Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

From behindthesteelcurtain.com

From behindthesteelcurtain.com

Chuck Noll, the coach who has more Super Bowl wins than any other coach in the history of the National Football League, passed away on Friday. I didn’t really get to enjoy those four Lombardi Trophies that he helped bring to Pittsburgh. I was 3 when they won #3 and 4 when they lifted #4 but I was too young to remember. By the time I had started to really watch football, the Steelers were pretty terrible. I didn’t know him as a winner but rest assured that my Grandpa Sheehan and my father have filled me in on some of that past glory. If you want to read more about what he means to Pittsburgh, I suggest reading Dejan Kovacevic’s Noll Made Us All Steelers article in the Pittsburgh Tribune -Review, which had very little to do with football.

As for wrestling, I will be attending Smackdown tomorrow so you won’t hear my lovely voice until at least Wednesday if not later. I’ll be wondering if everyone that loses is going to get fired considering Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre and Aksana all got to take losses before being “future endeadvored” on Wednesday. It’s time for Raw though. Let’s roll.

We get the locker room on the entrance stage. HHH & Stephanie McMahon greet us from the middle of the ring.They run down Daniel Bryan more. Giving rise to even more speculation in my mind that he’ll be back for the PPV. I don’t feel like they played Dr. Maroon’s part last week that said he would be re-evaluated to get him back in the ring as soon as possible. Steph announces a battle royal. Only the idiots in Cleveland would cheer for that pile of trash style of match. (Next Day Note: Since I didn’t comment on them for the rest of the night, that was a second consecutive good crowd in Cleveland.) HHH boots Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns & John Cena from the match. Can I say they’re doing a solid smarm job but still not like having to endure this garbage? Evil Authority. HHH acts like Kane hasn’t lost to Cena more times than I care to remember.

Dolph Ziggler heads to the ring. He gets to lose to Seth Rollins in another good match that he won’t be rewarded for. We get a video package about Rollins betrayal. The match doesn’t go much of anywhere when the break hits. Rollins in control after it. Jaw jacker by Ziggler. Rollins tosses him outside. Ziggler cracks Rollins when he goes for a suicide dive. Rollins kicks out the back of Ziggler’s leg to take over. The big DDT gets Dolph a two count. Ziggler slaps on the sleeper hold. Fame Asser for a two count. Ziggler goes for the DDT a second time but Rollins turns it into a buckle bomb. That looked like a good recovery. Second buckle bomb leads to the Curb Stomp. Dean Ambrose attacks for the DQ win. He then gets some mic time as Rollins backs away. He challenges him to a match. HHH gives him Bad News Barrett. I wish he’d drop the fascination with the cape spot for his entrance.

Ambrose is dressed in a black tank top & jeans. Is this a new look? If so, why is he the first to change his in ring gear? Ambrose gets tossed off the top rope to the floor for the first significant move. Ambrose re-injures his shoulder. Barrett works it over. A back elbow and Tornado DDT gets Ambrose an opening. I keep trying to block out the announcers but it’s not working. They bicker so poorly that it drives me bananas. Ambrose hits the catapult clothes line. Rollins distracts Ambrose. Ambrose side steps a charging Barrett. Ambrose nails them with a suicide dive. Ambrose gets counted out fighting Rollins in the crowd. Ambrose attacks Barrett and nails Dirty Deeds. JBL makes one valid point “That sneak attack is okay?” No answer from Mitchell Cool or Jerry Lawler. Ugh. Roman Reigns tries to sweet talk Vickie. It’s just a ploy to spike HHH & Steph’s drinks with what I’m assuming is pepper since Vickie sneezed. Do cartoons still do that gimmick? Seems like a dated reference to me.

From occultspace.com

From occultspace.com

Bray Wyatt comes out and talks in low light around a ladder. Power is his game. He points to the belt and says that’s all the power he’d ever need. Wyatt then starts to hype Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. I would be perfectly happy to see them as tag champions. I just hope the Usos don’t hang it up since that tends to happen when losses happen. Sing along time. Sheamus reminds us that it’s bad luck to walk under ladders. Wyatt welcomes the fight that Sheamus promises to bring. Sheamus works over Wyatt at first. In what looks like a botched spot, Wyatt falls down. He gets up and tackles Sheamus. It looks like Sheamus is going to be attacked by Harper & Rowan when the Usos decide to show up.

It remains a singles match after the break. I was expecting a six man to start. Sheamus fights back. A high running knee was missed by Sheamus. Wyatt ends up hitting the cross body block. Sheamus power slams Wyatt. Sheamus backs into the corner when Harper & Rowan grab him. The Usos join the fight. The Usos end the fracus by running up a ladder and diving onto Harper & Rowan. HHH whacks Vickie as she tries to give him his coffee. So just Steph is going to be sick.

Steph is still drinking away as she is interviewed by Renee Young. She ends up running off. Paul Heyman thankfully is the replacement. He runs through the possible champions but then tells us that Cesaro being the next champion is not a prediction but a spoiler. Heyman even makes the most of short ones.

Rusev is out to face the One Man Band. Did Mitchell cool just call him simply Slater? If so, they have gone too far with the single name status. Lana gets to talk from the middle of the ring this week. She gives us a Mount Russiamore. He speaks. He is the super athlete. Slater gives us the go back speech. American rock star, baby! Kick to the face. Crush. The Accolade. I hope I don’t see him tomorrow. (Next Day Note: I still don’t want to see him tonight.) Vickie has to check on Stephanie and gets puked on. Sigh. Vickie is now in charge but is told to take a shower. Scream by Vickie. (Next Day Note: I’m was so confused. Vickie sneezes in the segments to imply pepper was the spiking agent but Steph is puking so much that she has to leave the arena. Reigns didn’t go with laxative, which has more potential for pervs who want to see Steph on the toilet, so what did he use exactly? Pepper won’t make you violently puke.)

Roman Reigns lobbies Vickie Guerrero again. Smart plan by Reigns. He gets what he wants. Why would she do that? (Next Day Note: Just send the clip of Reigns spiking their drinks. Or how about HHH & Steph watch their own product so they don’t fire Vickie wrongfully. Now you really are screwed.) They advertise “Think Like a Man Too” which I won’t see no matter how great Kevin Hart is in this segment. He gets to meet Adam Rose. Hart won’t be a Rose Bud. He’s going to do commentary? That’s probably going to be better than a dumb segment with him.

Kevin Hart is on the head set next. I don’t FF as Hart starts cracking on Fandango & Layla. Did they have him out just to ask that question for Mitchell Cool to throw to replay? It appears as if it’s a ladies match with Summer Rae. Oh, Adam Rose is joining her. The guys start the match. Summer Rae goes hell cat on Layla. Layla tags out ASAP. Party Foul by Rose for the win. What the fuck? Kevin Hart joins Rose for a victory dance. They both crowd surf. I’m just shaking my head. It should be noted that one of my lady’s co-workers will be taking his eleven year old girl to Smackdown tomorrow. I’m wondering if she isn’t as disgusted by that segment as me. I doubt it. Boo-tista Unleashed where he gets to cry. Hey man, don’t say the internet didn’t like you. As soon as you played what you should be playing (ahem a heel who won’t be cheered) your run was fantastic. Said it then, will continue to say it now.

Dark Royalty by Shiroin.com

Dark Royalty by Shiroin.com

The Battle Royal is on. Santino & Damien “Lebron James” Sandow were eliminated early. A Matadore then another got tossed by Rusev. They talk about Bo Dallas a lot. Titus O’Neil gets tossed by Reigns. Sin Cara gets tossed. Ziggler gets staying in the match. Jack Swagger should toss Kofi but it’s ass backwards. The US beat Ghana 2-1. I don’t care that it was bowling shoe ugly. 3 points is 3 points. I can keep track of this garbage on the app. No thanks. No eliminations so it really didn’t matter. Ryback eliminates Ziggler. Reigns goes bananas in the ring. Ryback slows him down. Reigns spears Rybaxel. Fandango gets eliminated. Ryback gets low bridged. Axel leaves. RVD gets occupied with Barrett and Dallas. RVD fights them both off. RVD goes for a monkey flip when Dallas tosses him. Dallas hugs Barrett who clothes lines him. Bo gets tossed but holds on. Dallas gets speared and tossed by Reigns. It’s down to Reigns and Rusev. They aren’t giving this to Rusev. The heel kick by Rusev finally looks significant. Reigns fires back on Rusev. They fight with Rusev on the apron. Superman Punch to eliminate Rusev. John Cena just saw the impossible become possible. He’s happy about the stretcher match. Whatever dude. (Next Day Note: What I should have typed was “Even Cena realizes he’s beat Kane more time than he can count.)

Naomi & Cameron both still have jobs. Paige gets to wrestle Cameron. Oh goody. Cameron’s main offensive weapon is a slap. Not good news. Naomi acts disappointed in Cameron. We’re getting a break up angle. Good for Naomi, bad for Cameron. Paige locks in the PTO.  The announcers go back over the Rhodes saga. Byron Saxton gets to interview Goldust. He is excited about his new partner who is super galactic. Definitely Cody in some kind of gear.

Goldust is the first out. Stardust is out second. Cody with a star on his face. Dear lord. Stardust makes short work off Curtis Axel. (Next Day Note: I just feel bad that the king of the one trick pony gimmicks has another gimmick. It has kept him on TV so maybe it isn’t so bad.)

John Cena & Kane allow me to nearly catch up. The announcers have to sell Kane’s mean streak. Kane tries for the stretcher before the first break. Several times. Stupid. Cena tosses Kane into a chair wedged into the ropes. Kane choke slams Cena. Kane goes to attack Cena with the stairs when Cena drop kicks his legs. Kane cracks his face off the stairs on the way down. Kane reverses an AA into a DDT onto the stairs. Cena rolls off the stretcher. He tosses Kane into the post. Cena bounces off the barricade. Kane cleans off the announce table. Cena pops up and gives him the AA thru the table. Cena is a moron so he carries Kane to the stretcher. Take the stretcher to him.How about lowering the stretcher? Seth Rollins and Randy Orton attack Cena. Ambrose makes the save. He gets choke slammed by Kane. Cena dumps Kane to the outside. Cena tosses the stairs at Kane. Rollins & Orton had the numbers to finish the job. Kane sits up near the finish line. A reverse gets an AA onto the stretcher which poor Kane has to sell. Cena pushes him across the line for the win. – Kevin

 

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Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation – #WWE ‘Future Endeavor Day’

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Jeremy: So no more releases as of yet.

Kevin: I would have to think it’s ended now unless the rumor mill is true that no one can get a hold of JTG.

Jeremy: HA, poor JTG. Did you realize he was still employed?

Kevin: Yes because I’ve gone thru that roster page too often recently during shows. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t even make Main Event.

Jeremy: If there was ever a time to replace him wouldn’t it be now? They have Xavier Woods after all.

Kevin: There is no reason to pay someone who can’t even make it to Main Event. JTG should be gone.

Jeremy: Unless he is a trainer behind the scenes? I have no clue what he does as a function for the company.

Kevin: Knowing the inner workings would always help. Maybe he helps choreograph the Funkadactyls routines.

Jeremy: Saw Chris post that he hasn’t had one match this year. What a great way to make money.

Kevin: More reasons to can the guy unless he’s doing something else for them. I bet he’s the mole who is giving TNA the scoop on the WWE’s story lines.

Jeremy: Then he is the worst possible mole ever. I have always figured TNA’s “mole” was the TYV in the office. “Hey look what they are doing. We should do that.”

Kevin: I can’t wait to see what they try to replicate tonight. Hold on, weren’t we talking about everyone who got canned? We haven’t mentioned any of them yet.

Jeremy: Oh yeah, well it sort of goes hand in hand. Some of these people could end up in TNA.

Kevin: If TNA is smart, they’ll stay away simply because more rip off jokes will follow. I know some of them might be useful with re-packaging but none of them are so good that they’ll drag TNA out of the dregs.

Jeremy: Out of the list of the released Evan Bourne will probably end up in ROH again or Dragon Gate USA. He is too talented for this to be the end of his career.

Kevin: He should land on his feet. No one else will care about the pot smoking. The rash of injuries usually subsides at some point. Hell, once brittle Fred Taylor even had a string of injury free years for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Jeremy: His injuries were from a car accident as well and then a string of “bad luck.” Regardless he has immediate merchandise potential as I have said since WWE called him up. TNA should take a look but they won’t.

Kevin: He’s the only guy I wouldn’t blame them for picking up. I’d be disappointed in him if he did that though. Everyone in wrestling has to know it’s a black hole.

Jeremy: At this time though if they come calling you sort of have to listen and at least consider it. Drew Mcintyre can still make a go of things.

Jeremy: Allow me to interrupt this conversation for breaking news: JTG has been released.

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Eric’s Blog: Which @WWE released wrestlers would you hire?

Peace out, Cub Scout. -or- Yes, I will pay you 2 grand a week to be my TV Champion.

Let’s say I won the lottery, or a Nigerian prince wanted to deposit $44.3 million into my bank account if I would just give him my routing number. I would totally go behind Carly’s back and finally start the professional wrestling company I’ve always dreamed of.

Or would I? Has the free agent talent pool dried up in the past few years? Until today, WWE hadn’t executed a mass release of superstars for ages. TNA still hoards wrestlers like TV Guides. Anyone who Ring of Honor releases isn’t worth their weight in, well, anything, since they all weigh 148 pounds soaking wet. And most other notable names are old, getting old, hurt, or just sick of pro wrestling and are now working for big-time medical device companies.

A few wrestlers stand out as must-haves. I would throw my mom down the stairs to acquire Colt Cabana. It’s been a few years since I’ve seen him, but I was wowed by Go Shiozaki and would want that international element in my league. And then most of the other guys are dudes I know.

With WWE’s flush of talent today, though, a few more names rise to the top of the draft board…and a few don’t even qualify as the tail on the donkey. Let’s find out who’s who.

Evan Bourne: Any wrestling company who can’t find something for Evan Bourne/Matt Sydal to do doesn’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. That said, if this cut had happened five years ago when the talent roster wasn’t as deep, we’d all be screaming “the end is nigh” for WWE. Today, there’s enough talent to feed an army and choke a horse, so Bourne’s departure doesn’t harm WWE one bit. It does, though, give another company a chance to score a real blue-chipper, a young, athletic man with an incredible look for mass appeal. He’s also a 14-year veteran who’s seen it all, knows almost everyone, and could be an asset to a locker room. Easy thumbs up.

Curt Hawkins: Here’s a quality guy with a nondescript look and a personality that just never quite shone through on television. But there’s something there, and whatever it is, it makes him worth drafting. Plus, he seems to be friends with all of those other popular indy dudes like Colt, Cliff Compton, Trent? and others. Networking is a good thing.

Brodus Clay: I’m on the fence with this guy. Every league needs a monster, and Clay could fit that role. With a mouthpiece, there’s almost no question about it. But he’s no Big Van Vader. And that’s what pro wrestling needs right now, is Vader, not Vader Lite. As soon as he figures out a few intangibles, I’ll say yes. But if I’m spending that Nigerian prince’s money, I have to table this discussion for now.

Aksana: I don’t mean any disrespect to the female gender, but I can’t see one reason why a woman would step foot in, on or near my pro wrestling ring. I’m in the business of drawing money, not spending it. She never amounted to anything anyway, and there’s no upside here.

Camacho: Ca-who-cho?

Teddy Long: Teddy is my playa, playa, but I’m not sure what role I would cast him in. No more heel GMs, no more ambiguous GMs, no more assistant GMs. Wrestling needs to be done with this now. Long is too old to referee. He’s not too old to manage, but he would need to manage the right person. (Brodus Clay? As long as he’s angrier than Rodney Mack.) Color commentator? (Too easy, pipe down, Maes.) I could see that, too. Teddy has value to a young locker room…I just don’t know what the ROI is on him. Pass for now.

Yoshi Tatsu: This guy got the second- or third-best reaction of the night on Raw… in 2009. I don’t know what he brings to the table today, except an embarrassingly unaware Twitter account. Honestly, this is an easy pass. I don’t care if he beat up Sheamus and stir-fried his dog for dinner; thanks but no thanks.

Jinder Mahal: Good riddance.

Drew McIntyre: If you can’t get over in WWE as “Vince McMahon’s chosen one,” you don’t deserve to be a pro wrestler.

Marc Harris: I don’t trust people who spell “Marc” with a “c,” and I don’t trust referees who aren’t named Mike Chioda or Jack Doan (“What’s up, hoes?!”)

JTG: I was always a JTG fan, when/and no one else was. I don’t think I was seeing things: During his time with Cryme Tyme, he was charismatic, athletic and funny. He could chain wrestle, he could execute a string of cool maneuvers… I’m really not sure how he got relegated to enhancement status, followed by complete obsolescence. I’ll take him, and Shad Gaspard, too, wherever the hell he is.

What about you? Who are your top 5 draft picks right now? Leave a comment below, or hit us up on Facebook.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

20140607_111246I spent the past weekend in Richmond VA visiting with my older brother and his family. I will fill in the particulars later in the week but let’s just say I definitely went to a pair of breweries thanks to his hospitality. I did manage to squeeze in Smackdown then Impact Wrestling after we got home from the trip. There were only two memorable things between the shows. One was my boy Dolph Ziggler continuing his “big mouth” persona and having a great match against the newly turned heel Seth Rollins. I also enjoyed that Rollins, HHH and Orton didn’t spill the bag on the reasoning for the turn. Another small positive from the show was that neither Dean Ambrose or Roman Reigns showed up. TNA yet again showed how inept they are by cruising into a rating under 1 million people. The only positive in yet another train wreck of a show was James Storm making a re-appearance after a year plus hiatus. Ken Anderson has been doing some terrible work and Storm got to call him out on it. Like many TNA story lines though, Storm looks awesome and likeable as the heel and Anderson looks like a douche as a baby face. On to Raw now. Let’s roll.

Sometime after I wrote this introduction, news started to trickle out that Daniel Bryan is too hurt to compete at MITB. HHH & Steph are here are brag about being right. They give us footage of Dr. Joseph Maroon of telling us that Daniel Bryan can not compete. I had to look up images of Maroon and they actually got him to do that video. How much did they pay him for his time? Steph strips him of the title. They are really hamming up this angle up. The crowd is really flat. Alberto Del Rio is the first entrant into the match for the title. HHH informs us that Randy Orton gets a spot because of his status. I’m starting to think the crowd is bummed. Anyone who loves wrestling should be. No matter how much they make logical points, Bryan being out of wrestling sucks. HHH turns to Seth Rollins talk. They are in a match against the Wyatt Family with a partner of their choosing. That doesn’t get much heat either.

Sheamus vs Wade Barrett is a MITB qualifying match. These guys have fought a lot recently and I can’t really argue about it. His Bad News is that he’s coming down with the title. That’s not bad news! JBL sounds like he’s drunk already. It could be an interesting night. He figured the opening segment bombed with the crowd so he’d join in. I do feel like Barrett is getting some of the swagger back in his promos recently. Sheamus clubs away on Barrett. He then brings Barrett in the hard way. Sheamus cross body blocks them over the top rope to get the break. Barrett suplexes Sheamus. I guess I don’t understand Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole’s view point on the title stripping. Sure, it’s disrespectful to strip the title without informing him but at the end of the day, it’s the right move with the injury. Barrett hits Winds of Change for a two count. The crowds awakens with dueling chants. Sheamus misses a dive from the top rope to the barricade. Sheamus gets in at nine. Wasteland but Sheamus kicks out. White Noise from an attempted Bull Hammer Elbow. They exchange punches. Head butt by Barrett allows him to toss Sheamus into the post twice. Brogue Kick from the corner for the win. Sheamus sold the damage in the corner before pinning him. Another good match and I understand putting Sheamus into the spot. Let Barrett keep racking up wins on lesser opponents. Barrett should be in that picture soon if he keeps up. Luke Harper sometimes get urges from a deep, dark place. Bray Wyatt admits to his urges. Wyatt reminds us that the Wyatts beat them. Wyatt is reborn. I love that angle which started on Smackdown. (Next Day Note: With all of the religious words thrown around Wyatt’s promos, being reborn after a crushing defeat is perfect. Now he just has to win an extended feud.)

Lana comes out and runs down Obama as a girly man. He is no Vladmir Putin, who has wrestled bears. Crush! is so stupid. Crush was only cool in Finding Nemo, dude. Lana, we don’t need to worry about Mother Russia. We should continue to be worried about China. It’s going to help to name him simply Rusev. Yep, going to make all of the difference. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him again. His record is unblemished because he’s wrestled 3 guys a bunch of times. The Accolade. The whole “control” by Lana is very antiquated too.

Goldust is teaming with R Truth against Rybaxel. Truth starts against Ryback. Curtis Axel takes over on the early beat down. Goldust gets a luke warm tag. A crossbody by Goldust takes out Axel & Ryback. Ryback makes a save on a pin. Truth gets tossed out of the ring. Axel rolls up Goldust for the win. A heel wins in his home town. Layla El is acting really catty to the make up lady when Summer Rae comes in and dumps milk on her then beats her up. Layla’s character has taken a big step back in the toughness department. I don’t like that.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

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coursebuffet.com

I think the only reason I mention I don’t have an introduction is because I enjoy writing them. I’m not sure anyone cares. So let’s just get to this review.

Evolution comes out first. HHH says this won’t end until the Shield no longer exists. Batista has the brains to ask for his title shot. HHH calls Batista a choker. Ha. HHH tries to sell his plan of beating the Shield. Batista understands the plan and quits. HHH tells Batista that he’s finished for reals. Yeah, like anyone can sell that in wrestling. Not much of an introduction segment either. Short and sweet.

Batista is done with the empty promises. I don’t blame him. Sheamus & RVD are set to take on Cesaro and Bad News Barrett. The latest gets an in set promo and assures us no Five Star Frog Splash tonight and a Bull Hammer Elbow for RVD. Paul Heyman joins us on commentary. Heyman reminds us of the cheapness of last night’s small package win. Cesaro and Sheamus square off while this goes on. RVD ends up pairing off with Barrett. Bad News takes over before the break. Heyman continues to harp on the style of win. Heyman turning heel tactics on it’s ear. Barrett & Cesaro take turns beating RVD down. Cesaro takes a cheap shot at Sheamus on the apron. It gives RVD an opening. Barrett gets to be the beaten. Cesaro dodges a Brogue Kick and ducks out of the ring. They leave ring side. Winds of Change by Barrett. Brogue Kick followed by a Five Star for the win. I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news, Barrett will not be the next Paul Heyman guy.

Damien Sandow comes out as “Lance Stephenson.” Sandow goes for the easy trolling jokes. He gives us a display of his “skills.” Big Show appears “from nowhere.” He’s looking slim. The fact that Sandow could deliver the “mad skills” line without cracking a smile is awesome. Lana can’t do that. Sandow gets WMDed.

Kane beating up Kofi Kingston was forgotten by yours truly as soon as it happened. Kingston is in the ring to take on Bo Dallas again. The Heat Bo-Lieved. The WWE never beats a joke into the ground. Surprising to hear that in back to back segments. Kofi kicks Bo out of the ring. Swinging neck breaker by Bo. Dallas hits a trifecta of knees. If the small part of the crowd is chanting “Bo-ring”, that’s kind of funny. A cross body by Kingston gets a two count. Dallas drops Kingston neck first over the top rope. Running Bo-dog for the win. This cracks me up. I’m not sure it’s translating though. Renee Young asks Stephanie McMahon about Batista. She tells us what’s in tune for the 9 PM segment.

From RxMuscle.com originally by way of TMZ.com

From RxMuscle.com originally by way of TMZ.com

Stephanie tries to sell the angle more. She tries to sell her great leadership skills. She does know how to get the crowd to chant “Yes!” She makes a match at Money In The Bank, Daniel Bryan against Kane in a stretcher match. If Bryan can’t fight, it will be determined in the MITB match. I’m jealous of Chicago for the awesome John Cena matches they have gotten. CM Punk from a few years ago and last night. Stephanie jumps on Cena’s point about a fighting champion. Cena fires back and talks up Bryan. Stephanie making valid points to counter Cena. He stays on point and pushes home her embarrassing track record with Daniel Bryan. Steph makes a match with Kane and Cena. She confirms that she is a bitch. Man, really good stuff from both sides.

Kane is beating up Cena when we come back from commercial. I would imagine that Bryan will be recovered by then. I would imagine the fights to get into the match will be good. Cena rallies like normal. Cena actually sells being tired from last night. Kane fights out of an AA. Kane knees Cena into the corner. Cena wins by DQ. Kane tosses Cena into the steps, which he is the champ of selling. He even got the lower part this time. Even better than his normal standard. Kane sets up for a Tombstone but Cena slips out. Cena pushes him into the post. Cena then tosses the top of the stairs at Kane. Renee Young talks to Randy Orton. Batista took his ball and went home. He has a match against Roman Reigns tonight.

Los Matadores have El Torito with them. 3MB comes out. Heath Slater brings out Hornswoggle with an afro. The little people will finally not be involved in this feud. Drew McIntyre is with Slater. Heath hit a leg lariat and celebrates. El Torito removes the wig. Why didn’t he finish shaving his head? Slater is distracted. One of the Matadores rolls up Slater for the win. El Torito dances with the afro.

Nikki Bella is put in a handicapped match against Aksana & Alicia Fox. JBL has to explain in a very wordy way that Mitchell Cool is right about Stephanie being vindictive but Cool doesn’t brag about it. I’m confused. Alicia Fox picks up the win. Fox picks up Nikki & tosses her out of the ring. Aksana puts the boots to Nikki more. Fox gives her a back breaker. Shouldn’t a Total Diva make a save? Maybe the Divas Champ Paige who was just feuding with Fox? Luke Harper tells us the Usos will pay for their actions. The flock will suffer for the Usos misdeeds. Follow the Buzzards.

Zeb Colter gets to complain about Adam Rose more. It looks the crowd may be getting a hold of this guy. Jack Swagger keeps getting his ass slapped. Reverse running elbow by Rose. Swagger gives Rose a boot to the face. Swgger wears down Rose. Rose fires back with punches. Swinging neck breaker to Swagger. Cannonball in the corner. Cravat DDT for the win. Byron Saxton gets to talk to the Usos. They’re going to handle their business tonight. I love their enthusiasm.

From deviantart.com which is becoming quite a destination for pictures.

From deviantart.com which is becoming quite a destination for pictures.

Luke Harper & Erick Rowan are in the ring with no Bray Wyatt at ring side. Rowan starts against Jimmy. Rowan gets the better of the injured Uso. Harper makes his first appearance. Jimmy gets in a leg lariat and tags in Jey. Rowan ends up taking over on Jey. He tries to slam Rowan but falls over. They tag in and out beating on Jey. Rowan lets him tag in Jimmy. He drop kicks Rowan thru the ropes. Harper gets punched outside. Break. Harper is in control after the break. Rowan is the screw up again when he runs into the ring post with his shoulder. Whisper in the Wind by Jimmy. Jey & Harper come in. Harper takes his eye off the prize by looking at the chair. Jey unloads on him but Harper doesn’t stay down. Jey takes Rowan on the outside. Harper hits a suicide dive. Jimmy connects with the over the top rope dive. Harper raises the knees on a Superfly Splash attempt. Harper goes for the clothesline but gets super kicked. Rowan secret tags but it doesn’t pay off. Rowan gives Jey a modified urinogi for the win. He gets the win after playing fool in the match. (Next Day Note: I’d laugh at my own writing if I didn’t know Rowan got assaulted when he came in but then quickly got the pin.)

Dolph Ziggler takes on Alberto Del Rio in a match that will determine someone’s chance of still having a career in the WWE. Ziggler drops the consecutive elbows. Del Rio goes to work on the arm. Del Rio goes for a cover after a belly to back suplex. Really. Ziggler tilt a whirls out of Del Rio’s grasp and drop kicks him. Ziggler gets shots in the kidneys. Famous Asser by Ziggler for two. Tilt a whirl back breaker only gets Del Rio two. Super face buster by Ziggler after ADR takes his time going up. After countering some moves, ADR slaps on the cross arm breaker for the win. Don’t answer the phone Dolph. (Kevin’s Edit: I didn’t think either of these guys have a chance at the briefcase anyway.)

Rybaxel is in the ring waiting for Goldust and his new partner chosen by Cody Rhodes. It’s Sin Cara. I wouldn’t mind Goldust teaming with younger guys to help them out. Curtis Axel starts the match with Goldust. Sin Cara & Ryback are in quickly. JBL’s hunch back joke dies with silence. Ryback knocks Goldust out of the ring. Axel powers Goldust into the barricade. They tag in and out to wear down Goldie. JBL is doing a good job of selling on Cody recovering his form though. Sin Cara gets to be the hot tag. Ryback saves the match. Sin Cara kicks Axel in the face. Sin Cara misses the Swanton. Was that a neck breaker into a face first DDT? Whatever it was, it won the match for Axel. (Next Day Note: I don’t know where this story line with the Rhodes brothers is going, which is normally a good thing. I just don’t really care about either of these two so the mystery is just there.)

Lana comes out and is getting the “USA” chants. Alexander Rusev is being recognized by the Russian Federation. “USA!” They give him a medal. Rusev speaks in Bulgarian. Long live the Super Athlete. Where’s Nikolai Volkoff when you need him?

Dean Ambrose starts yapping at 11:00. Why do I get the feeling this could go over the 10 minute mark? Seth Rollins points out that Evolution didn’t adapt. Why is it just dawning on me that this could be an angle? Roman Reigns talks about being brothers. He wants Randy Orton. HHH comes out with him bearing a sledge hammer. Rollins nails Reigns with the chair. (Next Day Note: I wasn’t surprised that this turn was still trending in the AM. Every time I saw anything about a turn, it was Reigns. The turn doesn’t make much sense though unless Rollins believes HHH won’t stop until The Shield is done.) He then takes out Ambrose. I didn’t see this coming. Curb Stomp onto a chair on Ambrose. Orton goes to work on Reigns. The new trio celebrates over the fallen and broken Shield. The WWE has surprised me more this year than any year in a long time. – Kevin

WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

Vickie-Guerrero-Divas-Championship-Invitational-for-WrestleMania-30Jeremy & Kevin are here to join you for a match that will surely act as a buffer between much more important matches. At the time of this recording, the rules of this Invitational were not defined. Since they were defined, our analysis has not been substantially changed. We are at least glad that Vickie Guerrero didn’t make it an elimination style match. Which of these ladies did Jeremy & Kevin forget were on the roster? Are they glad any of them are in this match? Will the Diva’s Division ever enjoy a renaissance like the tag team division or is Total Divas the best anyone can achieve? Even though we like to do predictions at the end of the show, is there anyone to pick other than AJ Lee or Naomi? Could Naomi’s big win happen in such a terrible multi-woman match? Will AJ continue to be made fun of for being proud to be Diva’s Champion if she wins? Find out that and more when you click on the link below!

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

frozen-beerSo I didn’t end up getting a new refrigerator until Saturday. I tried to get the old fridge repaired but when that failed, I had to go for the new one. After checking out the appropriate outlet stores, I made a purchase. The delivery came two hours late. Oh The humanity! Ha ha ha. The fridge has been restocked. I’m just glad my beers have finally unfrozen. Luckily none of them got to the state of the beer above. Time to watch some wrestling. Let’s roll.

Betty White and Big Show lead off the show. She’s going to kick ass tonight. (Next Day Note: No one is shocked she didn’t.) HHH then big foots her. How dare he! Doesn’t he know who she is? (Please note the heavy dose of sarcasm.) Before Steph can say anything, Randy Orton comes down. She gets to bring the condescension. Orton apologizes to them. It’s coming from his heart. Ha. Orton wants more TV time on other shows. Daniel Bryan comes out. Steph lays down the law. Bryan wants a match with Kane. He insults Steph & HHH. Randy Orton gives their rebuttal. HHH gives Bryan a rest. He’s getting a well deserved day off. Ha. I agree with JBL. It’s good to give your stars a rest.

Rey Mysterio is teaming with Cody Rhodes & Goldust against the Wyatt Family. Good win for Bray Wyatt on Smackdown. That’s the kind of credibility that would have helped me believe his win against Daniel Bryan. Erick Rowan starts against Rhodes. Goldust gets a quick tag. Luke Harper takes over. I love that Rey Mysterio sliding spot. It’s ridiculous. Goldust is still being beat down after the break. Bray Wyatt comes to continue the offense. Goldust power slams Harper to get Rey into the match. 619 to Harper. Wyatt pulls Rey from a spring board attempt. Rey goes for a 2nd 619 when Bray Wyatt makes a blind tag, I guess? Wyatt turns the run into a Sister Abigail. Kind of cool. Follow the buzzards.

The Shield gets the recap video. Renee Young gets to interview them. She starts with questioning Roman Reigns. Seth Rollins gets a short talk. Dean Ambrose gets questioned about defending the US title. After Reigns questions his manhood, Ambrose makes an open challenge. Vickie Guerrero, The Bellas and Natalya get their time with Betty White get their time until the Road Dogg & Billy Gunn take her away.

Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae to start us off. He’s taking on Santino Marella with Emma. It seems like a good way to introduce her character which seemed weird to start with. Keeps Santino fresh with someone new to play off. The Miz complains on the head sets again. He’s like Bad News Barrett except slightly different. The circus surrounding the match made me forget one was going on. Fandango with the top rope leg drop for the win. Byron Saxton is back? Why? More faces for the WWE Network? Sheamus points out the obvious that he can still main event Wrestlemania if he wins the Elimination Chamber. Fair enough promo.

Christian is Sheamus’s partner against the Real Americans. They snuck back into the WWE. Antonio Cesaro finally gets some mic time. He’s going to be the WWE Champion. Not much of a promo. Zeb Colter makes Jack Swagger wait on the apron to start the match. Swagger gets an early tag anyway. Christian gets in enough offense to get Sheamus in. I dig the fighting between Cesaro & Sheamus. Cesaro tosses Sheamus outside. Swagger drags down Sheamus. Cesaro takes advantage. We get a break. They’re still going at it. Christian gets the hot tag. Cesaro ends the streak with a super upper cut. Swagger gator rolls him. Swagger bomb followed by the double stomp. Big Swing tosses Christian outside the ring. Christian barely beats the count. Quick pin doesn’t work. Sheamus gets the real hot tag. Swagger is on the end of the ass kicking. No surprise given the present story line. Cesaro makes the save for Swagger. Jack turns the distraction into a Patriot Lock. Christian makes the save. Brogue Kick. Sheamus brings Christian back in to celebrate. John Cena gets Renee Young’s second interview. He’s going to beat Randy Orton in the middle of the ring. Everyone needs to go through him to get to the WWE Championship.

My Avery Brewing Company Karma is quite cold. And tasty. #SippyTimeBeer. I buzz through the Batista bomb Youtube clips and the entrances of both Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio. Ziggler gets to show off early in the match. Fame Asser only gets a two count. Thrust kick to the head ends the match in short order. Wow Dolph, you are out. Cross arm breaker on Ziggler after the match brings out Batista in ring gear. Spear. The Animal tosses Del Rio into the barricade. Batista Bomb thru the announce table.

HHH runs into Batista. HHH wants Batista to keep it in the ring. HHH gives him a match against Del Rio at Elimination Chamber. The third Hall of Fame entrant is Lita. Cool. The New Age Outlaws are still hanging out with Betty White. They’re having tea. She does the cup switch-a-roo. I’m in stitches. (Sarcasm alert.)

The New Age Outlaws are now at ring side. The Usos come out. They are taking on Curtis Axel & Ryback. The Usos are on the attack early. Billy Gunn still gets to play dumb. Woof. The Goldberg chant makes no sense at this point. I’ve been paying more attention to the ramblings of Road Dogg. Jimmy flies over the top ropes and takes out Ryback so that Jey can splash Curtis Axel for the win. Slick finish. Gunn pretends he has to poop. Oh, she put something in it. Even funnier. (You get it by now, right?)

Dean Ambrose is in the ring when Mark Henry answers his challenge. Rollins & Reigns get out of the ring for formal introductions. Ambrose acts defiant. He has to deal with Henry’s power to start. He tries to take advantage of the elbow injury but it doesn’t work. Ambrose got tossed into a ring post. Ambrose takes off his brace. Henry tosses Ambrose outside with his good arm. Break. Ambrose is still working over Henry’s elbow. Ambrose goes for his finisher. Henry pushes him off and gives him a World’s Strongest Slam on the rebound. Seth Rollins interferes to get a DQ. Reigns spears Henry to put him out of the picture. The Wyatts are here. The Shield comes back over the barrier. The Wyatts come closer. The Shield step up to the apron. The Wyatts reply. Then they back out like the heels should do. Bray is saying “Make your move” as he holds his arms out.

My ring time will be "Girl Bye" when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

My ring time will be “Girl Bye” when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

Bobo Brazil gets the tribute for Black History Month. Ernie Ladd inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame. Brie & Nikki Bella are teaming with Cameron. Nikki starts against AJ Lee. Mitchell Cool acknowledges Naomi’s eye socket injury. I remember the initial reports but never remembered seeing a recovery time frame. Middle rope drop kick gets two for Brie. Aksana is kneeing Brie’s back. She didn’t mess up her spine. Alicia Fox gets her time in the ring. Mitchell Cool says “She’s improved, hasn’t she?” as Cameron botches a move. JBL seconds the point. Woof. DDT on Aksana for the Cameron win. Wow. She’s a complete train wreck that deserves to be a reality show like Total Divas. She’s awful in the ring.

Alexander Rusev is impressive. At least they’ve thrown things off by making him from Bulgaria instead of Russia. Kane comes down to the ring. Kane starts to apologize when Daniel Bryan hits the ring. Bryan drop kicks him over the barrier.

They get Betty White on TV one last time to say she was on. John Cena takes on Randy Orton start with 25 minutes left on my DVR. They start off slow, tipping off to me that they’ll use most of that time. Cena starts a slugging come back shortly after the break. He misses a flying shoulder tackle. Orton lets Cena get back up to the apron. Suplex on the way into the ring. Vicious looking DDT by Orton only gets a  two count. Garvin Stomp. Cena makes the full come back. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Orton back breaker out of the AA. Cena back drops Orton out of the ring. Orton power slam but Orton show boats long enough to cost himself. Tower DDT from the top rope. Orton yells at the crowd. Cena turns an RKO into an STF.  Orton gets to the ropes. Orton backs up to go for the punt. Cena  goes for the AA. RKO by Orton. Cena kicks out. AA but Orton kicks out. I’m thinking this is better than their match at the Rumble. Orton fights out of a Top Rope AA. Cena leg drop to the back of the head. Another AA for the win. Fun stuff. Nothing after it either. Cool. – Kevin

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