Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Long_nights_allow_me_to_feel__by_HarlequinFever

HarlequinFever.deviantart.com with a really cool picture.

I’m going to be watching Total Divas before starting my Raw review for the foreseeable future. It’s going to make for some long nights which is what led me to that fantastic picture above. I completely forgot about the Penguins game tonight. I’m going to start this blog even later than I expected. Woo hoo. They play Wednesday night again. Let’s roll.

Video Package Count: 1. They talk about the power struggle, John Cena & Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton & Big Show and the end of the night melee. I had forgotten about the country theme. It’ll be window dressing like always. I can’t wait for the cow girls Divas match. They waste no time bringing out HHH and Stephanie. They are important because of how poorly things went last week. Hell in a hand basket without them. Randy Orton has a problem with them. Vickie Guerrero does the quietest “Excuse Me” ever which is awesome. Brad Maddox immediately throws Vickie under the bus. Also funny. Stephanie pits AJ Lee against Vickie. HHH gets to tell Maddox his fate, which happens right now.

Well, after a commercial actually. Raw Country meant a country theme song so far. Maddox cracks Orton with a microphone while running away. Maddox tosses him into a ring post then rolls him into the ring. He gets a two count. Orton recovers. That is a nice dress shirt Maddox was wearing. Hanging DDT off the barricade. The crowd is chanting “We want tables”. I don’t think you’ll get them. Orton beats Maddox unconscious. This is all PG because of no blood, right?

Big E Langston gets a crack at Curtis Axel‘s Intercontinental Title. I watched the South Park about X Box One and Playstation 4. I had no idea either game system was in for an upgrade. Haven’t played them in ages. WWE advertising is effective. Langston covers after a shoulder block. Ha. Axel tries to slow things down but it doesn’t work. Langston goes for another pin dumb pin after a back drop. Axel gets control. We get a break. Good to see these young guys get an extended match. Langston goes back to some power moves. Big Splash only gets a two count. Axel gets out of the Big Ending. Neck breaker by Axel is countered. Clothesline by Big E. Big Ending. Crowd goes pretty crazy. Congrats Big E Langston. You’ve achieved a title that means you still might be on the right path but the WWE still won’t know for a while. Randy Orton is talking to the Shield. Roman Reigns wants Orton to have their back too. More country song. Shot me.

Instead of a cow girl match, we get musical chairs to this horrific song. I FF until the Divas brawl. I’m loving Alicia Fox on Total Divas. I’m glad this segment could help me catch up.

Big Show is taking on Ryback. Big Show punches the body to get control. “Bench presses don’t fight back!” JBL is awesome. He’s doing a good job of giving Ryback’s psyche. Ryback goes for Big Show’s knee to make the match interesting. Ryback tries to wear out Big Show with a head lock. I guess it’s a little more of a choke. DDT by Ryback only gets two. Ryback slaps on a chin lock. Big Show turns it around with a side suplex. Clotheslines by Big Show. Ryback with a spine buster. Only two. Ryback sets up for the Meat Hook. He gets it after some knees to the gut. Ryback goes for Shell Shock. He nails it. Big Show kicks out. “You stupid giant!” Big Show shoves off a front face lock. He WMDs Ryback for the win. Good showing for Ryback. Randy Orton tries to ambush Big Show but he turns it into a spear. No reason to take the belt off Orton. Zack Ryder is talking to someone I’m supposed to know. Heath Slater introduces them. 3MB are the Rhinestone Cowboys now. They’re keeping their act fresh.

Orton puts ice on his ribs. He complains about not having back up from the Shield. If you didn’t see them around ringside when you jumped in, shouldn’t that have been a clue Randy? I thought the baby faces are supposed to the stupid ones. The Miz & Kofi Kingston are going to job to Antonio Cesaro & Jack Swagger. The Miz gets to take the beat down. Good luck taking the pin Kofi. He does get the hot tag. Cesaro distracts Kofi. Swagger catches him and slams him. Kingston DDTs Swagger. The Miz jumps away from the tag of Kofi. Patriot Lock for the win. Turning heel will do you no good if you don’t freshen up your gimmick.

Alicia Fox-MSA

From Starpulse.com

I blew through the Vickie segment before the commercial. Nice of them to replay it right after it because it was so important. Stephanie orders Vickie to the ring. The Divas are letting me play a lot of catch up. AJ Lee comes to the ring with Tamina. Oh, Vickie calls for water. We’re being funny about real news. Vickie ducks out of the ring only to run into Tamina. Oh, the bad luck of the heel authority figures tonight. The announcers are near silent for this segment. Couldn’t they talk about their past history of run ins? I’m asking too much, aren’t I? Vickie taps to the Black Window. Vickie fakes passing out again. Oh WWE, you scamps. HHH makes a Broad Street Brawl for Dolph Ziggler and Damien Sandow. Welcome to mid-card hell guys.

The match commences after a break. There’s a bunch of instruments in the ring. Mitchell Cool lists a bunch of country stars. I feel like he didn’t need to memorize those just for the show. Why is my boy still wearing his shirt? They battle back and forth. A drop kick knocks Sandow out of the ring. Sandow takes over before another break. Good for them too. Jack Swagger still sucks. Holy crap. Mitchell Cool called a fiddle, a ukelele. Ziggler smacks Sandow with a fiddle. Fame Asser only gets two. Dolph kicks out after a head first toss into a chair. The announcers have lost it with the instruments as they die about a cello or bass fiddle. Ziggler side steps Sandow who nails the ring post. Drum over the head. Everyone always loves that. Even better, bigger drum! Dolph does the JJ strut and nails Sandow with the guitar for the win. At least my boy is marginally above Sandow in the pecking order. Randy Orton storms in on HHH and Stephanie. They need to think about Orton’s status. John Cena is excited for these people I still don’t know.

John Cena‘s arm is in a sling. He’s been in a fowl mood from watching the footage nonstop. That’s not healthy John. He’s ready to beat Del Rio’s ass in his home town. The Champ is here. Short and to the point. Alberto Del Rio shows up. Del Rio mocks Superman. Del Rio wants Cena to hold up the belt with his left arm. Cena is dumb enough to stay in the ring. Cena was faking the sling. Del Rio escapes relatively unharmed.

Hey we were down in that area some time earlier this year! (Next Day Note: It was a shot of downtown Nashville. Fine place. Needed more time there.) The Rhinestone Cowboys come out. R Truth comes out with Xavier Woods who has a pretty fly mustache. Should I mention the obvious about the WWE? Woods has chest hair too. Nice. Truth starts out against Jinder Mahal. Woods gets to fire off some high octane offense. Drew McIntyre gets the upper hand on the rookie. Of course he gets to do the sell job. Truth gets the hot tag. Facebuster by Truth. Suplexing jaw jacker. Lost in the Woods for the win. It is Gail Kim’s Eat Da Feet. HHH & Steph have complete faith in Orton but he will be getting no back up. HHH wants him to prove himself once and for all. Orton is mad but seems determined. Florida Georgia Line. More skipping. Yeah!

I just skipped everyone’s ring entrance too because a twelve man match is ridiculous. It’ll lead to a fun brawl to end the show though. The Usos are finally coming into their own. Dean Ambrose ducked out for Roman Reigns. After some offense by Reigns, Cody Rhodes gets a tag. Goldust gets it quickly too. Seth Rollins completes the Shield triad. Jey Uso is another favorite on the Total Divas show. Rollins and Harper argue. All six bicker to break. Goldust is in control of Rollins. Cody joins in the beat down. Rollins flips an Irish whip. Ambrose comes in to attack Rhodes. The Shield are sticking to themselves. A force tag will happen. Cody fights out. Rollins gets tagged by Luke Harper when he is dragging Cody over. Disaster Kick to Harper after he had blasted Goldie. Daniel Bryan gets to pounce on Harper. A power bomb by Harper looked rough. Bray Wyatt comes in and works over Bryan. Wyatt asks the Shield why they don’t trust him.Wyatt gets Reigns to tag him. I do like that they let the beef simmer before putting it out for the time being. Well done. Erick Rowan sees his first action. The heels attack all of the baby faces to force another commercial break. Big DDT by Bryan on Roman Reigns. CM Punk gets his first action. He starts lighting up everyone. Punk goes for the big elbow. Punk signals for the GTS. Wyatt gets Punk to drop Ambrose. Anaconda Vice gets broken up by Harper & Rowan. all hell breaks lose! GTS by Punk on Ambrose. That was a fun finish. Everyone in that match is really athletic. The Real Americans attack. Rey Mysterio‘s music  hits. He tosses Cesaro and Rowan. 619 on Harper & Swagger. GTS on Harper then Bryan buries him with a knee to the head. The baby faces celebrate. I think we know who the mystery partner is now. Cool. – Kevin

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