Headlines: Beth Phoenix written off TV, Colt and Pearce besmirch NWA, DDP moves in with Jake Roberts

In news that has been brewing for months, according to Prowrestling.net (and according to watching WWE Monday Night Raw last night), Beth Phoenix has been written off TV, via an angle where she was fired by Whatever Type of General Manager Vickie Guerrero. Phoenix asked for and was granted her release a while back, so there really isn’t much to say other than good luck keeping Jeremy Maes away from you while you read your zombie comic books.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Colt Cabana threw down his NWA “World” Title belt after beating Adam Pearce in the seventh of their best-of-seven series in a match in Australia. Since the NWA belt has been thrown down more times than Lilian Garcia, the real news here is that Colt Cabana and Adam Pearce were paid to travel to and wrestle in Australia. Not that they aren’t worth it, because they are (two of my top 10 draft pics, easily), but it shows how upside down these Aussies are, dropping that kind of coin on transportation and payoffs. Oy, was Rick Tick Tillah and Moykey McGongileydoo bof already booooked that noight? Nine hundred dollaridoos?? Ah, screw it, I’ll just have a cup of coffee…

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Diamond Dallas Page and Jake “The Snake” Roberts are working on a documentary where DDP helps Jake get in shape for one last run, employing DDP Yoga over an 8-week period. To ensure success, DDP has moved in with Jake, and Jake has agreed to regular drug testing throughout the filming. The filming will end when Jake’s landlord gets tired of seeing his coked-out ex-wrestler tenant being accompanied by a scummy 50-year-old man in a leather vest and tight Guess jeans and boots them both out. (Other punchlines include: “This video will resemble less a documentary on health and more a low-budget docudrama about the Village People,” and “These two guys could leave a ring around the Atlantic Ocean, so I hope Jake’s landlord has a Rug Hospital, not just the Doctor.” Eh, none of these were any good. I need to keep my day job. Oh, and click on this link for TWNP.com, which I assume stands for Talking to Women is Not a Problem for us, to see how well Jake’s workout regimen is going.) -Eric

Perry Saturn to wrestle in Des Moines, Iowa, says guy in South Carolina

"Hi."

I’m glad Jeremy brought this to my attention, because it resurrected an old post that I never published:

For the first time in a quarter-century, the NWA Championship will be defended in Des Moines, Iowa, as 3XWrestling brings “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce back to town to defend his belt against “The Rebel” Jeremy Wyatt at Baratta’s Forte Ballroom. Tickets are $15 at the door, and the show begins at 7:30 p.m. I would have posted this news earlier, but even though I’m one of the biggest wrestling fans in this town, I didn’t even know about the show until right this instant. Bring the kids! -Eric

That was, like, three weeks ago. This time, it took Jeremy, who lives in Greenville, S.C., to alert me to (according to Gerweck.net) Perry Saturn wrestling in my hometown. Saturn lives within about 150 miles of here – I’m thinking Mason City, Ia., or Albert Lea, Minn., but don’t care enough to Google it – and has wrestled in Iowa within the past eight years – whenever he wasn’t missing, homeless, dead or playing the third Ultimate Warrior. I’m not shocked to see him – and I’m excited as hell that his opponent is my boy Gage Octane – but I will be shocked when I see the 3XW TV commercial running on the lower-rung digital cable channel at 3 a.m. while I’m trying to enjoy “House Hunters” reruns. -Eric

Adam Pearce spreads power like cream cheese

Oh, uh, what, Mom? You want me to come inside? Sorry guys, I gotta go home, gimme my basketball...

"Oh, uh, what, Mom? You want me to come inside? Sorry guys, I gotta go home, gimme my basketball..." (totally borrowed from http://www.onlineworldofwrestling.com)

Are you fucking kidding me? PWInsider.com is reporting that…

New Ring of Honor booker Adam Pearce informed the locker room over the last 24 hours that he would be curtailing his responsibilities when it came to being on the road and in dealing directly with talent due to outside responsibilities with his family and other obligations.

Moving forward, Pearce will still be booking but will not be attending ROH’s Friday night events. He will fly in from the West Coast and help with the Saturday events. On events Pearce is not backstage for, Austin Aries (who has gained considerable power under the new regime) will be running the ROH locker room.

Larry Sweeney has also been tapped as something of a liason between the wrestlers and Pearce in an effort to cut back some of Pearce’s time management. In the past, wrestlers would email or call Pearce directly with concerns and suggestions. Now, they will go to Sweeney, who will then report to Pearce. The change is made to take some of the workload off of Pearce’s shoulders.

What fucking workload? You book a wrestling company that runs *at most* five shows a month. What, is that gonna cut into your self-challenges to eat whole barrels of Sam’s Club cheese puffs in 6 hours? Do you need to keep your phone line free so your three-times-a-day Papa John’s orders go uninterrupted? “Hey, sorry Austin, my aunt’s cat is getting spayed, I’m not gonna be able to make it to Dayton. *click* Mmmm, delicious pickle wraps…” -Eric

Adam Pearce is ROH’s new booker, catering not cut

See, fucker, Im awesome! Triple-check THAT!

"See, fucker, I'm awesome! Triple-check THAT!"

According to Prowrestling.net via Figure Four Online, Adam Pearce has been brought on as Ring of Honor’s new booker. Word around the campfire is that Pearce will bring a more 1970s style of wrestling to ROH, but continue using the same roster. And who says Jim Cornette’s style is outdated? Maybe Jimmy Jacobs will come back with a big gut and spindly legs. Maybe Bryan Danielson’s new finisher will be a fistdrop from the second rope. Maybe Buddy Landell will work a few dates. Or maybe this will work. R-O-H! R-O-H! -Eric

Adam Pearce gooey… excuse me, gone from ROH

Hey, dont fuckin touch my donut, Ill be back there in 10 minutes!

"Hey, don't fuckin' touch my donut or I'll beat your head in!"

PWInsider.com triple-checked their sources and reported that “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce and Ring of Honor have parted ways as a cost-cutting measure for ROH. I have this weird thing about Pearce in that I can’t stand him, and it’s completely irrational, but I would pay to see him get beat. Am I a mark? Duh, of course. The stories CM Punk and Colt Cabana told about Pearce on their ROH shoot DVD almost make me want to hang out with him, but he’s like that friend in your circle that makes the dumb comments and jokes, and you just kinda laugh out loud because another of your friends likes him more, and you just don’t wanna be the brunt of him calling someone “Butthead” all night. That’s it, he reminds me of fucking Jason Hervey’s character on “The Wonder Years”! All of that being said, he’s probably the greatest guy on earth and I’ve completely read him wrong, but that just means he’s doing his job well. I mean, he wouldn’t hold the prestigious NWA World Heavyweight Championship if he wasn’t. -Eric

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