Stunt Granny Presents: We Watch Stuff Podcast #5

There are no firm rules for this podcast so talking about wrestling is just something that will happen from time to time. But first Shahid and Jeremy talk about the opening weekend for Transformers: Age of Extinction. Did Shahid like it and if so how when nearly no one else did? Yeah a lot of people watched t but have you seen those review scores? Sheesh. Anyway, why did one studio call out Paramount as being huge liars? Is that reaction even warranted? What was the deal with Roddy Piper and Bad News Brown anyway? Who the hell though that was a good idea? How was the Money In The Bank match for our hosts? Who had the bump of the match? Was there anything shocking at all? Who was the MVP of the show? All of these questions are answered all you have to do is listen.

 

Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Reviews: Zombie Ass: Toilet of The Dead (2011)

You ever see a movie title and you just have to watch it? This is the scenario I ran in to coming across Zombie Ass: Toilet of The Dead.” By title alone it grabs your attention. Of course this is the exact point where you lose interest. Aftr watching this the only thing I could think of is “What the hell is wrong with the Japanese?” Sure it isn’t fair to lump an entire society or culture in a pile over this but whatever. The movie makes no sense other than the fact there are undead people around. I gave up after that. From what I could gather, in between the screaming women and over emphasizing men, some kids want to remain slim so they go and eat mutated worms out of a stream. Why? Well why not? Then they get sick and one girl uses an outhouse because she has an upset stomach No one can fart because it is bad form or something. Then they start to die one by one as the mutated worms prolapse their anus and attack with sharp points. The entire movies follows through with fart jokes, ass fetish and nonstop idiocy. Even for my ridiculous tastes I had enough of this flick.

Leprechaun: Origins Trailer

Move over Warwick Davis, you have been replaced. WWE is dipping their toes in the horror genre again with a reboot of the “Leprechaun” franchise.  Judging by the trailer the movie is your standard kids in the woods style elimination horror trope and that is fine. Stick with the basics and you can create a scary film. The Leprechaun franchise still has legs even if it has been on the shelf for some years. It grew its cult following by making films with an increasing goofy sense of humor on miniscule budgets.

This trailer though seems to be taking a much more serious approach and it can work.  The recent Evil Dead remake took that approach and did just fine in theatres. As long as WWE and Lionsgate used the key elements of horror films this will sell well. It is a smart move by WWE and Lionsgate as a horror franchise on a low budget can rake in the cash. It is curious why WWE or Lionsgate didn’t try launching this in theatres to see how it goes. The public will have no idea that the new Leprechaun is played by actual professional wrestler Hornswoggle. The stigma of this being another WWE movie can be avoided by burying the WWE logo. Sure this is not going to happen but by toning down WWE’s actual involvement in the movie will allow people to have a more open mind.  Yes, the WWE logo immediately turns people off. Pay attention in a crowded theatre when the logo flashes across a trailer and you will hear people groan or sigh.

The trailer for “Leprechaun: Origins” does do one thing that is both smart and astute. You never see the Leprechaun. His image is the make or break point of this franchise rebirth. If he looks ridiculous then it is over before the trailer finishes its ninety second running time. There will be the obvious comparisons with the original Leprechaun creation. It isn’t fair but look at the way Godzilla was treated in 1998. The image of whatever that thing was killed off all interest in the film. Rob Zombie was smart in the Halloween remake creating a “shape” that was close to the original mask.

WWE has a good chance here to make some serious money if this is even watchable. It cannot be any worse than any other low budget horror flick that plays on Chiller at any given time.  So here’s looking ahead to August 26 when this is available for legitimate viewing. Unless someone has a bootleg or something they want to share. -Jeremy

Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Review: Deathstalker (1983)

There is nothing awesome about this.

There is nothing awesome about this. Other than the poster.

I had always heard of a movie by the name of “Deathstalker.” There were whispers of this being possibly the worst movie ever made. I remember as a kid seeing the box cover in the video stores but it was Rated-R so it was off limits. Actually, most of the “Conan the Barbarian” style fantasy movies had the best Frank Frazetta style box artwork. SO even if the movie sucked you would never know it by the packaging. Enough about that though, “Deathstalker” is an incredibly bad movie actually bordering on an incredibly tragic level of film-making and I enjoyed every second of it. I am the same person who watched the entire running time, including credits, of Barbarian Queen, so it should come as no surprise. “Deathstalker” has everything you would expect; terrible swordplay, gratuitous (wonderful) breasts, rancid acting, incoherent plot and the list goes on and on. The movie has no sense of continuity in long form storytelling let alone form scene to scene. As with the other movies of its time and genre this was nothing but a cash grab trying to rip dollars from audiences thinking they were getting another “Conan.” Instead you get a poorly conceived flick that may be too much for some people to stomach. I implore you to battle through just to build your will. -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio Presents: We Watch Stuff Podcast

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Yes you see that correctly as it is the dawn of a new era on Stunt Granny. Please welcome our newest Podcast: We Watch Stuff. After two successful runs on the unnamed show we decided to make this a permanent fixture so if you like TV, movies, comics or books then this is the place for you. Ok, not books because really, who the hell reads anymore? This week’s show consists primarily of the X-Men movie franchise. After X-Men: Days of Future Past is the future of Fox’s X-Men franchise secure or was this on par with X-Men: The Last Stand? Why is it that Shahid goes off on the typical comic fan? Would a spin-off movie off all of the X-Men a**hole characters work? What is the biggest missed opportunity in the new Amazing Spiderman franchise? (Yeah that slipped in the convo.) Was the lack of explanation on major plot threads a detriment to Days of Future Past? Why are comic fans such a whiny bunch? Is it even possible to make a movie they will enjoy? Well, all the answers rest in the link below so go ahead and click away already.

 

Stunt Granny Movie Review: Brick Mansions

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“Brick Mansions” is a Spike/TNT special. A movie in which if you stumble upon it on a random Sunday afternoon, you’ll stay for the finish. It’s not a good movie. It’s not a well-made movie. It’s a goofy caricature of an action movie. Once you accept that, you’ll realize it’s an enjoyable movie. It’s a Luc Besson film that Liam Neeson and Jason Statham wouldn’t wipe their behinds with. Luckily Paul Walker doesn’t believe on standing on trite movie ceremony – this film is right in his wheelhouse as the likeable, slightly believable action star. He may get flack for being a mediocre actor (I look at him as a man who accepts and embraces his limitations), but compared to the rest of the cast, he might as well be Daniel-Day Lewis. Any film in which RZA is the second best actor by far should tell you the type if film being made. “Brick Mansions”  is a gussied up B movie with a silly plot, parkour, cringe worthy representatives of black people, and in flattering view of Detroit. “Brick Mansions” is basically RoboCop if Donald Sterling directed it and got rid of the robot.

Guess what – I enjoyed it. Within 5 minutes of the film I accepted it for what it was and enjoyed the ride. I accepted that Detroit walled off an entire section of the Detroit projects to reduce crime. I accepted that RZA somehow stole a military transport and was able to attach a neutron dirty bomb to a Russian rocket for ransom. A French parkour expert who never lost his accent despite growing up in Detroit, who defeated armed gunman through brooms and flips? No problem. Paul Walker basically playing the love child of Keanu Reeves and Jackie Chan? I’m all in. Thugs speaking proper stilted English as if it was learned at a French catholic school – damn right. It has no logic besides its own, and follows its own rules. It is a better movie for it. I still remember “Brick Mansions after a week and smile thinking about it…more than I could say for better movies which fall by the wayside. It also reminded me how enjoyable Paul Walker was on film. I would say it’s a shame that his last starring role was this film, but he wouldn’t. So go see it. Definitely turn off the logic and reason and have fun. -Shahid

The New Batman Is Revelaed And It Looks Incredible

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So here you go. Zack Snyder released a photo of Ben Affleck in the Batsuit and it is badass. So, once again the internet trolls and naysayers will have to go rip on a different part of this movie. Some suggestions would be the mandate to force Cyborg, who is and was a founding member of the Teen Titans, is in this flick instead of Martian Manhunter. Cyborg is and has always been an incredibly boring character. The New 52 DC version is just the worst. Just give the fans what they want and make the Justice League the big seven and be done with it already.  Knowing DC’s history of racial diversity I am sure he will be made in to the fast talking street kid with a heart of gold and a body of steel or something.

Look at what they did to Wally West. He is black now for the sake of diversity since no one on DCs editorial staff can actually create any new racially diverse characters that are in anyway interesting. (Hint: For some pointers watch Arrow jackasses)  Why couldn’t the new Wally West come from a strong interracial family? Instead he is from a typical broken home and he runs the streets. How original.

Sorry, I forgot this is about  the new Batman. Look at that pretty picture.  -Jeremy

Shahid’s Blog: Quick Thoughts on The Raid 2

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The Raid: Redemption, released in 2011 by Gareth Evans, was a revelation – an underrated action masterpiece that soon became a cult classic.  It’s premise was simple – a SWAT attempting to escape an apartment building while apprehending a local crime boss.  But the action was unprecedented in its realism and artistic brutality. Along with Dredd 3D, The Raid provided a slick, stripped down, old school action film with no fillers or nonsense.  It actually served of a more polished version of Evans first film, Merantau.  Both films starred Iko Uwais aka Muslim Tony Jaa, and introduced the Indonesian martial art of Pencak Silat to the film universe.  Even though the film only grossed 15 million dollars, it cast a large shadow upon the action genre, and led for plans for both a sequel and an American remake.

I’ll keep this review succinct – if you were a fan of the first film, or just a fan of martial arts and Hong Kong action movies, then do yourself a favor and see The Raid 2 ASAP.  It’s a lot longer and expanded than the original, and definitely has influences from John Woo and similar crime dramas.  Beginning soon after the first film, Iko Ukwais is tasked to go deep undercover to join an Indonesian crime family, with the goal to expose police corruption.  It’s a simple story, but given plenty of time to add emotion and depth to the various characters.  The bottom line is that it serves its purpose of providing the most visceral action I’ve seen on film….ever.  Every punch, kick, stab, gunshot and slam is given the greatest care, and is presented as an elegant ballet of violence.I can’t count how many times I exclaimed, covered my eyes, or just stared in awe at the myriad of set pieces and events, all of which looked painstakingly authentic.  Iko Ukwais has acquired the “baddest man alive” title from Tony Jaa,  and carries the film with a combination of artistic lethality and quiet grace. He’s joined by a wide array of characters, both old (Yayan Ruhian aka Mad Dog from the Raid) and new…lets just say you’ll never look at a baseball bat or a hammer ever again.

I could go on for hours, but there’s no point – go see this movie.  But be forewarned, it will be difficult to be impressed by regular action movies once you attend the Raid 2. -Shahid

Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Reviews: Blue is The Warmest Color (2013)

blue-is-the-warmest-color-poster“Blue is The Warmest Color” really warrants more than one paragraph but there are rules for a reason. Sure I decided to give this film a try because it was granted an NC-17 rating for copious amounts of graphic lesbian sex but don’t be fooled, the film does manage to work in a totally erect penis. Seeing this film described as “intensely erotic” totally misses the point. Yeah the sex scenes are graphic and overly long but they are a small part of what is a very difficult, well-acted and well plotted story. The film deals with some heavy themes such as sexual coming of age, the confusion of identity, the pursuit of love, the loss of love and acceptance. It wouldn’t work at all if it wasn’t for the stellar acting of the two leads. Their performances make the three hour running time move quickly so don’t be scared off by the running time. The film does seem like a battle at times due to the heavy-handed direction of Abdellatif Kechiche . His decision to utilize predominately tight camera shots and narrow world view taint what should be a great film. The story and acting though overcome these issues and make what is in no way easy viewing but it is a rewarding experience. -Jeremy

Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Reviews: Bounty Killer (2013)

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I have no problem admitting that I like the remake of Death Race and “Bounty Killer” reminds me a lot of that flick. The announcer type narrator and ridiculous premise are the two things that they share.  There is even a touch of Indiana Jones in it as the story flows along a map. Apparently this movie is based off of a graphic novel or as a comic reader likes to call them, comic books. The movie had potential but the limited budget did it no favors. Also the running time severely handicaps the story. If given time the world and backstories could have been explained more. This would work as a Cinemax series. No, not one of the Skinemax flicks but more along the lines of Banshee and Strike Back. There was definitely potential with this movie and this story but it ends up just being a ho hum, low budget action flick with big ideas. -Jeremy

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