@TotalDivas – She Said (He Edited) – Season Finale

Diana Rings


Engagements. They can either be a blessing or a tornado. In this episode we get a taste of both. But, before I delve in, let’s talk about Nikki first.

John Cena flies Nikki’s friends down for a visit. If you caught this episode, you know that all of these girls are skanky and work at Hooters. (Kevin’s Edit: Boo weird short shorts and leggings.) If you didn’t catch the episode, you now have a visual. We get the bikini scene where they are all in John’s pool having a serious, yet not serious conversation about marriage and kids and how John’s pool is like a kiddie pool. Nikki does tell them that John doesn’t want kids and she is okay with that. Well, when they all go out to dinner on John’s dime, we find out that John is selfish and doesn’t want kids due to his lifestyle and his career. I’m actually okay with his opinion on this because he does seem happy with out kids, yet Nikki has always thought she would be married and be a mom, so here ensues your drama and cliffhanger. (Kevin’s Edit: Oh, that’s the cliffhanger? Too bad I don’t care.) John says he will never get married again and doesn’t want kids ever and apologized for leading Nikki on. Nikki now has more thinking to do because she wants to be married and wants to hear that pitter patter of feet in the house.

Natalya is the 2nd one on the list with her ‘drunken’ phone calls to Stephanie McMahon. My favorite part of this episode is when she see’s Fandango in the hallway and tells him that she messed up with Stephanie and he asked if she kissed her. I practically rolled off the seat on that one. Fandango there without his shirt on, all greased up like a loser, wanting Natalya and Stephanie to make out. Nice! (Kevin’s Edit: He isn’t as funny as Alicia Fox but he gets a 2nd place vote for people that aren’t cast members but are regularly shown.) But alas, no. Natalya found it in her heart to continue calling Stephanie throughout the early morning to tell her how she doesn’t get recognized, how she wants to win the title, that she deserves the title and that she can give so much more and then she quit. Though we all know she didn’t as she is still on WWE, the fact that she said it makes you wonder if she was really drunk or not with those phone calls, but the air is clear and all is okay in Nattie’s world. (Kevin’s Edit: Everything is fine, without the strap still. Get a damn personality.)

Jojo, who is that? Huh.

We then move on to Brie and Daniel Bryan. They go to this romantic tree house, go on this fabulous hike where he proposes to her in this very natural and beautiful surrounding. She of course says yes and they go down to have a celebratory dinner where Daniel surprises her with her family and his family as they all have this fabulous dinner outside with live violins. Is it a bit over the top? Sure. But was it romantic enough for the WWE, yes. I actually enjoyed the segment and we find out that there will be a story with Daniel and Brie along with Randy Orton. (Kevin’s Blog: This is one relationship that didn’t seem overly scripted like Natalya & TJ or Cena & Nikki or see more below.)

The last and my least favorite is Eva Marie, the tornado. We are joined with her non-shirt wearing fiance. (Kevin’s Edit: Seriously, you couldn’t even put on an Affliction or Ed Hardy shirt?) I had totally forgotten she was engaged until they showed us the clip of him proposing. So she has time off and they go to see her family. She does not tell her family she is coming and does not tell her family she is bringing a friend. I’m not sure how they staged this one, but it was so awkward when she introduced him to her mom as her ‘friend’ with a long pause. At dinner more awkwardness as we find out the tattoo’s on his arms are her name, um, okay. (Kevin’s Edit: I mean, I know she’s dumb but shouldn’t that be a gigantic red flag that your plan is shit?) Then at breakfast the next morning, they tell her family they are engaged after 6 months. Her dad and brothers completely flip out and Eva Marie and her fiance (sorry, can’t remember his name) (Kevin’s Edit: Don’t worry, no one else does either.) pack up and leave. Her family reminds her that if she marries him and gets divorced she will no longer be a part of the family. So, Eva Marie and the shirtless wonder decide to elope. Brilliant! So they decide because of their crazy schedules they’ll go to Vegas and get married. This sounds like an awesome plan. He doesn’t really have a job, or does he? Yes, I think he does but I don’t remember if they actually say what it is. In the end, Eva Marie decides she wants her family there with her and her dad to walk her down the aisle, so they don’t get married. I’m pretty sure that red hair is cutting off the circulation in her brain. (Kevin’s Edit: Did they ever mention if she was adopted because she’s a mutant in that family. She’s taller than everyone in the family and doesn’t look like any of them.)

This sums up the Total Diva Season Finale. As Kevin will tell you, they had 1 hour and 9 minutes to get the episode finished and they ran over, typical for the WWE so we didn’t see the last few moments. (Kevin’s Edit: Seriously WWE, go fuck yourself. How can you possibly over run this drivel?)

Will John and Nikki’s relationship survive? Will Nattie get more air time and a possible title shot? Will Eva Marie decide to elope with the non-shirt wearing guy? What story line is being set up for Brie and Daniel? And will Jojo ever return to the Total Diva show? Such cliffhangers! Tune in in March to find out what happens on E! – M & (Kevin)


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