Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Too-many-choicesThere really aren’t that many choices for the Slammys. The Shield , the Wyatt Family, Daniel Bryan & the Real Americans are hogging the slots. These categories have names that are entirely too long which I realized when I was typing them out fully. Well, let’s see what they have in store for us. Let’s roll.

Daniel Bryan is sporting a Flying Goat t shirt.  He starts off against Summer Rae with Fandango. I do love Summer Rae’s antics outside the ring. Her facial expressions of the pain Fandango is in is well done. Bryan had a majority of offense until Fandango turned a top rope drop kick into a power bomb. Perfect commercial spot. For some reason my girlfriend decided to bring her cat upstairs thus getting my dogs riled up. This did not speed up the review.

Bryan is in control again until he misses a charge into a corner. Fandango missed his leg drop soon there after. Flying Goat. Running Knee. They gave Fandango some rope. I think he acquitted himself well. Bray Wyatt shows up on the screen. He doesn’t want Bryan to suffer. Their story will end in destruction. Wyatt wants to prove that Bryan is a monster too. No! No! No! I miss part of King & Booker T. I will not be rewinding any of these segments. They present the presenters. So I had no idea that Daniels & Kazarian were wearing the tuxedos from Dumb & Dumber. But now I know that the New Age Outlaws are copying them. LOL Moment of the Year. Oh my lord, I just realized I didn’t see this category last night on WWE.com.

Santino Marella & Damien Sandow get to awkwardly wait in the ring for the announcement for LOL Moment of the Year, which goes to the Rock Concert. Vickie Guerrero grabs the trophy and said it happened because of her beauty. Big E Langston is on the head set again. Big E is fair to midlands on the mic. He seems to take a split second to gather his thoughts before answering. You’re Welcome as Mitchell Cool pretends like Santino is a stand in for Big E. Double Cross of the Year is presented by the Shield, who are dressed up all in black. There was a Slammys Preshow? Fuck that.

If they keep the categories rolling into commercials, I’m going to catch up in no time. (Next Day Edit: I was either still typing or watching during the awards presentations. In no way did I catch up.) Shawn Michaels wins Double Cross of the Year. He comes out to accept. He makes fun of the fact that he’s double crossed a lot of people. People still love him, which is another reason that angle shouldn’t have happened. Kofi Kingston is taking on The Miz. They continue their weird relationship. Kofi is kicking the tar out of the Miz. He takes a hike when Kofi goes for Trouble In Paradise. JBL is loving Kofi. He did have a small stretch that he looked impressive. Miz kicks Kofi out of a pin attempt into the middle turn buckle. The Miz rolls him up and grabs the tights for the win. Kofi nails Trouble. Is he going heel to make another heel tag team? Eve Torres comes out. She’s more beautiful than ever – JBL. She’s more beautiful than ever. – Mitchell Cool seconds later. Diva of the Year Award.

AJ Lee Seated

She should have won Diva of the Year. From WWE.com

Eight Man Tag Team action wait for the Eve Torres announcement. The Bella Twins win. Ugh. No surprise though. Goldust, Cody Rhodes, Rey Mysterio & the Big Show are taking on Antonio Cesaro, Jack Swagger, Curtis Axel and Ryback. No one should stay prone for that upper cut that long. Swagger looked like a gigantic idiot. Cesaro clothes lines Goldust. JBL rightfully makes fun of the Rybaxel team name. Goldust continues to sell. He almost makes it out with power slam. Goldust does with a double DDT. Cody is en fuego. The Cody version of the upper cut is better but still should be dodged. Big Show cleans house on the outside. Disaster Kick. 619 & Drop of The Dime for the win. The Superstar of the Year is presented by Shawn Michaels. It seems a little early for this presentation. Shouldn’t this close out the show like Best Movie of the Year at Academy Awards? HBShizzle.

The Hunico Sin Cara is in the ring. The winner is Daniel Bryan. No surprise. Both of the announcers call it an upset. I have no idea why unless they haven’t heard the crowds for the past six months plus. He thanks the people. 2014 is going to be even better. Alberto Del Rio is his opponent again. I’ll have to pay attention to this match more this week. Mitchell Cool is having to reintroduce Sin Cara because of how dormant the gimmick was. Russell Wilson! MVP! The crowd cares about this match. Del Rio buys time to get a commercial. He takes over on Sin Cara after the break. JBL “This is a new Sin Cara”. Yeah, some of us realized that and got confirmation later. Hand Spring Elbow gets a two count for Sin Cara. Del Rio hurts the arm. Sin Cara with an Angle Slam. Sin Cara takes his time going up. He turns bad news into a power bomb. Swanton for the win. (Next Day Edit: Del Rio looked like he took a rough spill last night so I was not surprised to read he is concussed.) The crowd is mildly happy. Darren Young & Titus O’Neil are presenting. They do an honorable Millions of Dollars dance. Fan participation Award.

The winner is Daniel Bryan for Yes! Yes! Yes! He gets attacked at one of these presentations, right? (Next Day Edit: I was wrong.)

The Funkadactyls come out with Brodus Clay for his match against Xavier Woods. JBL & Cool point out that Xavier Woods was better with the girls. Clay makes short order of him. R Truth & Tensai drag him off of Woods because of an after the match attack. Clay says “I’m a main event player.” Not yet pal but dumping the gimmick will be a big step. The Miz gets to present Insults of the Year. I thought that category would be interesting so I watched. I was wrong.

Welcome back to Raw, Brodus Clay. Now ditch the gimmick.

Welcome back to Raw, Brodus Clay. Now ditch the gimmick.

CM Punk is taking on Dean Ambrose with Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns at ring side. Stephanie McMahon wins for insulting the Big Show. Punk takes early control. A couple of fun rest holds help make it more interesting than normal. I do believe he used the Anaconda Vice recently so these moves should be sold by the announcers. They are not doing so. Ambrose gains control by attacking the ribs. Why is no one questioning the handicapped matches? Looking for you to step up Mitchell. JBL & Cool over sell us not seeing Punk for a while. Cool does inform me that many of the categories I previewed have results online where I saw them. I may have to do a review article. (Next Day Edit: It’s still under consideration since we didn’t watch Total Divas last night and probably won’t tonight with a Bluejackets game to attend.) Punk nails the suicide dive but stares at Reigns & Rollins.

I’m still an hour behind. Not cool. Ambrose has a sleeper grape vined in. Punk gets out with a belly to back suplex. Ambrose gets the upper hand. Neck breaker by Punk to take back over. Short clothes line by Punk. I love that he’s bringing that back. Top rope elbow hurts the ribs and only gets a two. Double under hook suplex by Ambrose for a two. Nice to see that again too. Roundhouse kick for two. I’m loving the guy in the white shirt & black scarf. This is Awesome! Agreed. Punk gets tossed out between Reigns & Rollins but they don’t do anything. Ambrose argues with them politely. After some reversals by both men, Punk nails the GTS for the win. Distraction by Rollins. Spear by Reigns. Mick Foley comes out to present Extreme Moment of the Year. (Next Day Note: I’m not sure why they do these theme shows the week of a PPV sell. This segment worked because we saw the Shield dissension and Punk being hurt.)

The Usos are taking on Erick Rowan & Luke Harper. CM Punk wins for beating Paul Heyman. He’s going to show us what he can do against the Shield at the PPV. The Usos get the upper hand early with a double dive. Commercial as Bray laughs. Harper is in control after the break. Jey Uso is taking the beating. Jimmy and Harper square off for a double hot tag. Rikishi Charge only gets two. Jimmy gets hung out on the middle rope. Super kick by Jimmy. He nails the Big Splash. Rowan makes the save. The Usos go after Rowan. Jimmy gets blasted with a clothesline for the win. Harper looks good and creepy. Awesome sell job by Jimmy. I suppose Match of the Year should be the last one. Superstar should presented later still. Bret Hart is the presenter. I watch this one too.

Natalya Neidhart is taking on Tamina Snuka again. The winner is John Cena vs The Rock. Not my choice. I would have gone with Punk vs Taker but that’s just me. John Cena accepts. I was wondering if they’d rig any of these for storyline purposes but it doesn’t seem like they have. All of the speeches have been pretty bland. (Next Day Edit: That’s a sure sign they weren’t trying to forward story lines to me and that the vote was legitimate. I wonder if I should put a poll up on the topic and sice if we can get more than 5 people to vote.) Tamina is taking it to Natalya early. AJ distracts Natalya. Tamina runs into AJ on the apron. Natalya with the Sharpshooter. The WWE seem to be all in on Total Divas so I would not be surprised to see Natalya win Sunday.

Stephanie McMahon introduces HHH so that he can preside over the ceremony. Jack Swagger is dressed like a bum. I get it from CM Punk who is a rebel. Daniel Bryan! Yes! Yes! Yes! HHH waits it out and insults the crowd. Good choice. You feed into that and the crowd will keep going. What?!? Bryan didn’t kill that chant. It will never die. HHH introduces Randy Orton and Steph introduces John Cena. I’m quite sure this segment ends after my DVR stops. I love Cena shaking Bryan’s hand. Orton gets the mic first. He gets to roast the other champions in the ring. One of his better promos and exactly where my DVR ends. I don’t care what Cena had to say anyway. (Next Day Edit: I read the ending. Sounds like a solid Cena promo. I also read on Facebook that people are pissed that HHH’s music hit at the end. Who cares. He’s butted out of this feud for the most part. He was defending his woman. Granted, it makes me suspicious about the end of the TLC but we’ll let that play out.) – Kevin

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