Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

ap_paul_bearer

We have to cover wrestling some time. So here it is after a week off and more to come from our shenanigans in Nashville. Let’s roll.

The WWE does the right thing and pays tribute to Paul Bearer to start the show. The man that awkwardly ended that segment comes out next. Thanks for giving your catch phrase to a real dead man, Undertaker. CM Punk interrupts before Taker can get started. I love the promo again. What a dick move.

They are really pushing WWE Active. I’m still not biting. Kane goes on a rampage against Punk because Undertaker can’t wrestle. Alex Riley finally gets some air time. Big Show comes out next. They recap more story that didn’t happen on TV. Here’s an idea for the WWE. How about less replays and more actual content on the show? Seth Rollins is taking him on one on one. SOrt of, what’s to prevent them from attacking like normal? Shouldn’t they be banned from ringside just to start with. Big Show helps them out with the angle. Triple power bomb. I hope that after Wrestlemania, The Shield progresses and breaks into singles wrestling or a singles wrestler and a tag team. CM Punk cries to Vickie Guerrero about Kane. She puts him in a no DQ match with Kane. Holy shit, a Smackdown replay on Raw? What is coming of this world?

Daniel Bryan was out before the break. We can Tout about Paul Bearer because we haven’t had enough social media on the show yet. Dolph Ziggler is his opponent. I think my boy might win. Big E Langston needs to start doing something other than look menacing. Commercial time. I’d be pretty cool if they made Bryan a legitimate threat again. I get the feeling though he’s headed for Chris Jericho territory. Fun counter by Ziggler. Doesn’t seem very heelish. Rocker Dropper only gets two. Awesome finish with counters. Ziggler wins with the Zig Zag. Big E drops Daniel Bryan with his finisher.

Tensai the dancing monkey is supposed to take on another dancing monkey, Fandango. This gimmick may be growing on me. GI Joe: Retaliation preview looks pretty cool.

Team Rhodes Scholars does a good mock of the New Age Outlaws introduction. People still love the original and will continue to love shouting “Suck it!” Brock Lesnar comes out. Billy Gunn tries to take the fight to him but fails. Good way to get him some heat. Paul Heyman does a great sell job on the conditions.

Kofi Kingston is fodder for Mark Henry. They show the show downs with Ryback. World’s Strongest Slam. Cody Rhodes hits on Kaitlyn but Damien Sandow brings back the Bellas. Holy smokes. You ladies aren’t the answer to anything. Vickie puts them in a match with Sheamus & Randy Orton. Ryback is out next. The sacrificial lamb is introduced after the Psych preview. I hope it doesn’t suck as much as the show Cena was in.

Heath Slater gets the nod. Good choice in the selling department even if we’ve seen it before. Henry watches from the ramp. Shell Shock. Drew McIntyre gets the same treatment. Henry walks into the ring and slams McIntyre. Shell Shock. Slam.

Alberto Del Rio takes on Antonio Cesaro. Del Rio cuts a cheese-tastic inset promo. Cesaro is starting to seem like Dolph Ziggler part 2. They keep putting him into good matches but he keeps losing but they clearly like him. Cross Arm Breaker submission for Del Rio. Kane loves his father’s ashes.

I’m glad they could give us more recap on John Cena & the Rock. More replays, of Brock Lesnar now. Sheamus gets the big introduction. Randy Orton came in before the Lesnar replay. WWE App still has more real content than the TV product. Randy Orton gets the hot tag though. T-Bone suplex out of Orton. Good for him. Not really a hot tag. Time for him to sell for their team. We may get a commercial break. Nope, Sheamus got the hot tag for reals. Rhodes takes the RKO so that both the good guys can do their finishers. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Sandow for the win.

The WWE App has even more real content instead of the TV show. The Shield attacked Orton & Sheamus. Chris Jericho tells us more movie footage because it is more important than TV product too. Wade Barrett gives us more movie footage. The Miz gives his same schtick. Jericho shows him how to stay somewhat fresh. The Miz and Jericho are going to fight to get a crack at Barrett. Wade is on the headset when they return. The old toss your opponent into the guy on the head set trick rears it’s ugly head. Is this what Jericho gets for Wrestlemania?

I FF thru Zeb Colter’s promo because I’m tired of it already. Jack Swagger gets Sin Cara to tap out easily. Alberto Del Rio comes to his rescue. More movie stuff. This time with Halle Berry. David Otunga grew his goat back. He gave her phone number to Kane. He kills again. I’m not sure how they talked her into that one. Or the movie.

They are not leaving much time for CM Punk vs Kane. I got 10 minutes by my DVR. They take a commercial break at 11:05. What a bunch of douches. They come back with 2 minutes left on my DVR. Fuck these guys. -Kevin

Alex Riley is on the shelf

Damn, Alex Riley had a bunch of different surgical procedures performed last week according to Alex Riley’s Twitter via Prowrestling.net . He had surgery on his elbow and knee and both are going to keep him out of action, well, um, as short as humanly possible. Here is hoping he has a prescription to cure invisibility because no one has seen his ass in months.

God damn we need to change our format soon, This newz shit is killing me.- Jeremy

CM Punk may want to shut the fuck up

Just wow.

CM Punk may be a popular wrestler but on Twitter he sure comes across like kind of a prick. Unless this is part of some angle over social media tying back in to his straight edge gimmick it is pretty stupid. He didn’t like the fact that Jon Joes, he of UFC fame, got an endorsement deal with Nike after he was arrested for DUI.  Punk took to Twitter where he has stuck the virtual foot in his mouth before and tweeted:

Let’s reward more drunk drivers with endorsement deals! #responsibility

In the interest of fairness here is a quick rundown of WWE superstars that WWE actively uses to promote the brand and push their merchandise.   Ya know, since they shouldn’t be doing this since they got busted as well.  Oh and for the hell of it I am going to include some active WWE independent contractors who were suspended by the WWE for a wellness policy violation. Ya know, just to rub it in.

Oh and all of these guys have their own WWE action figures to boot because if there is one thing children love it is playing with is action figures of DUI offenders and Wellness Policy violators. Do they make a two pack if you got busted more than once?

Santino Marella

Alex Riley

Jimmy Uso

Randy Orton (twice)

Rey Mysterio (twice)

Evan Bourne (twice)

Booker T

Darren Young

Dolph Ziggler

Heath Slater

R-Truth

Sin Cara

You get the point right? So , um,  CM Punk probably should shut the fuck up about this. Since he works for a company that actively promotes wrestlers who have made the same mistakes that Jon Jones has.  It is called atonement.  Everyone gets an opportunity to do so after a mistake.  WWE clearly gives people more than one chance huh? SO what is the difference with Jon Jones? -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio Show #182

It took a day to recover but Jeremy and Kevin are back from UFC 145. What did they enjoy about the event? What can be done to make the live experience better?  Who has the better fans? The most important part though is what can WWE and UFC learn from one another? Thy also discuss some sports entertainment as they turn their attention to Monday Night Raw. What worked? What was the actual length of the Brock Lesnar contract signing? Did it clock in less than 45 minutes or was it actually that long? How much fun was the CM Punk boozehound angle? Who saw that coming huh? What does the future hold for Paul Bearer and is Beth Phoenix just that god of an actress? All this and more awaits and all you have to do is download it. Unless you have subscribed to us on iTunes you would have it already.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #182

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I’m running late because Jeremy, his woman and I went out to eat at the Winking Lizard. We grabbed some good beers, more on that later, and some forty cent wings. Now that I’m properly nourished and lubed up, let’s roll.

Johnny Wooden GM gets to talk the peons until CM Punk walks in. Johnny books Mark Henry versus CM Punk. People Power Era. Solid interaction between him and Punk. I was thinking it’d be really funny if HHH just came out and fired Johnny tonight. Not going to happen because nothing is more brilliant than yet another evil GM. The Rock shows up. This crowd is already livelier than last night’s crowd. I’m talking as the Rock does because he’s going nowhere quick. It’s coming. I fear it. Trying to be patient. History is the only thing that matters, not the win or loss. He guarantees that this is just the beginning. You still can’t show up that often. The Rock milks his vision. Did this segment take up the first hour of Raw? He wants to be WWE champion. Not against CM Punk. John Cena fall out with special music.

Santino comes to the ring before the commercial break. Vickie Guerrero introduces Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler. Swagger & Ziggler are show boating too much. Are they going to cost each other the match? Commercial break. Great pacing. Santino has a brief come back. Dolph & Jack argue shortly there after. Now, Santino is way over, but does he make the US Championship important? Id’ say no. The Funkasaurus makes the save on the post match sashay away from the ring. Ziggler sells like a champ but I’m wondering if he bounced his head off the ramp at all. It’s cool that Brodus might be getting a story finally.

Lord Tensai making his debut. I’m a bit surprised. Almost forgot about him with all the names being tossed around this weekend. Alex Riley is the sacrificial lamb. The tattoo’s across the face are awesome. This squash is taking a while. Nice to show off his offense even if it’s slow. Choke Slam Bomb gets the ref to call the match. Oh no, it’s the claw. Did they bring him back to embarrass him? It is not helping that Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler have to pretend like they don’t know who he is when the crowd is chanting “A-Train”.

We get more review of Cena’s mental state before the match. They’re doing a good job of hyping this announcement up. CM Punk comes out first. Mark Henry plods to the ring. I love when the missed attempt hurts even though you fall the same when you connect on a drop kick. I love the “Yes Yes Yes” chants. It’s the best way to support Daniel Bryan. Henry talking trash is always funny. Punk turns a bear hug into a DDT. Mark Henry goes up the ropes for some unknown reason. Punk gets knocked down from a spring board clothesline before the commercial break. Nice flurry by Punk sets up an elbow. Of course Punk can’t capitalize. Punk got tossed out of the ring after a bulldog attempt. Henry wins by count out. World’s Strongest Slam on the floor. Johnny comes out. He sees a natural disaster coming for him. Chris Jericho has another gaudy jacket. Jericho has to say he doesn’t drink and drive. Am I watching a PSA? Jericho pours beer on him. Jericho is fancy, he uses bottled liquors. The bottle busts before it was even close to Punk’s head. Was it made out of ice? Good segment. I’m glad Mark Henry isn’t Punk’s next feud.

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Stunt Granny Audio: Royal Rumble 2012 Review

What the hell is this? No your eyes and ears do not deceive you it is an actual pay-per-view review for the 2012 Royal Rumble. Eric and Dusty provide the entertainment with their strong opinions. Boy did they hate this show! But why? What do they feel was done poorly? What would they have done differently? Does one of them give up midway through the audio to go swinging in the barn? You’ll have to listen to find out.

Stunt Granny Show- WWE Royal Rumble 2012 Review

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Becky Bayless posted this picture of herself and Serena Deeb on Twitter last night. I'm not going to pass up two hotties for my intro picture.

WWE leads us off with Piper’s Pit since he appeared on Funny or Die recently. They probably have more viewers than Raw right now. Cena is his guest. He re-explains himself. Roddy tells us he’s the face of the WWE. Man, is he actually going to make a good point on TV? I’d imagine Cena has heard this line of questioning back stage before. Roddy trying to get Cena to snap. I like Cena taking a stand. It’s not going to help his split response problems. I was hoping that was more of what Piper was getting at. Alex Riley is being told by John Morrison to look forward to taking his spot as a high ranking jobber.

The Miz attacks Morrison from behind. The joke of the Miz re-establishing anything in the WWE is hilarious. Morrison gets a courageous hero spot before he takes his supposed extended absence. I’m glad Dot Net was even further behind in reporting about Impact Wrestling and Smackdown. Head to Twitter (@Stuntgranny) to see my reviews. You might even be lucky enough to become our 100th follower! Morrison using the kendo stick to get in some offense. Morrison gets to do one last job. We get a replay of the beginning of the match. Our memories are really this short? Or the action was so impressive that it needed a replay? Just a buffer for the Miz to come out and talk. I’m supposed to take him more seriously, I suppose because he had a serious face. How about having him win an important match for more than one PPV at a time? Or without cheating? Just sayin.

The Divas are distracted by Beth & Natalya running around the ring. This division is not getting better. Alicia is the flavor of the month so she gets the pinfall victory. Cole can’t even get his dander up about how terrible they all are. WWE12 is pushed more than the Divas ever will be.

Johnny Wooden GM is doing Brodus Clay a favor. Thanks for the guest appearance David Otunga. Del Rio comes and the skit becomes a train wreck because no one can read all of the cue cards. Punk does fine because he doesn’t need cue cards.

Wade Barrett joins the announce crew. I’ll drink for WWE.com/Social because I want more of my beer. My home boy Dolph Ziggler takes on Randy Orton. Ziggler had a mid-main event match on Smackdown, now on Raw. Both of these guys throw picture perfect drop kicks. Dolph busts his out first. A superplex is our commercial break move. At least someone didn’t get thrown outside the ring. Wow, quick pin after the break. Ziggler gets the duke after a distraction from Barrett.

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Night of Champions Preview

I’m going to paraphrase Shane Helms because I was thinking the same thing after watching Smackdown, there are a whole lot of matches on this card that I have no idea who is going to win. The WWE has done a good job of building up the challengers for (in some order of importance) the Tag Team titles, the Diva’s Title, the Intercontinental Title and especially the World Heavyweight Title. The other matches have some intrigue to which is making me think I might order Night of Champions. Let’s break down the match ups from bottom to top on WWE.com.

Diva’s Champion Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix – Beth Phoenix and her cohort Natalya have been pushed for a month now. Beth was one of the people singled out by CM Punk for not being utilized well enough. Beth is now in her home town of Buffalo much like Punk was for what became his big title win. We know though that a big win in your home town is not a regularity for the WWE. Beth hasn’t been built up nearly as much as Punk was which also makes this situation different. I want to believe the title change could herald a consistent spot for the women’s division but I’m starting to have my doubts because Beth has pretty much beaten all of her would be challengers unless they break up the Divas of Doom already. I don’t think that’d be a good idea. Kelly Kelly would benefit from a huge victory here. As the first match in the “I’m not sure who is going to win category”, I’m going with Beth Phoenix to help push along the women’s division.

WWE Tag Team Champions Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz & R Truth – I think that Bourne & Kingston are a better long term tag team if the WWE decide to keep the tag team division in some prominence. The problem with them though is that they can’t really talk up the titles. The Miz & R Truth can talk up the titles but in my eyes they are much better used as singles competitors. The solution in my eyes is have The Miz & R Truth win the titles, let them talk them up and drop the straps in a couple of months to the chasing baby face team.

Fatal 4 Way U.S. Championship Match – This match up is one that Jeremy & I deemed the “Shit or get off the pot”. The WWE continues to give my boy Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and John Morrison loads of TV time but they don’t really do anything for them. Alex Riley, the fourth competitor, could be in this category soon. This match is one that I’m not terribly interested in because Ziggler & Swagger arguing over Vickie is the big story line coming into this match. That tells you all you need to know about the importance of the U.S. Championship. Ziggler or Swagger wins so they can continue to argue.

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Stunt Granny Big 11, Week Ending 9/17/2011

1. Claudio Castagnoli – All signs point to Claudio finally signing (well, re-signing, after one failed attempt) with WWE. Various reports have him heading to Florida Championship Wrestling under the name Antonio Cesaro. Other reports have me heading to Olive Garden to order the antonio cesaro with a breadstick, but whatever. Good move by all parties. – Eric
2. Hulk Hogan – Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling debuted this week on TruTV. I didn’t watch it, I don’t think the other SG guys did… I don’t think anybody did. If this even appears on the Nielsen ratings, I bet it’s a… SMALL number!!! Christ, get me out of here… – Eric
3. Matt Hardy – OK, let’s face it, it’s impossible to fill this up with 12 things if you don’t mention the literal white elephant in the room. (You’d think with all the drugs he does, he’d be skinnier, right?) Days after calling people out for being mean to him based on his personal choices (which he freely Tweets about and also which become a matter of public record because he’s a danger to others), he gets arrested for another DWI, this time in an airport. And then he claimed he was framed. By cops who have a vendetta against him. Wow. Not sure where the radiation came from that’s killed his brain, his antique North Carolinian computer monitor he sits in front of all day, or the microwave that nukes his daily 12-Hot Pocket lunch. – Eric
4. The Rock – He is flaunting the idea that he and John Cena will meet for the first time at Survivor Series. In other words a year was too long to wait for the first ever match up so let’s hype it all in two months. Long term planning be damned – Jeremy
5. Night of Champions – Why hasn’t the question been brought up more – neither Triple H nor CM Punk are champions. Why are they on this card? – Jeremy

6. Ric Flair/Sting – Really, this writes itself. They main event an episode of Impact Wrestling and it was a barn burner. It encompassed everything wrong with TNA. One guy can’t go and the other is bored but won’t retire. You figure out which is which. – Jeremy

7. Alex Riley – This is fake, but I don’t really give a flip:

I believe WWE is still presenting this as if it’s Riley official Twitter page, and therefore this gives me carte blanche to pretend this is a real news story. – Dusty

8. Teddy Hart – We’re talking new wrestling with keys to unlock weapons, robotic turnbuckles that can adjust the height, skateboarders, dogs running interference, etc. We’re talking about http://www.fightnetwork.com/news/wrestling/john-pollock-wai-ting-chat-w-teddy-hart/. We’re talking about Persian cats being the best cats the cat world can possibly offer. – Dusty

9. Bill Watts – So apparently he sucked a guy off once?

…Certainly, the sins above mentioned, we cannot overlook in our “judgmental pride” of being heterosexual—and I personally have been so guilty of them, and in my depravity of these abominations have so grieved the Spirit of God as I transgressed in them—–including even foolish, but not innocent homosexual experiences (not that I ever participated in committing a homosexual act myself, or even any homosexual touching, or being touched, or have even entertained any homosexual feelings—-but allowed myself to be orally gratified—-and that strictly one person’s oral stimulation only, by this homosexual at one point in my life)—-in my youth, as I reached that age of puberty, and hormonal rages, and sexual exploration——and worse, even allowing myself to be gratified by this homosexual for financial reward—–as many of us “young athletes did” (and I’m also speaking here of some of these athletes who became real stars in their sports, so we are not talking about “just ordinary people”—–or ignorant, or poverty trapped victims, but some exceptionally gifted athletes)—–as we were preyed upon by this influential and wealthy pervert in our youth——which does not in anyway excuse me in this abomination. (Yes, he also preyed on others, the non-athletes too.)Now, this person who I’m referring to above, was allowed to function in a very influential position by both of the major universities in our state, recruiting young high school athletes to their programs, (and as I have already indicated, many of whom he “gratified” later became stars in their sport—-football, wrestling, baseball, etc.) though these universities were “unaware” of his perversion—-at least initially, or else, they just “looked the other way.” (And, at some various points in time, he was even arrested for his perversion on young boys, but released, and went on as if nothing had happened, and continued in his relationship with these schools too, until the publicity of his activities became too well known.)

But I can tell you, he used that position to feed his desires by orally gratifying many “weak and impressionable,” and “morally weak” young boys and men—–and has continued to integrate himself into situations that would allow him to seduce even more—–for years and years and years now. When last I heard, he was still in charge of promoting youth wrestling in our state’s capital city.

If you consider how many young men and boys this one person practiced his perversion on—–even clear back when it was illegal——-can you imagine now, when we have created a “protected status” for them?!

He also introduced many of us to pornography—–to stimulate us while he indulged himself with us, because we certainly were not stimulated by him. I do not say this to excuse myself for allowing him to gratify me. I am totally responsible for my own actions in this!…

He’s the best booker ever, so I have to believe he did the right thing in this instance. – Dusty
Edit: Since I was a lazy and forgetful bastard, my choices got left off so I’ll add them now.
10. Night of Champions II – I’ve been excited about the recent resurgence of the tag team and to a lesser degree the Women’s division. It just dawned on me though that this could just be a longer term plan to make this pay per view more interesting then both of these divisions will be shuttered much like they have been for the past five years. Why else would the WWE give the main face of the tag team a division a name as terrible as Air Boom? -Kevin

11. Super Shows – I’m glad we have super shows now so that everything good that occurs on Smackdown will be repeated on Raw so that a much larger audience sees them. (That’s sarcasm.) See Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes and Mark Henry’s promo from each. I guess it’ll save me time in the future viewing both shows. -Kevin

12. What TNA Did Right This Week – I know I stole this gimmick from Jeremy quite some time ago but I will admit to liking the AJ Styles and Devon promos on Jeff Hardy. It’s a small consolation prize after watching the remainder of the crappy show including the awful finish from the aforementioned Sting vs. Ric Flair travesty. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

I enjoyed Raw last week. That pug is definitely enjoying something.

I was surprised at how much people disliked Raw last week. I never ended up getting to talk about my thoughts of the show since we talked about the ancillary happenings around the show. If Nash did not pass a physical test, then the WWE had to make a serious adjustment to the storyline. I doubt we get a clean finish between HHH and Punk because they’ve had to speed up this storyline so I’ll wait to see what they pull off. I feel like I need to give the WWE the benefit of the doubt here recently because they have stepped up and given a lot of people chances and bigger pushes. One of these competitors is Zach Ryder, who had a slew of signs last week and got his first video package that had Z! True Long Island Story. They’re also pushing the Divas of Doom and giving the ladies a little more ring time. Sure, the tag team push might just be a fad but again, let’s see them out. Change isn’t going to happen over night.  If I remember anything else, I’ll try to add it into the commentary. Let’s roll, pretty much on time.

After a promo that almost put me to sleep by Del Rio, Bret Hart does get a big response but Cole correctly points out that they’re in Canada. His sunglasses are awful. They’re riding too high on his face. They look like they’re trying to cut out the glare coming off of his forehead. Hart is stumbling all over the place as usual. Illegal Canadians got a chuckle out of me. Cena is playing down to the competition again in the promo department. I’m shocked, all that jockeying set up a tag team match. (That’s sarcasm.) Cody vs. Randy was good on Smackdown. I don’t need to watch it again. Oh, check out of Twitter (@Stuntgranny) for random things like me getting entirely too drunk on a Sunday, waking up at 1 AM then finally Smackdown and doing a review. Not a good day all around. Nothing quite like hitting on a lesbian.

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