Have you ever known New Jack to stab somebody?

Stunt Granny Audio Show #180

Reunited and it feels so good, Dusty and Jeremy join forces to combat the biggest stories of the week in the wide wide world of professional wrestling. Shane Douglas made a triumphant appearance on Raw that resounded across the nation. Or maybe it lulled everyone to sleep like a “good” Triple H promo. A-Train’s on again, off again relationship with the fact that he’s definitely coming back to WWE is apparently back on again, under the guise of Lord Tensai. If you have alcohol or substance abuse problems, you need to know right now that Chris Jericho absolutely HATES you. All that and a whole lot more so give the poor chaps about an hour of your time and an ear, why the fuck don’t ya?!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #180

Slow News Day Video: Marty Jannety vs Balls Mahoney

So there really is nothing going on today so far. In the effort to keep our fans entertained we have decided to provide you with some video entertainment. Well, not really entertaining, I mean it is but it is also pretty sad.  Well, I guess it isn’t sad if you enjoy watching two way past their prime, alright I know it is Balls but go with it, wrestlers performing in front of a captive audience. No really the doors were locked. They had to be. After all who in their right mind wants to pay to see this garbage?

Ok, let’s start over. Marty Jannety hits Balls Mahoney over the head with a chair. Balls then proceeds to win the match. After all this he then throws up. It isn’t very pretty but it is worth two minutes of your life. I guess. Unless you overestimate just how important your time is and if you read this and watched this video you proved it isn’t worth much. -Jeremy

ECW old-timers announced for TNA Hardcore Justice (still sounds like porn)

Balls Mahoney

The guy on the right paid $20 for this picture. He later gave Balls another $50 to rake his lawn with his teeth.

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA’s subsite for its Hardcore Justice pay-per-view lists the following ECW originals as appearing at the show. Let’s all hop in the Delorean and see who’ll be there:

-Tommy Dreamer
-Mick Foley
-Rob Van Dam
-Team 3D
-Raven
-Rhino
-Stevie Richards
-Simon Diamond
-Al Snow
-Axl Rotten
-Balls Mahoney
-Johnny Swinger

In other news, I just got my driver’s license, made out with a girl in the grade ahead of me, and drank half a bottle of vodka at my friend’s house while his parents were away. Hey, whose headlights are those?? Oh no, they’re home early! And then I barfed on the living room floor just as they walked in. My parents were tough but fair and gave me an 11 p.m. curfew for the rest of the summer. What a crazy night! -Eric

Balls Mahoney loses tooth (wait for it……)

Somewhere, a dentist is jerking off into a piggy bank.

Yikes. Somewhere, a dentist is jerking off into a piggy bank.

… This is only news because there are so few Balls Mahoney teeth in existence. It’s like if someone shot a black rhino. (News courtesy Prowrestling.net) -Eric

Merry Christmas, Grandkids!

Professional wrestling and Christmas have a long history. I don’t know any of it, but I remember this hunk of garbage. As his Million Dollar Corporation whittled down to nothingness (no offense to the Ringmaster), Ted DiBiase confronted Savio Vega at the December 1995 In Your House to proclaim as he strolled into sight that Santa Claus had sold out! But wait, it wasn’t the real Santa Claus, it was XANTA KLAUS! The future Balls Mahoney was officially saddled with the third-worst holiday-themed gimmick in history (with the Gobbledy Gooker being No. 1, and if you count the jingle bells attached to the Ding Dongs’ outfits, they can be No. 2; and I’d love to hear other people’s terrible holiday/wrestling memories), and Scott Taylor was his first television opponent. Check out the future (and now former) Scotty II Hotty, mullet and all, be taken apart by a man whom Good Ol’ J.R. could only say was “330 pounds” and “unethical.” Blecch. -Eric

P.S. OK, how about some better memories? Three guys that may collectively be the SG staff’s all-time faves: Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper forcing Bobby Heenan to play nice as Santa Claus. God, this was great.

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