Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #Raw

The Frozen Diamond Face Off between Ohio State & Michigan at Progressive Field in Cleveland.

I hope you had a good weekend. I did in the fine city of Cleveland. I had some fantastic beer at the Market Garden Brewery (St. Emeric’s Stout was the best. The Pearl Street Wheat was a close second.) then I picked up some killer andouille sausage and Krakow keilbasa at the West Side Market. At night, wegot to eat at Fahrenheit. Absolutely fantastic food, highly recommended if you don’t mind dropping $25+ on a meal. We attended the game on Sunday. Michigan put a serious hurting on OSU. I was not surprised to hear (although I didn’t confirm) that Michigan has ten NHL draft picks. OSU (also not confirmed) has five draft picks. That’s a whole lot of talent on the ice. Great time if you don’t mind being outside in 25 degree temperatures. Enough about the weekend, let’s roll.

Mick Foley gets to hear the same reaction he heard when the Rock was beating the tar out of him all of those years ago with a chair since they’re in Anaheim, absolutely nothing. They are easily the worst crowd in wrestling. A Pro Wrestling Ohio crowd has a better reaction. Dolph comes down and runs down Foley. Dolph killed. Foley did a good job of playing his part. CM Punk then arrives. Punk does a good job of mixing comedy and being serious. Johnny Wooden GM kills the momentum. Jesus, this crowd actually does something but only chants “What?” Fuck Anaheim. Johnny Law says no Mick Foley in the Royal Rumble. Somehow I get the idea he’s going to get in or else they wouldn’t have floated the idea out there. Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler recap the dunce move of giving away the tag titles at a house show.

Rosa smokes more than the andouille sausage I bought. At least we got the footage. They have less light at their house show footage than PWO. Terrible. Of course Bourne took the pin. He’s taking the beating to start the match too. Did I mention that it’s not fair the Hunico & his man crush get stuck with a low rider bike and Epico & Primo get Rosa? The tag titles mean jack. Johnny is back in our lives. He mysteriously talks to someone. The reveal is Jericho who turns off the lights and let’s the jacket sign. OK, I’m amused by the mute act again.

Zack Ryder still gets Eve Torres. He goes serious to sell the injury and show his resolve. He can work on the facials a bit. I like the message though. Kane replay.

We got Jack Swagger before the commercial break. Ryder arrives after. How the mighty have fallen. Ryder kicks out of the Swagger Bomb. Even worse, he kicks out of a second. A third one does him in. For some reason, they give him the title. I’m confused. I love Zack and all but he’s not ready to move up the card, the usual reason for losing that title. Is he injured? Did I miss something other than the crowd going crazy for him?

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Florence is where I learned to love wine.

Tonight is not a night for a #SippyTimeBeer because I’m making tomato sauce. Any time I cook a sauce or usually when I make any Italian dish, I bust out the wine for the night. Every now and again, event the fellows at Stunt Granny have some level of sophistication. They make a killer wine in Tuscany (Florence’s state) that is called Chianti that is a mix of grapes and is my favorite. I used a California wine called Menage a Trois which is pretty much the same thing since it’s a mix of Zinfandel, Merlot & Cabernet Sauvignon. Good stuff. And remember tomato sauces = red wine and cream sauces = wine white. Time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

Evidently the Rock can only film from the same mountain top. Rock turns down Cena’s offer. Rock is looking really ripped. Glad the WWE finally put up an “Earlier Today” sign. The Rock is teaming with him for the people. The crowd even realizes how anti-climatic this announcement is. What the hell is the director doing with the long shot that doesn’t even show the video? It doesn’t make fun of children who root for Cena. Naturally it’s a threat to Cena too.

CM Punk takes on Mark Henry. Glad they waited a whole week to show the ring being broken. I’m so glad I didn’t order that PPV. I like the look of concern on Punk’s face. Even as much as I love Punk, he better get the “I can see it miles away” interference from Big Show to win. Ricardo assaults Henry to try and get him the DQ. The director fucks up again by not showing Ricardo getting the World’s Strongest Slam. Nice way to stretch out an eventual match.

We are privileged to have the Rock on actual program in two weeks. The Muppets get interrupted by “Excuse Me”. Jack Swagger gets to suck. Kermit & Piggy might pull him out of this. Santino gets in on the act. It’s a train wreck. The guy working the Muppets show more emotion than Swagger. Kelly gets to flirt with Kermit.

During the commercials, Emmitt Smith was hocking some foot insert then I got a Don King commercial. Continue the ridiculousness. The Divas Battle Royal was “hilarious” with the costume run down before the match starts. Alicia Fox wins this thing since she won last week? Nope. Eve wins again. They threw that match together so I can see stretching this thing out. I like the idea of a threesome taking on Beth & Natalya. Christian picks on poor Beaker. Sheamus acts like they’re in the same family.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

TNA doesn't deserve the picture of a real train wreck.

I haven’t had hope that TNA would take over the WWE for prominence, probably ever. I had traveled to Altoona and barely had my wits about me when I got back. Despite doing an Impact Wrestling review, I had forgotten about Bound For Glory. It seems that TNA forgot they had a pay per view too. What a truly horrific way to finish your “Super Bowl”. Those guys don’t deserve anyone’s money. The results also make me know for sure that despite the WWE’s major slump and veering off course after giving me hope recently that they’re still easily the best wrestling product on TV. I love PWO, but they are still training people on the job who graduate up to both of these organizations. I enjoy seeing that development. Of note, for some reason or another my Twitter froze up last night (on my computer and phone) while trying to do a near delusional review of Smackdown. I hope that doesn’t happen tonight. 9:15, Let’s roll.

I get to FF to start the show. They’re trying to make it worse than TNA. Johnny Wooden GM starts us off. John, we don’t find anything you do humorous or entertaining at all despite trying to get the “irony” boos. I’m shocked that JR really shows up. When’s the punch line coming? The main event is set and I’m completely uninspired. Shouldn’t there be a stipulation that the loser leaves Raw? How does that settle their differences? Orton is introed as we hit the first commercial break. Just wow.

John Morrison gets a good pop from the Mexicans. Sheamus doesn’t do much better. The heels (Christian, Cody Rhodes & Mark Henry) come out in short order. I can’t believe that Cole had to explain to us that Lawler was put thru a table by Henry to explain why Lawler was happy Henry went thru a table. Memories are for losers. Orton assaults Rhodes so that they can make some real animosity before their match on Sunday.

We are informed that it’s now a tag team match. I’d imagine since Morrison is the only one without a PPV match, he’s taking the pin. Sheamus & Christian fight thru the crowd to take it down to one on one match. Morrison looked good in defeat. The toss into the World’s Strongest Slam was cool and most guys couldn’t pull that off.

Brodus Clay gets more hype. He needs to be on Smackdown with the other giants. Man, they expanded that. Clay delivered well. Johnny Wooden GM gets the hoochies because he’s an evil GM. Del Rio comes in. Winner gets to chose stips for the PPV. Um, don’t we need another stipulation for the match? Eve is taking on Beth Phoenix at Vengeance. She gets to beat Natalya who has been the jobber. Eve busted out some reverse Cross Rhodes reverse then a top rope moonsault to try and make herself look like a worthy in one match. The WWE even realizes it’s throwing that match together with a quickness.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown

I'm going to guess none of the cheerleaders at the game near me look like Minka Kelly.

I’m bored and it’s Friday. There’s a high school football game at the high school near me so my one dog becomes a shut in. The public address system hurts her ears. I’m still in the middle of making dinner so this post will still take some breaks. I’m making some creamy tomato sauce with cannelli beans which will go with some whole wheat pasta. Considering I can watch Smackdown in about an hour, I still might catch up. Let’s roll.

Johnny gets the mic to start the show. They must be trying to get us to turn the channel. I tape Star Wars: The Clone Wars at this time slot. Yep, I’m a dork. Oh that’s right, you’re reading this. You’re a dork too. I glaze over until he introduces Mark Henry. He does OK then Trips arrives. Christian kisses up so you know the attack is coming. Ah, the one last match gimmick is coming. That’s kind of funny. I hope they drop the gag soon though. Trips makes a match between Christian & Henry. He was cracking me up telling Henry to hold on. Why wasn’t Sheamus out there?

Ginger on Ginger violence coming up. Slater getting in more offense than I expected. It was still pretty much a squash match though. So, does the WWE really cement Sheamus as a baby face by having him be the one who stopped Henry? Is that why they pulled that feud apart earlier than they should have? Christian still getting much TV time.

Former Nexus members Barrett vs. Gabriel goes down. Glad the announcers let me know they wrestled in a tag match. I thought it was a singles match. I wish this match would have been built up more. It’s not going to be a main event match but why shouldn’t a match like this be a curtain jerker at a PPV? Wow, emphatic win for Barrett.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown

I'm appreciating edges. Yes, I'm an architecture dork.

I decided to work on this column since it’s going to be a quiet night at the home stead. I might still work on a preview article for Night of Champions after this is over. I keep promising to bring back my old articles of the Art & Architecture of Wrestling. We’ll see.

Edge does a pretty standard “Thank You” speech. Cody gets to interrupt. Cody delivers most of the time. Why did he forget to mention that he won at Wrestlemania though? That’s a big one there Mr. Rhodes. Edge picks on Cody’s one good quality. He still won’t do much because of his size. Ted DiBiase making a come back of sorts. That attack did as much for Ted as just about anything else in his career.

Sin Cara takes on Daniel Bryan. Cole is talking about lighting a fuse under Bryan. Are they finally moving on for hating on him for being a Vegan and a dork? I hope so. I do agree with Cole about the jockeying for spots. Last week was the first week in a while that I liked Smackdown more than Raw. They’re back in development phase on this program. As I babble, commercial hits for the match.

I’m trying out a new technique here. All segments will be bolded per Eric’s suggestion. Since the match is continuing, no bold on this paragraph. A good match ends with Sin Cara kicking in Bryan’s head. Wow, the camera should not have zoomed in on Bryan lifting himself just enough to get his legs out of the Tree of Woe. Mistico shows his sloopy mug. After seeing them face to face, how could anyone not notice the change? I thought he was thicker but he’s a good couple of inches taller too. Oh goody, time to FF through a taped segment on SD. That could be why I liked Raw more. I’ve been to mostly SD tapings which have less action as a whole.

Zack Ryder complains and Teddy Long lays down the no contact rule. Woo Woo Woo, don’t blow it. Nice. Aksana gives Teddy a massage when Trish shows up. AJ gets to have her ass kicked by Beth Phoenix. Cole complimenting Kelly Kelly. He becomes a different announcer on SD. Beth gets a mic. I’d like the promo more if she didn’t start dressing more like the “Glamazon” as Jeremy said to me on the audio earlier this week.

Sheamus video package. Edge and Trish are having “fun” when Christian comes walking in. The one more match gimmick is kind of funny. Zack skips in too. Nice of Trish to call him the Internet Champion. I did not watch his new show today.

Wade Barrett & Christian take on Sheamus & Justin Gabriel. Wow, there are a lot of Sheamus signs. I really can’t believe the one that said “You can’t blame us for loving Sheamus”. Dear lord, people even love these dumb Irish yarns. He even rhymes and people cheer it. Nothing happens except Gabriel beat down before the commercial.

I flipped to check in on the Boise State at Toledo game. What a circus catch to end the first half. Through the receivers hands, off the defender’s head and back into the receivers hands. Best part, the announcers don’t say anything about it and pretend like it was a great catch. Good pass, lucky reception. Gabriel gives Sheamus the hot tag. Brogue kick leads to the 450 splash. Wow, that’s quite a statement for Gabriel. Christian working the chicken shit heel well. Gabriel has a lot of range with that 450 after seeing the replay. FF thru another video package. That one was for Mark Henry.

Heath Slater gets to job to the Great Khali. Booker, gah, no, not CCR. Thank you Cole for correcting him. What the fuck did I just type? Mahal attacks Khali while Slater helps. Slater ends up taking the brunt of the punishment. Mahal should give Slater a sister for that save.

CM Punk & HHH video package. Kofi & Evan do their cheese dick entrance. R Truth & Miz sing “You Suck”. This might be the first good rhyme Truth has ever had. As much as I’m enjoying their team, I prefer them as singles so I hope they lose on Sunday. Wow, I’m a bit surprised by Truth winning too. Beth then this duo are being pushed hard which makes me think neither are winning. Mark Henry video package.

Cutting Edge starts. Mark Henry comes down first. Randy gets the first question though. Cool little logo in the lower left. Orton pulling the “Not Good Enough” card because of the no championships. I like it. Edge jumps on it. I dig Henry owning up to that fault saying that he has new focus. Orton calls him a failure. Edge is playing his part perfectly. He bails. The “locker room” aka jobbers empties to try and break it up. Orton takes a couple of them out then gets hammered by Henry who then cleans up the remainder of the “locker room”. Henry is also looking strong. I’m not sure I’ve seen a crop of challengers that have been pushed this much. Awesome ending. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #154

The WWE is mixing brands, we're mixing drinks.

Kevin and Jeremy are back and they’re a little confused. They watched so much wrestling on Monday and Tuesday that it all blended together in their minds and on this audio. It’s almost a bonus show since we rarely cover Smackdown except for the excellent feud between Christian and Randy Orton. How did they think that feud ended in the cage match? How many people are going to turn on HHH no matter what he does? Is CM Punk really a skinny fat ass? Find out what the guys think of the name Air Boom. Is John Cena reverting back to his old self? What do the boys think is at the root of this problem? What is happening with all of the second or third generation wrestlers? Last but not least, what do the guys think of the women’s division revival? OH yeah, that should be last and least. Click below to enjoy that witty banter.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #154

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