Stunt Granny Audio #196

This week it’s a three man booth as Eric, Kevin and Dusty combine their resources to discuss the latest happenings in the world of professional wrestling. While Dusty was the only person on earth who enjoyed Booker T’s commentary, the trio all agree that it is for the best for him to move on to being the general manager on Smackdown. They also talk about just how bad ROH is lately, with their unique brand of fat guys in t-shirts wrestling for belts that mean nothing, and Jim Cornette seemingly losing the magic touch by the day. They also turn their attention to TNA, and agree that it has largely been actually good lately, with one glaring, crack addled elephant in the room preventing perfection. All this and so much more, so spare an hour of your life, because while you probably *will* regret it, they want you to and have mob connections, so you’ll be forced to eventually anyway.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #196

Doing the Diva shuffle: Kharma makes WWE release official, TNA bounces Velvet Sky all over the place

According to Gerweck.net, Kharma (a/k/a Kia Stevens) all but made her WWE release official this morning by responding to a Twitter question asking if she had been granted said release.

@CatherineNikita yes, I was. It doesn’t mean I’ll never be back.

If you recall, Jeremy recently posted that WWE’s reason for granting Kharma’s release was that they had nothing creatively for her. This idea boggles even the Corkiest of minds, which shows you the depths of stupidity of the current WWE writing staff. If you can’t make plans for a 200-pound evil-looking black chick in a world full of pin-up dolls and airheads, you need to find another line of work, maybe one where you understand, “I like my fries crispy, keep them in the grease for six minutes instead of five.”

In other lady news, according to Prowrestling.net, the profile of Velvet Sky (a/k/a Hot Stuff McGee) has been taken off and then put back on TNA’s ImpactWrestling.com Web site. Vel Vel is dealing with contract issues thanks to Bruce Prichard, talent relations extraordinaire, asking talent to restructure the terms and lengths of their deals. Sky could pull a Brian Pillman circa the “Cowboy” Bill Watts years and tell Prichard that she’ll be the highest paid Knockouts jobber on the roster, or she could grab the next ticket to Stamford, Conn., and pick up her friend and former WWE developmental wrestler Angelina Love on the way to really shake things up. Or she could grab the next ticket to Des Moines, Iowa, and rub her vagina on my middle rope, if you know what I mean. (Because, you see, that’s what she did in TNA, so don’t be accusing me of lewdness, you pricks.) -Eric

Instant Kharma’s Gonna Get You

So like, I have a question for internet fans. What is more likely to take a woman nine months: recovering from a back injury, or a pregnancy? Because like, I’m just wondering, you know? – Dusty

Awesome Kong swinging through FCW before WWE

"Have fun in Florida, sister brother!"

According to Diva-Dirt.com (yep, they’re a reputable source, probably the only one for serious women’s wrestling news), a video package aired this weekend on Florida Championship Wrestling for Awesome Kong, leading anyone with half a cerebellum to assume she’ll be stopping in FCW before she makes her WWE debut. I’m over my old complaint that screamed, “They’re already developed! They don’t need developmental!” Whatever. WWE makes more money in a month than I’ll make in a lifetime, so who am I to question them? They could send Tyler Black back to the fourth grade and it would make more sense than anything I could come up with. I once had Skeletor beat the Junkyard Dog for the WWF Title when I was seven; does that make a god damn lick of sense? No. So when you see Kong in FCW, A) thank Diva Dirt for the alert, B) send Jason Powell a quick note telling him to stop saying, “This would have been a great chance for Kong to debut,” and C) pour one out for the JYD. -Eric

Angelina from “Jersey Shore” signs with TNA, more money flushed

"INSERT"

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA has signed Angelina from “Jersey Shore” to at least wrestle a tag team match with Cookie (played by Becky Bayless, who Colt Cabana tried to get to touch her elbows behind her back on an ROH “Good Times Great Memories” segment; you’re a smart man, Colt). I watch “Jersey Shore.” I don’t give a flying fuck about Angelina as a person or a character on that show. The only woman from that cast who could make a dent in the interest level of a wrestling company is the hilarious, cute-as-a-button Snooki, and she’d have to be in a pillow fight at WrestleMania against my ball-sack for that to happen. The guys on that show wouldn’t mean squat to pro wrestling, even after the Situation’s stint on the popular “Dancing With the Stars.” That meathead Ronnie would be destroyed and eliminated by most of those wiry Ring of Honor guys or even old men like Harley Race or Baron Von Raschke. And one week later, no wrestling fan would care.

What am I trying to say? TNA continues to flush money down the toilet, chasing after mainstream acknowledgements with wads of cash while shitting on their roster of young (are they still young six years later?), hungry (mostly because Matt Hardy already cleared the buffet table), proud (obviously, look at Samoa Joe’s adonis-like physique these days) pro wrestlers. They can’t pay Awesome Kong $300 a show, but they can make it rain for a slut from “Jersey Shore” who will generate zero ratings points, zero PPV buys and three mentions on TMZ? Someone should slap Dixie Carter (I didn’t say “spank her,” Russo). -Eric

Royal Rumble 2011 Review Show

Darn tootin!

Holy shit they actually did it. Jeremy  and Kevin came through on their boast and now you can listen to the Stunt Granny Royal Rumble Review Audio. The guys talk about every single match on the card – yep, all four of them – in great detail. They discuss just why the hell Eve was added to the divas match as well as he unnecessarily confusing end. They discuss the possibilities of Kevin Nash and Booker T going forward after their surprise appearances. Jeremy, of course, goes off on John Cena as Kevin takes the opportunity to go paint a room in his house. But they make up for it by discussing the athleticism of Husky Harris. Okay, they talk about it but don’t dwell on it. You know you wanna listen so just download it already.

Royal Rumble 2011 Review

Royal Rumble fallout: Nash speaks, Kong hangs out, TNA scrambles

She was also spotted recently in a police station. Boy, people see her everywhere!

According to Prowrestling.net, Awesome Kong was backstage at WWE Royal Rumble. Good. She wasn’t on camera, though. We already know she signed, and then she was spotted backstage. That’s just what you do when you’re an employee. Moving on…

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Kevin Nash, probably known again as Diesel, was interviewed by WWE.com about how long he plans to wrestle. He said he hoped last night wasn’t his last match, and then said:

I know Randy Orton, he’s got pull around here.

I feel like that was less a joke about who he’s really tight with in WWE and more a crack at jobbers like Mr. Anderson, who claim they were fired because Randy Orton wanted them gone and he has clout. Good stuff from Big Kev, as usual.

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, a TNA source has said the planned Main Event Mafia angle will need to be revamped now that Kevin Nash (and maybe Booker T) are affiliated with WWE. Says a source:

Big time rewrite mode this week due to their dumb asses writing a plot around guys who are not under contract.

Like it was going to work anyway. They have Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan under contract and still can’t draw a 1.3 unless you round up. Ten Kevin Nashes could squash forty hundred Kurt Angles every quarter hour for infinity, and TNA would still suck. -Eric

%d bloggers like this: