitchell Cool gets to explain app installation. King acknowledges that they’re talking down to a majority of their audience. King, my 4 year old nephew can download an app. Is your crowd younger than that?

Los Matadores are taking on 3MB again. El Torrito gets main billing. Diego = Primo. Diego = Primo. Diego = Primo.  Fernando = Epico. Drew McIntyre is back in the ring. They should protect Heath Slater more and keep him out of the matches more than they do. Even for a jobber group, the leader shouldn’t be taking the majority of falls. Double Samoan Drop for the win. El Torito head scissors Slater out of the ring. Pretty sure El Torito did more work than either team. (Next Day Edit: Unlike those other sites, I’ll fix my type-Os the next day. Torito only has 1 R. Thanks

Ryback Mountain

Paul Heyman is out to brag with Curtis Axel & Ryback. The Paulrus sign is so poorly put together it had to be on TV. (Next Day Edit: …is some poorly put… You suck DiFrango.) Oh, it was just the old trick knee. Whoever did the review over at Dot Net, it wasn’t Powell which tells you again how important that PPV was, made it sound like more of a direct kick. (Next Day Edit: Of course it was Chris Shore. The guy can’t even describe a low blow correctly.) CM Punk comes out. Ryback thinks Punk is a bully. He invites Punk to the ring. R Truth is sharing a stage with Punk. That would have been on my list of things I never expected if I ever wrote that kind of a list. For some reason, I’ve forgotten to mention that I am attending Smackdown tomorrow night so you all get spoilers on Twitter, written form and audio wise come Wednesday night. Naturally, we have a tag match between the four. (Next Day Edit: Dot Net is looking for correspondents for tonight. I’m guessing that kind of comment won’t help my chances.)

I really enjoyed that poster above when I saw it on Facebook. The match started before the commercial break but not really so I’m putting the paragraph break at this point. R Truth is taking the beating. CM Punk gets a hot tag and cleans house. Big elbow drop on Axel. GTS but Ryback distracts Punk. Punk tags in Truth. Pay Dirt for the win. Are they trying to give Truth credibility? He seemed like the WWE version of Eric Young for so long I’m having a hard time buying it.

Bob Backlund is the next candidate. He’s not making me rewind for the beginning of his promo. Kofi Kingston is taking on Randy Orton. Oh yeah, is there a reason we haven’t gotten a reason for Scott Armstrong’s rehiring? The announcers could ask more questions at least. Orton looking strong out of the blocks. Mitchell Cool backs JBL into a corner so his weak ass response is “Go back to calling the match”. How about calling the match to ignore Cool’s questions instead of being lame? Thanks. Kofi got in a little offense before he crashed on a cross body block. Commercial. Orton really took over during the break. I guess I described the beginning of match poorly. Ha. Completely forgot about Kingston ruining his push with Orton years ago. Kofi has been in the same spot for that amount of time so Orton was right. The power slam would have looked a lot cooler if it didn’t look so preplanned. I pegged this match as Orton flips his lid and beats down Kofi. Got that way wrong. RKO for the win. JBL calls it a decisive win. Didn’t Orton take until the half way point of the match to get in control? Lawler is now calling the match “All Randy”. Daniel Bryan attacks Orton. This is the kind of beating I expected Kofi to take. Orton runs away from Bryan after a boat load of people break them up.

Vickie is yelling at someone for no reason. Alberto Del Rio wants to be the new face of the WWE. He wants the night off too. He then flirts with her. Weird considering she has shot him down before. Oh, she didn’t buy it. Some continuity. Our third choice is…Shawn Michaels so that everyone votes for him and we get to add a layer of flavor to this whole story line.

Alberto Del Rio comes to the ring. The announcers inform us that RVD is taking some time off to get his mental house in order. Ricardo Rodriguez is his opponent again. Who’s going to be his new employer? They’re going to save him, right? John Cena will take on Del Rio at HIAC. Ricardo rolls him up for the win. What weird shit is going on? Why is a heel GM hanging her heel champion out to dry? I’m so confused. Ricardo gets a post match beat down. Nobody wants Ricardo in their corner.


We’re supposed to believe King is still a horn dog when Summer Rae is around.

Zack Ryder gets to take on Fandango with Summer Rae. The announcers bicker about Twitter because the match is boring. Leg Drop for a Fandango win. That was as long as a woman’s match. I FFed thru the predictable fan vote.

The Real Americans appear to be taking on the Great Khali & Santino Marella. Santino starts against Swagger. Would be impressive to see a swing on Khali but where does Antonio Cesaro go from there? Mark Henry and Big Show are the only larger people that come to mind. Giant swing again. “Khali is so dizzy he can’t kick out” Mitchell Cool. Hornswoggle gets a Big Swing. The Cobra makes the save. How long has that guy had a job now?

Miz TV gets interrupted by the Wyatt Family. The Miz ducks out of the ring away from Harper & Rowan. He beats up Wyatt enough to save his own hide. Stephanie is mad at Brad Maddox still. HHH finally gets in. The Shield shows up. (Next Day Edit: Are they ever going to do anything of consequence with the Wyatt Family. Is the WWE all about the entrance these days? Hey, if you come up with a cool entrance, we’ll keep you on TV until further notice. See El Matadores & Fandango. The Shield has a cool entrance but they’ve done a lot of consequence.)

All of the baby faces get separate entrances. HHH comes out before the match can start.  Trips takes a seat at ring side. Goldust starts against Seth Rollins. Cody Rhodes is the next one in. Dean Ambrose gets the second session for his team. Roman Reigns distracts Rhodes. He gets chucked from the top rope. Tailor made commercial break moment. Daniel Bryan and Rollins are back in the ring together. The Shield deserves the spots they’ve been put in. Yes Lock on Rollins. Cody takes a chair to save Bryan. HHH restarts the match with No DQ so that it doesn’t end like last night. I didn’t pay $55.95 for tonight HHH. RKO by Orton. He rolls Bryan back into the ring. Seth Rollins pins Bryan. The Shield beats down the trio. Big Show comes back and stares down HHH. Ha, Cool tells JBL to stop Big Show since the opposite normally happens. Big Show tosses the Shield aside. WMD to HHH. So the crowd at Raw gets a feud blowing off moment? Bryan cheers over a prone HHH. – Kevin

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