Joey Ryan on his release from TNA

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So just recently Joey Ryan was on a show called ITR Live on something called Spreaker, which I am just hearing about now, this very second. What follows below is a recap of that appearance, procured from PWInsider.

It’s largely Ryan politicizing himself in effort to possibly someday get his job back, so if you’re looking for something really truly interesting coming out of his mouth, look elsewhere. I post this to say that Ryan has the size and charisma that WWE usually is looking for in a wrestler. He could be somewhere around Rick “The Model” Martel level in WWE if used properly, to further date myself. And WWE used to make their bones on taking guys that the competition didn’t know how to use properly and turning them into stars. So, there you go Vince. – Dusty

How he got in to TNA:

Through David Lagana. I worked with David Lagana in a few places actually Ring of Honor, NWA Hollywood and then he booked me for Ring Ka King in India. Then he got hired to be a writer in TNA and they were looking for guys. He suggested me to Al Snow and Al Snow saw footage of me and decided to make me a GutCheck contestant.

It kind of happened quickly. They called me up and Al Snow asked if I would be interested and I said yes. He said, “Alright, I’ll see you next week”. There wasn’t anything I had to sit on really.

On TNA GutCheck:

They literally don’t tell you anything. I was the second ever guy to do GutCheck. The first GutCheck was Alex Silva. There was that whole thing where Ric Flair changed his decision on Alex Silva. You see, I don’t know how much of that is really a shoot or not. I think they brought me in particularly to be a “No” because they just needed somebody from the indys to make this seem more legitimate and told “no”. I think that was a work on their part.

I think when I wrestled and I had a good match against Austin Aries, thank God I had to wrestle Austin Aries, then I came in and did my promos and stuff like that, even before I was in front of the judges, they weren’t telling me I was going to get a “No”, but I had a few people telling me things. Like Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan came up to me and said, “Hey, we like your look, we think you are good. No matter what happens out there, we want to do something with you hopefully down the line”. They were hinting that I was going to get a “No” vote.

I was already going in there portraying a heel character so I knew going into this that I wasn’t just going to go out there, be told “No” and walk away with my tail between my legs. I’m going to be adamant about it. I was going to be myself, a guy who has been told “No” for the last 12 years by major companies.

After I did that promo, there was talk of me going around. They were saying to themselves, “How can we use this guy?” Before that, there was nothing planned for me.

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Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @ImpactWrestling

Destination

I figured since Final Destination is on Sunday, I may as well do a de facto preview. I’ve got a couple of hours before I go out drinking with my buddy who is in town from Pittsburgh.

Kazarian starts off by call us choads. You deserve the shit you’re given. Bobby Roode cuts a fair enough program but I’m not sure why he’d put this double albatross around his neck. Christopher Daniels is OK at being insincere but I’m just so tired of this feud. AJ Styles is cutting an OK promo too. Still bored. Jeff Hardy & James Storm save Styles who picked a bad fight. They replay Austin Aries, Bully Ray & Hulk Hogan. Aries gets to cut the promo. He’s pushed buttons and wants to push more. I guess he likes video games.

I only looked at the headlines on Dot Net this morning so I know someone debuted or came back tonight. I also know that there’s a new TV Champion. Considering it’s a one on one match, the outcome between Samoa Joe and Devon is pretty easy. The match was cheap. Earl is distracted by a hot blonde. I guess that’s what happens since Madison Rayne left. DOC nails Samoa Joe with a hammer. Devon covers for the win. Brooke Hogan is happy about a contract delivery. Hmm, I’m guessing this is the mystery person.

I’m not shocked that they’re continuing this dumb angle with D’Lo Brown and Al Snow. They’re cool but a match is happening between them, right? Mickie James comes out in a dress. She made a pact to win the Knockouts Champion. Well, duh. Tara interrupts to brag about Jesse. Velvet Sky comes out. Three terrible promos in a row. Robbie E is freaking out about paying his insurance. Robbie T is a smart sophisticated European so he knows how to work an iPad. Why did I choose to review this show again?

That was their big promo before wrestling Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez. I don’t care about this match. Shocking, isn’t it? The Mexicans who were both born in the US take on Joey Ryan & Matt Morgan on Sunday. I’m sure Morgan is thinking it was a great idea to re-sign with TNA. Hernandez didn’t injure Robbie T. Chavo wins with the Frog Splash. Joey Ryan interrupts. Morgan attacks from behind. Big Morgan & Big Organ. I’m just angry now. Nothing gets better when Devon acts like he enjoys the strippers “going lesbian”.

Garrett Bischoff & Wes Brisco have Kurt Angle‘s back. I could like the group if Garrett & Brisco could act at all. Chavo barks all day little doggy while Hernandez tries to look tough. They cut the promo short. Jimminy Cricket.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Late & Half Assed Review of @ImpactWrestling

I need to get stuff off my DVR since I’m traveling to Altoona PA for my nephew’s baptism. Gues who the godfather is? It’s a trifecta, second from the family. It’s late already. Let’s roll.

Sting comes out with serious face on. Sting, temporary GM, calls them out but Austin Aries calls them out. He wants some. You know who else wants some, Kurt Angle? Their trifecta is Bobby Roode. Smart move, he blames James Storm. Storm attacks from behind. The other guys let them fight. Roode claims the attack as proof. Even better.

Tara tells us how awesome Chavo Guerrero. Then Kid Kash. Then Kurt Angle. All blowing some serious smoke. Roode rants and raves about not being believed. Good continuation. Gail Kim & Madison Rayne are taking on Tara & Mickie James. The wrestling is good between Tara, James & Kim. No big surprise. Madison doing a good job in her role. Earl ends up giving Madison the duke because Mickie had her shoulders down but lifted one out of his view. Sting tells Austin Aries to address the X Division and “make some cuts.” Yeah, fire half of them!

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Extreme Reunion 2012 Was A Rousing Success

Raven and Sandman going at it.

As I start this post, this was the only results post on you-know-what page:

Hey Dave.  I’m sure you’ve probably gotten match results from others (and lord knows I don’t remember them), so I’ll just give a few notes from the show:

–Place was PACKED.  I’d say at least 3/4 of the people there were standing.  Made it impossible to see what was happening when they fought outside the ring (which they did in every match).

–It was definitely a bit of an older crowd compared to old ECW shows back in the day.  It basically looked like everyone from the old days had grown up; not a lot of kids or teens there.  I was actually quite surprised how many guys had attractive girls there with them.  Not something I saw a lot of back in the day at ECW shows.  Hey good for them!

–The show did start late.  They aired a video package in tribute for all the wrestlers who have died in the last decade and then a taped promo by Douglas but the sound wasn’t working.  Nice touch but not a good omen.

–The show started with a tag team match with 4 guys whose name I couldn’t hear.  Crowd hated it.

–They then did a “match” with 2 more indy guys.  One of them was this little tiny Asian guy who took the mic before the match and started talking to the audience in a high-pitched voice that made him sound like William Hung.  Then this guy comes from the crowd and told both of the wrestlers in the ring to scram.  Nobody had any idea who this guy was.  He then called out Shane Douglas, who didn’t show up.  Funny thing was that Shane was literally standing right behind us in the crowd.

–Then the “ECW” part of the show started with the FBI vs BWO.  Richards, Marmaluke, and Guido were probably the only 3 guys on the entire show in good shape.  Match was total comedy.  Highlight was Guido and Meanie doing a thumb wrestling war on the mat with the ref giving a 2 count when Meanie had Guido’s thumb down.  The same unknown dude from the last segment distracted Richards for the finish.  It was never explained who this guy was.

–CW Anderson and Al Snow were next.  Anderson looks like he’s about 60 now.  Snow was grossly overweight.  He was winded just from doing his entrance.  Match was a disaster.  Anderson put an armbar on Snow no less than 5 times.  There were several chants of “Armmmmmmmmmbar” as a homage to the old Chris Jericho “Man of 1004 Holds” promo.  Snow beat up Head after the match and then went running back begging for forgiveness, which was actually pretty entertaining.

–The segment with The Gangstas vs Angel was also pretty bizarre.  Angel came out asking for someone to be his partner (did Devito no show?) but nobody came.  Gangstas then came out (Mustafa looking absolutely huge and not in a good way) and beat him up for 3 minutes before the indy guys from the 1st match came in, beat them up for like a minute, and then left.  One of them looked to have gotten into a legit fight with a fan on the way out that was broken up by security, but it was hard to tell.  Complete waste of time.

–Somewhere in here they did a planned spot where the ring announcer was making some general announcements, the lights went out, and they brought out a stripper to try and recreate the Kimona Wannalaya strip tease from that time they lost power at the ECW Arena.  The stripper basically just writhed around on the mat like a sizzling piece of bacon in a skillet.  It was a little weird.

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Kevin’s Blog: #iMPACTWrestling – For The Hell of It

I need this head scratcher to figure out Hogan's Open Fight Night concept.

I know I mentioned this in an audio recently but I’m not sure I mentioned it in this space. My levels of reviews are Definitely or Almost Live which happens the night of the show. A Day Late & A Dollar Short is, duh, the next day. For The Hell Of It title says I just want to put content on the site. I’d imagine anyone that wanted to read a review of these shows has done it already. I’m throwing some pity because of their dismal ratings news. Plus, I know I won’t review the show on time this coming week. I have a ticket to go see Mick Foley & the Reverend Bob Levy on Thursday. I’m excited.

I want to vomit already. Hulk Hogan just called Samoa Joe & Brutus Magnus the greatest tag team ever. OK, well, only one champ each “Fight Night” can be called out? Or is Hogan just assigning one title match and the rest of the champs can still be called out? Devon comes out and calls out Bully Ray. I guess the champ can call someone out. All of the roster is hanging out together. Um, why? Just watch from your locker room. Bully Ray turns down the challenge. Shouldn’t Hogan have come out and enforced his won rules? Devon starts the match by attacking Bully Ray on the ramp. At least Taz called the Dudleys the greatest tag team of all time. He was trying to correct Hogan’s nonsense. They probably aren’t but they’re closer than the other clowns. Nothing happening before the commercial break.

Taz & Mike Tenay are praising the concept but doing nothing to help define it. The action has been pretty solid. It’s all familiar stuff. It makes sense they’re going for big shots and power moves. Devon gets the win after a spine buster. I would have liked to have seen him get some more offense in before the pin fall. Austin Aries talks about not being impressed with Bully Ray. Ric Flair is asked about the proper send off for Eric Bischoff. According to Flair, Eric is the greatest promoter of all time. Yep, I’m sure that’s why “his” company got bought by WWE.

Kazarian & Christopher Daniels talked to Kurt Angle. He yells at them for helping him because he doesn’t need anyone’s help. OK then. Jeremy Borash came to the ring. He says that Eric Bischoff is the biggest prick the company has ever had. Borash wants to fight him. Bischoff comes down clapping. As Eric talks, Bully Ray low blows JB. Bischoff pulls his leg up and gets the pin. JB could have kicked out. Ball shots hurt but prove a point. And why does a leaving heel need heat? Or this much camera time? Boy I can’t think of why they’re rating is below 1.0.

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Second Annual Akeem Memorial Hall of Fame: Angles

Every year, starting in 2010, we here at Stunt Granny will go through a rigorous, dangerous, possibly illegal set of votes to induct people into our own Akeem Memorial Hall of Fame. The voting is broken up into four categories: Serious Wrestlers, Fun Wrestlers, Angles, and Matches. This post is for the Angles. Here are last year’s inductees:

Hulk Hogan joins the NWO, Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon – WWF 1998, Junk Yard Dog blinded, Jerry Lawler vs. Bret Hart – WWF 1993, Big Boss Man/Big Show/coffin angle, Ric Flair retirement 2008, Brian Pillman works WWF/WCW/ECW 1996, DX invades WCW, Megapowers form – WWF 1988, Randy Savage vs. Jake the Snake – WWF 1991

And now, without any further ado, here are this year’s inductees!

Hart Foundation vs.USA, WWF 1997

 The Four Horsemen form, break Dusty’s ankle

Big Boss Man/Al Snow/Pepper

Ric Flair retirement angle, WCW 1993

Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat, WWF 1987

WWF title vacated, leading to Royal Rumble to crown new champion, WWF 1991-92

Kerry Von Erich vs. Ric Flair, Christmas 1982

Sting is kicked out of the Horsemen, WCW 1990

Bob Orton wears cast

The Rattlesnake Strikes Back!

I can't believe they never used this image on one of his shirts.

According to Entertainment Weekly (by way of Dot Net), “The Rattlesnake” Steve Austin will be the host of the new incarnation of Tough Enough. Both articles seem to think that Austin will be taking over Al Snow’s duties as head trainer. I have my doubts about that since the man won’t step back into the ring for a pay day so why would he do it for a reality show that will likely get canceled as soon as the rating drops 0.1? I get the feeling he’ll do enough so that no one feels robbed and the WWE gets to attach a marquee name to a “new” program like they did with all of the cross over appearances when ECW started. Austin could be a great host with his obvious mic skills and the WWE can pimp his news movies. It’s a win win. Did I just get through an article without bagging on someone? Yes I did. – Kevin

ECW old-timers announced for TNA Hardcore Justice (still sounds like porn)

Balls Mahoney

The guy on the right paid $20 for this picture. He later gave Balls another $50 to rake his lawn with his teeth.

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA’s subsite for its Hardcore Justice pay-per-view lists the following ECW originals as appearing at the show. Let’s all hop in the Delorean and see who’ll be there:

-Tommy Dreamer
-Mick Foley
-Rob Van Dam
-Team 3D
-Raven
-Rhino
-Stevie Richards
-Simon Diamond
-Al Snow
-Axl Rotten
-Balls Mahoney
-Johnny Swinger

In other news, I just got my driver’s license, made out with a girl in the grade ahead of me, and drank half a bottle of vodka at my friend’s house while his parents were away. Hey, whose headlights are those?? Oh no, they’re home early! And then I barfed on the living room floor just as they walked in. My parents were tough but fair and gave me an 11 p.m. curfew for the rest of the summer. What a crazy night! -Eric

TNA/ECW angle continues to take shape, Dreamer still *out* of shape (INJURY UPDATE)

simpsons did it

"Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!"

According to Prowrestling.net, Tommy Dreamer has reached out to even more former ECW wrestlers to take part in TNA’s invasion angle. (Is it just me, or in 2010 do these guys look more like an antsy unemployment line than a group of rebellious extremists?) Dixie Carter also took part in an angle at the latest TV tapings, an angle which apparently featured Tommy Dreamer crying. I assume that means Carter told him TNA doesn’t serve catering to invaders.

In perhaps the only intriguing and fun part of this whole disgusting mess, Bill Alfonzo was backstage at the Orlando tapings, which isn’t the biggest surprise since he lives in Florida. The main reason I like this move: We haven’t seen Alfonzo in years, and the last time we saw him at length (as Sabu and Rob Van Dam’s manager) he was brilliantly entertaining as a methed-out ball of energy, screaming and shouting and spitting into the camera about how awesome his silent Sabu and laid-back RVD were. I also loved his anti-hardcore official gimmick in the original ECW, and he would be great as a niche referee a la Danny Davis, where he favors certain wrestlers over others. It’s too bad those wrestlers are fat, lazy pieces of shit like Dreamer and Raven, who haven’t meant anything to wrestling in almost a decade.

(SPOILERZ!!) One last note from Prowrestling.net: The ECW faction as of the TV tapings are RVD, Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Rhino, Raven, Brother Devon, Al Snow, and Pat Kenney (using a different first name; you’ll remember him as Simon Diamond from the original ECW). Boy, if I were world-class wrestlers like AJ Styles, Homicide, Samoa Joe, Desmond Wolfe and Kurt Angle, or up-and-comers like D’Angelo Dinero, Matt Morgan, Jay Lethal or Hernandez, or even a guy like Kevin Nash, who was about to get a singles push but can in no way wrestle the ECW style… well, I’d be fucking pissed. Say goodbye to your TV time, all for no return on this investment! -Eric

(P.S. How strange is it that TNA headlines Victory Road with a four-way match a month after WWE’s Fatal Four-Way, and then they book this invasion angle after WWE gets the ball rolling with Nexus? I guess the best thing to do with manure is spread it; recycle angles from 15 years ago AND 15 minutes ago! Dummies.)

INJURY UPDATE: Hahahahaha! Are you kidding me? According to Prowrestling.net (and first reported to me by Jeremy Maes over IM at about 3 p.m. thanks to his Wrestling Online newsletter), Tommy Dreamer tore his MCL during the taping of TNA’s ECW invasion angle. Dreamer posted on his Twitter:

“I did tear my MCL in knee Monday night. I must keep my no surgery streak alive. Need brace, tape, gum, and peanut butter to keep it together.”

Yeah, you need peanut butter.

Wrestlelution 2 “Live” – Part I

I had to worry about the mosh pit the last time I was at Nautica Pavilion.

I had to worry about the mosh pit the last time I was at Nautica Pavilion.

I’m mostly going to type about the experience of Wrestlelution 2 although I will include some match observations.  I’ll do a full match later when they air these on TV in September. You heard that right Grandkids, you get a respite from this column for a month. You may have to listen to some interviews though because I got a couple of them lined up after the show at the meet and greet. I will have some pictures to post later but the memory card I bought for my phone is not reading from my home or office computer.

My drive to Cleveland was pretty bland as it usually is but it went by quickly and I enjoyed the good part of the Pirates game. Not until I got back did I realized they blew a lead for the fifth time in eight games after leading after 7. Ugh. I’d been to a number of concerts at Nautica during my days at Kent State so it brought back some memories. The crowd was definitely lacking from those concerts though but that’s to be expected since I saw the likes of Pantera and Slayer. There was something in the 1500-2000 range. I had VIP seating which placed me on the stage which was above the ring, but 4 rows of people lined the base of the stage before the guardrail around the ring.

The first thing I noticed on my way to the stage was Greg “The Hammer” Valentine at a table taking money for autographs. Thanks, but no thanks. He had a leg brace on though so I wondered if their match was going to be cut out of the event. I’ll sum up the looks of most of the crowd by noting that a gentleman in front of me had suspenders that stretched, but needed a carbeener to get all the way to the belt loop and even then, I unfortunately saw some plumber’s crack.

The event started on time and with the Sex Appeal (Bobby Beverly, Bobby Shields and someone who wasn’t Caleb Connelly but was good with taunting the crowd) against Fontaine’s Freaks (Marion Fontaine, Noj the Wild Samoan and thankfully Kid Cupid was replaced by Gregory Iron). The crowd was more lively for this event than any other wrestling event that I’ve been to in Cleveland so that was nice. The match seemed fine and ended with Noj being triple super kicked by Sex Appeal so that they got the three count. My ordering was off, but I called the winner.

Irish Airborne, Dave & Jake Crist, took on Eric Ryan & Corey Winters. You could really tell the experience difference in this match. I hope Ryan & Winters took something away from this match because it’ll improve the PWO as a whole.  Irish Airborne wins with a DVD onto Dave’s knees as he is on his back. It was an interesting move. My ordering is still piss poor but I’m 2 for 2 on winners.

“Bloody” Morty Rackem took on Matthew Justice. I was surprised by Justice’s size and impressed that he’s been hitting the gym quite a bit to build his physique. It was a “Pirate’s Rules” match where the rules were relaxed. Because Rackem’s belt figured prominently into their story from this year, it figured into the match too. Justice ended up winning by choking out Rackem with it. I wasn’t too cool with the finish because Justice had been doing things the “right way” so I think he should have hit his finisher to get the three count. Three for three on my predictions.

The next match up was Al Snow against “Amazing” N8 Mattson. Mattson had a little promo before the match running down Ohio. The match seemed to take forever to start because Snow kept chasing Mattson around the ring with Head. Snow still looks in good shape. Mattson tried to pull an Eddie Guerrero by faking a chair shot, laying down and giving the chair to Snow but he did the same so that when the referee turned around from retying the turnbuckle pad, he was confused. The referee turned around to toss the chair out when Al Snow hit Mattson with Head to get the win. The match quality wasn’t quite as good as I hoped. I’m batting 1.000 with my predicitions though.

Back with more tomorrow. Just what you wanted, I know. -Kevin

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