Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

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From momandhops.ca which is an outstanding site name.

We’ve got two weeks until Wrestlemania so it’s time to start recording individual match previews and since we’re going to Wrestlemania, we’ve got to start the process this week. I wish they had more matches in concrete for us to go on because all of the matches scheduled will have some development in the mean time which will make us sound like a bunch of asses. Hold on, that happens all the time, doesn’t it? Let’s roll.

After the video package about Daniuel Bryan, HHH and Stephanie McMahon, she comes out. The music makes me laugh because it doesn’t fit her current persona. She’s nailing this promo. No reason for the CM Punk chant. She ends kind of weak propping up her man. Randy Orton shows up. I’m digging what he has going until Steph cuts him off. Orton wants HHH to walk away from the title match. Batista shows before she can answer. He got rid of the skinny jeans. Good choice. It was the one last thing that was irritating me about your character. His mic keeps going out. Oh my, Steph has to tell him to re-set the promo. Live television is a bitch sometimes. Batista calls out Orton for drooling on Steph. He gets Steph riled up enough to slap him. Batista starts laughing. She storms out. Batista ends up spearing Orton. He held up both the belts. Batista is so awesome right now.

Alberto Del Rio and Christian are in the ring. They will be battling for a chance at the IC Title. Interesting choice of them not to get an entrance since they should win to take on Big E, who is at ring side. Dolph Ziggler and Sheamus are the good guys. They paired off early but Ziggler and Sheamus get the first big in ring stretch. Sheamus tosses Christian against the barricade. Del Rio gets drop kicked out of the ring by Ziggler. Sheamus clothes lines Christian over the barricade to bring us to a break. Ziggler gets tossed in the air and crashes down. Sheamus gives Del Rio Rolling Hills on the outside. Christian cross body on Ziggler almost back fires. The crowds have been giving my boy some love recently. Never as sustained as others. Sheamus cleans up on Christian then Del Rio. Sheamus goes to the top rope but Ziggler catches him with a face buster. Del Rio kicks out after a Ziggler DDT. Power bomb by Christian on Ziggler. Del Rio kicks Christian to break the pin. Sheamus gets the Cloverleaf on Del Rio. Christian breaks it up. Del Rio intercepts Sheamus and locks in the cross arm breaker. Ziggler Zig Zags Sheamus & Del Rio at the same time. Christian comes in and gives the Killswitch to Ziggler for the win. Christian turns down the hand shake from Big E Langston. Bray Wyatt shows up on the Titantron. He wonders if John Cena has ever considered him and what makes him tick. Cena can’t harm someone who can’t feel. Harper warns Cena that they’re coming for him. I thought that was a weird spot to put him in. Nice long match with a clean finish that was sneaky. It seemed important enough not to have a main event promo.

Sin Cara leads in a Scooby Doo mascot. My lady wanted Scooby Doo to replicate Sin Cara’s entrance. Damien Sandow is his opponent. Sin Cara makes short work of him with a Senton. Yikes. We had a Kane video package. Pretty short segment.

Los Matadores are taking on Curtis Axel & Ryback. The Shield distracts Curtis Axel. One of them roll up Axel for the win. The Shield surrounds the ring. Reigns takes Axel out of the ring and beats him down. Ambrose & Rollins teamed against Ryback. Reigns spears Ryback. We then get a triple power bomb. Arnold Schwarzenegger is on this dog and pony show too. Nah, it’s not two weeks out to Wrestlemania. (Next Day Note: I could really combine these two segments to look like they mattered in between the match and HHH. Just 2 throw away segments.)

Mitchell Cool brings out HHH. We get the video package again. HHH thinks people are unclear at the current moment. The cat interrupts the column. They try to hash out their disagreements on the situation. HHH talks about all of the horrible things he’s done and he wonders why he doesn’t see that now. Well, maybe if you didn’t have a PG product, people could be more violent. Maybe he needs to change the direction of the product. Well, that is your job title so congrats on maybe doing your job. HHH knows that no one is going to stop him because he has the power to make it happen. I liked the finish. Another video package this time about Bray Wyatt and John Cena.

Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae. Cody Rhodes comes out with Goldust. Fandango suplexs Rhodes when I stop having a cat in front of me. Rhodes turns it around with a clothes line. Rhodes nails a missile drop kick. Goldust dances with Summer Rae which distracts Fandango. Rhodes gives Fandango the Disaster Kick for the win.

 

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Hulk Hogan comes out. I check out until he introduces Arnold Schwarzenegger & Joe Manganiello. Joe is not cutting a good promo. Arnie suggest that they get included in the Andre the Giant Battle Royal. The Miz gets to interact with a real movie star. The woman loves his hot pink socks. The Miz is the real tough guy. Hogan Country. Ha ha ha. (Next Day Note: I always think of Flair Country but not “Hogan Country” since he didn’t advertise being from both Minnesota & North Carolina. Isn’t Hulkamania his version of Flair Country?) Joe challenges the Miz to get him to leave the ring. Everyone gets a shot in and Hogan tosses him over the ropes. Yuck.

Titus O’Neil gets to continue losing. This time to the Big Show. Titus is allowed to get in some offense. For some reason, the crowd starts chanting for CM Punk again. I refuse to go along with that chant at Wrestlemania. Fuck him for leaving. Your spot couldn’t have been that bad. A spear by Big Show leads to a WMD for the win. My lady thinks that WMD means “White Man Down” then “When’s My Dinner”. The Shield is there to talk to HHH & Stephanie. They are wondering where they stand. HHH tells them their problems are amongst themselves. They get a match with the Real Americans tonight. The Shield don’t look fully satisfied. (Next Day Note: I am glad they cleared up the chain of command since I asked about it last week.) John Cena is in the bath room washing his face like some kind of weird 80s movie.

John Cena comes out first. Luke Harper is taking him on again. Yet again confirming how little they think of Rowan. Harper roughs him up early. Harper makes a cover after a back breaker. Let’s Go Harper! Nice. I can’t quite make out the chant when Cena is outside the ring. Harper drags Cena back into the ring before the break. Inverted atomic drop is followed by a big boot. Harper only gets a two count. Harper with a super kick. Damn son. Cena dicks around with the crowd and pays for it. A Falcon Arrow only gets two. Harper gets out of an STF and tosses Cena through the ropes. Harper nails a suicide dive. Harper really looks like a crazy person. STF in the middle of the ring. A finger in the eye breaks the hold. Two count after a DDT. Cena powers out of a chicken wing suplex. He knocks Harper to the mat. Top rope leg drop gets two. Suplex then Five Knuckle Shuffle. Harper flap jacks Cena. Two again. Cena clothes line Harper. That looked rough. The lights go out as Cena has Harper ready for an AA. Cena is tied up in the ropes with a sheep’s mask on. Wyatt calls him two faced. Cool visual.

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Hello again Rosa

The Funkadactyls come out. Naomi is sporting a new eye patch. AJ Lee comes down with Tamina. AJ Lee skips away and gets counted out. Well, duh, this has to take place at Wrestlemania, right? Vickie Guerrero is still alive. I feel like I didn’t watch Smackdown even though it’s not on my DVR any more. (Next Day Note: They had a clip of Vickie and AJ Lee having a run in on SD. It was the second clip I feel like I didn’t remember.) Cameron, The Bellas, Eva Marie, Emma, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Summer Rae, Rosa Mendes, Layla and Tamina are all in the match. Maybe Jeremy and I will start with this crap burger of a preview.

Scott Hall is being inducted into the Hall of Fame too. Nice. Is he still sober? I figure no news is good news. And the WWE’s decision to induct him since they held off on Jake “The Snake” too. Wait, they’re calling him Razor Ramon? Weird. We all know his real name.

Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins meet Cesaro & Jack Swagger in the aisle. Cesaro starts against Ambrose. Wow, some brutal jokes about the guests come next. Swagger comes and and gets beat on by Rollins. They complete the Three Amigos with a double suplex. Cesaro helps to turn things around against Ambrose. Swagger Bomb leads to a hurdling double stomp. They continue to make fun of Ambrose for not defending the title. The belt is useless anyway. A spring board elbow by Ambrose provides an opening by Cesaro kicks Rollins before a tag can be made. Cesaro gives Ambrose the Big Swing. Ambrose practice punching during it cracked me up. Ambrose gets swung into the barricade. I’m hoping I can catch up in case the show run late. That’d never happen 2 weeks before Wrestlemania either. Ambrose is still taking a beating. Ambrose hulks out then Gumbys off the rope with a sling shot clothes line. Rollins  and Swagger come in. Rollins is on fire. Downward Spiral into the middle turn buckle only gets a two count. Rollins does the double dive because a regular suicide dive is weak sauce now. Curb Stomp gets broken up by Cesaro. Ambrose beats on Cesaro.  They get tossed out. Swagger locks in the Patriot Lock. Spinning mule kick. Piece of Mind is the Curb Stomp move. Cool. Roman Reigns takes out Cesaro when he tries to attack Rollins after the win. I’m better with Kane‘s partners being the New Age Outlaws because it makes more sense but as far as in ring product goes, the match is going to suffer without Harper for sure.

Brock Lesnar is letting Paul Heyman do the talking. Which as usual is not a bad thing. I’m digging the Eat Sleep Break The Streak updated shirt. So simple and it’ll sell. Brock Lesnar has had enough. He invites out Undertaker. Druids come out with a casket. Heyman & Lesnar stare at it. Lesnar starts to act like it’s getting to him. You are at a disadvantage to open the casket so I don’t blame Brock. You have one hand on it so one less hand to defend. Lesnar cracks it open then opens it. Nothing is inside. Lesnar is pissed. Lesnar starts yelling at the druids. Lesnar closes the lid to the coffin. Heyman tries to seel it as a big event. The casket opens on it’s own with Undertaker in it.  Undertaker punches him. Brock then gets clothes lined onto the coffin. Brock points at the sign. This story isn’t getting any more developed. We could record about this one now. – Kevin

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