Stunt Granny Movie Review: Pain & Gain

pain-and-gainSure, this movie debuted April 11 but we didn’t review it so here it comes. It wasn’t worth going to see full price so my lady and I shuffled off to the Marginally More Than a Dollar Theater before it left even there. I’m not sure what I expected from this movie. All I remember reading about it was that some group was angry that they were glorifying criminals who killed someone. I’m quite sure whoever said that didn’t watch this movie. Or they had their eyes open and didn’t get the message of the movie which was Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg), Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and Paul Doyle (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) were all incredibly stupid weight lifters who got what they deserved. So spoilers ahead. You have been warned so no bitching.

Daniel Lugo is the main character and ring leader of this crew. I could have done without the ending being at the beginning of the movie because it was a linear story otherwise and didn’t add anything to the movie a la Pulp Fiction. Lugo has big dreams of being a rich guy but the only thing he truly cares about is looking buff while taking copious amounts steroids. It is funny that a rich guy who may have had help from performance enhancing drugs is playing the part. Lugo is a gym trainer who changes gyms to make more money. Unfortunately, after bringing in major business into the new gym his needs aren’t satisfied so him and his best friend Adrian Doorbal hatch a plan to kidnap a client Victor Kershaw, played by Tony Shalhoub, and have him sign over his Scholtzsky’s fortune. I immediately thought to myself “How dumb is this plan?” but because they’re both idiots, no such thought crosses their minds. They feel the need to have a third person in their crew which is where Paul Doyle comes into the equation. He is another ex-convict who can’t get a job anywhere. Lugo convinces John Mese, played by Rob Corddry and the owner of the new gym, to hire Doyle all while planning to add him to the kidnapping crew. Doyle is the only sympathetic figure since he had cleaned up his act after his drug fueled conviction by becoming drug free and trying to dedicate his life to God. His character certainly brought the funny because of his split personality between his old life and new life. Lugo persuades Doyle to join his crew by telling him that it will be easy and no one will get hurt. Only another dumb weight lifter would think that a kidnapping could end without someone getting hurt.

Their incompetence comes in when they attempt to kidnap Kershaw but they fail twice before finally grabbing him on their third attempt when he comes out of his Scholtzsky’s. Keep in mind that these lunk heads thought ninja costumes from your local Halloween store were good costumes. Lugo, Doorbal and Doyle end up keeping Kershaw in an abandoned dry cleaners turned sex toy storage warehouse. The later of which comes into play because Kershaw is beaten with sex toys. After finally breaking Kershaw and getting him to sign over his Scholtzsky’s and money, Lugo runs into the problem that none of the paper work is notarized. John Mese comes into the equation because the gym has leveled off, he needs a sponsor for a body building competition and he just so happens to be a notary public. Lugo promises him a Schlotzsky’s sponsorship in turn for notarizing the documents that will bring him his “deserved” riches. Because Kershaw knows their identity, Lugo realizes that they need to kill him. Their first attempt to drive him into a concrete column fails because his car has an airbag and because Doorbal buckled Kershaw’s seatbelt before sending him on his way. Even Doyle & Lugo contemplate how dumb Doorbal is after that incident. Lighting the car on fire back fired because Lugo poured all of the gasoline on the exterior of the car and unlike every other movie, it didn’t blow the whole thing sky high. Because Doyle is driving the get away vehicle, Doorbal & Lugo convince him to run him over, twice.

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Stunt Granny Audio Movie Review: Gangster Squad

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Jeremy & Kevin are back to give you a spoiler filled review of Gangster Squad. They try to hold back but aren’t successful. They also start reeling off other movies that the stars have been in because Kevin can’t remember any of them. After giving a refresher on Goonies, they get around to talking about the previews. The Call that was produced by the WWE and is the crux of their preview talk. What was given away in the preview? Jeremy & Kevin finally move on to the movie proper. What delayed this movie from coming out in 2012? What kind of a movie were the guys expecting? What mix of movies did Kevin think this movie represented? How predictable did Jeremy think this movie was? What was the tell for who would die from the squad itself? The boys have seen two long movies (The Hobbit and Django: Unchained) before this one. Would this movie had benefited from additional time? How strong are presents, ornaments and wreaths? What does that have to do with the movie? Find out when you click on the link below.

Stunt Granny Movie Reviews – Gangster Squad

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