The 12 Days of Jesus H. Christmas: Day 2 – Bret Hart on Twitter, put the letter “S” in front of the wrong word

He looks like he's gonna squeeze one out here.

(For the 12 days leading up to Christmas, Stunt Granny will relive with you the 12 most head-slapping, dipshitty stories of 2011, the things that made us wonder why we still watch professional wrestling and support some of these dingbats. Let’s continue with one of the more delusional wrestlers out there, Bret Sergeant Hart. The Hitman blessed us this year with his presence on Twitter, but with one’s head up one’s own ass the majority of the time, it may be hard to pick the most appropriate Twitter handle. He’s since changed it to the simpler “@BretHart,” but that didn’t make this faux pas disappear.)

(Originally posted February 28, 2011) And while I’m posting about Canadian pro wrestlers, according to Prowrestling.net, Bret “Hitman” Hart has launched a Twitter page, http://twitter.com/HitmanBretSHart#. It already has 6,40o followers, and it’s only been up for about three hours. That says to me that there are 6,400 people out there who need daytime jobs and could probably stand to retire their Hitman T-shirt from 1994 before the whited-out pit stains become so hard they can’t even move. Oh wait, I think the white comes from deodorant, never mind.

And, OK, I know the mind reads what it wants to, and I know Bret’s middle name is Sergeant (that Stu was a weird bastard), but does he even realize that his Twitter handle is Hitman Bret Shart? I mean… Shart. Again, back to those 6,400 unwashed losers, I’m sure someone in that group has already planted a flag at “HitmanBretHart,” “BretHitmanHart” and “14thOf13Children,” thinking they’re paying some sort of homage. But Shart? Was “BretHitmanClark” taken? What about “TheBretHart” with an underscore after it? Something, geez. -Eric

Day One: Ric Flair still can’t keep his finances straight

The 12 Days of Jesus H. Christmas: Day 1 – Ric Flair still can’t keep his finances straight

Minutes later, Flair was asking the lottery photographer for an advance on a paycheck he'd be getting in a half hour.

(For the 12 days leading up to Christmas, Stunt Granny will relive with you the 12 most head-slapping, dipshitty stories of 2011, the things that made us wonder why we still watch professional wrestling and support some of these dingbats. Let’s begin with the 1,700-time world champion, beloved unconditionally and irrevocably by all – named Mark Madden – and a guy willing to give you the shirt off his back, for about $6,000 and a ride to the courthouse… Ric Flair!)

(Originally posted January 26, 2011) According to Prowrestling.net, Ric Flair has his mind on his money and his money on his mind. During TNA’s UK tour, Flair asked TNA’s tour manager for a “draw,” or an advance on his paycheck, and when the request was denied, Flair stormed off and went home. You may recall stories from Flair’s WWE Hall of Fame acceptance speech that started the same way, with him asking Arnold Skaaland for a draw. But those stories continued with him getting the draw and spending it all, and the stories ended with Flair in financial ruin with a trail of failed marriages behind him. So stomp your feet and pout if you will, Nature Boy, but TNA may have just kept an alimony payment in your pocket. Now go feverishly scratch some lottery tickets, you hillbilly at heart. -Eric

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