The 12 Days of Jesus H. Christmas: Day 5 – Chyna to make more porn, eidvo43we.. oops, can’t see, gouged my eyes out

chyna

(For the 12 days leading up to Christmas, Stunt Granny will relive with you the 12 most head-slapping, dipshitty stories of 2011, the things that made us wonder why we still watch professional wrestling and support some of these dingbats. Here’s someone who needs all kinds of support: Chyna. The Eighth Wonder of the World? Apparently it’s in her pants, as she continues to make porn. Which, of course, is what cost her a job with TNA. You know that when even TNA turns its nose up at you, you’ve got issues that need to be, um, worked out.)

(Originally posted May 26, 2011) Yowza. According to Prowrestling.net, Chyna has made an “extremely graphic porn” movie called “Backdoor to Chyna,” starring herself and two male leads. Because at this point, the bar for porn is set so high that you absolutely must have three lead actors, or it’s hardly worth stealing from a bit torrent site and eating a bag of Cheetos with your other hand, m i rite? As you may remember, in 2004, Chyna and her then-boyfriend Sean Waltman released a semi-produced sex tape they titled “1 Night in China,” where X-Pac stuck his X-Coc in about any hole he could dig to Chyna. If I recall correctly, a review posted on SomethingAwful.com likened an anal sex scene featuring Chyna’s heavily pimpled ass to “someone shaking a large pepperoni pizza off their arm.” Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?

This news comes weeks after TNA brought in Chyna to play the part of Kurt Angle’s mistress. Let’s see… bestiality jokes are too easy… clouded judgment due to too many pills, nah… John Piermarini is to Kelly Kelly as Vince Russo is to Chyna? Maybe. Let’s just all agree that it’s good Chyna finally got her act together, until the opportunity to get railed by two guys in front of a camera crew and work out her daddy issues came a-knockin’. -Eric

Day 1: Ric Flair still can’t keep his finances straight
Day 2: Bret Hart on Twitter, put the letter “S” in front of the wrong word 
Day 3: IWA-Mid South: Going Out Of Business Since 2002
Day 4: Triple H leading WWE new talent development

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Peenclit 2: Electric Boogaloo

Just, oh shit:

The former WWE star, Chyna, is relaunching her porn career with a brand-spankin� new debut. When she approached Vivid demanding a role with the best male stuntcock, Vivid did her one better and gave her the two top male performers in the business. How do you make Chyna better? Team her up with Dylan Ryder and Diana Prince. Tentatively called �Backdoor to Chyna,� this premier represents a whole new side of Chyna as she pushes her boundaries with a scorching anal scene� Enter through the back.

I’m going to go take 832 showers now. – Dusty

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