@RingOfHonor Is The Worst

USHL_top_prospectsWhen I was looking through the end of the year material, I noticed that ROH should be getting ready for it’s annual Top Prospects Tournament. I wasn’t surprised at the beginning of 2013 when Matt Taven won the tournament against Tadarius Thomas. Both of them got some television during the previous year. I had no idea who they were going to have in it because they have no television time for prospects. Or at least they didn’t make time for them. On this past week’s edition of ROH, I was relieved to find out that they didn’t try to recycle some of the younger names on their roster. I like the idea of bringing a new face to television and giving them a jump start. I loved King of the Ring and this is it for lower members on the totem pole. ROH does get some things right. Now let’s look at who they brought in.

The first man out of the back was Raymond Rowe, who looks like he was brought in from Sons of Anarchy without the leather fetish. His opponent was Kongo, a tall and fat man who hailed from South America. I’m really surprised that the biker gimmick doesn’t get used more often. Aces & Eights filled our TV screens for the past year on TNA. The previous time before that that I can think of was Undertaker’s short stint as “The American Badass” with his Kid Rock lead in. Then prior to that, I can think of was the Disciples of the Apocalypse (DOA). Considering that I can name just as many Samoan gimmicks in recent history (3 Minute Warning, The Usos, Rikishi), I’m surprised this gimmick doesn’t come around more often. Rowe has a good look and wrestled well.

Rowe was pitted against a fairly agile man for his size in Kongo. Steve Corino called attention to a problem right off the bat, Kongo is from “South America” which is incredibly dumb in this day and age. You could at least put a country in there. No one is going to call you out for him looking more Peruvian than Bolivian. I’ve been talking about it recently with Chris Hero, body shape does matter. I don’t think everyone in professional wrestling needs to have a cookie cutter body builder look, but any wrestler needs to lift weights. Kongo’s arms looked smaller than mine despite him being three times my weight. I can’t say the same thing about Brodus Clay who has the closest build I can think of. I was glad that Raymond Rowe ended up winning the match. He’s a much more viable candidate for ROH not to look any more bush league.

The next match started with Corey Hollis and his partner Mike Posey in the ring. “The Benchmark” Bill Daly was supposed to be Hollis’s opponent but he had a high ankle sprain. Since he was a heel (I guess), Kevin Kelly wondered if he was really hurt or if he was exaggerating the injury. Steve Corino defended him, again reinforcing the fact that Daly is supposed to be a heel. This line of questioning made Kelly sound stupid to me. This injury is common in the NFL which requires 4-6 weeks of rest and rehab. Daly had claimed that he sustained the injury the previous weekend so not wrestling makes sense. Since Daly’s character hasn’t been on TV, it is a secondary reason why Kelly shouldn’t tell the fans what kind of character he is. Let Daly establish himself.

Posey took advantage of Daly bowing out of the competition. He talked his partner into a match up. The main problem was that it was never established as to whether Hollis’s spot in the Tournament was on the line. Kelly, Corino and “talent evaluator” Prince Nana all had no clue. I think GMs are over used these days. But this situation called for Nigel McGuinness, the match maker which is so different than being called a GM, to come out and clarify before the match started. ROH didn’t think to close this simple plot hole. At the end of the match, we find out in the Land of a 1001 Finishers that Corey Hollis’s finishing maneuver is a running back elbow. You mean to tell me that a package pile driver through a table may not pin someone but a running back elbow will? ROH is the worst. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis of #Genesis

I may be desecrating one of the finest pieces of art the world has ever seen by using it for this column header.

I may be desecrating one of the finest pieces of art the world has ever seen by using it for this column header.

– I was pre-warned on a certain Facebook Wrestling Fan Page that I was about to watch a twenty plus minute opening talking segment for this pay per view level free TV show. I have never, ever (Think Chris Jericho) watched a PPV with an opening talking segment. Especially one that ended up lasting the twenty eight minute mark when the first match was made. To be fair, there was a brawl involved but that was one of the problems. Sting got his hands on Ethan Carter III. Why would you show that when you have kept EC3 a step ahead of Sting so far? Save their first action for the match. How hard is that?  Then just to make sure they screw this up, they cut the segment right after Sting does attack him. What the fuck people? If you’re going to show the attack, commit to it and show more of it. Don’t cut the segment five seconds in.

– The Austin Aries vs Chris Sabin argument suffered from the same problem that I noted last week, Velvet Sky hasn’t shown affection to Chris Sabin for fans to feel bad for her because of her scummy boyfriend. I liked Aries delivery but the material was terrible. Chris Sabin is still not good with a microphone. Velvet Sky isn’t a good talker either. It’s about time they use her for something useful. She’s an underutilized talent who doesn’t need to be in the ring to shine.

– I like the reaction from Samuel Shaw when Simon Dimon confronted him but it makes no sense why Dixie Carter would want to keep someone employed who this large of a problem. He assaulted a non-wrestling employee. That is unacceptable.

Bully Ray came down for his street fight match against his Ken Anderson but didn’t think to expect the Pearl Harbor attack on the ramp. When did Bully Ray turn into a dumb baby face? He’s been trying to light people on fire in recent weeks. That’s a heel move if I’ve ever seen one. This match is just reinforcing that he’s turned into a baby face. He took a Swanton Bomb on a guard rail, kick out then Mic Check, kick out then Rolling Hills through a table and Bully Ray kicks out a third time. But then Bully Ray breaks out the light fluid again. Wait, he’s a heel again? Then what happens next is even more bizarre, Anderson goes heel for a moment and puts the lighter fluid on the table. It distracts him long enough for Bully Ray to pile drive him for the win. Another baby face moment for Bully Ray. The heel is always the one who tries to go too far and gets hit with the finisher out of the blue by the baby face for the clean win. Bully Ray also didn’t really ever show the super evil side by slipping out of this match with a win. My head is ready to explode again. Another highlight of this match was Mike Tenay telling us several times that Genesis is so large it’s going to be next week too. That’s not how PPVs work!

– Oh my lord, Dixie Carter is saying “Best of” insert something here. How much material can you poach from the WWE? It’s entirely too close to best of business which was thankfully never said. Postponing a match sucks. Another non-PPV move.

– I liked the Gail Kim versus Madison Rayne match. Mike Tenay and Taz did a good job setting up the history of these two Knockouts. The ladies had a solid match. The only problem I had with it was Gail seemed to target the ribs in an earlier back stage attack but didn’t attack them during the match. She did take advantage of Rayne’s weakened staate during the match so I’ll let it slide. Kim has an excuse for the losing the title because Lai’d Tapa, who still sucks, got herself booted from ringside. Madison Rayne became the new champ with not a lot of fan fare. They have re-introduced her well so people just must not be that into her.

Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards signed their contracts this morning with a new investor. Oh joy, more power struggle. Dixie Carter just took hold of the company, why are they ready to break her grip on the roster now? If you’re going to make her the evil owner, commit to it for more than two months.

– The ending of the EC3 vs Sting match made sense in that the heel needed to cheat to win. But going back to the PPV quality show that is now stretching two weeks has a match of this poor of a quality during a main event? Really? That’s the best you’ve got? Brutal. Sting is actually doing a decent job of selling Magnus’s heel turn. Magnus is not holding up his end of the bargain. What weird gay thing did Sting have going on while calling Magnus “A little boy”? Magnus negotiating Sting’s possible firing gives him some teeth as a heel too. – Kevin

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