Stunt Granny Big 11, Week Ending 9/24/11

1. The Rock and John Cena – Between Rock’s Tweets and WWE.com’s news, word has leaked that the Rock and John Cena, in the midst of their blood feud, will be on the same team in a 5-on-5 elimination match at Survivor Series. Fantasy booking: Rock wants to “prove his leadership” (but really wants to make an ass out of Cena) and drafts team members Santino Marella, Zack Ryder and Hacksaw Jim Duggan, causing an all-star team of Alberto, Dolph, Swagger, McIntyre and a returning-as-a-heel-to-Raw Mason Ryan to line up as opposition. Rock is so out of touch, though, that he doesn’t know Santino and Ryder are capable of victory, slightly evening the odds. But when it comes down to Rock and Cena vs. Alberto, Dolph and Swagger, Rock leaves Cena lying. The biggest surprise: Cena loses. Print the money. – Eric

2. Dolph Ziggler – Dolph got a lot of press (Huffington Post, Yahoo News) for the alleged “hairline mandibular fracture” he suffered at the right hand of actor Hugh Jackman. Fake or real, WWE is in the news. Too bad the wrestler in the spotlight has a stupid name. – Eric

 
3. The Muppets – Jim Henson’s foamy creations will guest host WWE Monday Night Raw on October 31. OK, sorry, I didn’t think the phrase “Jim Henson’s foamy creations” would turn my childhood memories so awkwardly pornographic. – Eric

4. Mark Henry – The man is on a roll right now. He’s never going to be a 5 star technician but his mic work is second to maybe CM Punk currently and he’s playing the monster heel role to a tee. Let’s just hope he wins at Hell In A Cell to keep his beast mode going a bit longer. – Kevin

5. The Miz & R Truth – They’ve been talking conspiracy and HHH was all too kind to play right into their hands after they lost to CM Punk & John Cena by firing them. The WWE is doing a good job right now of getting their name out there in the press starting with CM Punk & HHH having a tiff at the San Diego Comic Con. Next up was Ziggler getting press as Eric noted. Now the “fired” duo of Miz & Truth get a show on SiriusXM. Smart move on their part to keep the names of those “quit” or “fired” on the minds of wrestling fans. – Kevin

6. What TNA Did Right This Week – For a change, Vince Russo didn’t write in a break up of Beer Money even though Bobby Roode has a shot at Kurt Angle for Bound For Glory. James Storm, the better of the duo in my opinion, is going to get stuck teaching a very green Gunner the ropes while Angle & Roode duke it out. TNA helped build up Roode as a contender and didn’t have Storm look like a chump when he wrestled Angle this week. – Kevin

7. Kurt Angle – Has this guy totally stopped lifting weights? After watching Impact he firmly falls into the “guy in your neighborhood you reluctantly wave hello to” category instead of their champion. It is impossible to take him seriously as an athlete with his jaundice look.  – Jeremy

8. ROH – They started their broadcasting days through Sinclair Saturday night. There were actually commercials for the show during ESPN on ABC’s college football game. This is more advertising in one night than through the entire history of the company. – Jeremy

9. WWE Network – Observe this:

WWE has sent out a survey today polling about ideas for the WWE Network. The direction they are talking about is it would be a monthly pay network, similar to HBO or Showtime, priced at between $7 and $12 per month. The fee would be part of a package that would include a number of stations including the NFL Network, NBA Network and Fuel TV (which will have a heavy dose of UFC live preliminary coverage next year).

It would offer 24 hours of programming, including new WWE produced shows that aren’t wrestling shows, repeats of both Raw and Smackdown, old footage, two nights of first-run live wrestling programming and a daily news show.

The biggest surprise is that WWE would apparently keep only the “B” shows on PPV, and would make WrestleMania, SummerSlam, Royal Rumble and Survivor Series exclusive to network subscribers and no longer offer them on PPV.

If they were to actually make that move, since they would be part of tiered programming and would only get a minimal part of that $7 to $12 fee, and certainly not nearly what the NFL or NBA would get, they would be giving up more than $25 million that the company earned in PPV revenue from Mania alone this year. That’s not throwing in revenue from the other three big events which may do another $20 million combined, perhaps more this year due to an expected upturn in Survivor Series.

The economics of the move on paper don’t make sense other than the company must feel it needs to have something so big to get enough carriages of the network coming out of the blocks.

Doing so would also likely kill the “B” PPV concept, because the people who are interested in PPVs would feel like they were getting the big ones for free, and be less apt to pay $44.95 for secondary shows.

In related news, WWE issued a second press release recently simply stating, “We have a bad idea.” – Dusty

10. Big Show – Another press release, ostensibly about a possible WWE Network show:

“How do you handle a hungry man? Just ask Bess Wight. Her husband is Paul “The Big Show” Wight, WWE Superstar and the world’s largest athlete! “Show” is seven feet tall and 425 pounds. Bess is bodacious, beautiful, and one big time cook! And if you think The Big Show is tough, you haven’t met his wife! Bess and Show are about to give viewers an all-access pass into the controlled chaos that is their kitchen. You’ll meet their friends, their families, and even some of Big Show’s fellow WWE Superstars – you never know who will stop by their house to whip up something delicious! Once you see this larger than life couple in the kitchen, we know you’ll be hungry for more!”

Isn’t it funny how much Big Show eats? He eats a lot!!! – Dusty

11. UFC 135 – I don’t give a flip if this isn’t wrestling related. I saw the show, and holy geez was it awesome. UFC is pro wrestling done right. From the personalities to the interviews to the video packages, everything is right about UFC right now. My boys Nate Diaz and Josh Koscheck were victorious, and Bones Jones surprised me by beating Rampage. He’s the real deal. – Dusty

Stunt Granny Big 11, Week Ending 9/17/2011

1. Claudio Castagnoli – All signs point to Claudio finally signing (well, re-signing, after one failed attempt) with WWE. Various reports have him heading to Florida Championship Wrestling under the name Antonio Cesaro. Other reports have me heading to Olive Garden to order the antonio cesaro with a breadstick, but whatever. Good move by all parties. – Eric
2. Hulk Hogan – Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling debuted this week on TruTV. I didn’t watch it, I don’t think the other SG guys did… I don’t think anybody did. If this even appears on the Nielsen ratings, I bet it’s a… SMALL number!!! Christ, get me out of here… – Eric
3. Matt Hardy – OK, let’s face it, it’s impossible to fill this up with 12 things if you don’t mention the literal white elephant in the room. (You’d think with all the drugs he does, he’d be skinnier, right?) Days after calling people out for being mean to him based on his personal choices (which he freely Tweets about and also which become a matter of public record because he’s a danger to others), he gets arrested for another DWI, this time in an airport. And then he claimed he was framed. By cops who have a vendetta against him. Wow. Not sure where the radiation came from that’s killed his brain, his antique North Carolinian computer monitor he sits in front of all day, or the microwave that nukes his daily 12-Hot Pocket lunch. – Eric
4. The Rock – He is flaunting the idea that he and John Cena will meet for the first time at Survivor Series. In other words a year was too long to wait for the first ever match up so let’s hype it all in two months. Long term planning be damned – Jeremy
5. Night of Champions – Why hasn’t the question been brought up more – neither Triple H nor CM Punk are champions. Why are they on this card? – Jeremy

6. Ric Flair/Sting – Really, this writes itself. They main event an episode of Impact Wrestling and it was a barn burner. It encompassed everything wrong with TNA. One guy can’t go and the other is bored but won’t retire. You figure out which is which. – Jeremy

7. Alex Riley – This is fake, but I don’t really give a flip:

I believe WWE is still presenting this as if it’s Riley official Twitter page, and therefore this gives me carte blanche to pretend this is a real news story. – Dusty

8. Teddy Hart – We’re talking new wrestling with keys to unlock weapons, robotic turnbuckles that can adjust the height, skateboarders, dogs running interference, etc. We’re talking about http://www.fightnetwork.com/news/wrestling/john-pollock-wai-ting-chat-w-teddy-hart/. We’re talking about Persian cats being the best cats the cat world can possibly offer. – Dusty

9. Bill Watts – So apparently he sucked a guy off once?

…Certainly, the sins above mentioned, we cannot overlook in our “judgmental pride” of being heterosexual—and I personally have been so guilty of them, and in my depravity of these abominations have so grieved the Spirit of God as I transgressed in them—–including even foolish, but not innocent homosexual experiences (not that I ever participated in committing a homosexual act myself, or even any homosexual touching, or being touched, or have even entertained any homosexual feelings—-but allowed myself to be orally gratified—-and that strictly one person’s oral stimulation only, by this homosexual at one point in my life)—-in my youth, as I reached that age of puberty, and hormonal rages, and sexual exploration——and worse, even allowing myself to be gratified by this homosexual for financial reward—–as many of us “young athletes did” (and I’m also speaking here of some of these athletes who became real stars in their sports, so we are not talking about “just ordinary people”—–or ignorant, or poverty trapped victims, but some exceptionally gifted athletes)—–as we were preyed upon by this influential and wealthy pervert in our youth——which does not in anyway excuse me in this abomination. (Yes, he also preyed on others, the non-athletes too.)Now, this person who I’m referring to above, was allowed to function in a very influential position by both of the major universities in our state, recruiting young high school athletes to their programs, (and as I have already indicated, many of whom he “gratified” later became stars in their sport—-football, wrestling, baseball, etc.) though these universities were “unaware” of his perversion—-at least initially, or else, they just “looked the other way.” (And, at some various points in time, he was even arrested for his perversion on young boys, but released, and went on as if nothing had happened, and continued in his relationship with these schools too, until the publicity of his activities became too well known.)

But I can tell you, he used that position to feed his desires by orally gratifying many “weak and impressionable,” and “morally weak” young boys and men—–and has continued to integrate himself into situations that would allow him to seduce even more—–for years and years and years now. When last I heard, he was still in charge of promoting youth wrestling in our state’s capital city.

If you consider how many young men and boys this one person practiced his perversion on—–even clear back when it was illegal——-can you imagine now, when we have created a “protected status” for them?!

He also introduced many of us to pornography—–to stimulate us while he indulged himself with us, because we certainly were not stimulated by him. I do not say this to excuse myself for allowing him to gratify me. I am totally responsible for my own actions in this!…

He’s the best booker ever, so I have to believe he did the right thing in this instance. – Dusty
Edit: Since I was a lazy and forgetful bastard, my choices got left off so I’ll add them now.
10. Night of Champions II – I’ve been excited about the recent resurgence of the tag team and to a lesser degree the Women’s division. It just dawned on me though that this could just be a longer term plan to make this pay per view more interesting then both of these divisions will be shuttered much like they have been for the past five years. Why else would the WWE give the main face of the tag team a division a name as terrible as Air Boom? -Kevin

11. Super Shows – I’m glad we have super shows now so that everything good that occurs on Smackdown will be repeated on Raw so that a much larger audience sees them. (That’s sarcasm.) See Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes and Mark Henry’s promo from each. I guess it’ll save me time in the future viewing both shows. -Kevin

12. What TNA Did Right This Week – I know I stole this gimmick from Jeremy quite some time ago but I will admit to liking the AJ Styles and Devon promos on Jeff Hardy. It’s a small consolation prize after watching the remainder of the crappy show including the awful finish from the aforementioned Sting vs. Ric Flair travesty. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Big 11 (or so) Week Ending 9/10/11

(In the vain of all of these college athletic conferences going out of whack, we’ve decided that the Stunt Granny Big 11 will, from this day forward, include 12 items!)

(Except this one! See, the beauty of the Big 11 is that it can really hold as many items as we like. This week, we liked five.)

1. Kurt Angle – Gargle gargle pill pill drink drive jail. -Eric
2. Jeff Hardy – Hardy made his triumphant return to TNA this week. That’s like being the Employee of the Month at that place where mentally handicapped people sort your cans and bottles. The regular season of the NFL also made its triumphant return to television, so anyone who watched Hardy on TNA live as it happened basically has no penis. -Eric
3. WWE Network – Vince McMahon’s latest foray into the entertainment business is picking up buzz, mostly by people who are hoping WWE simply buys G4 and keeps Ninja Warrior on the air. Believe me, that show is a hell of a lot more entertaining than WCW Nitro from 1999 or replays of WWF house shows from Boston Garden. “Oh my god, Pete Sanchez wrestled Rene Goulet to a 20-minute draw?!?!?!” -Eric
4. Kevin Nash- So he’s gone from WWE for real? Is it an angle? Is it due to his failed alleged physical? Does it matter?  We get Triple H and CM Punk in their first match which is booked like their final confrontation. –Jeremy
5. Michael Luisi- He is the new head of WWE Films, yes it still exists. He spent twelve years at Miramax and they had some decent movies. Just ask Bob and Harvey Weinstein they’ll tell you just how great they are. Here’s hoping Luisi can uphold the excellent quality of WWE’s film releases. You know the ones that go straight to DVD.  –Jeremy

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 9/3/11

1. Kevin Nash- The build for Kevin Nash and CM Punk has been pretty good. So they naturally schedule the match. Then he apparently fails a health test through WWE. Um, shouldn’t someone have had that done before they pushed him on TV? – Jeremy

2. John Cena- After weeks of solid promo work he is slowly reverting to the John Cena despised by so many. Maybe it is the people he is working with, but falling back on bad breath jokes is totally his fault. – Jeremy

3. Alberto del Rio – Rumor has it (rumor has it rumor has it) rumor has it that Alberto del Rio, the overpushed man recently crowned as WWE Champion, missed this week’s Monday Night Raw and Smackdown supershows due to visa problems. Um, shouldn’t someone have had that done before they pushed him on TV? – Eric
 
4. Shane Helms – The former Hurricane (and formerly relevant pro wrestler) either started or was the impetus for a recent Twitter hashtag, #BlameItOnTheShane, inspired by some idiot he knows who has been fucking up his life around every corner. But of course the people that guy surrounds himself with have nothing whatsoever to do with the man’s sonic-boom-creating tailspin. Nope, nothing at all. – Eric
 
5. Michael McGillicutty – Is it surprising that WWE focused on the intense staredown between David Otunga and, of all people, Jerry Lawler this past Monday night on Raw, yet McGillicutty, for a potential repackaging and name change, is the one who’s in the news? Oh, it’s not surprising? Well then, carry on. – Eric

6. Oops, We Did It Again – Randy Orton and Christian wrestled for something like the 90th time in the last three months and still had another good match. Usually, I burn out on a feud like this one but these guys have had so many different types of matches that each one feels different. It seems like the feud is over so let’s hope they don’t bury Christian now because the WWE needs strong heels. – Kevin

7. Fuck Matt Hardy – I’m hoping that my sitemates stand by me and stop posting the gibberish that this hillbilly creates. I’m tired of his antics. He wants attention and we’re giving him way too much of it. He hasn’t been reborn any of the times he’s said it before. I’m done with him until someone is dumb enough to give him a job in a wrestling company. -Kevin

8. Kevin Goes To Raw – This coming week’s “Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw” will be coming to you live since I will be in attendance. So join me on Twitter (@Stuntgranny) as I tweet my way through Raw from the live perspective. If you happen to be strolling down to Columbus on the holiday, find me in Section 102, Row T, Seat 18. With the long weekend, I might even try to make a sign pimping Stunt Granny. – Kevin

9. Johnny K-9 – Apparently former Smoky Mountain Wrestler superstar Johnny K-9 is a murderer.

Hamilton wrestler ‘Johnny K-9’ a member of B.C. gang

August 29, 2011 20:08:00
Peter Edwards
Staff Reporter

A former pro wrestler from Hamilton is a member of a gang now linked to the slaying of B.C. gang leader Jonathan Bacon earlier this month.

Ion Croitoru, 47, who wrestled professionally under the name “Johnny K-9,” is a member of the United Nations criminal gang, according to police in British Columbia.

Bacon, 30, was gunned down on Aug. 14, 2011, outside a Kelowna, B.C., resort. Four others with him were wounded, including a woman who was paralyzed.

No one has yet been charged in his death.

Croitoru was already in custody for a plot to kill Bacon and his two brothers between Jan. 1, 2008 and Feb. 17, 2009.

On Monday, Amir Eghtesad, 29, also a member of the United Nations gang, appeared in a Vancouver court charged with conspiracy to kill Bacon, his brothers and their gang associates.

Police say the Bacons form the core of a gang heavily involved in drugs and guns trafficking. He and his youngest brother, Jamie, had survived previous assassination attempts.

Croitoru is also awaiting trial for first-degree murder in the shooting death of Jonathan Barber, 24, and the attempted murder of Vicky King. On May 9, 2008, Barber was driving a car believed to be owned by a gang leader when he was killed in Burnaby, B.C. King, then 17, was shot in the car she was driving behind her boyfriend, police said.

And in June 2006, Croitoru walked free from a Hamilton courtroom after the Crown’s case in a marathon double murder collapsed.

Croitoru, former president of the Hamilton chapter of the Satan’s Choice Motorcycle Club, had been charged with the execution-style slaying of Ancaster criminal lawyer Lynn Gilbank and her husband Fred in their home in 1998.

The Gilbanks murders remain unsolved.

Hamilton hitman Ken Murdock told the Star last year that he was offered a contract from a Hamilton mob family to kill Croitoru but didn’t carry it out.

Murdock was convicted of the Niagara Region contract killings of mobsters Johnny (Pops) Papalia and Carmen Barillaro in 1997.

Croitoru was kicked out of the Satan’s Choice club for undisclosed reasons before they folded into the larger Hells Angels club in 2000.
http://www.thestar.com/mobile/NEWS/article/1046565

Is Ion a popular name anywhere? – Dusty

 10. Todd Grisham – This might be the very last time we ever mention him on Stunt Granny. We wish him a very fond, sincere, very heartfelt adieu. – Dusty

11. Santino Marella – Apparently he got into a car accident or something. I’m on 83 different message boards and none of them had a post about it as of yesterday afternoon. I didn’t find out until Eric text messaged me something about it last night. Whatever, I couldn’t possibly care less. Couldn’t happen to a nicer douchebag. – Dusty

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/27/11

1. Matt Hardy – Pointing out that he has made yet another mistake is just getting old.  Can he please do something that proves us wrong? Crashing your Corvette in to a tree isn’t going to do it. – Jeremy

2. Ken Doane – There has been a Ken Doane sighting, friends. He was announced as another member of The Wrestling Revolution Project. You may remember him, with a groan, as Kenny Dykstra. He should be on par with Dolph Ziggler or The Miz by now but oh well. – Jeremy

3. Todd Grisham – So he was wished a fond farewell by William Regal on NXT. Is this a joke? Grisham is going to ESPN? This has to mean he is covering soccer for the network right? Not sure I can take him seriously as an anchor on Sportscenter. Then again anyone doing Sportscenter is hard to take seriously. – Jeremy

4. Colt Cabana – Colt joins the aforementioned Ken Doane as a) a member of the new Wrestling Revolution project and b) another guy I was going to hire for my wrestling company as soon as I won the lottery. Dammit.– Eric

5. Ric Flair – Man, he got skewered by Grantland.com (and honestly so). The thing is, Flair would probably remove the skewer and try to use it as collateral.– Eric

6. Dr Pepper 10 – Sorry, with Matt Hardy dominating the news, there are very few wrestling-related things to talk about. So I’ll just promote the cool, refreshing taste of Dr Pepper 10; even with only 10 calories, it tastes just as much like regular Dr Pepper as Diet Dr Pepper. *kschkschchhh* *gulp* Ahhhhhhh… – Eric

7. CM Punk vs. Kevin Nash vs. HHH vs. John Laurinitis – Still plenty of speculation going on in this little storyline. I’m digging it. Good old Johnny is the main text sending suspect in my book but I’ll let it play out. It helps that Punk is still killing it on the mic. Bigfoot could give Pipe Bomb plenty of TV time, even more than a championship reign could bring. – Kevin

8. North Carolina Indy Wrestler – Sure, I might be piling on with Matt Hardy news but this dude needs to stop being a chickenshit. NCIW obviously enjoys being invited to the annual Hardy Holiday Party and partaking in the booze and the pills, so to not get himself uninvited he goes anonymous with his letter. Be a man, step up and say who you are. If you know Matt’s friends are enablers, why do you want to go to the parties anyway? – Kevin

9. Rey Mysterio – He’s gone for a while, kids. ACL surgery is going to put him on the shelf for at least six months. Heal up and come back for one last go around before your knees are completely shot. – Kevin

10. Ivory – There is a small island in the Pacific Northwest with a population of around 8,000. One of those 8,000 people is former WWE diva Ivory. Every year at the county fair they have what is called “Trashion Fashion,” which is where people use recycled materials to make costumes. This year, Ivory entered the contest. Her costume? Using discarded pet hair to make a poodle costume. You can watch video of this here (http://www.pnwlocalnews.com/sanjuans/jsj/entertainment/128023363.html). So if you’ve never met a furry, now you can say that you have. – Dusty

11. Hulk Hogan – He apparently still hates Vince Russo after all these years:

Apparently at the last PPV, when Hogan found out what the finish was for Sting vs. Angle, he blew his stack and cut a promo on Russo saying that he didn’t know anything about wrestling because he was never a wrestler. As if you were a wrestler it makes you immune from not getting how to book wrestling . And if you weren’t, it immediately drains your IQ to where you think the only guy in wrestling who makes sense and knows what they’re talking about is Ultimate Warrior. Well, given that most who watched the show had the same reaction as Hogan, groaning over the finish, it has nothing to do with being a wrestler. But at TV, they were back to at least giving the idea whatever heat was gone.

I hope you can get past just how awful Dave’s writing was there. In any event, as someone on a message board pointed out about this, I wonder what Hulk thinks of Eric Bischoff and Dixie Carter. Also, you’d think he could use his stroke to push Russo out of the company. It’s almost like he’s full of shit or something. But… that… can’t… be… – Dusty

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/20/11

1. Kevin Nash – A week and a day after Nash joked about becoming HHH’s body guard against CM Punk at the meet and greet for PWO’s Wrestlelution 4, he did just that at Summerslam. Well, maybe. The WWE decided to thicken the plot by having John Laurinaitis talk to Nash and Stephanie McMahon talk to CM Punk. They both gave reasons why they could have sent the text message to Nash to attack the winner of the match. Since we know it was Nash in the ring with the (Jack) Knife, finding out the sender of the text message is the only part of this  “Who Done It?” that remains unresolved. – Kevin

2. Mike Chioda – Not only did we already know that Chioda was “The Man” amongst referees, now we allegedly know that he must be “The Man” for partying after his Wellness Policy violation. I wonder if he counts to three or ten before exhaling. – Kevin

3. Sting, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair – Sting cut another ridiculously awful promo which is no surprise. The highlight of which was him asking the crowd if they wanted to see Hogan in another match against him. Even the Impact Zone crowd, who will cheer for just about anything, had a tepid response. Adding to the old age home amusement, Ric Flair complimented Sting on how in shape he was. Later, Flair showed off his tuned up physique to Hogan in his office. Any combination of these three in the ring will produce more sag than Joan Rivers’ botox could prevent. – Kevin

4. Jeremy & Eric – Where are they this week? Good question. I hope when they come back, if they ever come back, they apologize to you, the loyal reader, for going MIA here. – Dusty

5. The Young Bucks – Boy did I start a mini-bleepstorm with my Young Bucks post. Let me break it down for you: If you are too stupid to go into a WWE lockerroom and not shake everyone’s hand, go into a corner and wait your goddamn turn for a match, you don’t deserve to be in professional wrestling. And if you are so ball-less you post passive aggressive nonsense on Twitter and send your no talent brother in to do the dirty work, you are a horrible human being. This is not arguable. If you disagree with me, please go away. The Young Bucks should go away, too. – Dusty

6. Terri Runnels – My crack research team was able to locate a recent picture of Terri, which I will post here for your edification:

A gruesome visage, I know. – Dusty

7. Evolve – The next step for Evolve is in full effect:

Fat, ugly, badly recorded Jew guy wants YOU! – Dusty

8. Dave Meltzer – What on earth is causing “I” to be replaced with “In” every single time he writes it? This has happened for several weeks in a row now, and is quite frankly very disturbing. Is it a legit typo, every single time? A glitch in his voice-to-text software? The world may never know. – Dusty

9. Joey Abs – I guarantee you you want to know what’s been going on with Joey Abs lately:

What kind of a man hunts with a cellaphone? Real men don’t even own them. – Dusty

10. Sin Cara – The dude playing the fake Sin Cara character (Hunico) was Mystico before Sin Cara was Mistico. He then changed his name to Incognito and started to sell merchandise with his face on it. We’re talking about Incognito soap, candy bars, lighters, napkins, you name it. He sucks, as does real Sin Cara. However, I just gave you a face full of knowledge. Knowledge, right in your maw! Eat the knowledge! Eat it! – Dusty

11. Football – Speaking of Incognito, let’s talk about Richie Incognito and the 2-0 Miami Dolphins. Or, as I like to refer to them, the 2-0 Miami Super Bowl Dolphins. What’s that? These games don’t count? These are fake games? Well… uh… Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne… – Dusty

Mick Foley Isn’t Hurt By WWE Snub

We like tooting our own horn around here but sometimes we feel discretion is worthwhile. So we aren’t going to brag about being the first to mention Mick Foley being left off the “Greatest Stars of the 21st Century” DVD from WWE. Nor were we going to mention that Stunt Granny tweeted Mick Foley about it. Nor are we going to tell everyone he replied and said he wasn’t hurt.

But when you former boss and one of the biggest wrestling sites, PWTorch.com,  on the internet mentions all of this how can you not? So here is what he said. He is probably being diplomatic about being excluded. Just a theory.

@realMickFoley I’m not surprised I’m not on that greatest stars disc, @Stuntgranny . I only had 9 matches with @WWE in the 21st century. Not hurt at all.

Which was his response from this tweet.

@Stuntgranny It is noticeable that @realMickFoley was absent from the 21st Century stars disc. #Raw #IWantWrestling

Yeah that’s right, we had the exclusive but didn’t act on it. Whatever, we are good like that. This all is a cheap plug for you all to follow us on Twitter. So get on it.

@stuntgranny duh

@grannymaesJeremy

@difrango11Kevin

@DustyGiebinkDusty

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/13/11

1. Triple H – Okay, so he still reminds us that he bigfoots everything, but his placement in the main event of Summerslam does add a bit more intrigue. – Jeremy

2. Gail Kim – She wants out of WWE and they refuse to let her go since they know she will head back to TNA. This brings up the question, when the hell did she sign with WWE? – Jeremy

3. WWE Firings – Is this the first time in the history of WWE’s Black Friday that the internet didn’t get all up in arms? Like, you know, straight trippin’ and all.– Jeremy

4. John Morrison – Speaking of firings, John Morrison proves himself to be the town toolbag by sprinting to his whore girlfriend Melina’s defense when she gets justifiably fired. “Her face shows every emotion,” right? Yep, from smirking bitch to smiling cunt. She makes J-Lo look like Meryl Streep, and she wrestles about as well as both of them, too. Enter Morrison, who by a stroke of Rey Mysterio’s bad luck is now the No. 2 babyface on Raw. Your time will come, too, HBKantCutIt.– Eric

5. Rey Mysterio’s Knee – Does this mean WWE edits its “Don’t Try This at Home” PSA to have Rey-Rey say, “Iee’ve had surgeree SEEEX TIEEMES in my left kneeeee”? – Eric

6. Johnny Gargano vs. Josh Prohibition vs. “M Dogg 20” Matt Cross – PWO’s Wrestlelution 4: Overdrive weekend was an overall success. This match though stood out above all else. It wasn’t perfect, but I’d have to say that it was the second best match I’ve seen this year and definitely the best live.  This match showed a ton of athleticism, hard hitting moves and a nice aerial attack. The crowd was the hottest it was all day which always helps in my eyes. Get the DVD when it comes out. – Kevin

7.  The Miz lip synchs with some gross-ass muppet named Keenan Cahill – I laughed about this post by Eric for a solid 24 hours. I couldn’t get Teddy Yuckspin out of my head either. Funny shit. Read it again. – Kevin

8. So You Think You Can Dance – My DVR prioritized SYTYCD over iMPACT Wrestling. I did tape the last hour and I wish I hadn’t. Kurt Angle is in Immortal after fighting it for months, Mr. Anderson is out of it after a cup of coffee, the X Division was told to sit down because the meeting would take a while then told to get out a minute later, Jackie & ODB are “playing nice” and acting like they may break up, the Jarretts are only the second worst Mexican American act on the program and Crimson continued his winning streak then got beat down by Angle. Trust me, I’m more embarrassed to admit I watch TNA then SYTYCD. – Kevin

9. Mickie James – There’s an article that can be read online (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1444468367/mickie-james-is-making-a-new-record) that contains these words:

Hey y’all!  Thanks for dropping by my Kickstarter page!  I’m the luckiest girl in the world.  Throughout my career with WWE Wrestling, TNA and Impact Wrestling, and my music career, I’m amazed at how many AWESOME fans I have.

I’m getting ready to go into the studio to record a new project, and I wanted to find a way to offer you a chance to not just pre-order the CD, but to have an exclusive chance to get some other goodies that have never been available  (and won’t be available again!).

Take a look at the options over there on the right of the page and pre-order the one that you want.  Don’t wait too long, though, ‘cause once the Kickstarter campaign is over….it’s OVER baby!!

Several things about this come to mind. One, it is absolutely gross for a celebrity to ask for cash donations from “common folks” during a terrible economy. Absolutely gross. Two, watching that video, she kind of looks like a fat Francine now. Fatcine? And yes, I can call her fat because I am fat. Fuck you. Three, “Kickstarter” is a terrible album name. And four, she’s basically asking for $25 to throw in a personal thank you video. I had no idea blank VHS tapes were that much now. How come everything associated with TNA is soaked in trailer park? – Dusty

10. Terri Runnels-New Jack Update – According to Twinkleberry Hound:

Terri Runnels filed a suit on 8/8 in Florida State circuit court against former boyfriend Jerome “New Jack” Young, accusing Young of libel for remarks he’s made on the Internet about her and attempting to get a legal order prohibiting Young of selling nude photos of her.
Runnels, 44, has written that Runnels begins every morning by popping pain pills, drinking vodka and cranbery juice at 5:30 a.m. and also accused her of exposing partners to sexually transmitted diseases.
The Orlando Sentinel, at http://www.sun-sentinel.com/ has a story with reaction quotes by Young who claimed that everythig he has said or written about her is true, but said things others have said about her, such as her exposing people to sexually transmitted diseases, may be untrue.
Young said he took the nude photos of Runnels with her consent. He said he has not sold any of the photos, but may have sent them toa friend, and said that’s not a crime.
Runnels said she consented to the photos, but believed they would be kept private.
Runnels attorney said he feared Young would start selling the photos before the case culd be heard and is asking Judge Linda Schoonover for an injunction to prohibit it.

According to New Jack:

TRerrido you really think i give a shit about this stank ass,fake ass bitch Terri Runnels.that bitch is so broke now,that she is trying to sue Newjack to get money to pay on her house,which has been in foreclosure for over two years.i have moved own,i got my life together,got a fine ass woman with a masters degree and she knows how to handle me and she new that i was playing this bitch for a fool and she has now proven,thats what she is…a gotdamn fool.!!!
According to me, right now:
 
I wish to impregnate Terri Runnels.
 
11. Football – Put your face as close to the screen as possible and read this: FOOTBALL!!! – Dusty

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 7/2/11

1. CM Punk

2. Vince McMahon – McMahon was recently interviewed by Bloomberg Enterprise, and while he does seem to be mellowing at his old age (or maybe because the interviewer was a cuter girl than Bob Costas), he did admit that he’d be happy never retiring and “dying in the chair.” And while he did show a good sense of humor while saying that, I can’t imagine JBL will be back to clean up the carcass, so he might want to consider the beach. – Eric

3. Sean Waltman – The Real X-Pac has been all over social media lately, particularly really cranking up his video efforts via his Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/therealxpac. If you’re like me and grew up on the Lightning/1-2-3 Kid, give his shows a shot. His voice is ruined by years of puking all over himself, but his advice is sage, and his opinions are as educated as his feet. – Eric

4. Randy Orton – So Randall does a live radio interview and outs Kelly Kelly as being a dart board behind the scenes. This is nothing to be ashamed of but when it gets played by Randy and the hosts like she is a whore instead of a girl who likes to cum, that is the problem. Kelly, get you some dick and carry on. – Jeremy

5. Dolph Ziggler – He has been getting praised by former wrestlers as the next possible guy to go up the ladder. It was also made public knowledge he got inside Kelly Kelly’s vagina and may have dated a porn star. How can you not like this guy? – Jeremy

6. Linda Hogan – This thing is the exact opposite of Kelly Kelly. This troll went on The Today Show as well as Opie and Anthony (XM 105/ Sirius 206) and spouted a bunch of shit about Hulk Hogan. He has a small penis, he ripped out clumps of her hair, he was abusive and a bunch of other unsubstantiated claims. What did Hulk Hogan do in response? Basically nothing. Hulk Hogan took the high ground. Let that sink in. – Jeremy

7. #JeffHardyWatch – Join Twitter and help us mock one of our favorites as he awaits trail for a September 2009 arrest for possession of 262 Vicodin prescription pills, 180 soma prescription pills, 555 milliliters of anabolic steroids, a residual amount of powder cocaine, and drug paraphernalia. Is this a completely dickish and unnecessary thing to do? Yes, yes it is. But it’s funny. – Kevin

8. Make Up – The WWE must have actually had problems with the voting last week for “Power To the People.” They advertised for nearly a week before that Sin Cara would take on Evan Bourne. As a second make-up, without acknowledging it, they had Kofi Kingston spin the Raw Roulette Wheel and get a “Player’s Choice” stipulation in which Vickie was then banned from ring side. Good on you for listening to the fans. Now do it more often. – Kevin

9. Sin Cara – He really really sucks. – Dusty

10. Sweet Daddy Siki – In his book, Bret Hart identified Sweet Daddy Siki as the best. That statement was a true statement. – Dusty

11. Raven: Wrestling Superstar – So at SuperCon in Miami, Raven had a booth. My eye in the sky tells me he was visited by maybe eight people within an eight hour time frame. He was rude to boot. He’s The Wrestler without a career peak. I hope he dies. I also feel the urge to point out how absolutely terrible a show Ghost Hunters is. – Dusty

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 6/11/11

1. Ultimate Warrior- Let’s sum up this week’s Warrior antics by simply saying he called out Hulk Hogan, essentially slandered the Hulkster, and is abusing his social media privileges by wildly saying things about another person that could get him in serious hot water. It’s a good thing Warrior doesn’t own shit except tassles and empty, decorative file cabinets, or Hogan’s potential lawsuit could cost Warrior his ass. (Maybe Destrucity will allow him to regenerate and grow a new ass.) – Eric

2. Hulk Hogan – On the other hand, Hulk Hogan has responded to Warrior’s attacks and accusations like a Real American: He’s threatening to sue. But that’s like putting a Band-Aid on throat cancer; you’re never going to keep someone as mind-boggly as Warrior quiet, so revert to your NWO days and run him over with a Hummer, or ignore him and, like the petulant 5-year-old he is, he’ll go away. – Eric

3. Matt Hardy – Apparently he is allergic to good decisions as well as red meat. Stupido posted a video of his inebriated brother using a taser gun on his girlfriend. Normally who cares but with Jeff up on drug trafficking charges maybe he shouldn’t be doing those things for public consumption. – Jeremy

4. Mick Foley – Mick and TNA have parted ways opening up the way for Mick to get back to WWE and stop slumming it. I’ll let Eric make the jokes but Mick needs to go back and replace Booker T. Wow has that idea not worked out at all. – Jeremy

5. Audio Sweetener – Someone, anyone, please teach TNA production how to use this thing. It sucks in the first place but when you try using it on 145 people it is just grating. If you amp up the cheering make sure you frame it so the tubs in the front row aren’t clearly sitting on their hands. This shit is easy. – Jeremy

6. Booker T – I think he is really good on Smackdown, so Jeremy can suck it on this. Look, when I’m watching baseball or basketball, I don’t want empty calorie cliches anywhere near my commentary. I want former players to tell me about what they would do in certain situations, what they did during certain situations, anecdotes from their playing days, why so and so always strikes out such and such, etc. But pro wrestling is different. Pro wrestling color was built on a foundation of empty cliches and meaningless yelling outbursts. Booker is funny and entertaining. I don’t look for anything else from him. The other announcers need to paint the picture. Booker is just there to add the accompanying Maddenesque “BOOM! BANG! POW!” stuff. – Dusty

7. Mick Foley – While I’m beating up Jeremy, I’ll continue with Foley here. Do you remember how absolutely terrible he was on commentary last time they tried that in WWE? Especially that ECW pay-per-view, which he almost single handedly ruined? Listen, I don’t want this guy anywhere near my television set. He has a gigantic ego, a small penis and no remaining skill whatsoever. I have his “performance” at that one Royal Rumble permanently etched into my mind, where rolling around on the mat like a bloated beached whale is what substituted for effort. So I definitely don’t want “one last match” from him. Nevermind the hypocrisy of him climbing back in the ring anyway after making such a big deal of his first retirement 100 years ago. He needs to go the fuck away. – Dusty

8. 1.0 – That was apparently the rating of this past week’s TNA Impact show, which I should note was the go-home show for the upcoming Slammiversary PPV. Even Stevie Wonder can use his voice to tell you that’s not a good rating. It’s really only a matter of time at this point. – Dusty

9. ODB – Speaking of Impact, you could apparently see ODB’s shaved vag stubble on that show on at least two separate occasions. Impact is the stuff nightmares are made of. – Dusty

10. Jinder Mahal – What do they see in this guy? What am I missing here? – Dusty

11. NBA Championship – The Heat are going to win in 7, mothertruckers. All hail King James! – Dusty

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