The New Batman Is Revelaed And It Looks Incredible

batman-batmobile

So here you go. Zack Snyder released a photo of Ben Affleck in the Batsuit and it is badass. So, once again the internet trolls and naysayers will have to go rip on a different part of this movie. Some suggestions would be the mandate to force Cyborg, who is and was a founding member of the Teen Titans, is in this flick instead of Martian Manhunter. Cyborg is and has always been an incredibly boring character. The New 52 DC version is just the worst. Just give the fans what they want and make the Justice League the big seven and be done with it already.  Knowing DC’s history of racial diversity I am sure he will be made in to the fast talking street kid with a heart of gold and a body of steel or something.

Look at what they did to Wally West. He is black now for the sake of diversity since no one on DCs editorial staff can actually create any new racially diverse characters that are in anyway interesting. (Hint: For some pointers watch Arrow jackasses)  Why couldn’t the new Wally West come from a strong interracial family? Instead he is from a typical broken home and he runs the streets. How original.

Sorry, I forgot this is about  the new Batman. Look at that pretty picture.  -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Movie Review: This Is the End

This-Is-The-End-Poster

“This is The End” sure looked pretty bad from the Approved for All Audiences trailer when it was released at the beginning of the year. Ok so it was groan inducing. “Hey look, it is the youngish gen-y kids you know form movies you really liked and some you hated. They all made a movie together but the trick is that the stars are playing….wait for it…..themselves. How cute.” Sure seemed like it was going to be chockfull of in jokes and a lot of smug self-referencing.

Well, the movie does have a lot of self-referencing jokes and they are actually really funny. Maybe having low expectations worked for the better. But of course I blame all of this on the trailer. The jump cuts of their inventory followed by the unfunny discussion about eating a Milky Way bar taints the movies appeal. In the context of the movie it works but as a selling point for the movie it is a poor representation of the humor. The humor is just as biting and quick as “Superbad” and “Knocked Up” while the action calls back to “Pineapple Express”.

You can expect the standard fare of pot jokes, dick jokes, masturbation jokes, some callbacks to their other collaborations and previous films and a lot of laughs. There is also a concerted effort on some of the cameo appearances to break character type and it also some good laughs. If you haven’t gotten the point yet the movie is really funny.

At first I was wondering why they just didn’t play actual characters instead of playing it as themselves.  But then it becomes clear each star of course is not playing themself. They are all playing a variation on their most famous character type. Seth Rogen is the awkward pothead of “Knocked Up” or really any other movie he has been in. Jay Baruchel, the most unheralded of the group, is his condescending and self-righteous self from “She’s Out of MyLeague”. James Franco gets to have the most fun playing a nebulous creation of his perceived sarcastic side that is an internet whipping post and a little bit of Harry Osborne. Jonah Hill seems to be channeling his inner “Moneyball” as he comes across as the exact opposite of any other character he has ever played. Danny McBride smartly plays who is essentially Kenny Powers from “Eastbound and Down”.

This leads to creatively the biggest difference in the movie. While it has its share of funny lines and gags the laughs do not really kick in until the arrival of Danny McBride. As a huge fan of anything Danny McBride, including “Hotrod”, his introduction is perfect. I heard his introduction described as a “pimp moment” and that description is absolutely correct. Adding McBride to the solitary cast added conflict and eventually some attitude to the other characters. He is essential and really McBride hasn’t done anything wrong other than Your Highness, which is even mentioned and appropriately goofed on in the movie.

After this all sets in the laughs really start. Stealing a page from Shahid, a quick rundown of the plot:

Jay visits Seth in LA and they go to James Franco’s house for a house-warming party. Well Jay doesn’t like LA so he grabs Seth and they walk to the store for smokes. While there the entire world comes to an end. Yes the apocalypse has hit LA. As you know from the trailer everyone is confined to the Franco abode as they try and figure out how to survive and figure out what just happened.

Is it all absurd? Of course it is but isn’t that what made “Pineapple Express” and “Superbad” pretty damn good? It is also going to be considered blasphemous by any Christian. There are comedic representations of demonic possession, exorcisms, Lucifer/Satan, and depending on your Christian swing the trivialization of core beliefs. Yes the end of the world in this case is the actual Biblical apocalypse from the Book of Revelation.

The flick also darts off in different directions to make fun of horror and apocalyptic genre movies but never loses site of the core comedic elements. Even at the end of the world with Lucifer  roaming the land with junk a flying and cannibals roaming the streets the movie never stops bringing the funny.

For a movie that received a good deal of groans from the preview it won me over. It is worth the ticket price and in today’s inflated ticket prices I wouldn’t lead you astray.  So hit the local gogoloplex, sneak in your food and drink and silence your god damn cell phones (really how do you not remember by now?) and watch this flick or wait for blue-ray. Whatever, I don’t know your financial situation. Just don’t watch it on DVD. I mean come on you aren’t that poor.  -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Movie Review: After Earth

after-earth-poster

Will Smith +a post-apocalyptic Earth + Father & son mending old wounds while overcoming new challenges should equal an entertaining  film.  Unfortunately, when the primary ingredient is Jaden Smith, and the chef is M. Night Shyamalan, your end product is the dull, dry plate of lasagna known as After Earth.
A quick synopsis – Earth is abandoned due to cataclysms and global warming, with Humans settling on a planet outside the solar system called Nova Prime.  Years later, the planet comes under attack by an invading alien species via biological weapons known as Ursas – blind monsters who sense humans via fear pheromones. A special military force known as Rangers are trained to hide their fear (called ghosting) in order to successfully attack these creatures.  Fast –forward to the present time where Kitai Raige (Jaden Smith) bristles under the shadow of his famous father, General Cypher Raige, while also dealing with the guilt of a previous family tragedy.  As a form of healing & bonding, the Raige clan travels together on a routine training expedition.  Of course they run into an impossibly-formed asteroid field and are forced to crash land on a now quarantined Earth.  Being the only survivors, they must find a way to reach an emergency beacon while avoiding an erratic weather climate, as well as an animal kingdom which has evolved to hunt humans.

While typing that synopsis, I realized that there is an engrossing story that could’ve been told.  Unfortunately, it was presented in a ham-handed, half-assed way.  There were warning signs beforehand that this wouldn’t be an enjoyable movie – the fact that Jaden Smith’s name came before Will on a poster was one.  The fact that the director of the movie was downplayed as much as humanly possible was another. But hey, it’s a Will Smith sci-fi movie – even with a flimsy story, I’d thought at the very least I’d get to see Will Smith do Will Smith events in a charismatic, slightly corny, yet entertaining manner.  Even the director of the Village, Lady in The Water and that goddamn travesty The Last Airbender couldn’t ruin a simple layup.  Well, that’s what I get for assuming, for M. Night did the seemingly impossible – he made a dull, middling, boring Will Smith science fiction movie.

When it comes to creating an effective science fiction movie, there are three factors to consider – setting, story and stars.  After Earth presents a gorgeous setting, being the first major release to take advantage of 4K resolution.  The movie is crisp, clean and realistic, with proper sense of scale and movement.  Unfortunately, it’s an empty world, bereft of depth.  One thing not absent are blatant plot contrivances.   I’m not the one to nitpick science fiction movies, due to the fact of a certain suspension of disbelief required for enjoyment.  But there’s no goddamn way I can believe with a straight face that a civilization which developed  interstellar space travel and wormhole technology are hunting scent monsters with magic Swiss army knives.  Seriously, there are no guns in the future?  A bigger issue however, is the setting of earth itself.  We are told countless times how dangerous Earth has become, and how lethal the predators have evolved.  What’s actually presented area bunch of baboons, a snail, a few jaguars, and an Eagle fight.  Future empty earth may look gorgeous, but it never seems as dangerous as it’s portrayed to be. Furthermore, how could these creatures evolve to kill humans, when there haven’t been humans present in a millennia?

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So Rock was using notes?

So did everyone else think John Cena was just being a dick Monday when he said Rock had notes on his wrist? Well it turns out he was being a dick but he wasn’t fibbing. Thanks to Gerweck.net they have two pictures posted with the evidence.

Not sure how to take this. On one hand he is rusty on the promo front so notes are not necessarily a bad thing. It will help keep him on point and the promo moving so he can get his feet under him again for the following weeks.

On the other hand he was too damn lazy to remember simple shit like Kung-Po Bitch? Really? If any half-assed line screamed improvisation it was that garbage. He took the time to write that trash on his wrist since it was such a killer line? Good lord that is terrible and embarrassing for him. What makes this story lean a little closer to the bad side is that this man is a professional actor now. He isn’t Marlon Brando so he needs to remember his bullet points and lines for Christ sake. Maybe they can send out Curt Hawkins next for him and they can write dialogue for The Rock on his face? -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Eric & Jeremy February 28, 2012

Eric: I have a thought: any chance we’ll see Miz vs. Orton at WM?
Jeremy: Well they both have nothing and you can’t add them to the GM debacle so yes. But how do you get that story going? What could possibly be the issue?
Eric: Simply Miz being angry that he’s being left off the card, that he’s an afterthought, and to get people to pay attention to him, he attacks Orton.
Jeremy: You mean this coming Friday? Makes sense due to the match they are having. I thought the exchange with Miz and Daniel Bryan was a tad awkward.
Eric: Yeah, Miz can attack Orton during or after the match.
Jeremy: Right, hence they save Orton or Daniel Bryan a loss or a clean loss. Then Orton gets pissed. Basic stuff but it gets them both on WrestleMania. This is another Orton/Punk Scenario though as the outcome is not in doubt.
Eric: Right.
Jeremy: It also keeps them out of the dreaded 10 min six man match for the GM position.
Eric: Yuck. I was wondering if they’d bump that up to an eight-man
Jeremy: They insist on using Swagger so probably
Eric: Add Otunga as the jobber for Ace. I was thinking Henry-Alberto-Christian-Otunga  vs. Santino-Kofi-Truth-Zack if they want to bring him back. That would be four “Smackdown” heels and four “Raw” babyfaces.
Jeremy: Zack will get Kane. Seems logical.
Eric: I hope not.
Jeremy: If Zack goes over though it is a good thing.
Eric: But if it’s not Kane vs. Zack, then Kane has no foreseeable role.
Jeremy: He doesn’t really anyway.
Eric: Unless he wrestles Big Show… which isn’t likely since they’re aiming for Show vs. Cody.
Eric: Showdy!
Jeremy: What a terrible tag team name. Big Rhodes is better.

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Stunt Granny Audio- TNA Roster Game 2011

This isn't accurate but it isn't any better.

Nearly a year to the day Stunt Granny brings back everyone’s favorite show. Yes it is time for the TNA roster game. For the uninitiated the entire crew gets together and plays booker and the almighty. Who stays? Who goes? Why keep Shannon Moore for any reason? Who is considered an asset in the eyes of some and absolute garbage in the eyes of others? Why go through all of this? Why is Eric squirming for the last fifteen minutes? Why do the guys drag it out much longer than necessary? Well the answer is simple a retarded dog with no education is smarter than the decision makers in TNA. To prove this fact a bunch of assholes will all talk over each other to make jokes at Dixie Carter and her merry pack of goons’ expense. So join in the audio goodness.

Stunt Granny Audio Show- TNA Roster Game 2011

Past TNA Roster shows

TNA ROSTER GAME 2010

TNA ROSTER GAME 2099 Part 1

TNA ROSTER GAME 2009 Part 2

Stunt Granny Audio #114

It’s time again Grandkids; time for some audio knowledge. Jeremy and Kevin continue pulling their weight and talk on things related to wrestling and beer. Yes, beer. Kevin gives his run down of the Great American Beerfest in Denver. Find out what beers he tasted and just how drunk he got and how fast. They finally get to wrestling and they talk about the ridiculousness of TNA’s decision making. They discuss Samoa Joe’s apparent determination to get back in shape.  They then turn to NXT and try to figure out if this show is bad on purpose or if this is just the way WWE feels women should be treated. They then turn it around to a conversation about women’s wrestling and the recent signing of Mickie James by TNA. There is, of course, more but you have to listen for it. 70 minutes!

Stunt Granny Audio #114

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