Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of iMPACT Wrestling

Wrestling news has been slow for two weeks now.

For the last two weeks, there hasn’t been much news. God bless Eric who has squeezed blood out of two different stones this week alone. I mean, is Foley bragging about himself again really news? Eric skewers him well as he always does but seriously, that’s the big news of the last two weeks? OK, I almost feel like I’m doing a write up for an audio now. Since the news is slow and my moron buddy forgot to call me before coming over to watch the Bruins against Lightning, I’m headed to the hurt locker voluntarily and doing a review of iMPACT Wrestling, Will it be a new era? Not from what I read. Now I get to witness it.

I almost started without a Yuengling. Silly Kevin. My DVR was still set to record this show even with the name change. RVD has taken a serious tumble. Losing to Sting at this juncture is pathetic. I’m sure this is a new entrance montage but I don’t remember what the last one was like. Immortal saunters to the ring. The blue ring ropes makes me think Smackdown. The whole black, white and blue theme reminds me of Smackdown. You just needed to stay away from blue and red. Is it that hard? Go green. Go black. Go yellow for Hogan colors. Kendrick’s music is worse than Daniel Bryan’s. Kendrick isn’t odd enough to be delivering this message. Plus, the X Division being resurrected is like the US or IC Title meaning something again.Easy E’s arms look bigger than they used to. Mildly, Moderate Red is all you have Bischoff? TNA couldn’t have picked a more bland group to represent the X Division. Plus, it’s another large faction after Immortal & Fortune. Taz acting like Bischoff getting into the ring is a big deal is embarrassing. We end up with one big brawl. The Bucks and Red just about kill themselves to show that the X Division does suck.

Tenay acting like Sting was in his trademark gear was embarrassing too. You could tell by skin color it wasn’t Sting. Six woman tag match starts after the break. Anarquia is the hype man. Better choice than Hernandez. Miss Tessmacher making making up for a lack of wrestling by doing robot dancing. She still has the most fantastic heiney in wrestling. Madison Rayne over acting. Rosita takes the beating since Rayne is a coward.

Kazarian versus Abyss for the X Division title.  Taz bringing an astounding dumb line of logic to why there shouldn’t be an X Division. Taz continues to make no sense (Cole employs logic for Pete’s sake) during a mediocre match. Abyss fakes an injury to win a match that the announcers called him a favorite in. Taz said the internet is burning up because of the title change. Wow, he is terrible.

Samoa Joe squashes Amazing Red. Crimson makes the save. Crimson can’t figure out how to get his shirt off. Great example of how inept TNA is.

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TNA Goes Hispanic

So this came up in Google search for Hispanic Wrestler.

Well, it appears WWE has some stiff competition here in North America as TNA has announced a new television deal on MTV’s Hispanic Network Tr3s. I guess that means MTV Three? Apparently there are three networks run by MTV for the Spanish market and if you know MTV, they all have to feature no music. Get it? Cause MTV in America doesn’t play music even though it stands for Music Television. See, this is a relevant joke.

Anyway, you have to figure that the execs at TNA feel the Spanish audience is stupid. Not in a racist way but in the “I’ll…… talk….. real….. slow…. so…. you…. can….. understand…… English” sort of way.

How else do you explain the idea of peddling their garbage product to a new audience? The US audience barely likes the product. Ratings have gone nowhere for the majority of their stay on Spike TV. Maybe they will sling some of this shit to a new audience that already has cartoonish wrestling all over the place in Mexico? How do they expect to compete with the long established Lucha scene? It may be cartoonish but at least it makes sense for the most part. Is TNA prepared to settle for obscurity in a whole new market?

At least WWE went out and signed the biggest star in Mexico to drive up their Hispanic audience. TNA has, um, Amazing Red and, damn, is that it? Are there any Hispanic wrestlers on the roster? Sure I could look it up but then that proves the point. If you are going to get your television on in Hispanic markets at least have some properly featured wrestlers. Oh yeah, Hernandez comes to mind now, along with his new sidekick Whathisname. You know, the guy that was a star in Mexico and a nobody in TNA? Awesome work, Dixie and the gang. -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio #77 – Welcome Back

Welcome back to one of our crew and who has a hairdo like these guys that we want to see back?

Kevin welcomes back Jeremy to the Audio rotation and we go back to school. Well, back to TNA’s special Monday iMPACT! to get some additional thoughts out of Jeremy and bring up some points that Kevin & Eric skipped last week. We milked more out of a subject that needed no more milking. It’s new information though so give it a listen and find out how non-pasteurized milk tastes.

Stunt Granny Audio #77

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