Stunt Granny Sports Show #2

chelseahitYup, right on track grandkids as the Stunt Granny Audio Networks: The Stunt Granny Sports Show returns for week two and it is a doozy. Eric2 and Jeremy cover a wide range of topics this week. They discuss the problems with minor league hockey intermission gimmicks and how satisfying it is when they backfire. They roll in to a discussion about the laughability of live mascots and how nothing seems to go right with them. They discuss the economics of The Big Ten conference telling its members they are not to schedule any Division 1AA schools. Should other conferences follow suit and is it fair to the FCS schools and their athletic departments. Eric2 rails against The NCAA again and how it treats and controls its athletes as they bring up ESPNs article about Jadeveon Clowney possibly sitting out or going half speed this season to ensure a higher draft position next year. There is a lot more including Tony Romo, that Blade Runner dude,  The NFL possibly changing the field width and both of your hosts inability to judge crowd sizes. Remember how we said the show would get better as we go along? Well this week’s show is way better than our initial offering. So, if you like last week’s show you will surely love it this week. Hell, we even provided videos fo ya! Cough, after the break.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #2

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Stunt Granny Sports Show #1

Monkey-Riding-Dog

It is a sport somewhere and we are here to cover it.

Have you ever wanted to be the cool kid who discovered that hot new thing just so you could turn your back on it once it became popular? Well now is your chance to brag to your friends about the cool new sports show hitting the internet! Yes Stunt Granny is entering the sports talk world with a new voice alongside a familiar one. Please welcome Eric “Eric2” Jones to the Stunt Granny fold as he and long time friend and Stunt Granny founder Jeremy Maes wet their whistles and sing a tune about all the top stories in sports, well, sort of. I mean it is Stunt Granny so it has the edge and humor you expect so don’t worry. Some of what you can expect is Eric2’s diverse favorite team lineup, Ole Miss clearly cheating on the recruiting trail (allegedly), the legalities of the NCAA, why recruits want to play as far away from home as possible, the correct age of adulthood and a whole bunch more. All of this is packed in to a nice forty-five minute package so you won’t waste your time on those big time national corporate shows, ya know the popular ones. So get to downloading already so you can brag about it to all your friends.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #1

Stunt Granny Audio #186

Gerald Ford preparing to listen to the audio.

Oh happy days! It’s time for another audio, once again manned by Kevin and Dusty. This time they openly disregard the merits of talking about Monday Night Raw. So what do they find worthy of discussion? Well, they talk in depth about Monday Night Raw’s ratings and how they compare to other shows throughout the week. They also talk about WWE’s bizarre fascination with Twitter and fan interaction, why it exists and how significant is it really. Why is Daniel Bryan getting pushed so hard when he seemingly fits into none of the brackets WWE typically likes their pushed wrestlers to fill? And why is he being pushed over guys like Cody Rhodes and Dolph Ziggler? Is John Cena secretly the puppet master behind the scenes? And how many early season Saturday Night Live references can Dusty slip into the show? You’re going to have to listen to find out, and it’s only going to cost you about 40 minutes of your life, so do it now!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #186

Dusty’s Blog: A Modest Proposal For Changing The Shape Of WWE

There’s a guy who gets paid to do this who brings up that wrestlers should get about three months of mandatory time off per year every couple months.  What he doesn’t realize is that it’s not really adequate to just want something to happen.  I want to impregnate Scarlett Johansson, but I realize that might not ever happen.  What I’m saying is, you have to actually present an idea, instead of just saying something to say it.  So while I’m working on the Scarlett thing, here’s a modest proposal for wrestlers getting three months off every year.

Treat wrestling like a real sport.  Let’s use basketball as the example for these purposes, since those knuckleheads have been in the news recently.  A typical NBA season (when they’re not following up the best year in the history of their league with an extended, fan repelling lockout) runs until April, and then the playoffs culminate in June with the championship series.  And then they have off until late October or November, so we’re talking about four months off for NBA players to get high and play video games. 

So if we’re talking three months off (admittedly as arbitrary as any number would be, but we’ll use it as the launching point for this column), how do we structure WWE’s “season”?  The first thing I can think of is that WrestleMania is still considered the biggest WWE event of the year, even in this age of de-focus on pay-per-views and more focus on television (and Twitter).  So let’s say WrestleMania is where the championship is decided every year.  Now let’s work backwards to get there.

This system would allow for every match to mean something, which is something a lot of people on the internet have been clamoring for for years now.  I propose a point system of something like three points for every pinfall or submission victory, two points for every countout or disqualification victory, one point for a draw (time limit draw or no decision type situation), and zero points for any loss.  Tiebreakers can be amount of wins first and fewest amount of losses second.  Or something like that.  I’m just spitballing here.  The important part is that I get my ideas out.

And keep track of every win and loss, and constantly update the point totals.  Show the leaderboard on the television shows.  Have a page on the website that tracks everybody on the roster.  Make it interactive.  At some random point, the “season” ends, and it’s time for the tournament.  The seedings for the tournament will be based on the points system.  The finals of the tournament will be held at WrestleMania.  After WrestleMania, the “season” is over, and the wrestlers get April, May and June off, and start up the next season in July.

I think this format would serve several purposes.  For one, it gives everyone on the roster time to rest up, heal injuries, what have you.  For another, it would make every match important, since logically you would want to win every match so you get as many points as possible so you get the best seed in the tournament you possibly can.  You’d rather be facing Primo in the first round of the tournament than, say, Dolph Ziggler.  Make it easy on yourself, why don’t you?

You can still make the TV shows storyline driven, to an extent.  But the storylines would now be centered around gaining in the standings, gaining points, improving your status, as opposed to storylines centered around comedy that isn’t funny and belts changing hands every week.

And what about those belts?  Gone.  You’re wrestling for the purpose of winning the “championship” at the end of the “season.”  Belts have so little meaning anymore anyway, it’s a necessary evil to get rid of them.  Besides, belts don’t sell tickets anymore either.  Wrestlers don’t even really sell tickets anymore, aside from maybe like John Cena and Undertaker and special appearance guys like the Rock.  The WWE brand sells tickets.  People go to TV tapings and live events to see “WWE,” and whatever that means to them.  I would argue it would be an easy transition to a belt-less company.  The people wouldn’t mind nearly as much as the purists would want you to believe.

And what about tag teams?  Gone.  As much of a tag team wrestling fan as I am, as much as I grew up loving Demolition and the Midnight Express and the Beverly Brothers and the Fabulous Rougeaus and Arn Anderson and whoever Arn was teaming with that week, this is another necessary evil.  The past ten years have done nothing but teach fans that tag teams don’t mean anything.  Every pairing these days is an afterthought, and every team is bound to break up, with the only question being when, not if. 

So with everyone fighting for the goal of winning the individual championship at WrestleMania, the next logical step is getting rid of tag teams altogether.  There is no reason to team with anybody anymore.  Wrestling logic dictates you can’t trust that person, no matter how good of a friend they may seem to be.  So let’s skip the middle man altogether here.  And again, the tag belts don’t mean anything.  No belt does.

So while these may seem like radical steps, I view them as totally necessary to get towards the end goal.  You want a more realistic product, this is the way to do it.  Everyone fighting towards a common goal, you may be “friendly” with some of your competitors but not so much that you wouldn’t try to beat them in a match if it meant gaining ground in the standings.  This is how you can move wrestling towards emulating real sports, like basketball, and real competitions, like UFC events.

Again, the main purpose here was to get this idea out in the open.  I welcome any feedback, improvements, adjustments, whatever, you want to suggest.  This is the rough idea I dreamed up, and I’m kind of excited about it and wanted to share it.  Hopefully I can find enough time to make this a weekly thing, every Sunday night so people can have something to read on Monday mornings when they’re online doing whatever instead of working.  Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to find a job that allows online surfing during work time.  I’ll have to work on that, right after I find Scarlett…

So Jimmy Yang still hasn’t gotten paid

It was all downhill from here, folks.

Speaking of TNA being soaked in trailer park, they apparently have yet to pay Jimmy Yang. Here’s what I’ve been able to gather from various internet reports about this. Yang did a one-shot appearance in TNA on the June 27 Impact Wrestling taping, reviving his old Flying Elvis character. The Flying Elvises were the first thing that ever appeared in TNA, way back during the weekly pay-per-view era. I used to get all those shows, because I had a friend who was willing to go half-and-half with me, and I was so desperate at the time for an alternative to WWE. Naive young Dusty.

In any event, it’s been since then and Yang has yet to get a paycheck from TNA that doesn’t bounce like a Milwaukee Bucks basketball. So naturally, this led to an upset Yang taking the whole thing public. For some reason, that action caused TNA management to call him up and tell him he was acting unprofessionally. An enraged Yang fired back that not paying someone for their work is what is *really* unprofessional.

Look, I know I’m Anti-TNA Guy around here. My colleagues usually choose to handle TNA with more diplomacy, for reasons that are lost on me. But I don’t think there’s any way to sugar coat this. This is TNA failing on an epic, public scale. Stuff like this is only going to serve to encourage released WWE performers to ply their trade in Japan or elsewhere overseas. TNA is the Little Engine That Absolutely Can’t But Insists On Continuing Anyway. – Dusty

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