Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Kia And Cay at Melissas ParentsSeeing as though I’m taking my hound dog Kia into a specialist to have her heart murmur looked x-rayed on Wednesday, Peter King’s page about putting down his Golden Retriever Bailey really touched me. It also reminded me of Bill Simmons writing a eulogy for his dog the Dooze. The first time I read about having to put down a dog was Marley & Me. I’m starting to wonder if it’s become cliche to write about your dog when that time comes. I don’t want it to come but it’s coming. The heart murmur is not taking my mind away from that time. Enjoy your pets as long as you can. Time to review some wrestling. Let’s roll.

Video Package Count: 2 before we see live action. The usual tribute to the troops then a Big Show package. I didn’t read the spoilers so it’s all new to me. The Authority is away so the mice are going to play. Oh my! Randy Orton takes forever and a day to get to the ring as usual. Of course the way he starts his promo is “I’ll get right to it…” You don’t do anything quickly, Randy. He’s in charge of Raw tonight. Brad Maddox was more exciting in his twenty second promo. Corporate Kane says he’s in charge. Maddox tries to make a match but Kane suggests another opponent. Vickie Guerrero comes out to toss around her weight. So I’ve found something worse than HHH & Steph being on TV, bit players arguing power for three hours of TV. HHH & Steph run a tight ship. Wouldn’t best for business mean appointing someone boss so this doesn’t happen? For some reason, she has Orton take on Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Why is a heel screwing a heel?

Goldust and Orton are in the ring after the break. It’s got to fill you with confidence when the crowd chants “Randy’s Boring”. Not a flattering mock chant. He’s so boring, I didn’t need to type anything of significance before the next commercial. Goldust is taking a beating still. Cody Rhodes gets a hot tag. Orton gets himself counted out. Big Show arrives to attack Orton. Super choke slam off the top of the stairs thru the announce table. That’s got to smart.

Big Show goes out for a pint since Sheamus can’t. Los Matadores & El Torito get to bore me even more. Santino Marella is their team mate.  3MB comes out as the Union Jacks. The crowd is behind them. Mitchell Cool calls him Bulltino because he’s wearing horns. Yuck. Bull Cobra win. Double yuck. Randy Orton yells at Maddox then Vickie. Kane isn’t taking Orton’s shit. It’s official, my boy is the new Christian because he gets a crack at the IC Title.

Damien Sandow is waiting in the ring. Kofi Kingston is his opponent. Sandow showing a mean streak early. I don’t catch much of the match though because I’m talking over Wrestlemania plans. You’re Welcome for the win. I guess the Terminoose is no longer.

Dolph Ziggler comes down first. Curtis Axel comes down second as the champion. Axel gets the upper hand early. Ziggler turns things around with a drop kick. Ziggler’s spill to the outside looked rough. They talk over Axel’s psyche without Paul Heyman. Mitchell said “Billy Gunn” like he was going thru puberty. Super face plant only gets Ziggler a two count. Axel gives Ziggler one move for the win. Fuck Jack Swagger. Give credit to Ziggler for a great match, are you fucking kidding me? Kane has his new arguing partner in Brad Maddox. The Real Americans are taking on John Cena. The Shield is taking on CM Punk & Daniel Bryan. Sounds like we got our hour mark matches.

I didn’t ever realize how bitchy the Bellas entrance was. You can look but not touch? Aren’t you baby faces? Shouldn’t you change their entrance music? Nikki Bella is taking on Tamina. Brie & AJ Lee are at ring side for their respective partners. Tamina uses her strength to smack around Nikki. The later gets to have some quick strike offense. AJ cheats for Tamina. Superfly splash for the win. AJ took out Brie after that. Brie dropkicks AJ then Tamina. We get a stand off then. No one cares.

Video Package Count: 3. The Shield goes in to have an audience with Randy Orton. For some reason, the trainer is still working on him. The Shield doesn’t work for anyone that was supposed to be in charge tonight. So is this match going to involve Fandango or is Summer Rae in action again?

Video Package Count: 4. This time to preview Total Divas. Tyson and Nattie still don’t know how to be a couple. The review will be up sometime tomorrow. Tyson Kidd is Fandango’s opponent. Kidd looks sharp again. Fandango gets the cheap roll up win. The crowd is happy. I don’t really care because I’m over Fandango. I’d rather him get some in ring cred. A cheap win over a guy coming back from an injury isn’t the way to do it.

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Stunt Granny Conversation: The Walking Dead – Season 4 – Internment

tumblr_mw3br5gaMR1rn610xo1_500Jeremy:  So after last night I am thinking Carol was totally justified.

Kevin: Since they were early in the symptom phase though, they would have been put down even if Carol hadn’t done it. I wouldn’t have thought of it that way initially though because the other crew did come back with the medicine that cured everyone.

Jeremy:  Exactly at the time she did what was right not that it was an easy decision. It ran rampant and now we are back down to a manageable cast thankfully.

Kevin: I’m not sure it was right as they could have quarantined them just like they had everyone else. Euthanize them when they turn like everyone else.

Jeremy: Hmm, maybe I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and they were on way out anyway. She mentioned they were bleeding already and that seemed to be the sign that the end was near.

Kevin: I didn’t remember her saying that. Either way, I still think a slap on the wrist was a better way to go. Or if she had just been vocal about quarantining everyone earlier. I’m not sure why that was such a hard decision. For Carol that is. No need to boot her from the prison.

Jeremy: Tyreese wasn’t exactly calm about it all. Rick had a strong point that Tyreese was going to kill her for it. He wasn’t going to listen at that point. Maybe now after the carnage he would but not right then.

Kevin: That is a valid point although did they ever actually show Rick telling him or even Daryl?

Jeremy: No Hershel told Daryl to go see Rick about her. Then they went to either Tyreese and Sasha or the big reveal.

Kevin: Okay, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t crazy. I guess it would be a back burner issue to trying to save people’s lives. It should make for an interesting episode next week. The ending was so odd too. I thought Hershel crying was the end of the show then we get 7 minutes of a hunky dory 60’s sitcom.

Jeremy: Well they had to show the group come back with the chaos. Ending the show with Hershel breaking down would have been too much. It was a classic pulling the rug out from under the audience.

Kevin: They do too much to the audience almost every week. But you’re right that everything needed to be peachy before the next, but first retread threat.

Jeremy: The entire episode was relentless. If that virus had killed off a main character then the danger if the plague would have been more believable. At no time did I ever think Glen was in Trouble. Sasha is a meh character right now so she had a hint if danger about her sickness.

Kevin: Neither did I. Glenn & Hershel were safe as safe could be. I understand the teaser part of showing the Governor but it told me that the virus was just an afterthought story line to fill time until we got to the mid-season finale hook.

Jeremy: It served its purpose by thinning the cast. Not just the leftovers from Woodbury though. Carol is on the lamb…um…lame? Tyreese was given depth through grief. It served to bring Rick and Carl together again.

Kevin: You just showed me. Ha ha ha. I guess I think they could make the transition without doing the everyone is happy 60’s garbage and just show the Governor. Add in more of trip back from Daryl’s group. You mean to tell me they only ran into a herd of zombies on the way there?

Jeremy: I hadn’t even thought about the herd on way back. Maybe they were all drawn in to the school? The trip back would have been redundant I suppose. Did one of “Carol’s daughters” go Walker last night? Was she the one that bit the guys arm holding the gun?

Kevin: I only thought that one of them went in and she seemed safe since she kept asking Hershel questions.

Jeremy: Well guess that is a wait and see.  We have too many young blonde girls in the show. Time to get to choppin.

Kevin: Not only are there too many of them, they’re all just relevant enough to think you should know their names but you never do because they’re not memorable. I forget Beth’s name half of the time.

Jeremy: Funny I was just going to say Beth is the only standout. On that front. Hershel was really great last night. Didn’t realize that was his first up close and personal zombie kill.

Kevin: I had assumed he had at some point Hershel had killed one. My how I’ve forgotten that he was the original experimenter on zombies.

Jeremy:  Yeah. He shot with guns but apparently nothing close quarters. He was impressive last night, which made his breakdown at the end so devastating. He tried and tried and nothing worked.

Kevin: He did keep a handful of people around so it wasn’t completely in vain.

Jeremy: It sure seemed bleak. When Daryl called him a badass and he said “Yes I am” it cracked me up. One legged man got it done.

Kevin: Yeah, Hershel did have quite the feature last night. They hadn’t used him too heavily since the time on the farm. He’s been the old guy with sage advice since they killed off Dale that same season.

Jeremy: Dale would have lasted three minutes. It did round up the virus storyline very well. They even finally got rid of the herd outside the prison for the time being. Which, in, why the hell haven’t they done something like that before? Hell Rick said there was a bus. No one had the idea to take the bus and run their asses over?

Kevin: Or have more people knocking over the zombies instead of the three people they always pictured out there. Hey lazy asses, get up and do something.

Jeremy: Just seems like The Council runs a lazy ship.

Kevin: I did like that no one was from Woodbury on the council

Jeremy: You noticed that too? Well Sasha but that barely counts.

Kevin: You would think people might want to be involved since their last leader dicked them over

Jeremy: Very true. Especially with the same people taking you in also “attacked” you previously.

Kevin: Plenty of motivation to get involved but most of them wanted to be zombie fodder.

Jeremy:  Followers, yuck. Well we glossed over it but with happier days seemingly ahead they go and give the big reveal. He returns.

Kevin: Yeah, we did touch on it some but all I needed to do is wait another week or 2 to get some Governor.

Jeremy: We all knew he was going to be back and am surprised so soon. Next week looks to be his episode so will get an update on what he has been doing. But when they panned back and there was someone in the woods it did slip out “No way.” Then you see the eye patch and it goes dark. Great end.

Kevin:  I wasn’t surprised but still a great ending. Especially when the preview had mentioned how much Michonne had been hunting him. Right under your nose.

Weekend Rewind – #Impact365 and Kassius Ohno

In the video above, you can see Bully Ray attacking Tommy Dreamer and dear lord, why is Terry Funk still taking bumps? You’re 69 years old. It’s unnecessary. I’m perfectly fine with my father having mowing lawns being his most strenuous activity. Any who, Bully Ray challenged Tommy Dreamer to a Falls Count Anywhere Street Fight at the House of Hardcore even this past weekend. I love the idea of using a house show to advertise a pay per view. Too bad I don’t in any way  want to see Tommy Dreamer fight anyone.

Prowrestling.net is saying that Kassius Ohno, better known as Chris Hero, has been “Future Endeavored” by the WWE. The 33 year old is going to move on to greener pastures if that is the case. It took CM Punk about six years to get to main event status. If Ohno had gone to the gym, he might have gotten a main event slot in approximately 2019 when he’d be 39 years old. The WWE isn’t losing much by getting rid of him and Ohno will get more exposure at the tail end of his career by suffering in TNA or ROH. If the WWE had called him up, they would have followed the pattern with recent major call ups though, Ohno would become a cousin to Apolo Anton Ohno since he could come out on a sheet of ice on the stage and have a big entrance. Everyone will think it’s cool for about two months then even the WWE writers will forget you’re on the roster…cough, Fandango, cough. – Kevin

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