Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #WWE #Payback

payback grandmaSheamus comes out first even though he is defending the US Title. Paul Heyman comes out and quells the CM Punk chants. He then introduces Cesaro. JBL has it right that the WWE is happy about the early slugfest between the two. We get 10 Beats early in the match. Sheamus goes in for seconds. Cesaro nails an European Uppercut when Sheamus goes for a sling shot shoulder block. CEsaro only gets a two count when he suplexes Sheamus back into the ring. Double stomp from the ground by Cesaro. Irish Curse back breaker only gets Sheamus a two count. Sheamus drops a knee from the middle rope. He hits it three times. An uppercut turns things around for Cesaro. He hits the Super Uppercut. Tilt-a-whirl slam by Sheamus continues the back and forth. White Noise only gets a two count. Blackhawks score early. Chicago could be rocking tonight. Sheamus locks in the Cloverleaf as Pedro Alvarez drives two in for the Pirates. Cesaro Swing for the first time in a while. Cesaro takes time after the swing. Sheamus rolls him up for the win. It protects Cesaro a little bit but I still feel like they should have given him a win. I would have been really happy with both of them having easy wins at Payback then start a feud. It doesn’t help that roll ups are always weak especially after a smash mouth match.

For some reason, we have a Rybaxel vs Cody Rhodes & Goldust. They only had three matches planned for Payback so it’s going to be a guessing game the whole time. Axel gives Goldust a running knee that gets a two count early. Ryback comes in and out with him to continue the beating. Axel tries to keep Goldust from tagging but can’t do it. Rhodes gets Ryback reeling. Rhodes with a pair of drop kicks on Rybaxel. Cody goes for the Disaster Kick but gets tossed into Goldust. Cross Rhodes is nailed on Ryback but Axel makes the save. Rhodes goes for another Disaster Kick. Ryback catches him in Shellshock for the win. Cody tells Goldust that he needs a better tag team partner than himself. I wasn’t expecting anything that simple.

Lana comes out to introduce Alexander Rusev. Just in case you didn’t know who to root for, Big E Langston has gone to wearing red, white & blue tights. I wonder if these two had a lengthy feud in NXT and the WWE is hoping moving the feud to the main roster will spark both of them. Langston spears Rusev off the apron. A leg lariat slows down Big E. The Accolade for the win. Or maybe we’re going to see the demise of Big E.

It looked like Kofi Kingston was going to Bo-Lieve but Kane comes down to the ring. Kane attacks Kofi. He ends proceedings with a Tomb Stone. Nice of them to get us to the nine o’clock hour. All Kofi has to do to come back is Bo-Lieve. What a douche. Ha. No one cares that Hornswoggle got his hair cut.

RVD comes out to challenge for the Intercontinental Title against Bad News Barrett. I don’t care about this match. RVD should do the job in this match. A slow moving swinging neck breaker for Barrett only gets a one count. RVD drop kicked Barrett who was on the outside. RVD tossed Barrett into the barricade. RVD nails the cork screw leg drop from the apron. Barrett kicks RVD in the stomach after tossing him into the air. RVD turns it back around with the round house heel kick to the face. RVD misses the Frog Splash. Winds of Change side slam only gets Barrett two. Barrett hits the post with the elbow. RVD takes advantage with a DDT but still can’t get the three. Barrett nails the Bull Hammer Elbow for the win.

Stephanie McMahon comes out for what will be the longest segment of the night. Daniel Bryan comes out to a huge pop. Brie Bella comes out with him. Stephanie of course insults them. If Steph is going to argue that she is doing the right thing, she does need to do more to acknowledge that the crowd isn’t behind her decision since she’s selling it that way. Steph is the first one to make a “CM Punk quit” comment. Bryan & Brie want Steph’s kids to know that she’s a bitch. Brie quits before Steph can fire her. Brie slaps Steph. McMahon walks away dumb founded.

The Wyatt Family comes out whole. John Cena comes out and looks dumb until the Usos come down. Bray Wyatt starts out on the offensive. Wyatt lets a count roll after a corner splash. Five Knuckle Shuffle early. Wyatt comes back with a gut buster. Wyatt slams down Cena with a urinogi. Wyatt collides into Cena. Wyatt took Cena to the top. Cena fought ooff and nailed the top rope leg drop. Wyatt with Sister Abigail’s Kiss. Cena hits the AA moments later. Both stay down. Erick Rowan atacks Cena. The Usos makes the save. Luke Harper gets into the fray. It ends with a Whisper in the Wind by whichever Uso does it. Cena is distracted. Wyatt attacks with a chair. Cena gets his chance with a chair. Cena brings out the tables. Wyatt gets the upper hand. Wyatt with a Falcon Arrow of sorts thru a table on Cena. Wyatt tags Cena with the stairs. Wyatt leads the crowd in song from the stairs. Cena cracks Wyatt with the stairs. Cena tosses the stairs at Wyatt who is on the floor. That looked wicked. We miss another Sister Abigail’s Kiss. Cena reverses an Irish whip into the bottom half of the stairs.Cena got back dropped onto the stairs. Wyatt jumps off the stairs and sentons Cena. Wyatt starts punching away. Cena with an AA on the outside. Cena rolls into the ring. Harper & Rowan attack again. Why aren’t the Usos stil there? They finally come. It makes sense for the one that hit the table to stay down. The referee gets distracted and forgets to count Wyatt. Rowan gets sent into a table with the butt splash. Harper superplexs one Uso thru a pair of tables. Cena looks to be getting an AA when Wyatt jumps off. Wyatt body blocks Cena thru the barricade. I screw myself and hit refresh and went to the Diva’s Title match. Ugh. I’ll have to do this part of show later. Alicia Fox goes crazy. Luckily, she only runs to the back like an idiot.

So this is the part that I re-watch the show. I got to watch some Total Divas in Cabo in the mean time. Lucky me, I know. They fight into the crowd after the barricade recovery. Cena AAs Wyatt thru a case from the top of another one. Cena stacks up another case on him. The referee counts to ten. I loved that match. I think Wyatt is too young to get a huge win like this one in a feud. He put in his best in and out of ring effort tonight and should be rewarded as such.

I’m going to stick with the main event since they’re doing the hype for it now. Evolution comes out first. The Shield make their usual entrance thru the crowd. Seth Rollins is in the ring against HHH. Orton is taking on Ambrose and Reigns & Batista are paired off. Batista got tossed into the stairs. I’m glad the announcers mentioned how stupid one referee is because it is. Batista is taking a beating from Rollins when they get into a match situation. Orton gets tagged in but Rollins gets out. Ambrose is the next man up. Batista comes in but gets jacked up by Reigns. After more tags, HHH squares off against HHH. Reigns takes over with clotheslines. He tags out to Rollins. Ambrose takes over to continue the HHH beating. Batista, who it should be noted turned into a Smurf, starts to put a beating on Ambrose. Oh, I missed the #Bluetista chants. My bad but easy to see why everyone picked up on it. Ambrose whips HHH over the top rope to the floor. Ambrose with the sling shot clothes line. Reigns ends up knocking around batista. Superman Punch lands but Orton breaks up the pin. They pair off again and go into the crowd. Orton tosses Reigns into the stairs. Rollins got blasted by HHH in a really dark angle. Reigns gets triple power bombed thru the announce table again. Evolution poses like the Shield. Ambrose attacks. Rollins nails the flip dive on Orton & HHH. Ambrose & Rollins end up getting beat down. Rollins takes a Pedigree on a chair on the stage. Reigns drags himself into the ring. Reigns ends up getting caned. This is such an ass kicking that it’s boring and well, unexpected. Evolution has been hapless until the last couple of shows. Ambrose fights back but the numbers are still in Evolution’s favor. Rollins makes the save off the video set up. Rollins & Batista are in the ring. Batista spears Rollins. He flips out of the Batista Bomb. Reigns spears Batista. Rollins makes the cover for the first elimination. Ambrose with Dirty Deeds into a chair to eliminate Orton. And just as quickly the Shield is in control. Batista spears Reigns who had just Superman Punched HHH. Orton gives HHH the sledge hammer. He nails Ambrose. He looks to nail Reigns when Rollins blind sides him with a flying knee to HHH’s head. Reigns spears HHH for the clean sweep.

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