Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

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deviantart.com

It was fantastic having a weekend in before the storm that is Thankmas. (They spell it wrong in the otherwise fantastic piece of art.) I killed a growler of Zauber’s Poltergeist, which is quite tasty. The lady & I are headed to Dayton for Thanksgiving. On Friday, it’s time to go watch the Pitt Panthers match it up with the Miami Hurricanes. We’re then moving on to Altoona for Thankmas on Saturday. We’ll be back in the ‘Bus on Sunday.

Randy Orton saunters down to the ring like normal. He takes so long that the announcers introduce matches during it. He barely cuts a promo before inviting down HHH & Stephanie. Randy Orton is not impressed with Steph’s reasoning. Orton can take care of himself. He wipes like a big boy. Randy proclaims to be the best Superstar ever. That brings out John Cena. Steph thinks John will have a potty mouth. Cena is thinking there needs to only be one title. John, this match was not eleven years in the making. HHH makes the match at TLC.

Roman Reigns gets his time in the spotlight for his four spears. Cody Rhodes & Goldust come out. Rey Mysterio wants some revenge too. Goldust gets roughed up by Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins early. Goldust made a leaping Rollins pay with a reverse atomic drop. Goldie couldn’t tag still though.  Rey looks better than ever according to JBL. No surprise it was a fun exchange with Rollins. Reigns saves Ambrose from a pin. Rey gets speared going for a 619. He gets Goldust too. Cody drop kicks Reigns outside. Ambrose with the head plant for the win. Fun stuff again. Glad Ambrose got the pin. He seems to have been lagging. Michael Strahan gets his first air time 30 minutes into the show.

The Miz is in the ring. He was explaining on the After Opie & Anthony Live that he’s fine with being a utility player in the WWE. He is saving his body doing segments like this one. Titus O’Neil comes out as Strahan. He starts answering questions. It’s supposed to be funny. The Miz makes fun of the gap in the teeth. The Miz taking shots at the Giants while his Browns absolutely sucked yesterday. Michael Strahan comes out. I zone out of the match up he makes. John Cena & Big Show are taking on Alberto Del Rio & Randy Orton. (Next Day Note: I had only really zoned out of the heels announcement. I did the backwards day after a PPV math and figured their old opponents would be in there.) The Miz challenges Strahan to a match. We get a wrestling clinic. The Miz gets the hip toss reversed. Titus does the Millions of Dollars dance then gets hip tossed. The announcers loved it. If they weren’t getting paid, they’d disagree.

Ryback is teaming with Curtis Axel against Big E Langston & Mark Henry. The WWE is making it really easy to make jokes. Xavier Woods & R Truth last week. Just saying. Ouch. Ryback looked like he dumped Big E on his shoulder. Mark Henry gets to beat up on Curtis Axel. World’s Strongest Slam. World’s Strongest Team postulates Lawler.

The Divas get a rematch of the Survivor Series match. Brie starts off against Aksana. Facebuster eliminates Aksana. Rosa Mendes doesn’t look good in white with blonde hair. Nikki pins Rosa. Super kick by Tamina on Naomi for an elimination. Cameron comes in because she’s an idiot. Samoan Drop for another elimination. Natalya matches up better with Tamina. Jojo pins Tamina after Natalya does the work. Alicia Fox eliminates Jojo. Eva Marie gets booed so naturally she’s on the face team. She pins Fox very poorly. Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter on Kaitlyn. I can’t keep up with the pins. Pathetic that there’s so little time. AJ rolls up Natalya. Facebuster by Brie eliminates AJ Lee. Summer Rae is the last one on the other team. Summer dances for us. Nikki can do the Worm. Nikki with the Torture Rack drop down for the last elimination. What a train wreck. I shouldn’t have to pay for that slop.

From 123rf.com because a hand holding a pencil needs to be watermarked.

From 123rf.com because a hand holding a pencil needs to be watermarked.

There’s so much red in the paragraph above that I feel like I was correcting work from Idiot Intern. Damien Sandow isn’t happy with the stipulation. Dolph Ziggler is his opponent again. People voting knew the matches all meant the same thing so the voting was pretty even. John Tavares is a stud for the Islanders but I wish Ziggler didn’t have to resort to that. They have a bunch of goofy shit in the ring again. Sandow recovers with a mic shot to Ziggler. Mitchell Cool references the Mean Street Posse which shows you the importance level of this match despite it’s commercial break. Sandow dumps out the cleanest garbage can ever. Sandow drops the Elbow of Disdain. Fire extinguisher to the face by Ziggler. I’ve been hit with one before, it isn’t disorienting. It does taste like real garbage though. Rob Zombie, I will get you back. Sandow belts Ziggler with a garbage can. The crowd is paying more attention to the crowd. DDT on a chair by Ziggler. Sandow broke an oar against Ziggler’s back. Full Nelson slam on a garbage can gets Sandow a three count. I skipped through the Miz’s new movie. Michael Strahan is talking to Santino Marella when Erick Rowan offers him a sheep’s mask. Interesting. Santino checks back in after Rowan leaves. I have no idea why he babbled so long. Which wasn’t really that long.

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Stunt Granny Conversation – The Walking Dead – Season 4 – Dead Weight

Which one became the new right hand man and who's zombiefied in the drink?

Which one became the new right hand man and who’s zombiefied in the drink?

One episode to go gang before the Waking Dead will break our hearts and no doubt leave some of us very angry.  Yup, one more episode to go before this half-season cliffhanger. The Governors plight came to an end. The events may have been a bit jumbled and the timeline is still in question but how did they guys feel about it? How stupid do people continue to be on this show? How convenient do the show writers make it for their characters? A tank? Really? Oh nd a driver to boot? Ok, whatever, just make it worthwhile.

Jeremy:  So, like I said last week, I wasn’t buying the Governor done good garbage.
Kevin:  Yes, it’s an interesting window into the world of TV. We know what the evil guy did in the past but you can’t help new meat from being fed to him. We never bought his turn around but people in zombie land are all that matter.
Jeremy:  If those women didn’t have that girl Megan he wouldn’t have bothered with them. So it was no surprise last night when he turned and took power. He was never redeeming himself. He was using them.
Kevin:  The whole opening scene backed up your point because it was just him giving her life lessons as he hang dries clothes.
Jeremy:  Lived the reveal of a tank. It was only a matter of time. As soon as they went on the excursion in the woods Martinez and gang were done. He immediately started to size them up.
Kevin:  The tank was one of those moments that is all TV land too. Well, we already did people fighting against people. Then people in gun fights. What can make things more explosive. I got it, a tank!
Jeremy:  Yeah but they did mention the army convoy being hit as well as his new right hand man being a tank operator. A little too convenient but fun.
Kevin:  I did think that was a smart ploy on the Governor’s part to get rid of the people who knew him in the recent past. Can’t let anyone dropping secrets.
Jeremy:  If Martinez had shown he was a capable leader he would have been OK. Getting drunk and hitting golf balls creating noise was pretty stupid. “Brian” is still protecting the women.
Kevin:  I didn’t even think about it that way. The Gov whacking him across the face with a club was rough-looking. Then slowly letting the zombies eat him was even worse.

Jeremy:  The club was really awful. Not sure why but the thought of an edge bashing in to the ear is nauseating. After that being eaten by walkers was almost mercy to me.
Kevin:  I thought the touch of not just pitching Martinez in the pit as the little bit of extra that made it worse. Although it’s not quite as bad as leaving a zombie anchored to the bottom of the nearby watering hole.
Jeremy:  Yes slowly pushing his head in to the pit was terribly clever. Helps make the story of him getting drunk and falling in the pit more likely. Of course the logic involved with a pit of walkers can be argued. The symbolism of trapping the innocent rube in the lake was obvious but not sure that is the smartest idea. Made for a great visual.
Kevin:  Yeah, leaving a walker alive always comes back to bite you in the ass. Plus, who wouldn’t use that water from time to time if it’s Kool-Aid blue?

Eric’s Blog: What’s right and what’s wrong with Randy Orton

“I’m gonna sock you in the nose!”

Randy Orton successfully defended his WWE Championship this past Sunday at the 27th Survivor Series, against the much larger Big Show, and after months of cheating, yet defeating, his previous arch-nemesis Daniel Bryan.

And somehow, “the face of WWE” continues to play second fiddle to the usually overbearing, always long-winded, semi-retired sports entertainer and the latest ina revolving door of heel authority figures, Triple H.

WWE has done quite a few things right with Orton’s current championship reign, but the negatives throughout the storyline are tipping the scales out of Orton’s favor. Let’s take a quick look at the good and the bad.

Good: For someone like Orton, dragging the Money in the Bank around seemed like a demotion. However, it was a guaranteed title shot, and he cashed it in at Summerslam, atthe opportune time for an evil heel – when his on-again, off-again bearded buddy and brand new WWE Champ Daniel Bryan least expected it and could least combat it. A couple of swift moves and, boom, new WWE Champion.

Bad: It happened at the whim of Triple H.

Good: Orton loses the WWE Title back to the still red-hot Daniel Bryan at Night of Champions, only to devilishly demand it back the following night on Monday Night Raw, through a web of lies, deceit and nefariousness.

Bad: All of those lies, that deceit and that nefariousness were actually at the hands of Triple H.

Good: Big Show is introduced into the storyline, as Bryan’s bestie but befuddled by bad breaks in finance, bringing him to the beck and call of the bad guy’s side. Orton saves a little face thanks to a no-contest after Big Show’s hesitant interference, injecting an ancillary player into a headlining spot.

Bad: Big Show was actually intimidated into this whole thing by the mean boss who bought his mortgage, Triple H. Hunter then holds the title in “abeyance,” a 10-cent word that should never be uttered in pro wrestling again.

Good: Orton wins the WWE Title in brutal fashion against his summertime nemesis, Bryan, in the demonic Hell in a Cell, becoming once again the face of WWE.

Bad: That only happened because Bryan was superkicked by special referee Shawn Michaels, best friend of Triple H.

Good: Orton gets a win over Big Show at the (former) fourth-biggest pay-per-view on the WWE calendar, Survivor Series, using the punt kick that has shelved numerous opponents in the past.

Bad: Orton had to capitalize on non-physical interference by Triple H.

Yet to be determined: Survivor Series closes with a staring contest between World Heavyweight Champion John Cena and WWE Champion Randy Orton, teasing a future contest between the two.

Bad: John Cena was standing next to Triple H.

Subtract the common thread of You-Know-Who, and WWE has done an excellent job booking a heel champion, and even more important, making lemonade out of lemons. The underachieving Orton has spent 11 years in the WWE, kinda sorta over with the crowd as both a heel and a babyface, but never really carrying the WWE torch.

Now, if he can’t carry it, it’s because he can’t wrestle it out of the grasp of a guy who doesn’t even wrestle anymore.

When it comes time to book the big blow-off match for this months-long storyline, who will you pay to see get beaten up? I’m not sure, either.

Weekend Rewind – Survivor Series Predictions

future-crystal-ballJeremy and I attempted to predict the results of Survivor Series. I don’t remember Jeremy’s picks although they were generally the opposite of mine. I didn’t order the pay per view itself because as we discussed, the WWE didn’t give us much incentive to put down money on it. So let’s run through the results and see how I did.

Survivor Series Pre-Show

Kofi Kingston vs The Miz – We both agreed on this one. The newly minted heel would get the win. No one was surprised that the Miz won this one. We’re off to a good start.

Survivor Series

Rey Mysterio, Cody Rhodes, Goldust & The Usos vs The Shield & The Real Americans – My prediction was that Roman Reigns & Antonio Cesaro would be the sole survivors. I was half right since Reigns was the only survivor. One of the bigger surprises to me reading the results was the fact that Dean Ambrose got eliminated first, at the 2:15 mark. Jack Swagger got his just desserts next and got pinned second. The third elimination was another surprise to me because Antonio Cesaro was half of my prediction. The WWE has been pushing him pretty heavily but I will now assume him and Swagger will hold the Tag Team championships. If Cesaro had been a survivor, I would have expected him to get a singles push. For now, only Roman Reigns gets it.

Big E Langston vs Curtis Axel – Big E defended the Intercontinental Title successfully. This was not a surprise either. What was a surprise was Cody Rhodes admitting on ChadDukesWrestlingShow.com (by way of Prowrestling.net) that he paid for the white title strapped I.C. Title. He got refunded which is good because no one popped for it unless they were backstage.

Natalya, Eva Marie, Jojo, The Bella Twins & The Funkadctyls vs A.J. Lee, Tamina Snuka, Alicia Fox, Summer Rae, Aksana, Kaitlyn &  Rosa Mendes – Jeremy & I were wrong that it’d be a pin fall match up. We did however speculate that if they did go elimination style match that the pin falls would be rapid fire and that is exactly what happened. Natalya & Nikki ended up winning because they’re on Total Divas, which will be watched tonight by the woman & I.

Mark Henry vs Ryback – We had no prediction for this match because it wasn’t on the card. To no one’s surprise, the guy making the big return got the victory. Have fun with the de-push Ryback because it’s in full motion.

John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio – Cena is starting to become like the Undertaker during Wrestlemania season. I think there are only so many ways to build up a credible opponent for Taker at WM. Well, there’s only so many credible ways to build up opponents for Cena during the entire year now. His arm has been assaulted over and over again by Damien Sandow & Alberto Del Rio but it still didn’t lead to me thinking of Del Rio as a credible opponent. You do know Cena won, right?

CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs Luke Harper & Erick Rowan – I got this one wrong and Jeremy was right since Harper took the pin fall against Punk. I thought Bray Wyatt would interfere and cost the baby faces the match. That did not happen. The WWE was smart enough to have the Shield run rough shod over the WWE to look good. They are not giving the Wyatt Family as much love. They deserved to win in a cheating manner to keep their heat going. Instead the Wyatts are been following the buzzards in circles which keeps leading them back to where they started, nowhere.

Randy Orton vs Big Show – The Authority did as promised and no one physically got involved in this match. But they got us by using the classic music tease level of interference. It will continue to confound me as to why any wrestlers, baby face or heel, reacts to the music. You’ve seen it played out on TV at least once a month. It costs you matches! Watch some game film and be prepared for it. Jeremy & I agreed on this finish and were correct. The big take away from this Randy Orton win though is John Cena coming out and holding up his title as The Authority clapped for the Orton victory. Are we getting a unification match for the WWE & World Championships? It sure looks like it. Are Big E Langston & Dean Ambrose going to get a bump since they have the secondary titles? Looks of speculation to keep you hooked for Monday Night Raw. – Kevin

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