Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #ImpactWrestling

hello-from-on-stinker-to-another-700x449Boy, it has been a slow news week. I haven’t been able to dream up too much either. It’s been a bit of a stinker on the site. So why not continue to stink up the joint with a review of Impact Wrestling? Sounds like a plan to me. Let’s roll.

Okay, I know baby faces are supposed to be dumb. But they were dumb enough for the Tito Ortiz trap? Incredibly dumb. Tito Ortiz is with Bully Ray. Ken Anderson, just voted VP, is now in charge of himself. This Aces & Eights group has taken a serious hit recently. In name they’re a faction but in practice, they aren’t. Bobby Roode comes out with Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian. Roode is the mouth piece. They’re going to do anything to win the BFG Series. They take their turns bragging. Roode asks Austin Aries to join them. James Storm shows up because enough people haven’t been in this opening segment yet. Gunner is in tow. Storm looks really good. Seems to have lost some weight. We get a tag match with Kazarian & Roode against the baby faces. What a cluster fuck of a segment.

I know it’s supposed to evoke a tough guy image to be fighting in jeans but it looks like a gay cowboy video.

swayze-roadhouse-fuck-guys-like-you-in-prisonI love Roadhouse but this segment looks gay. I mean, if you enjoy it, have at it. I don’t want to see it in my wrestling program. Roode cheats to win with a low blow. I don’t think that match got enough time after the break. Austin Aries cuts another good promo. He covers his bases to keep you guessing as to his decision. I pick he stays a loner.

Manik is taking on Sonjay Dutt. They show Hulk Hogan’s tweet about the X Division going to one on one action. Can I laugh when they inevitably have a three man match in the near future? Taz had someone in his past wear a mask all the time. You almost had me convinced, Taz. I was this close to buying it. Manik wins. Big surprise. Ken Anderson talks to a leaderless club house. Devon’s going to Testify. Having one less person in the group isn’t a bad thing. Even if it was one of the better members.

Joseph Park, Jay Bradley, Hernandez and Christopher Daniels fought over the last 20 point match. I have to give them credit. They’ve done a much better job of point attempts for each competitor. Nothing major happens before the break. Kazarian distracts Park. Dumb bell. Keep the Boston Crab locked. I do agree with Mike Tenay about the intent of the street fight rules, which is not having outside forces interfere. It’s still a man on man. Austin Aries brainbusters Daniels. Kaz & Roode chase him to the back. Bradley and Park are in the ring. Park sees blood, me go angry. Black Hole Slam. 20 points to Park. He’s out of the negatives. Eric Young is working with Park still.

Samoa Joe & Brutus pump up Rampage Jackson & Sting. Bull Ray comes out after a video package. Dear lord, he’s trying to claim we were suckered. No one believed it for a second. Tito Ortiz calls Rampage a dummy. Why has he been sapped of charisma like Rampage? Brooke Tessmacher, right? Yep. Brooke takes off his ring and spits it out. They both have the same chin.

Gail Kim is taking on ODB. I’m not excited. I’m glad they’ve gone back to normal refs in a woman’s match. Gail Kim is sneaky to get her turn at offense. Kim even botched a move, a shoulder breaker. ODB is bigger than she thought. The crowd is not getting into the crotch turn buckle smash. ODB needs to tweak the gimmick. Gail Kim takes advantage of early shoulder damage for the roll up pin. I like the result. Main event coming up next.

I buzzed thru the entrances but still listened to Ken Anderson babble. He gets to introduce Bully Ray & the posse. Sting gets to pump up the crowd. I guess that’s why he was silent earlier. AJ Styles saunters down to the ring. He’s so dreamy and mysterious. Oh my goodness, they’re even calling him the “Old” AJ Styles. Ha. At least they acknowledged their mistake. Not that this version is some master piece but it’s better than brooding bad boy. The crowd is eating it up so far. I still think Rampage is taking the pin fall. Brisco & Bischoff get to be the bitches for Aces & Eights.

This match does look better with only one team wearing jeans and most of their shirts being on. Wes Brisco still looks light in the loafers for going with the vest only look. I did see the news that AJ’s contract is up soon. I don’t see him being WWE material unless he discovers a better character. Rampage is in the middle of the ring. He barely executes some moves. Knux gets put in the Scorpion. Devon saves him. Sting with the lamest kick out ever. AJ gets to clean house. AJ pins Devon with the Styles Clash. Wow. I didn’t see that one coming. -Kevin

Matt Hardy has a new promotional video.

So it has been a while since Matt Hardy graced Stunt Granny and even longer since I had thought of the guy but when I read the headline  “Matt Hardy channels Ron Burgundy while promoting his Wrestling Cares Association match against Shawn Daivari” over at Prowrestling.net I had to give it a click.

The video is nothing different than any of the Hardy’s brand of humor that apparently still gets people excited about them. It isn’t terrible by any means and in fact there is one actually funny moment thanks to the grace of video editing.  One unintentionally funny item is that Matt, by his own admission in the comments, wore the wrong color shirt. Just check it out; you’ll see.

The most interesting part of the video is that Candace, or is it Candice, Michelle is wrestling Katie Lee Burchill and that Ryan Shamrock is making an appearance in Daivari’s corner. Who knew any of them were still active?  This isn’t an insult.

Last I knew Candace Michelle was busy weighing down society spitting out babies. Katie Lee Burchill, well, as far as I recall fell off wrestling after TNA screwed up her run? I haven’t seen Ryan Shamrock in a long time and no I am not and will not look up current pictures of her. I care to remember her as this skanky bitch that would totally get it from her WWF days. So leave me be with those memories.

In summary it has been a painfully slow news week so this got posted. Ha ha, you read it. -Jeremy

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed review of #WWE #Raw

toilet-roomI sat here like an idiot for about twenty minutes trying to come up with an intro. No luck. I started thinking that maybe if I went to the bathroom, it’d help. I didn’t have to drop the kids off though so why go in there? Fuck it. Plus, starting this early means I should catch up. Let’s roll.

After the recap, we get Brad Maddox being led to the ring by Vince McMahon. Does Vince think this is a good way to give Bryan a rub? Daniel Bryan comes out. Is this supposed to be his “Pipe Bomb” moment? Vince tells him he doesn’t have “Ruthless aggression” and neither does Cena. Spontaneous combustion, huh? That’s the punch line to your long winded crap? We get a big old Yes chant going at the end with a bewildered Vince. Wait, Vince left before the Shield made it to the ring? I’m disappointed. Vince deserved an ass kicking for that load of garbage.

Mark Henry starts against Dean Ambrose. Then Seth Rollins. Then Roman Reigns for the big “power” match up. So Jey gets a tag so that the Shield can have some offense eventually. The Usos & Henry are standing tall at the break. The Shield has looked pretty terrible so far. The Shield looks good while I go crazy looking for tweets about the Pirates. Holy cow did they just open up that game in the bottom of the 7th. Why did Ambrose not dodge that cross body? Makes no damn sense at all. But then Ambrose counters after being hurt. Makes even less sense. Ambrose with his take down DDT for the win. Do they call that something? I vote for the “Hand of Justice.” It was one of my favorite Magic cards. Ryback was backstage with a bunch of people trying to make some awkward small talk. Damn, that slap looked rough. Because all backstage people know how to flat back properly.

The Wyatt Family is getting more vignette than Will Ferrell got “Cow bell”. Kane wants to know where the Wyatts are. Brad Maddox tries to goad on Kane to more violence.

RVD gets to wait for Fandango‘s long ass entrance. I checked out my Twitter feed. I’ll pay attention to the Stunt Granny variety when I catch up. I’d like this match up more in a feud format. Rising young star versus old veteran. Fandango rolls out of the ring before RVD can hit the Five Star. Summer Rae & Fandango get counted out. There’s still hope to stretch this one out. AJ Lee is bitching to Big E Langston. Then she laughs to keep him from talking. They gave him a perfect out. Why is he putting up with that garbage without getting some? That’s a minimum to tolerate that, right? Are hand jobs a minimum?

Interesting to have the Diva’s Title match at the top of an hour. Kaitlyn is taking on AJ Lee again. AJ gets the upper hand pretty easily. Kaitlyn deserved that knee to head after that weak ass roll up. How is your power diva going for a non-power move. The crowd doesn’t care much. Kaitlyn with a spear to win. The crowd is sort of happy. AJ freaks out. My boy Dolph Ziggler shows up. He wants a match right now against Langston.They hit the commercial.

Okay, I keep on forgetting to mention that it sounds weird to not hear JBL. Ziggler gets his match with Langston. Big E  is using his power to beat down Ziggler. My boy isn’t getting much traction for his comeback. Is it because no one in their right mind thinks Langston will beat Ziggler? AJ Lee attacks Ziggler. Big E starts bitching out AJ. Good for you. Zig Zag is a bit of a dick move. John Cena is talking on his cell phone when Daniel Bryan walks in. I like Bryan calling him a liar. Good stuff. Much better than the open.

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News You Can Use: Fire Crotch, Murder and More Sorensen

Ivelisse Fire CrotchIvelisse Velez was on Tattoo Nightmares on Spike TV. Thanks to Prowrestling.Net for pointing out it’s airing. What, you mean you don’t remember her from Tough Enough either? I’m glad I’m not the only one. I decided to tape it since it didn’t air during my usual viewing time at the gym. For those of you who didn’t watch, Ivelisse thought it was be a good idea to get a sexy tattoo of a phoenix rising…on her crotch. Because the phoenix is below her bikini (look up dummy) or tights line, it appears as if her crotch is on fire. The other problem, not pictured above, is that the phoenix is a negative image inside of all of the flames. Ivelisse didn’t think of the implications until fans chanted “fire crotch” at her.  She was smart enough to whore herself out and get more TV time by going on the show to get it fixed. Jasmine Rodriguez was her tattoo artist. Ivelisse wanted something more womanly and decided to go with a flower. Jasmine was smart enough to not go too much larger than the original tattoo and came up with a solid design. The only problem is she now has a much better done flower crotch. If Ivelisse has ever watched wrestling, she’d realize that once you have a nickname, it sticks with you even after you spend a decade in Japan and come back under a new persona. Have fun still being called “fire crotch” for the rest of your indy career.

Former WWE developmental Brian McGee fatally stabbed his girlfriend Bianca McGaughey. McGee will be charged with first degree murder when he gets out of the hospital because of course this dumb ass fled from the police and crashed his car. What are the chances that the sports media trots Vince McMahon in front of cameras and grills him about the back ground of his wrestlers like they did to Bill Belicheck about Aaron Hernandez? None, that’s what I thought too.

If you didn’t get our fill of Jesse Sorensen news in our podcast below (Seriously, it’s right there. I’m not even going to link to it. If they change pages, just hit next page you lazy bum.) Sorensen is now claiming that a friend put up his GoFundMe.com page and took a jab at Dixie Carter. Sorensen wasn’t concerned enough with the inflammatory remarks to get his meat head of a friend to take down the post. How about removing it while denouncing the post? Just go ahead and keep the money so that you don’t become the next Daniel Lugo. Thanks. -Kevin

Ivelisse Flower Fix

The tattoo is better but is flower crotch better?

Stunt Granny Audio: @wrestlingmuseum George Tragos/Lou Thesz Hall of Fame Special

(L to R) Cool dudes.

(L to R) Cool dudes.

Eric and Dan tag-team this special edition of Stunt Granny audio, discussing the events of this year’s George Tragos/Lou Thesz Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame inductions at the National Wrestling Hall of Fame Dan Gable Museum in Waterloo, Iowa. (Whew!) The guys discuss their growing gang of traveling wrestling fans who descend on Waterloo each year, and all of the cool stuff they saw and people they met. From the training session to the closing speeches by Edge and Charlie Thesz, and all of the Jim Brunzell stories, beers and Doughy Joey’s pizza in between, it was a fantastic weekend that, as Jim Ross and Gerald Brisco believe, you need to attend in order to appreciate. Check it out!

Stunt Granny Audio Show: Stunt Granny Audio:George Tragos/Lou Thesz Hall of Fame Special

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Asiana Flight Down Name Faux PauxIf for some reason you didn’t see this botched moment in TV history, head on over to Gawker. It’s too funny. Today has been a good day. No more Idiot Intern at the office. My life will be better. In celebration, I’m drinking a Founder’s Breakfast Stout. Sounds like a good Sippy Time Beer for a review. Let’s roll.

Brad Maddox gets to kick off the show. He announces Ziggler vs Del Rio. So we get the official break up tonight then between him & AJ Lee? John Cena interrupts him. Maddox’s facials kill me. Maddox gives Cena the choice of his opponent at Summerslam. Cena tries to talk him out of it. I wasn’t sure if I had read the end of the PPV results because of the hectic work day. Randy Orton gets the briefcase. They have been trying to re-establish him. A weird twist with Fandango coming to the ring. He tells Orton that he’ll be cashing in on him, not Cena. He then gives Cena a speech lesson. Orton attacks Fandango. Brad Maddox makes it a match. We get a commercial.

Fandango is a good chicken shit heel. JBL calling Fandango a cross of MC Hammer & GSP. The crowd is getting around to chanting random stuff. Orton loves to slow it down. Fandango goes slow into another break. The announcers are really selling Fandango. He’s not going to win. They are really selling a Fandango win except for the camera angle when he gets crotched.  Hanging DDT then an RKO for the win. Dolph Ziggler is walking down a hallway when AJ Lee starts running after him. Dolph tells her it’s time to move. She hugs him. He drops her. Awesome.

We get Mark Henry in a suit again. He is interrupted by The Shield. They circle the ring. I like the slow stalk. Triple power bomb. First significant attack as a trio in a while. That’s another way to keep them fresh as much as they need to be apart.

Brad Maddox gets run down by Chris Jericho. Maddox wants him to impress Cena by taking on RVD. It is official. Alberto Del Rio comes out first. Dolph Ziggler is getting quite the reception. They mention Damien Sandow winning the other MITB match. Kind of a good point since Del Rio is a heel and I don’t feel like they’ve had too many same side attacks. Ziggler is on the outside when we get a break. I’m just enjoying a good match when AJ Lee rings the bell. Ziggler gets kicked in the back of the head for the Del Rio win. AJ slaps Ziggler around until Big E Langston takes him out. I knew that was coming but still well done.

R Truth is showing looks of fore head for some reason. Bray Wyatt lights the lamp. I may have lobbied for Kane to join their group but I’m sure as hell not going to do the same for Truth. I love their entrance music. Piper & Rowan is what I think Mitchell Cool said. Bray grabs a mic and walks into the ring. Bray gets a laugh out of me when he calls himself the “Eater of Worlds”. He faces down R Truth one on one with a chair. Piper & Rowan distract Truth long enough for another beat down. Wyatt finishes him with a Downward Spiral. I’m a little lost after those words. It’s interesting but doesn’t make much sense to me. I’ll let them explain his character more.

The WWE Performance Center opened. It does look pretty cool. The Real Americans come out for their fan vote match. Zeb Colter gets to run his mouth. The Usos get a call from the fans. People seemed impressed by their pre-MITB match with the Shield. The crowd likes chanting “We The People” but not much else for these chumps. Cheap roll up win on Cesaro. I’m not sure why you match those two teams up.

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Thoughts from 2013 George Tragos/Lou Thesz Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame inductions

Edge_Crew

Edge and the crew. Men, whether from a warehouse or not.

We’ll have an accompanying podcast with Eric and Dan, as soon as we figure out the Bossjock app. Great app, great sound, bad user. In the meantime, here are some quick thoughts on the weekend in Waterloo, Iowa, attending the George Tragos/Lou Thesz Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame inductions.

DoughyJoeys

Arrival: I lived and worked in Waterloo, Iowa, for three years, so I’m familiar with the town, and I’m glad the events take place within walking distance of the Doughy Joey’s pizza restaurant when I’m feeling fat, and a Subway when I feel like Doughy Joey’s made me too fat. The Quality Inn across the street from the convention center is sleepable, and usually bookable when the neighboring Ramada is at full capacity with wrestlers and legends.

TrainingSession

Training session: Three years ago, the public was able to attend not just the abbreviated wrestling matches among the tryout squad but also Mick Foley and Terry Funk offering their critique. We haven’t been as lucky in years past with Jim Ross and Gerald Brisco at the helm – which stinks because who better to offer advice – but my two new thoughts are, one, maybe it’s none of my business how well “Mean” Mike took an armdrag, and two, I have all weekend to talk to J.R. and Gerry direct.

MattyStar_JakeMilliman

Impact Pro Wrestling: Promoter Troy Peterson and trainer Travis Shillington run a top-shelf independent promotion. From starting the show right on time, to striking a good balance between local and known wrestlers, to booking the right number and types of matches, to drawing lines between heat-seeking heels and sympathetic babyfaces, IPW is a gimme on a weekend full of various pro wrestling activities. http://www.impactprowrestling.com (P.S. The card featured local indy Matty Star vs. local former AWA enhancement talent Jake “The Milkman” Milliman. All the more reason for Wade Keller to start driving down here in July.)

HotelBar

The hotel bar: If you’re going to the pro wrestling hall of fame, you ought to go where the pro wrestlers and hall of famers hang out after the show. The Red River Inn has your basic beer selection but some really good food – get a couple orders of the Italian nachos to last you and your table for a while – and a jukebox that’s quiet enough to still hear Baron Von Raschke tell stories. It’s also a great chance to BS with the guys from Impact Pro Wrestling – they’re all cool, even Tony Sly.

BrianShields

“History of WWE” presentation by Brian Shields: We weren’t sure what place a presentation on a highly political, often controversial entertainment company had at a museum dedicated to the century-long connection between the respected journeymen who made the transition from amateur to pro wrestling. What we saw was a polished presentation about a company we grew up on, with content that tied back to the weekend’s honorees, delivered by a great public speaker who is clearly a fan and a professional. The Q&A that followed gave good insight into the thought processes of a global company that has many audiences and stakeholders to answer to.

Brisco_JR

VIP Q&A: At the Impact Pro Wrestling Show, those of us who bought the ringside package received passes to a private Q&A at 12:30 p.m. the next day. Knowing the weekend included a 1 p.m. AWA legends roundtable, we didn’t know what the VIP Q&A would entail. It began with Jim Brunzell giving highly entertaining answers to our round of questions, followed by Jim Ross and Gerald Brisco answering 90 minutes worth of our questions. Never would I think I nor our group of friends would have a private audience with my favorite announcer of all time and one of his best friends and such an influential person in pro wrestling. These two are so passionate about wrestling and the museum, and it shows in all of their answers.

GeorgeNapolitano

Induction reception: When I was married, we booked the same venue for the ceremony and the reception, and we booked the place for an extra hour we called “cocktail hour,” meant for our guests to drink and mingle in a separate room while we signed our license and took a deep breath. What did our guests do? They went straight to the reception area and sat their asses down at a table so they could claim their spots for the night. Same thing happened here, eliminating what used to be the fun mingling aspect of the hour. No fault of anyone but the guests.

GeraldBrisco_Crew

Banquet: Great food, great service, mostly fully stocked bar. I thought Dan was going to throw a fit when he had to mix his Crown Royal with Pepsi instead of Coke. Rather than show anger over missing out on his favorite mix, Jim Ross instead ordered a cranberry vodka. Good call, as usual from J.R.

CharlieThesz

Induction ceremony: Two hours of classy speeches from grateful people who have excelled in their chosen professions, or the people who knew them best. Jim Brunzell’s thank-you to his wife was an emotional start to the evening; Chris Taylor’s widow Lynn was well-spoken and full of stories; Jim Ross and Gerald Brisco spoke highly of Bill Watts and Ric Flair, respectively; George Napolitano was engaging and played off our terrific emcee, Arda Ocal; Matt Hughes’ speech was short but nice; and Edge added a few laughs and a heartfelt note about Curt Hennig, whose parents were in attendance. Wonderful event, and the legends stayed after the event to snap pictures and chat with fans when they weren’t at all obligated to.

The hotel bar: It took me 15 minutes to bring your beer back, Dan, because I was chatting with Jim Brunzell’s wife, Mary. It was worth the wait. Dan and Troy Peterson, IPW promoter, exchanged information. I managed to snap one more picture with Edge, who was so accommodating all weekend. Chatted with Brian Shields at length, despite him needing rest for his 6:45 a.m. flight. Baron Von Raschke, aka Brad Pitt, thanked us for coming to town for the weekend. And we drank a lot of beer.

Overall: Having never been to the wrestling hall of fame in New York, nor the Cauliflower Alley Club in Las Vegas, I don’t know how accurate the following statement is, but I’ll still make it: You’ll never get an opportunity like this, to mix with the heroes of your childhood and, in some cases, adulthood, unless you plan to make the trip to Waterloo, Iowa. It’s worth the investment, if not only to see it for yourself, but also to support the history of professional wrestling, backed by the men who lived for it.

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