Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw

From themusicwithinus.com

From themusicwithinus.com

If you have ever been to this site, you know I put everything on hold when the Pittsburgh Penguins are in the Stanley Cup Playoffs so you are not surprised I’m starting this column late. Hockey is my favorite sport. This year, things are made interesting by the fact that they’re playing the Columbus Bluejackets, to which I have half season tickets. I thought I would be going to all home games but it turns out I’m only going to half so that at least allows me to finish this column in somewhat timely fashion. It also means I’m attending Game 4 on Wednesday so this game tonight was extra important. I feel much better about going to that game with a 2-1 game lead than being down one. I love Columbus, but that’s on hold until this series is over. Let’s Go Pens!

Brie Bella gets her in ring time with her husband Daniel Bryan, except Stephanie McMahon interrupts the fun. We get condescending Steph so it’s a good one. We’re supposed to be worried about the evil Kane being back though which needs more convincing from me. Kane from “out of nowhere” aka just where Bryan & Brie walked to. Bryan gets tombstoned by Kane as Steph shouts “No!” Kane sets up Bryan on the lower half of the stairs. Another tombstone. Is Bryan injured? (Next Day Note: No he isn’t. Unfortunately his father died. Man, that’s tough. You accomplish your dream, get married way above your looks only to have that happen. Yuck. Condolences to the Danielson family.) A third tombstone on the announce table still doesn’t sell me on Kane being able to beat Bryan. They’re trying at least.

If Bad News Barrett wins this match against Sheamus, then Cesaro loses against RVD later. These two have had some fun brawls in the past so I expect a good match. The cross body block is getting popular for the big guys to show off the agility. It never quite looks right and Sheamus is no different. Sheamus gets kicked off the apron to go to break. Sheamus takes over in this stretch. He does look much smoother doing the top rope shoulder block. Barrett turns it around with the Winds of Change side slam. Barrett misses the Bull Hammer Elbow. Sheamus turns it into White Noise. The cross body block to the floor looks rough. So much can go wrong when you do that. Bull Hammer Elbow as Sheamus goes for the suicide dive. Nice win for Barrett. I like Barrett more as an IC opponent than Cesaro, who seems destined for larger prizes. (Next Day Note: Of course I’m assuming that they won’t go baby face vs Big E who is also babyface. I don’t see RVD holding the IC Title though at this time in his career. They could use him as a stepping stone if they go that route though.)

Bray Wyatt and the Family are on the stage. We’re a nation full of sheep, lead by wolves and owned by pigs. It’s a wonderful night for change. Everyone is abandoning John Cena and coming to his side. We get a sing along. He ends by warning us to fear him. I dig his work.

I was amused by the set up for the El Torito vs Hornswoggle on Smackdown. They wrestled a real match as far as the sequence of moves went. The crowd could have cared less. El Torito is an impressive athlete considering his limitations. Jinder Mahal breaks up a pin. Drew McIntyre comes in to take on El Torito. Los Matadores hold up McIntyre for El Torito to sit on him from the top rope. El Torito then pinned him. “Evolution has always been the measuring stick” from Jerry “The King” Lawler. Is he going heel? He was just running down El Torito. I’m so confused. (Next Day Note: Lawler went back into baby face mode for the rest of the show which makes me even more confused.)

If you want a tasty cream puff when you come to Cbus, go to Schmidt's in German Village.

If you want a tasty cream puff when you come to Cbus, go to Schmidt’s in German Village.

Evolution come out all dressed up and getting solid heat. HHH blew out his voice. Randy Orton gets to take over. Good decision. After his video package, the suits are much better than what they were in the early 2000s. Batista doesn’t think the Shield knows what they got themselves into. The Shield comes down to the ring. Evolution walks up the aisle as the Shield gets into the ring. Dean Ambrose tells them they’ve been beaten up before and will be again. They are angry. Seth Rollins gets to bring calmness. He keeps getting more mic in these situations. He plays divide and conquer. Rollins knows they can only blame themselves when things go wrong. Roman Reigns drops an ultimatum. The writers really want cream puffs to catch on. (Next Day Note: It was the second or 3rd time the Shield dropped those words. Just let the crowd chant “Hounds of Justice.”) The Shield are confronted by the same twelve from the match last week. HHH says they’re evolving by using more men. Again, I ask aren’t there a number of baby faces in the back who have a problem with HHH? Shouldn’t they be stepping up for the Shield?

Ryback & Curtis Axel are on the head sets for the Usos match against someone. They show the wedding of Jey Uso & Trinity before announcing Cody Rhodes & Goldust. My lady & I may have come up with a solution to the Total Divas column problem. She may start watching Total Divas on her own then I’ll watch it before editing it. We’re just doing too much to watch that garbage. The meat head thing from Ryback makes me chuckle. The Usos pick up a quick win with a super kick on Rhodes when he attempts a Cross Rhodes. Goldust and Cody appear to start a quarrel. (Next Day Note: I don’t care about a Goldie vs Cody feud.) Rybaxel attack the Usos from behind. Good move. They’ve been winning so get them some extra heat.

The WWE is helping me get thru this show by showing plenty of video packages. Emma is trying to do some handshake before the match when Fandango drops Santino on his face on the ring apron. Layla gets the upper hand early. Emma turns it around with a clothesline. Santino recovers and Cobras Fandango. Emma pulls out her own cobra and nails Layla for the win. I’ve liked their (Emma & Santino) skits before but this one wasn’t the best.

Renee Young is still with the WWE and gets to talk to John Cena. We get solemn Cena. He keeps hearing “The whole world” at the arenas he goes to. Cena just needs to survive tonight so that he can get to Extreme Rules and a fair chance to take on Bray Wyatt. Paul Heyman gets to introduce Cesaro. And rub it in some more for Brock Lesnar. They go to commercial as he yaps. Heresy!

Heyman is still going and people are still booing. Outstanding. My client Brock Lesnar conquered the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at Wrestlemania. RVD finally stop Heyman. My woman just told me that she’s going to have to shower after watching Total Divas from 4 weeks ago. (Next Day Note: She’s already sent me the write up for this episode so I’ll have to watch tonight after I record with Dusty. Post coming tomorrow. She was cracking me up last night so I believe it will transfer to the write up.) RVD gets the chant but then the director goes away from whatver dirty  move Cesaro used to gain the upper hand. RVD blocked hitting the post but was hung up in the ropes. Cesaro drop kicks him then plays to the crowd. Break. RVD goes for a sunset flip but gets stomped on by Cesaro. Gut wrench suplex. RVD gets the crescent kick from the top ropes. Cesaro with the super upper cut on RVD on the top ropes. Split legged moonsault only gets two for RVD. He then misses a  roundhouse kick. Cesaro nails him with another running upper cut. Cesaro with a butterfly bomb only gets a two. Cessaro gets RVD ready for the Swing when Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter show up. RVD kicks Cesaro outside the ring. Swagger distracts Cesaro. He still catches RVD coming off the top rope to the outside. Swagger ends up pushing Cesaro into the ring post. RVD gets the count out win. I like what they’re doing here. Barrett gets wins over Ziggler (Lowest but still somewhat relevant), tonight over Sheamus (who’s in a weird spot since he’s clearly valued but has no direction currently) and next week over RVD (legend who “still has it”).

Paige-body

Renee Young gets to talk to RVD. Paul Heyman complains. Cesaro would have won without Swagger’s interference. RVD can live with himself and the way he got the victory. He warns Cesaro to stay away from Paul Heyman. Natural confrontation. I would have liked it more though if RVD challenged Cesaro to a match on Smackdown.  Aksana is taking on Paige again. So glad I watched it on Smackdown. Paige manages not to break Aksana’s orbital bone (When kneeing her in the face). The announcers talk about AJ Lee. Did she get a rematch yet? Have they even mentioned why she isn’t going for it? Aksana goes for the side slam. Aksana only gets two after a sloppy spine buster. Paige knees Aksana in the nose. Paige locks in the Modified Scorpion Cross Lock for the win. Can’t we come up with a better name for it? Vampire’s Embrace? Something along those lines?

Alexander Rusev gets to beat up Sin Cara this week. Sin Cara gets in some offense including a top rope drop kick. Cool looking release style German Suplex. The Accolade for the tap out win. Snooze.

John Cena has to face the Wyatt Family by 58% to 38% for Luke Harper. Did the WWE rig the vote to further their own story again? The whole world is turning against Cena? The crowd seems like the normal split. Bray Wyatt dances with him. Luke Harper is carrying the bulk of the load. Bray Wyatt is getting his shots in though. Cena with a suplex to get an opening. Erick Rowan gets his time. Wyatt hot dogs so Cena gets another small opening. Rowan breaks up the STF. Cena drives Rowan into the barricade. Cena gets tossed into the stairs. Cena didn’t mount any offense during the break. Wyatt slams down Cena. Wyatt hammers away with various forearms. The fist smash is just stupid looking. It may have worked in the past but just stop it now. Cena finaly gets to fight back. Rowan runs into the corner post. Wyatt splashes Cena in the corner. Cena clothlines Wyatt after he show boats again. He’s at RVD levels of show boating. Harper misses a charge and lands outside. Wyatt gets the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena nails the AA but gets attacked by Harper & Rowan for the DQ. Sister Abigail’s Kiss. People just like to sing his song John. Just a musical in another form. – Kevin

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