Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Long_nights_allow_me_to_feel__by_HarlequinFever

HarlequinFever.deviantart.com with a really cool picture.

I’m going to be watching Total Divas before starting my Raw review for the foreseeable future. It’s going to make for some long nights which is what led me to that fantastic picture above. I completely forgot about the Penguins game tonight. I’m going to start this blog even later than I expected. Woo hoo. They play Wednesday night again. Let’s roll.

Video Package Count: 1. They talk about the power struggle, John Cena & Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton & Big Show and the end of the night melee. I had forgotten about the country theme. It’ll be window dressing like always. I can’t wait for the cow girls Divas match. They waste no time bringing out HHH and Stephanie. They are important because of how poorly things went last week. Hell in a hand basket without them. Randy Orton has a problem with them. Vickie Guerrero does the quietest “Excuse Me” ever which is awesome. Brad Maddox immediately throws Vickie under the bus. Also funny. Stephanie pits AJ Lee against Vickie. HHH gets to tell Maddox his fate, which happens right now.

Well, after a commercial actually. Raw Country meant a country theme song so far. Maddox cracks Orton with a microphone while running away. Maddox tosses him into a ring post then rolls him into the ring. He gets a two count. Orton recovers. That is a nice dress shirt Maddox was wearing. Hanging DDT off the barricade. The crowd is chanting “We want tables”. I don’t think you’ll get them. Orton beats Maddox unconscious. This is all PG because of no blood, right?

Big E Langston gets a crack at Curtis Axel‘s Intercontinental Title. I watched the South Park about X Box One and Playstation 4. I had no idea either game system was in for an upgrade. Haven’t played them in ages. WWE advertising is effective. Langston covers after a shoulder block. Ha. Axel tries to slow things down but it doesn’t work. Langston goes for another pin dumb pin after a back drop. Axel gets control. We get a break. Good to see these young guys get an extended match. Langston goes back to some power moves. Big Splash only gets a two count. Axel gets out of the Big Ending. Neck breaker by Axel is countered. Clothesline by Big E. Big Ending. Crowd goes pretty crazy. Congrats Big E Langston. You’ve achieved a title that means you still might be on the right path but the WWE still won’t know for a while. Randy Orton is talking to the Shield. Roman Reigns wants Orton to have their back too. More country song. Shot me.

Instead of a cow girl match, we get musical chairs to this horrific song. I FF until the Divas brawl. I’m loving Alicia Fox on Total Divas. I’m glad this segment could help me catch up.

Big Show is taking on Ryback. Big Show punches the body to get control. “Bench presses don’t fight back!” JBL is awesome. He’s doing a good job of giving Ryback’s psyche. Ryback goes for Big Show’s knee to make the match interesting. Ryback tries to wear out Big Show with a head lock. I guess it’s a little more of a choke. DDT by Ryback only gets two. Ryback slaps on a chin lock. Big Show turns it around with a side suplex. Clotheslines by Big Show. Ryback with a spine buster. Only two. Ryback sets up for the Meat Hook. He gets it after some knees to the gut. Ryback goes for Shell Shock. He nails it. Big Show kicks out. “You stupid giant!” Big Show shoves off a front face lock. He WMDs Ryback for the win. Good showing for Ryback. Randy Orton tries to ambush Big Show but he turns it into a spear. No reason to take the belt off Orton. Zack Ryder is talking to someone I’m supposed to know. Heath Slater introduces them. 3MB are the Rhinestone Cowboys now. They’re keeping their act fresh.

Orton puts ice on his ribs. He complains about not having back up from the Shield. If you didn’t see them around ringside when you jumped in, shouldn’t that have been a clue Randy? I thought the baby faces are supposed to the stupid ones. The Miz & Kofi Kingston are going to job to Antonio Cesaro & Jack Swagger. The Miz gets to take the beat down. Good luck taking the pin Kofi. He does get the hot tag. Cesaro distracts Kofi. Swagger catches him and slams him. Kingston DDTs Swagger. The Miz jumps away from the tag of Kofi. Patriot Lock for the win. Turning heel will do you no good if you don’t freshen up your gimmick.

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Stunt Granny Conversation: The Walking Dead – Season 4 – Live Bait

The GovernorJeremy:  Do you went ti start the convo now?

Kevin:  Sure. How about those Lions?

Jeremy:  Calvin has no catches in the second half. Receivers dropping Easy passes. The Steelers announcers were entertaining in the second quarter. Then watched rest on TV.
Kevin:  I didn’t hear them at all. Barely heard the TV announcers since I taped almost the whole thing. Slow ass game lasted after 4:25.
Jeremy:  Yes when the Lions kept dropping passes clock stopping all over. Defensive line had no push and their secondary is garbage. No d line no wins.
Kevin:  The Steelers have gotten lucky the last couple of weeks with their opponents helping them. Although the Steelers had their own fair share of drops including what should have been a Heath Miller TD that turned into a really short FG. Speaking of FGs, no one has any idea what Schwartz was thinking on the fake.
Jeremy:  I didn’t mind the call. Then the defense shits the bed and let’s em go 98 yards?
Kevin:  Yeah, it’s designed to pin the opposing teams offense but it didn’t work. Big Ben didn’t forget to look to his best receiver like Stafford. First down to Brown and that was about it.
Jeremy:  Exactly. Then Lions really need Burleson back.
Kevin:  Somehow the Steelers are still alive in what is a truly horrific AFC. Had to fit that harassment in though. Were you expecting a whole episode on the Governor?
Jeremy:  Yes I was. So that did not surprise me at all and it was very good idea.
Kevin:  I was surprised but agree it was a good idea. The part that I’m interested in is how it fits in time wise with his appearance at the prison. He was cleaned up so it was definitely after his wondering aimlessly phase.

Weekend Rewind: Hulk Hogan and AJ Lee

AJ-Lee-Skull-n-Bones-Photoshoot-

We’d all rather look at her than Hogan’s leathery mug, right? From WWE.com

Hulk Hogan by way of Jimmy Hart made a desperate attempt at getting on the Wrestlemania card. Hart said

He told me to say exactly this: Hulk Hogan will be at WrestleMania if he has to buy a ticket and sit at ringside

I’m going to guess that Hulk won’t be seated next to us in section 306. How much would that jump the value of your seats if he did announce his seat location? It might make floor level seats worth it. That wasn’t the most entertaining part of Hart’s diatribe.

I think he can step into the ring one more time. We have a school in Florida, and he stepped into the ring there and did some stuff, and he looked great. As his friend, I’d be the first one to say, ‘Listen Hulk, do us a favor, just go out to the ring to Real American, say OK Brother, rip the shirt, do the pose, sign a bunch of autographs and people will still be just as happy,’ … but he does have a couple of good matches left in him, he really does. I’ve got my fingers crossed we see something at WrestleMania.

If your seat value rose with Hulk sitting next to you, it would drop if Hogan wrestled. It’d be a train wreck. I don’t want to see him wrestle anyone. He’s past time of having a clash of the titans with John Cena or even the Undertaker. HHH could be a target too but I’m pretty sure even the Game knows the match quality wouldn’t be there.

That news wasn’t the last on the weekend involving Hulk Hogan. He was on a show on the Oprah Winfrey Network called “Where Are They Now?” I’m guessing that doesn’t make TNA feel all that great because if they were somewhere, Oprah wouldn’t have to find Hogan. He was on a show with Carrot Top and Chris Judd. Well, at least TNA has some good company.

Last but not least, A.J. Lee had a fainting spell on the European Tour during a match with Brie Bella due to dehydration. She is reported to be fine which is good news. I’m disappointed that Tamina didn’t give her enough coconut water. Tamina knows that “Rowdy” Roddy Piper helped keep her father Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka hydrated with a coconut to the head. AJ couldn’t have need that much hydration for those two minute long women’s matches so I’m sure a coconut would have done the trick. – Kevin

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