Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of WWE Elimination Chamber

19thCenturyMaidsWe get a nice video montage of the participants of the Elimination Chamber. The WWE starts with what I see as a true curtain jerker, Jack Swagger taking on Big E Langston for the Intercontinental Title. By the time I settled in, Swagger had been on the offensive for a decent spell. Big E and Swagger clothes line each other for an opening. Langston still doesn’t get it. Langston gets in some clothesline and a belly to belly suplex. Swagger turned a splash into a spine buster. Langston spears Swagger off the apron through the ropes. Big E getting in on the flying. Swagger tosses Big E off the top rope. Swagger takes him out at the knee. Big E kicks his way out of the Patriot Lock. Botched spot looks terrible. Big E enziguris Swagger out of the Patriot Lock. Big Ending for the win. I feel like they’ve let Big E slide here during the EC build up. Glad to see him get a needed win. Bad New Barrett gets himself a fancy pulpit now. He tries to hype up Russia having more gold medals. I’d take CM Punk in Wrestlemania over Hulk Hogan hosting it.

The New Age Outlaws come out first for their match. Road Dogg does his thing. The Usos should really get this win. Jimmy starts out against Billy Gunn. They take turns exchanging basic moves. Jey gets to take on Road Dogg. James hip tosses Jey into the turn buckles. Gunn gets to continue the beat down. Spinning kick to the face of Road Dogg allows the hot tag to Jimmy. He cleans house and finishes with a Samoan Drop. Road Dogg saves the butt splash. Dogg takes the over the top rope dive. Super kick on Gunn only gets a two. Road Dogg gets popped by Jimmy. Billy Gunn rolls up Jimmy for the win. Just stupid. Bad News Barrett delivers news on our level. He tries to say the fans will turn on Daniel Bryan because he’s not wrestling tonight? No one buys it.

Darren Young comes down because they didn’t book this pay per view very well. Titus O’Neil has a dog on his ass. The crowd wants Lesnar. I don’t blame them. Young gets in some offense with a discus forearm. Young clothes lines both of them out of the ring.  Young clothes lines him from the top rope. O’Neil tosses Young over the turn buckles to the outside. O’Neil tosses Young against the ring post. O’Neil locks in a bear hug. O’Neil catches a flying Young and gives him a back breaker. O’Neil gives Young Eric’s favorite move the abdominal stretch. Young reigns punches on O’Neil.  Neck breaker on the apron only gets Young a two count. Clash of the Titus aka Sky high for the win. Lawler is right, not exactly a resounding win for O’Neil. Bad News Barrett greets us again. Electrical malfunction on his riser. Ha. Nice cover. His material has been terrible tonight.

The Shield comes out first for the six man elimination match. The Wyatt Family ambles out next. How is this awesome before the match starts? A melee starts the match. It settles quickly. Seth Rollins starts against Erick Rowan. Rollins uses his speed to get the upper hand. Roman Reigns takes over for a brief moment. Rollins is back in and gets steam rolled. Luke Harper comes in to start a beat down. Bray Wyatt is up next. Reigns gets a tag. He takes over a little bit. Harper comes in and starts to take a beating. Dean Ambrose finally gets to come in. Harper drop kicks Ambrose. Wyatt takes over. Very back and forth match so far. No one has sold for long. Ambrose gets crushed in the corner with a splash. Rowan loves the knuckles to the temples. Ambrose bites him. Sidewalk slam by Rowan. Rollins gets a tag and uses speed on Harper. Rowan distracts Rollins on the top rope. Rollins lands on his feet off a top rope suplex. Rollins knees Harper in the head. Sidewalk slam on Rollins. Bray back splashes Rollins on the outside. Rowan slams Rollins. Harper hammers Rollins. Wyatt gets booted on a charge. Wyatt slams Rollins. Harper kicks Ambrose in the mouth when he tries to save Rollins. Harper flips Rollins who kicks him in the face. Reigns gets the hot tag. Reigns apron drop kick. Reigns slams down  Rowan. Ambrose starts on some other people. Harper with a suicide dive. Rollins with a flip dive. Reigns and Rowan clothes line each other. Rollins takes apart the Spanish announce table. Wyatt & Harper try to double team him but Ambrose makes the save. Wyatt & Ambrose fight in the crowd. Reigns and Rowan are still legal in the ring. Superman punch only gets two. Rollins starts on Harper but Wyatt makes the save. Wyatt takes apart the regular announce table.  Fall away slam by Rowan tosses Reigns outside. Rollins takes a double urinogi through the Spanish announce table. Reigns is in the ring. The Wyatts surround him. Harper tags in. Splash and big boot combo. Wyatt tags in. Reigns gets out of the Kiss. Superman punch on Rowan then on Wyatt. Spear to Harper. Wyatt rams Reigns. Sister Abigail’s Kiss for the win. Wow, fun stuff.

Christian gets a promo before the Elimination Chamber match. AJ Lee gets to talk about her title reign. Cameron comes out to accept her challenge. Well, at least I can remember the last match. Cameron tosses her pom poms at AJ. Cameron goes for a pair of quick pins. I grabbed a beer. I think AJ had some offense. Cameron turned it around. Sloppy Thesz press by Cameron. AJ dances with the pom poms. Tamina accidently takes out AJ. Tamina grabs AJ’s leg. Cameron goes after Tamina. She ends up getting clothes lined. Tamina gets AJ disqualified. Bad News Barrett still has a none functioning podium. People are going to be fired and expelled from school because of the WWE Network. Santino is playing with toys when Emma comes in. The Great Khali comes. Then Los Matadores. Oh, it’s wrestling Lego’s. I was ready to fast forward the commercials.

Batista gets to have a match. The lady and I are trying to figure out why Batista pointed at his crotch. Alberto Del Rio comes out in a track suit and a neck brace. ADR can’t compete tonight. ADR attacks with a crutch. He focuses on the knee. ADR tosses Batista into the ring post. Cross arm breaker thru the ropes. Del Rio works over the arm. The crowd is crapping all over this match by chanting all kinds of names. Loving the Boo-tista chant. Batista uses the ropes to break a pin. Spear by Batista as ADR got back in the ring. ADR takes back over quickly. Spinebuster by Batista. ADR gets out of the Batista Bomb. Kick to the head only gets a two count. ADR hits the exposed turn buckle. Batista Bomb for the win. It would have really helped if ADR had any credibility now.

John Cena, Christian, Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan are the gentlemen in the pods. Cesaro and Sheamus get to start us off, likely with some hard hitting. Cesaro gets the clubbing as the first big move of the match. Cesaro dodges a charging Sheamus who runs into the post. Low double stomp by Cesaro. He upper cuts Sheamus a lot. Sheamus goes to the top but Cesaro catches him with another upper cut. Flying shoulder tackle. Daniel Bryan is next. Double drop kick. Bryan takes out Cesaro & Sheamus. He kicks both of them. Sheamus kicks Bryan. Cesaro gets suplexed by Bryanb who had Sheamus tied up. Back breaker by Cesaro on Bryan. Cesaro got thrown into the chamber but he turned Bryan around tossed him into the pod. Let’s see if Bryan takes the Edge coffee break. He doesn’t take it. Christian is the next one in. He tosses Sheamus off the top ropes. Christian tosses Bryan shoulder first into the cage. Tornado DDT only gets Christian two on Bryan. Enziguri by Bryan. Christian ducks out of a charge by Bryan. Sheamus looks like he’s going to lawn dart Christian who turns it into a reverse DDT. Cesaro power bombs Christian into a pod then upper cuts him. Cesaro slams into Sheamus. Gut wrench suplex onto the lexan and metal. John Cena is in. Bryan kicks Cena. Cesaro, Christian and Cena turn in a weird catapult move. Cena slams Christian into the chains. Super upper cut by Cesaro only gets a two. Bryan gets reckless and attacks everyone. Cesaro can’t pin Sheamus. Randy Orton comes in and attacks everyone. Orton becomes cornered. Orton gets back in the pod. Sheamus stares at him. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Orton thru the lexan. Everyone saw that coming, right? Cena Five Knuckle Shuffle’s Orton. Cesaro swings Orton. Bryan gives Cesaro a roling German Suplex. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Cena. Christian rolls up Sheamus then tries to pin Cena. Christian gets out of a Celtic Cross by crawling on top of a pod. Orton second rope suplexes Sheamus. Christian splashes Sheamus from the top of the pod for our first elimination. These finishes are going to come fairly quick judging from the time. Running Knee by Bryan on Christian for another pin. The final four look at each other. Cesaro pairs off with Cena. Orton takes on Bryan. Cena and Bryan face off. They trade blows. Cesaro German suplexes Cena who is holding Bryan. Gut wrench into a head scissors. AA onto the lexan. Cena locks in the STF. Cesaro taps. No one is surprised it’s down to these three. The Wyatts darken the arena. They’re in the Chamber. They take out Bryan and then take on Cena. Sister Abigail’s Kiss on Cena. Orton slowly comes out and pins Cena. The Wyatts are waiting as Cena comes out of the Chamber. Kane directs them from ring side.  Bryan knees Kane in the head. Orton tosses him into a pod. Orton sets him up for a big move but Bryan puts him in a tree of woe. Triple low drop kicks. Belly to back suplex from the top rope. Running knee by Bryan but Kane pulls the official out. Kane cracks Bryan. RKO only gets a two count. Small package by Bryan gets a two count. Bryan hulks out. Kane upper cuts him. RKO again for the win. No surprise. They played up him not winning too much. Batista vs Randy Orton is going to get booed out of New Orleans and it’ll be hilarious. I can’t wait to be there. – Kevin

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