Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

thiefI went late making dinner so I’m skipping an introduction about my weekend except to say, criminals aren’t smart. Let’s roll.

We start with a Wyatt clip. Interesting timing with it being the Go Home show before Money In The Bank. Brickie introduces the show officially. Jerry Lawler thru the WWE is letting us grade Vickie. She tells us about the MITB participant matches for Raw. The first of which is Daniel Bryan taking on Sheamus. She’s had so many almost and definitely firings that no one in their right mind could say this will be her best Raw because she’s had ten others.

They got a commercial break before the match started. Bryan and Sheamus get another commercial break when they collide into the barricade. The match is in full swing when we get back. Nice of them to trade the kicks then forearms. Sheamus kicks out after a boot to the head. Flying Goat air balls. Daniel Bryan with the small package out of a Cloverleaf. Nice work. A reporter who did his job poorly got lost on his way to find the Wyatt compound.

AJ Lee is giving Big E Langston. He gives her positive reinforcement. Dolph Ziggler comes into the picture. He thinks she’s too worried about Kaitlyn. They’re still good for now. Doing a nice job so far.

Tons of Funk are set to take on The Shield, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns. Brodus Clay gets to be the punching bag after Tensai started out strong. Tensai gets the hot tag which will inevitably lead to him getting pinned. Rollins kicks out after a power choke slam. Reigns with a spear for the win. They could use Tons of Funk more and make the tag team division more viable. Don’t worry, I know that horse is dead and buried. Several times.

This camera man blows. Can you wait until you look up to hit record? Brodie Lee tells the dumb ass to follow him. I forget his Wyatt name. John Cena comes down to the ring first. Mark Henry comes out when invited. Cena goes for the joke first. Ugh. Henry laid out his case. I was really hoping Cena would compare Henry’s stance to his against the Rock at Wrestlemania. Cena goes for the baby face challenge that the heel will never take the bait. Cena jumps like a little girl when Henry fakes charges him. Henry blindsides him. Cena crumples under the Attitude Adjustment to make it more Herculean of a task on Sunday. World’s Strongest Slam. Josh Matthews talks to Randy Orton about CM Punk. Orton will not wait to cash in his chance should he win it.

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Get under the covers with Greg “The Hammer” Valentine

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See, because when her weight is up, she looks like Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, and not at all like what she would want you to believe she looks like, which is 1996 Sunny. Such is life. – Dusty

Gabe Sapolsky hates money, pro wrestling, you

For no reason

For no reason

Quote Mike Johnson:

When I reached out to Sapolsky, he noted that they would not be working with Wrestlecon this year as they could not come to a “business arrangement” with Highspots.com, the primary promoter/sponsor of the event due to the costs involved with the Wrestlecon venue.

Okay, so here’s the deal as I understand it. Wrestlecon is the indy’s way of weaseling in on the cash cow that is WrestleMania weekend. I believe all the promotions should band together for this event, as a way of maximizing profit for all parties. Since this is wrestling and that would seem to make sense, no dice there.

Wrestlecon is currently slated to be this amount of shit sandwich:

* Saturday AM session, 10 am to 4 pm: Includes admission to vendors, autograph and photo sessions; Marty DeRosa comedy show; $5 Wrestling event; & more.

* Saturday PM session, 7 pm to 1 am: Includes admission into the signing & vendors area; an independent show; a live taping of Colt Cabana’s podcast; & more. For an additional $25, fans can upgrade to a front row ticket.

*Sunday session, 10 am to 3 pm: Includes live tapings of The Kevin Steen Show & Old School with Steve Corino; & admission to the signing & vendor area; & more.

Meanwhile…

the “WWN Live Experience” in a separate venue is “live events and iPPV shows from Evolve, Shimmer, Kaiju Big Battel and Dragon Gate USA, with shows on Friday, multiple shows on Saturday and Sunday afternoon.”

So Gabe Sapolsky’s aversion to doing good things and making money shines through again. He’d rather get into an “I can one up you!” pissing contest, thus spreading the indy dollar thin and no one wins. As Jeremy put it early today, Gabe is that liberal college douchebag who doesn’t care about making money. Maybe his brain is doing a semester abroad to try to find itself.

And ROH? Well, ROH will get back to you real soon! – Dusty

Kevin’s Blog: Open Letter To The Columbus #Crew96

Red Bulls vs The Crew

I might not have any pictures like this on my Instagram account any more. Thanks Crew Sales team for being a bunch of tone deaf morons.

Kevin,

We value your commitment as a Crew season ticket holder and want to ensure we are helping you maximize your season ticket holder experience. To date, your membership score is 65.3 (out of a possible 100 points) of your membership. There are many factors that contribute to your Membership Score, so I wanted to share some suggestions to help you take full advantage of your season ticket holder experience.

I got an email yesterday from the Columbus Crew. After the part of the letter above, they decided to list the ways that I could become more involved with the club. I think their intention was to tell me “You have more stuff you can take advantage of” but I can’t get around the score part of this email. I know I shouldn’t be insulted by it, but I am. Even after getting a “clarification” today, I am still mad because the problems still persists in the apology. We, the fans, were at blame for misinterpreting their email. I didn’t misinterpret anything, you told me I was 65.3% of a fan. How about someone speak up at the sales meeting and say “This is an awful idea that insults the people we are trying to get to purchase more tickets.” Evidently a bunch of spineless cowards works under Mike Malo, Senior Vice President of Sales & Marketing, and Tom Bowden, Director of Client Services, who sent the initial email.

The first major purchase I made after my financial crisis was to purchase a full season ticket to the Crew because they are the only team in Columbus that I truly root for. I didn’t go to school at Ohio State. I didn’t even grow up in the state. Though hockey is my favorite sport, I don’t truly root for the Columbus Bluejackets. In fact, I have told their reps, many of them over the years, that I am a Pittsburgh Penguins fan and am purchasing tickets solely to see them play. I am currently holding a pair of half season tickets and a PSL at Nationwide Arena. They realize that the job of a salesman is to be nice to the customer who is forking over his hard earned dough. The Bluejackets to this date have not sent me an email this insulting despite the fact that I tell them I’m actively rooting against their team.

Speaking of hard earned dough, one of the reasons I can afford to have both season tickets to the Crew and the Bluejackets is because I take my job very seriously and work on Saturdays to finish jobs that need to get out of our office. Does that cause me to miss some of the events that the Crew and the Bluejackets host? You better believe it does. It’s pretty clear that Mr. Malo & Mr. Bowden don’t work hard enough at their jobs or else they wouldn’t have sent out such a boneheaded email. Also falling under the hard earned money concept is the fact that I’ve bought tickets for my girlfriend the last two years to multiple games even though she doesn’t like soccer. She wanted to spend more time with me. I went from purchasing single game tickets last year to upgrading her to a 10 game package this year. Maybe since I’m only 65.3% of a fan, I’ll stop purchasing her tickets. Maybe since I’m closer to only being half a fan than a full fan, I’ll down grade to half a season plan. That will help you get to your goal of 10k full season ticket holders, right? Since you have been working on that plan for 3 years now, I’ll go ahead and give you a 0.00 for your rating as a sales team. –Kevin Gold Level Member #2425281 (Not For Long)

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Ken at KaraokeI was so bummed that Instagram’s 15 second video crapped out on me when Ken was doing Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes. I was going to post that video as a separate post. Instead, we get a picture by yours truly. It’s a bit of a bummer. The video was good. By the way, no more Baby Momma Drama. Awesome. Time to start Raw. Let’s roll.

Wow. Just scrolled down to look at the posts and saw Terry Taylor in a hot tub. I have no idea what Vickie Guerrero just told us because of it. Daniel Bryan kicks off the show. Sheamus, Randy Orton and Kane all have a part in this party. I have to defend Christian‘s mediocrity to the lady. CM Punk does the predictable thing but he does rile up a hornet’s nest. RKO on Kane ends the segment. Cool history review for the titles. That’s what Vickie announced, title vs title. Those matches never come to a finish.

The Shield comes out for a six man tag match. They should have had Christian come out earlier in the opening segment with his match next. The Usos join him again. The Shield on the outside as they break. The Shield has taken over. Jey is taking the beating. Nice of the announcers to barely mention the differences between the Usos. I just remembered the Jey has the pec tattoo. Fun visual with Roman Reigns and one Uso going over the top rope. Dean Ambrose gets a roll up win with some help from Seth Rollins. Daniel Bryan got Kane a rematch with Randy Orton tonight. Bryan is the guest ref.

My boy Dolph Ziggler hits the ring without AJ Lee or Big E Langston. He is taking on Jinder Mahal to pick up an easy win. Mahal does have his clowns with him. The crowd is not behind my boy. Zig Zag. Slater & McIntyre try to attack Ziggler. He uses some flashy moves to get some support and to knock out 3MB.

Brad Maddox finally shows up. Vickie Guerrero is talking about the McMahons when HHH shows up. He gives her more advice. I can’t wait to be snoozed asleep by the other members of the family. The WWE knows how to make a video package.

Kane and Randy Orton are ready to hook it up. I’m glad Daniel Bryan is wearing the ref pants and not his trunks. Bryan rings the bell because Randy Orton put his hands on him. Kane talks Bryan into restarting it. Bryan holds back Orton. Kane gives Orton a big boot. Bryan ends up quick counting for Kane. Bryan & Kane argue. Kane lets go of the choke slam grip. RKO on Bryan. JBL kills me by calling Bryan Rasputin. Interesting character. I’m a bit bummed his assassination is being debunked. It did always sound too brutal to be true.

Paul Heyman and CM Punk talk a little bit about trust. Curtis Axel gets to stand there and look pretty.

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Terry Taylor is a heterosexual

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In addition to being a true, loyal, trustworthy friend and a real, ambitious go-getter who can embrace a bad situation and make the best out of it, Terry Taylor is also very very heterosexual. The proof is in this here picture. – Dusty

Zombie Outbreak!

If you might have noticed, I like to talk about my days at Kent State. I get emails from them on a nearly daily basis. This one was to highlight the fact that there are some really dumb classes you can take. I took “Seven Ideas That Shook The Universe”. I’m know I had to write a paper for the Honors College on the course (We had to choose one class to do it in. Why not the easiest one?) but I can’t remember one idea that shook the universe. I hope someone writes their Honors paper on this Zombie Outbreak class. Rick Grimes would be proud. -Kevin

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