Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation – #WWE ‘Future Endeavor Day’

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Jeremy: So no more releases as of yet.

Kevin: I would have to think it’s ended now unless the rumor mill is true that no one can get a hold of JTG.

Jeremy: HA, poor JTG. Did you realize he was still employed?

Kevin: Yes because I’ve gone thru that roster page too often recently during shows. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t even make Main Event.

Jeremy: If there was ever a time to replace him wouldn’t it be now? They have Xavier Woods after all.

Kevin: There is no reason to pay someone who can’t even make it to Main Event. JTG should be gone.

Jeremy: Unless he is a trainer behind the scenes? I have no clue what he does as a function for the company.

Kevin: Knowing the inner workings would always help. Maybe he helps choreograph the Funkadactyls routines.

Jeremy: Saw Chris post that he hasn’t had one match this year. What a great way to make money.

Kevin: More reasons to can the guy unless he’s doing something else for them. I bet he’s the mole who is giving TNA the scoop on the WWE’s story lines.

Jeremy: Then he is the worst possible mole ever. I have always figured TNA’s “mole” was the TYV in the office. “Hey look what they are doing. We should do that.”

Kevin: I can’t wait to see what they try to replicate tonight. Hold on, weren’t we talking about everyone who got canned? We haven’t mentioned any of them yet.

Jeremy: Oh yeah, well it sort of goes hand in hand. Some of these people could end up in TNA.

Kevin: If TNA is smart, they’ll stay away simply because more rip off jokes will follow. I know some of them might be useful with re-packaging but none of them are so good that they’ll drag TNA out of the dregs.

Jeremy: Out of the list of the released Evan Bourne will probably end up in ROH again or Dragon Gate USA. He is too talented for this to be the end of his career.

Kevin: He should land on his feet. No one else will care about the pot smoking. The rash of injuries usually subsides at some point. Hell, once brittle Fred Taylor even had a string of injury free years for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Jeremy: His injuries were from a car accident as well and then a string of “bad luck.” Regardless he has immediate merchandise potential as I have said since WWE called him up. TNA should take a look but they won’t.

Kevin: He’s the only guy I wouldn’t blame them for picking up. I’d be disappointed in him if he did that though. Everyone in wrestling has to know it’s a black hole.

Jeremy: At this time though if they come calling you sort of have to listen and at least consider it. Drew Mcintyre can still make a go of things.

Jeremy: Allow me to interrupt this conversation for breaking news: JTG has been released.

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Eric’s Blog: Which @WWE released wrestlers would you hire?

Peace out, Cub Scout. -or- Yes, I will pay you 2 grand a week to be my TV Champion.

Let’s say I won the lottery, or a Nigerian prince wanted to deposit $44.3 million into my bank account if I would just give him my routing number. I would totally go behind Carly’s back and finally start the professional wrestling company I’ve always dreamed of.

Or would I? Has the free agent talent pool dried up in the past few years? Until today, WWE hadn’t executed a mass release of superstars for ages. TNA still hoards wrestlers like TV Guides. Anyone who Ring of Honor releases isn’t worth their weight in, well, anything, since they all weigh 148 pounds soaking wet. And most other notable names are old, getting old, hurt, or just sick of pro wrestling and are now working for big-time medical device companies.

A few wrestlers stand out as must-haves. I would throw my mom down the stairs to acquire Colt Cabana. It’s been a few years since I’ve seen him, but I was wowed by Go Shiozaki and would want that international element in my league. And then most of the other guys are dudes I know.

With WWE’s flush of talent today, though, a few more names rise to the top of the draft board…and a few don’t even qualify as the tail on the donkey. Let’s find out who’s who.

Evan Bourne: Any wrestling company who can’t find something for Evan Bourne/Matt Sydal to do doesn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. That said, if this cut had happened five years ago when the talent roster wasn’t as deep, we’d all be screaming “the end is nigh” for WWE. Today, there’s enough talent to feed an army and choke a horse, so Bourne’s departure doesn’t harm WWE one bit. It does, though, give another company a chance to score a real blue-chipper, a young, athletic man with an incredible look for mass appeal. He’s also a 14-year veteran who’s seen it all, knows almost everyone, and could be an asset to a locker room. Easy thumbs up.

Curt Hawkins: Here’s a quality guy with a nondescript look and a personality that just never quite shone through on television. But there’s something there, and whatever it is, it makes him worth drafting. Plus, he seems to be friends with all of those other popular indy dudes like Colt, Cliff Compton, Trent? and others. Networking is a good thing.

Brodus Clay: I’m on the fence with this guy. Every league needs a monster, and Clay could fit that role. With a mouthpiece, there’s almost no question about it. But he’s no Big Van Vader. And that’s what pro wrestling needs right now, is Vader, not Vader Lite. As soon as he figures out a few intangibles, I’ll say yes. But if I’m spending that Nigerian prince’s money, I have to table this discussion for now.

Aksana: I don’t mean any disrespect to the female gender, but I can’t see one reason why a woman would step foot in, on or near my pro wrestling ring. I’m in the business of drawing money, not spending it. She never amounted to anything anyway, and there’s no upside here.

Camacho: Ca-who-cho?

Teddy Long: Teddy is my playa, playa, but I’m not sure what role I would cast him in. No more heel GMs, no more ambiguous GMs, no more assistant GMs. Wrestling needs to be done with this now. Long is too old to referee. He’s not too old to manage, but he would need to manage the right person. (Brodus Clay? As long as he’s angrier than Rodney Mack.) Color commentator? (Too easy, pipe down, Maes.) I could see that, too. Teddy has value to a young locker room…I just don’t know what the ROI is on him. Pass for now.

Yoshi Tatsu: This guy got the second- or third-best reaction of the night on Raw… in 2009. I don’t know what he brings to the table today, except an embarrassingly unaware Twitter account. Honestly, this is an easy pass. I don’t care if he beat up Sheamus and stir-fried his dog for dinner; thanks but no thanks.

Jinder Mahal: Good riddance.

Drew McIntyre: If you can’t get over in WWE as “Vince McMahon’s chosen one,” you don’t deserve to be a pro wrestler.

Marc Harris: I don’t trust people who spell “Marc” with a “c,” and I don’t trust referees who aren’t named Mike Chioda or Jack Doan (“What’s up, hoes?!”)

JTG: I was always a JTG fan, when/and no one else was. I don’t think I was seeing things: During his time with Cryme Tyme, he was charismatic, athletic and funny. He could chain wrestle, he could execute a string of cool maneuvers… I’m really not sure how he got relegated to enhancement status, followed by complete obsolescence. I’ll take him, and Shad Gaspard, too, wherever the hell he is.

What about you? Who are your top 5 draft picks right now? Leave a comment below, or hit us up on Facebook.

The #WWE Celebrates the World Cup

The WWE decided to celebrate the beginning of the World Cup today by having some of their Superstars and Divas give a Knute Rockne-esque speech for their home country. You can here what they say in the video but through a special futbol translator, I know what they really said.

Dolph Ziggler – Even the US’s head coach Jurgen Klinsmann doesn’t think the US stands a chance in this “Group of Death” with Germany, Portugal and Ghana. That’s because he played for Germany and is still pissed at Spain for beating them in the quarter finals in 2010. Klinsmann threw our chances as soon as he decided not to include Landon Donovan. That’s why you can only trust manager’s from the USA! USA! USA!

Emma – We’re so great at football that we have our own version called Australian Football. The US isn’t the only country that gets these sports mixed up!

Alberto Del Rio – Mexico is so terrible that the last three World Cup qualifications we’ve played at Crew Stadium in Columbus OH that we’ve lost 2-0 to the USA. That makes it completely logical to think that we can beat Brazil in Brazil without any problems. We’ll just get our cartel to drop some dead bodies in their slums and that’ll scare them enough to throw the match. Hold on, their slums are worse than ours? We’re so screwed.

William Regal – England’s career in the World Cup is the same in mine in wrestling. A small, vocal amount of fans consider me/them great while the rest of the world craps on me/them. At least we have a chance of moving on from Group D since Costa Rica and Uruguay suck. England will then lose in spectacular fashion in the Knock Out Rounds. I’m depressed already.

Kofi Kingston – I’m creating an angle for myself because I can barely stay on TV. I can’t wait to be run down by Zeb Colter and then lose to the re-re-re-repackaged Jack Swagger. Come on Ghana, get me some air time!

Santino Marella – Since I was born in Canada, I got to celebrate a Gold Medal in Olympic Ice Hockey earlier this year. Since I’m Italian on TV, I get to root for soccer power house Italy. I can’t wait until William Regal has to wear an Italy jersey on NXT next week after Italy beats England on Saturday. Mayors aren’t the only one who can make these stupid bets.

Paige – Joe Hart is so hunky.

Cesaro – I can’t wait to say Switzerland lost in five different languages. – Kevin

3MB is now a One Man Band, Baby!

Heath Slater

I’m sure localbozo.com doesn’t care if I use his screen grab.

I suppose this is what you get when you cannot handle the Shield for the boss? WWE has released two more competitors (see, keeping with WWE protocol) as Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre received the bad news today.  So just like that the fourth strongest faction in WWE has been destroyed.

WWE sure seems bent on breaking up their factions outside of The Wyatt Family so far. Seth Rollins turned on The Shield. Evolution saw the departure of Dave Batista. Now, they couldn’t break them up so they had to fire two-thirds of the Three Man Band.

Out of the three members, (Hornswoggle doesn’t count as he is a mascot) Jinder Mahal was the blank slate. He never caught on. His only shining moment came on Total Divas when Eva Marie mispronounced his name. Maybe that should have been the first hint that you needed to do some extra work to be a household name for WWE fans?

Drew McIntyre is a weird case of being elevated much too soon and then falling off. He may have sabotaged his chances by fighting with his wife, Taryn Terrell, a few years back. Taryn was arrested after the “domestic incident” but the damage was done. His push ended and he disappeared. If you can’t keep your woman in line you aren’t going anywhere in WWE. You cannot place the WWE in a bad position or you suffer the consequences. Even divorcing  the woman will not matter. His career in WWE never recovered but he certainly made the best of his spot in 3MB. He stood out while Jinder faded away.  Let’s be frank here, no one is going to overshadow heath Slater.

So all the best to the both of these men.  Seriously, good luck out there. -Jeremy

Uh Oh, It Is @WWE Release Day.

game-of-thrones

Spoiler alert!

It is axe day for WWE as six World Wrestling Entertainment competitors found out.  Apparently once you are released you are no longer classified as a superstar, you are now a competitor; interesting. (UPDATE: This has been changed to Superstars on wwe.com) Using updates from WWE.com and Prowrestling.net, WWE has parted ways with Brodus Clay, Teddy Long, Camacho, Evan Bourne, Curt Hawkins, Aksana and Yoshi Tatsu.  Without reading the headline I hit up Kevin and made a guess. I named Yoshi, Aksana and Curt Hawkins the rest couldn’t have been more wrong. The fact I was having a hard time remembering most of the lower tier talent goes along with the non-surprise involved in these releases.

When you name the title of your post “Six notable talent cuts” shouldn’t at least one of the names be considered notable? Teddy Long hasn’t been on TV in quite a while and I believe Shahid and I discussed his whereabouts not too long ago. Teddy isn’t what you would be considered a young man so this could be a mutual decision. Regardless it is in WWE’s best interest ad they have a glut of authoritative characters on their programming despite the recent on air firings and changes.

Brodus Clay is a stumper, not for the fact he has been released but the very fact he made the most of a dumb gimmick and made money out of it. Wouldn’t WWE be interested in keeping someone with that sort of talent? The Funkasaurus gimmick was perfect for the kids. It was goofy enough that the usually sullen and angry internet audiences eventually came around due to his catch phrases and Naomi’s ass.

Naomi

pop-break.com

The more the character got over the less he appeared on television. He then went through a terrible heel turn and disappeared. He made a final appearance in NXT and that was it. Poof, gone. The argument can be made that he should have been used as a bad ass monster and it will be valid. A confusing career in WWE though is over for now with potential still remaining.

Here is the mean part of this all; Camacho, Evan Bourne, Curt Hawkins and Yoshi Tatsu; farewell. As a fan they never connected. As a business none of them fit above the jobber position outside of Evan Bourne. They were all bland outside of Evan Bourne who wouldn’t stop smoking pot and then repeatedly was injured. He had profitable look and gimmick and it was all for nothing.  Yoshi Tatsu may have been good in the ring but as history dictates, without a mouthpiece a foreign wrestler does not go far. Fair or not that is how WWE conducts business.

Poor, poor Aksana she deserved much better.  After her Monday night it seemed like there was something up. She seemed genuinely surprised by what happened. Maybe she is that good of an actress or maybe it was a rib on her. Regardless she was a barely utilized talent as well. I will miss her even if she was but a whisper on WWE programming. She had a different look than the other Divas. She had a feminine if muscular look and those eyes. Oh those eyes.

Apparently more cuts are coming. Sheesh, this hasn’t happened in a while.   -Jeremy

Leprechaun: Origins Trailer

Move over Warwick Davis, you have been replaced. WWE is dipping their toes in the horror genre again with a reboot of the “Leprechaun” franchise.  Judging by the trailer the movie is your standard kids in the woods style elimination horror trope and that is fine. Stick with the basics and you can create a scary film. The Leprechaun franchise still has legs even if it has been on the shelf for some years. It grew its cult following by making films with an increasing goofy sense of humor on miniscule budgets.

This trailer though seems to be taking a much more serious approach and it can work.  The recent Evil Dead remake took that approach and did just fine in theatres. As long as WWE and Lionsgate used the key elements of horror films this will sell well. It is a smart move by WWE and Lionsgate as a horror franchise on a low budget can rake in the cash. It is curious why WWE or Lionsgate didn’t try launching this in theatres to see how it goes. The public will have no idea that the new Leprechaun is played by actual professional wrestler Hornswoggle. The stigma of this being another WWE movie can be avoided by burying the WWE logo. Sure this is not going to happen but by toning down WWE’s actual involvement in the movie will allow people to have a more open mind.  Yes, the WWE logo immediately turns people off. Pay attention in a crowded theatre when the logo flashes across a trailer and you will hear people groan or sigh.

The trailer for “Leprechaun: Origins” does do one thing that is both smart and astute. You never see the Leprechaun. His image is the make or break point of this franchise rebirth. If he looks ridiculous then it is over before the trailer finishes its ninety second running time. There will be the obvious comparisons with the original Leprechaun creation. It isn’t fair but look at the way Godzilla was treated in 1998. The image of whatever that thing was killed off all interest in the film. Rob Zombie was smart in the Halloween remake creating a “shape” that was close to the original mask.

WWE has a good chance here to make some serious money if this is even watchable. It cannot be any worse than any other low budget horror flick that plays on Chiller at any given time.  So here’s looking ahead to August 26 when this is available for legitimate viewing. Unless someone has a bootleg or something they want to share. -Jeremy

Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Review: Deathstalker (1983)

There is nothing awesome about this.

There is nothing awesome about this. Other than the poster.

I had always heard of a movie by the name of “Deathstalker.” There were whispers of this being possibly the worst movie ever made. I remember as a kid seeing the box cover in the video stores but it was Rated-R so it was off limits. Actually, most of the “Conan the Barbarian” style fantasy movies had the best Frank Frazetta style box artwork. SO even if the movie sucked you would never know it by the packaging. Enough about that though, “Deathstalker” is an incredibly bad movie actually bordering on an incredibly tragic level of film-making and I enjoyed every second of it. I am the same person who watched the entire running time, including credits, of Barbarian Queen, so it should come as no surprise. “Deathstalker” has everything you would expect; terrible swordplay, gratuitous (wonderful) breasts, rancid acting, incoherent plot and the list goes on and on. The movie has no sense of continuity in long form storytelling let alone form scene to scene. As with the other movies of its time and genre this was nothing but a cash grab trying to rip dollars from audiences thinking they were getting another “Conan.” Instead you get a poorly conceived flick that may be too much for some people to stomach. I implore you to battle through just to build your will. -Jeremy

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