Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

BandwagonI had a full weekend but my favorite part came Saturday evening when exiting the Pittsburgh Penguins at Columbus Bluejackets game. Two things really amused me during the game. My girl and I walk past the sign up area to sign up for the “Arch City Army”, which is a faction of hard core Jackets fans, going to our seats every game. Since this game involved the Penguins, there were plenty of Pittsburgh fans in attendance including myself. The first derogatory thing told to me was to “Go home…to Pittsburgh.” After living in Columbus for 14 years, I still get this comment. I’m not going anywhere people. Deal with me rooting for the Penguins. The full season ticket holder that sits beside me seemed shocked that I wore my colors even though I told at Opening Night that I would be dressed in black and gold. What an idiot.

The second part was why I mentioned walking past the Arch City Army. After the Pens won 3-0, the best chant they muster was “Bandwagon! Bandwagon!” which is hilarious on multiple levels. You’re the only Bluejackets fans left in the arena. Looks like your bandwagon already left the arena so you’ve got no back up. Second, do you realize that the last time the Penguins won a Stanley Cup was 2009? That’s four years ago if you can’t do the math. You don’t stay on a band wagon for that long. When you’ve been rooting for a team for that long, you’re just a fan. The Pens have enjoyed a great regular seasons but have been terrible in the playoffs. Even last year ended with a miserable sweep to the Boston Bruins.

The “Bandwagon” chant also got me thinking after the Pittsburgh Steelers got dismantled by the New England Patriots. I wore my Pirates hat to the game because it used to be the best way to say “I’m a hard core Pittsburgh fan. You can’t call me a band wagon fan.” I’m starting to think now that I’m going to have wear Steelers gear since they’re the only losers in town. Time to review Raw after that rant which really could have been it’s own post. Let’s roll.

Lenny-Squiggy-laverne-and-shirley-19107748-640-480CM Punk kicks off the show then we get more review from last week. The Wyatt Family gets their entrance. Evidently, this is good for business. Luke Harper is Punk’s opponent. Jerry Lawler isn’t buying that it’ll stay a 1 on 1 match. Smart man. I’m not sure why Punk is going with the Squiggy look. Not surprised Harper got the call. He was good when I’ve seen him. Holy cow, Mitchell Cool is an idiot. Rowan doesn’t look like Michael Myers. Break time. Punk finally makes a come back. His neck breaker looked really bad. Punk ends up “stealing it” with a roll up. Rowan attacks Punk. Bray Wyatt joins in. Daniel Bryan makes the save with a chair. HHH gets more air time because the WWE makes content for their website. If it’s important, it makes it to TV. Could you imagine the CEO of Apple being taped saying “Finish him” to people mugging one of their employees, JBL? They’d be in as much trouble as Richie Incognito.

Renee Young talks to CM Punk. He knows that he’ll always be out numbered. Punk knows he’s not the only one who has a problem with them. Weird that Bryan didn’t pop in. Paul Heyman is on the phone. He appears to be in a Russian gulag because this interview isn’t on Skype. Heyman cries and hangs up. Ryback gets to take on the Great Khali to get some heat back. We get a break first. Lovely.

Khali is out powering Ryback early. I guess Ryback isn’t strong enough to give Khali Shellshock. Meat hook clothes line for the win. Ryback drags Santino out of the ring. He tosses Marella into the barrier. Just what the doctor ordered. We get more Big Show tape. JBL makes the same claims about jail. Evidently the authorities in those municipalities and the WWE don’t feel the same. Kofi Kingston shows up for Eric Nelson’s birthday, if he’s still alive.

Alberto Del Rio is his opponent. Del Rio is putting the boots to Kofi early. He needs to get heat back too if he’s going to take on Super Cena again. The crowd is still pulling for Kofi even though he’s been MIA for a while now. Del Rio misses the enziguri. Del Rio makes one of the lamest kick outs ever. Kofi goes for the SOS. Del Rio turns it into the cross arm breaker for the win. Nice counter. Dear lord, they go through Big Show’s charges with video packages. JBL has no answer for the charges other than he hates lawyers. That’s some weak sauce.

Randy Orton comes out first. Lawler is ready to announce his opponent when Orton gets on a mic. That was as bland as it could be. Big E Langston is his opponent. My boy Dolph Ziggler & the Miz got crushed. No surprise really because the only thing Orton had right was that the WWE Universe didn’t truly have a choice. We got 3 guys the WWE wants him to face. (Next Day Edit: Well, it’s really 1 guy that the WWE wants Orton to face and 2 guys that aren’t a stretch to face Orton.) Langston shoulder blocks him out of the ring. After tossing Orton to the outside a third time, we get a commercial. Orton finally gets control shortly after the break. Big E missed a spear. Yikes. That is a large gentleman doing that. Orton gets to bore us with a reverse chin lock. Big E shoulder blocks Orton in the corner. JBL gets no sold on a comment. Splash by Big E for a near fall. This is some bizarro world baby face match. Dominant showing by opponent, baby face makes a heroic comeback for the win. No way Big E wins this one. Hanging DDT by Orton. The ladies are loving the “New face of the WWE”. RKO out of the Big Ending. Why is Big Show getting so much air time?

Fandango & Summer Rae are taking on Natalya Neidhart & Tyson Kidd. They pimp Total Divas. Tyson Kidd looks good. Always liked him but he seems like a complete tool on that show. Summer Rae tags in. She takes it to Natalya. Summer Rae with the face plant. The body scissors with nothing else is just lazy. The ladies double clothes lined. Kidd came in on the hot tag. Summer Rae distracted Kidd. Fandango takes advantage. He missed his top rope leg drop. Kidd locks in the Sharpshooter for the tap out win. This crowd blows. I really enjoyed that match but they crapped on it. Kidd brought out athleticism on Fandango’s part that I haven’t seen yet. Enjoyable short spurt there. Renee Young interviews Damien Sandow, who gets his own rewind. He says he was stripped of everything. He will stop at nothing to get what he wants. Zeb Colter joins the shooting match with Antonio Cesaro & Jack Swagger. We The People. Me, Your Uncrowned World Champion. Nice bounce back for Damien.

She was the only person to get as much air time as Big Show. NXT is working!

She was the only person to get as much air time as Big Show. NXT is working!

No John Cena, we don’t have excitement tonight. They’re keeping the pink gear year round now and continuing to donate to Susan G. Komen. Good for them. Goldust & Cody Rhodes get the big intro from Cena. Sandow is in the ring with Cena after the break. Swagger ends up taking a beating early. Cesaro is in with Cena who sells Cesaro’s strength. Classic show of strength. Cena gets the upper hand. I thought Cody was going to take the beating but Sandow came in then proceeded to look weak again. Super uppercut on Cena turns the tide. Swagger Bomb. Cena has added that neck breaker to his arsenal. Swagger keeps rolling though. Cesaro takes his shots. Cena with a head scissors take over. Sandow makes the save before Cena can tag. Goldust gets the hot tag. He takes it to Cesaro. The spot where everyone hits their finishers. Cesaro gives the Big Swing to Goldust. JBL counts in Spanish until he can’t go any more. Cesaro charges at Cena who dodges and Colter gets squashed. The Final Call by Goldust for the win. It was a really fun match. Big Show is here after he got another segment. Vickie tells HHH that Big Show is there. Stephanie McMahon let Big Show in the building. This is about the business. They are not allowed to bring personal business into it. Stephanie tells HHH that they have to hash it out with Big Show. I’m glad the board reacts quickly.

Dolph Ziggler comes out. His opponent is Curtis Axel. Welcome to mid-card hell, Dolph. You are the newest Christian. I’ve almost become numb to the Twitter #1 trend alerts. It’s like a pop up commercial. Why wouldn’t the COO be informed of this decision before his wife gave it to him? Doesn’t he get email on his phone? Zig Zag for the win. The crowd gives him a smattering of applause. That night after Wrestlemania was a life time ago. Renee Young talks to Daniel Bryan. He saw an opportunity for revenge and he took it.

The Usos do their Haka dance. HHH & Steph are on the tube after the break. Vickie tells them Big Show will only meet them in the ring. (Next Day Edit: I have no idea why HHH & Steph were surprised by this development. Nothing important happens backstage except for people getting attacked. Plus it was terrible timing for the segment with the Usos coming to the ring before the break then a segment having nothing to do with them aired afterwards. Why not air it after the match or after the interview below.) 3MB are taking them on. Drew McIntyre is taking on Jimmy. Heath Slater takes over. U-sos! Jimmy takes a full fledged beating from both members. Super kick to Slater as he came off the top rope. Top rope splash while the announcers amuse themselves instead of selling the match. Renee Young is with Los Matadores. More video packages. El Torito is a little bit horny. What the hell did just happen? Kind of funny.

The Bella Twins are teaming with Eva Marie. AJ Lee is skipping around the ring. Her teammates are Tamina Snuka and Aksana. Did AJ cut those shorts shorter than normal? I’m not arguing. Nikki takes the beat down. Brie gets the hot tag. Brie Mode second rope drop kick. Tamina uses power to take out Eva and Brie. She misses the splash. Eva Marie tags in and rolls up Tamina. She is steamed in the ring. Eva Marie did do the right thing in that situation. Brie looked like she needed more recovery.

HHH is right about this show being all about the Big Show. Hmm, no Shield yet. Stephanie calls for his entrance. Big Show asks for his job back. Stephanie says yes. Glad I was right on that one. (Next Day Edit: Good gravy man, what were you right about? The Shield came down and almost wrecked negotiations.) Big Show asks them why the Shield is there. Break. Weird. Yes, JBL I’m sure other COO’s have threatened to leave their employees in a pool of their own blood. Big Show gets a match against Randy Orton at Survivor Series. Big Show has to take on Randy Orton & The Shield. What a lame outcome after all of this wrangling. JBL’s minimal outrage confirms that this angle stinks. It’s a true 4 on 1 contest. Big Show makes a come back. Kane comes out in suit. It distracts Big Show long enough for the heels to take over again. RKO. Kane is sporting some whispy hair. They triple chair him. So JBL, would another CEO direct a physical attack on one of his employees like this and have it broadcast on national TV? I think not. My DVR stopped with action still happening. Fuck that. – Kevin

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2 Responses

  1. One thing i always love are hardcore fans representing their team. don’t worry about the haters. embrace pittsburgh.

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