@TotalDivas – She Said (He Edited) – Episode 12

Logo from a blogspot of the same name.

Logo from a blogspot of the same name.

There have been 9 episodes of Total Diva’s that I have written about and today’s article reaches the double digits. (Kevin’s Edit: Look at the banner lady. You’ve been in the double digits.) Last night I asked Kevin if we could stop watching Total Divas and 5 minutes into the show I realized why. The show lacks on drama and substance. I think watching two kittens play with a ball of string for 45 minutes would be more entertaining than what I had to sit through last night. The entire episode is now scripted, has boring story lines, and I think I’d rather watch paint dry.

When I first started writing these articles, blogs, whatever you want to call them, I thought the Total Divas show was going to show the life of a WWE Diva and their impact in a man’s field. Where showing your skills and working hard to get TV time would help all of us understand the difficulties in making it in the WWE Diva world. What I’ve witnessed these past 10 episodes is that these ladies live a very boring life, so the WWE has to script every scene and create instability within the Diva relationships just to give us a show to watch every week. (Kevin’s Edit: Everyone knew the WWE would pump it up but it all seems so set up to create “drama” that isn’t dramatic.) Jojo has become non-existent on the show, Nattie only talks about hoochie Eva Marie and do I need to hear another comment out of Eva Marie on how hot she is? With this being said, here is my next review on episode 10 of Total Diva’s.

We begin the episode with Eva Marie being scanned. I didn’t understand at first why she was being scanned until I saw the figure of Diva Nattie and then understood. Why in the hell are they making an Eva Marie action figure? Seriously? (Kevin’s Edit: The WWE thinks they have a heel in the making. Unfortunately, she’s unlikable and untalented. Unless you count hotness as talent.) Nattie seemed particularly taken aback by it as well. While Eva Marie is being scanned she said “Let’s make my boobs bigger so I sell more action figures and boost sales.” Of course the only man in the room piped up and said that was a good idea. Once again, Nattie calls Eva Marie a hoochie, we all know that she is, thanks Nattie for reminding us. This is where I knew the show was going to tank and asked if we could just delete it and I could make up my own story line for the blog, but Kevin informed me, that we should just watch the show. So onward! (Kevin’s Edit: The sarcasm about Nattie already makes my choice correct.)

We next have Ariane. She thinks it’s brilliant to get her tool of a boyfriend, or is it her fiance now? who knows, an appointment with a WWE trainer so they could be WWE wrestlers together. What part of this sounds staged? huh. Vincent agrees and goes to the training ring where he finds out that it’s freakin’ hard to be a wrestler and after 1  training day is exhausted and unable to even finish the routine guy is having him do. All the while Ariane is telling Vincent he’s doing good, but on the back camera says she made a mistake for this, really? Do you think so? So on day 2 Vincent once again is too exhausted to go on. Because even though he’s a big dude, it’s cardio man, it’s hard when you aren’t in that kind of shape, and the trainer tells him, he’s not WWE material. (Kevin’s Edit: I remember running Warrior Dash last year. It was hilarious to see these giant bulked up guys trying to run. They had no cardio despite all of the muscles. Vincent is the same way.) I don’t know if those are tears of joy or tears of sadness, but Vincent breaks down. Luckily, he has a backup plan to be a Hooka entrepreneur and open his own shop. Good for you Vincent and thanks WWE for a nice scripted segment for Ariane and Vincent.

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Headlines: CM Punk mentions new WWE Title, DeMott takes over FCW, Diana Hart Smith teaming with Linda Bollea??

According to PWTorch.com, CM Punk answered 90 minutes worth of questions at this weekend’s Wizard World Comic Con (where fantasies become fantasies and not exactly reality), and Punk revealed that a new WWE Title belt has been created. He said the belt is about 20 pounds heavier than the current spinner belt, which means the belt weighs approximately as much as CM Punk. SPOILER: The new belt will use its 20-pound weight advantage to pin Daniel Bryan at Money in the Bank.

According to Prowrestling.net, Bill DeMott will replace Dr. Tom Prichard as the head trainer of Florida Championship Wrestling. Younger fans will recognize DeMott as the head trainer of the wildly successful “Tough Enough” series, while older fans will recognize Prichard as the guy with the shitty Roddy Piper impression from Smoky Mountain Wrestling, and as Body Donna Zip.

L to R: Zip, Kloudy. Yep, this happened. Thanks for nothing, 1996.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Diana Hart Smith, widow of the late Davey Boy Smith, has a project in the works with Linda Bollea, ex-wife of Hulk Hogan:

“I look forward to doing a project with Linda Hogan. I’m awaiting news on that. She has some irons in the fire. She said if anything turn out, she wants me to be on board.”

Time to speculate: A scripted reality show where Linda chases Diana’s son 27-year-old son Harry, much to Diana’s disapproval… ummm, Linda and Diana co-host a podcast where they each take credit for the Pontiac Silverdome and Wembley Stadium attendance figures… an infomercial with Gary Spivey where newly minted spiritual mediums Linda and Diana speak to dead wrestlers on a 1-900 line for just $1.99 a minute… OK, I got nothin’. -Eric

Weekend Updates – DX, Bill DeMott and Ted DiBiase

Just in case like myself, you like to disconnect from the internet from time to time, especially on the weekends, here’s a small review of what huge, gigantic, spectacular, who am I kidding, mundane news came across the internet.

According to Prowrestling.net, Bill DeMott has become head trainer for WWE developmental. One would think it’d be great to keep your head trainer on TV with Tough Enough that most of the wrestling community liked, unlike the WWE’s current on air product. From what they’ve shown on TV, he looks like a good trainer so good luck to him and his trainees.

Also from our favorite source of news, Degeneration X will be making an appearance on the 1000th, 3 hour Raw. I feel sleepy even typing that. I could give two shits less. It’ll be more pageantry since Shawn Michaels seems to be sticking to his guns and remaining retired. HHH is saving his big moment to take on Brock Lesnar. So there’s a solid chance he makes a reappearance at this how and interrupts this huge, gigantic, spectacular, who am I trying to kid again, this crappy, done 92 times too many reunion.

One last snippet from Dot Net from this morning, Ted DiBiase (Jr) is going to be back in the ring in about a month. I do love to end an article on some huge, gigantic, spectacular, oh, you get it at this point. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Tough Enough Choice

The WWE had a choice Monday night and it showed the new direction of their company.

The WWE made what some people thought was a surprising choice in making Andy Leavine the first Tough Enough winner of the renewed series. I had a gut feeling along with some other people like our good buddy Travis Bryant (@travlord) over at the PW torch that the choice would be Andy over Luke Robinson.

After watching the show and through Raw, I couldn’t quite put my finger on why he was such an overwhelming choice. Bill DeMott, Trish Stratus and Booker T all picked Andy even though they all noted that it might be a little late for Andy to be really turning it up.

We note endlessly how the WWE likes big guys but Andy at 6′-5″ and 290. He isn’t so big that he’s a shoe in no matter how awful his in ring work is like the Great Khali. I will admit to being surprised that Luke was only 212 pounds when they showed the wrestling clips from FCW. I think CM Punk is small and they list him at 222. I don’t think it helped Luke (as Jeremy helped clarify) that for as in shape as he was, he doesn’t have a big chest or arms. Even though Andy was the bigger of the men, I didn’t think that was the main factor in the decision.

After Raw when I was preparing potato salad for a bachelor party, it hit me the main reason Andy got picked. All through the show, they laced Andy as the good guy and Luke as a party boy. Andy promised his wife he wouldn’t drink while he was away and aside from having a beer with Luke and Steve Austin after getting into the final. Meanwhile, Luke reveled in the party boy image at the beginning of the show. Joey Styles (@JoeyStyles) tweeted after the first episode –

In the Tough Enough house and drinking all night? The booze is a temptation test numbnuts! Train, eat, sleep, repeat and win, balloonheads!

After the roller skating challenge that Trish presented the contestants, regular patrons looked on in disgust as Luke and Jeremiah ground on servers, dancers and anyone else in their sight. Luke made fun of Andy for not drinking after this contest for the first time, if memory serves. When the Divas came visiting, Luke and Jeremiah were at the head of the class in drinking again. They slapped each other in public and made a general scene while Andy kicked back and said to one of the Divas that he had promised his wife that he wouldn’t drink.

The last show really hammered home this point. Andy was shown at home helping his wife clean, taking care of their child, had his wife act as his trainer and they even brought their child to the work out. Meanwhile, Luke’s first image was of him and his friends partying on a boat. Luke said that he wanted to party like a rock star and said that every time he came back home, it was going to be that way. The WWE did show him doing a Brock Lesnar inspired work out video to not make him look completely bad.

In recent years, the WWE has be careful to get rid of anyone who parties because of deteriorating image with so many early deaths. They got rid of Kurt Angle, then Jeff Hardy and his brother Matt for other reasons but one would have to assume that their life style didn’t help the WWE bridge the gap in negotiations or in their willingness to not grant them their release. After the WWE brass saw all of the incidents with Luke, they made up their mind that they didn’t want to hire another PR head ache. The WWE brass wanted Andy, the family man. He fits into their PG mold because he’s going out to make a better living for his family, not party.

After trying to put my finger on why the WWE picked Andy, I had to prepare for a party of my own for it to dawn on me. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 5/28/11

1. Chyna – The girl is back at it again and backing it up with two gay porn guys. It may not be confirmed her co-stars are gay but have you ever watched porn? No way are those guys straight. No straight male looks at his rod pistoning some sweet vagina and looks disgusted. Sure we have all had our share of pigs but even that is no excuse. – Jeremy

2. Kharma – Sticking with the boot knocking, she is pregnant. It’s not like there is a good time to have a kid but this is a bad time to have a kid. She was getting a mega-push on a national television show. If she was in TNA this would be better news since no one cares about them anyway. – Jeremy

3. Ric Flair – Can he now add fugitive to his long list of accomplishments? He owes money and autographs to HighSpots and that sentence couldn’t be funnier. The man owes signatures, ink from a pen he is holding as payment. The justice system sucks a dick. Unless of course he has to sign with his mouth like he is pushing a wheelchair.-  Jeremy

4. Hulk Hogan – He took his “Hulk Hogan and Friends” tour back on the road, trotting out such Saturday Night’s Main Event-era cronies as Koko B. Ware, Greg Valentine and the Nasty Boys to share stories about how great Hogan, Andre the Giant, Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage and Hogan are. Did you know Hulk tore up his entire back bodyslamming Andre while fearfully accepting the torch from the angry Giant? I think Pontiac Silverdome’s attendance is up to about seven hundred thousand now. – Eric

5. Eric Bischoff – He and Jason Hervey got a show concept starring Cee-Lo Green, um, green-lit; he was seen with Bill Goldberg, possibly courting him for TNA; and he spoke eloquently on why Ring of Honor’s sale to Sinclair Broadcast Group means next to nothing in the big scheme of things. Say what you will, but he’s a *busy* douchebag. – Eric

6. Carly – My girlfriend and I caught the end of Raw this week, and when she saw Rey Mysterio — black mask, black pants and dark tattoos — standing on the second rope, emotively encouraging the crowd to clap as John Cena crawled to the corner for the hot tag, she glared at the screen, paused for about half a second, then declared, “Fag.” I love her. – Eric

7. Tough Enough – We’re down to three contestants – Jeremiah, who is having problems not killing his opponent in the ring but has the best charisma; Luke, who is cockier than he should be because he’s not that special but his look definitely fits into the WWE; and Andy, who the WWE probably likes because he’s tall and they can probably give him some “vitamins” to become a monster. The finale is on Memorial Day. Too bad that the only star (re)made out of this show will be Steve Austin and possibly Bill DeMott. – Kevin

8. CM Punk – You’ve got to love this guy whether he’s performing in the ring or skewering someone on Twitter (@CMPunk, for us go to @StuntGranny). Though he proclaims to not want to get the cheers of the fans, he clearly does little and big things in the ring to get the cheers. This week, he wore pink trunks and yellow boots (a staple Macho Man color scheme) then went for the top rope elbow. If the WWE doesn’t resign him, I’m sure they’ll keep their same 3 point something rating. – Kevin

9. Jacques Rougeau – Rockin’ the newsreel lately. Peep this:

Jacques Rougeau Jr had his last match last night.

The match was the main event of the long scheduled last show of the Rougeau Gym winter/spring tour in Drummondville, saw 5000 people pack the Marcel Dionne Centre (150000$ gate). Rougeau worked a tag team match with his oldest son Jean-Jacques.

After the match, Rougeau removed his wrestling gear (Pads and boots) and threw them in the crowd. He then said that he still felt good but that at age 50, it was time to go. He said he felt that the Rougeau name would live on forever thanks to his 3 sons (more on that later) and the rest of the roster.

At a press conference after the show, he announced that he would graduate an unprecedented 20 students class in July which will double the roster size of his promotion. He also said he was considering running full-time rather than doing tours, and that he was in discussions with Quebecor about having a weekly TV show on the upcoming TVA Sports channel.

This show was marked by the return of Cedric Rougeau, the 2nd oldest son of Jacques’ who had dissapeared years ago due to “injury”. Cedric had been working matches under a mask with midgets as a kid but towards the end he had gotten too big for midget matches and too small / frail for full-sized matches. Many people had speculated that the “injury” was in fact puberty.

Well, the days of being too small for anything are OVER for Mr. Rougeau: He re-emerged, at 17 years old, as a hulking, muscular, Lesnar-sized 6’7″ behemoth. He will start working regular matches in July. If he can work, and there’s no indications showing me that he can’t, this guy will one day sell out the Bell Centre for Rougeau Gym.

Sunny days ahead for Montreal wrestling!

Here’s a family picture taken last night showing, from left to right: little Emile Rougeau (working midget matches until he gets “injured…” but the “midget” he works with seems to grow up too…they’re both larger than midgets now.), the hulking Cedric Rougeau, the smaller but talented J.J. Rougeau, and papa Jacques.

And then there’s the little matter of this video:

Thanks to Miquelio for that. – Dusty

10. Averno – WWE is playing small ball! Read:

Super Luchas reported on their cover today that Averno will be signing with WWE and most likely dropping his mask to La Mascara at CMLL’s next big show on June 17th.The story claims that he had a tryout match with WWE last fall and did well, but WWE was concerned about his age. However, Sin Cara isn’t getting over like they thought he would feuding with guys like Chavo Guerrero Sr., and so the idea is they need to bring in someone who can work his style and showcase his strengths, which Averno can do. The story claims WWE is looking at two other young CMLL luchadors as well.  
 
I’m not sure in today’s wrestling environment this is the best way to get Sin Cara over. He just needs to fight American professional wrestlers that can actually wrestle, as opposed to Chavo Guerrero. In fact, he’d be better off facing Chavo Classic at this point than Chavo Jr. An extended feud with, say, Evan Bourne could potentially elevate both of them. Obviously that is not in the cards. – Dusty
 
11. Cats are awesome – They fucking are. – Dusty
 

Stunt Granny Audio Show #140

It’s Dusty and Kevin this time around, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. The two go in depth on this week’s edition of Monday Night Raw. What did they think of Vince McMahon’s patriotic jingoism? What about the Rock taking up like 45 minutes of air time? Surely they had some sort of opinion on that. Is Mason Ryan the next literal big thing, or are they just using him until Dave Asthma comes back? Was this a bad show or a really bad show? The two then shift their focus to talking about Tough Enough and how awesome Steve Austin has been over the last five weeks. If you think good things are good, then you are going to want to listen to this audio.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #140

Stunt Granny Audio #138

Motley Crue definitely approves of R-Truth.

This time around it’s Kevin and Dusty to give you tidings of great audio joy. They start out by critiquing their colleagues Eric and Jeremy with what they got wrong in the previous audio. They talk about the happenings on Raw concerning R-Truth and John Morrison, and how simply cool it is to smoke cigarettes. Who do they think is going to win this season of Tough Enough? Will Rima win it, be the next one eliminated, or somewhere in between? Will Eric Watts get his head out of his ass in time to realize they actually want him to win this thing? Who is Christina? They talk about who might be going to Raw and who might be going to Smackdown in the upcoming WWE draft. They also give an in depth analysis of the drug scene in TNA. All that and so much more, so please listen. And please smoke!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #138

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