Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Which level of hell did the wrestlers get to last night?

You wouldn’t believe the pathetic pictures for “Fallout” (they’re all for Fall Out Boy), “Aftermath” (Bomb photos which I wasn’t quite looking for) and “Hell” (Nothing good). So I went “Dante’s Inferno” and that’s what you get. I visited his house when I was in Florence since that is where he grew up (I’ll check on that). He did invent modern Italian with that book since it was still a collection of local dialects. Welcome to factoid day here. Time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

We get started with Randy Orton taking on “What ever happened to?” to Drew McIntyre. Orton whoops on him for a bit then starts to sell. In the mean time, Eric sends me this gem in a text “He’s now being announced as the Apex Predator? No more Viper? At least that nickname didn’t sound like a smooth pervert on Dateline NBC.” I never thought of that name that way but I could see that used for a serial rapist. Orton hits a second RKO on Drew just for shits and giggles. I love a squash match to start Raw. It just dawned on me that they started with a match. Henry shows up afterwards. A brawl ensues so that someone can prove HHH is losing control even though this type of event is a staple in wrestling.

Good on WWE to hype Smackdown and more importantly Big Show. It’d be nice if Orton didn’t spend the year just feuding with Christian and Henry. I told the WWE to shit or get off the pot with Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler and John Morrison. I’m going to say they’re shitting on Morrison. Cole making the argument I just predicted. JR disagreeing with Cole now that King isn’t there. Henry wins in our second consecutive squash match. Oh no, as scary as Henry just was I’m thinking if he starts over using “Hall of Pain” may make him popular. The WWE lulls me to sleep talking about lawsuits brought to you by bores Johnny Wooden Gobbler and Jennifer Hudson’s husband.

Del Rio is still being shoved down our throats as Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Vickie Guerrero, Christian and some Harvard grad.  Alberto is not doing well. Christian does better in 10 seconds of mic time. Cody shows off how to deliver a good promo in a weird cadence. Take note Del Rio. Dolph acquits himself well. Swagger shows why he isn’t going anywhere. The crowd boos Vickie more than anyone else. Otunga trips over his tongue 3 words into his promo. HHH shows up to save us from the terrible TV him and his wife subjected us to. Trips gives us a “Being men” speech. Easy fodder.

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