@WWE Blasts The Announcement, TNA Had Twins? & More on @HeelZiggler

Breyers Blasts! Birthday Blast Frozen Dairy Dessert– I had no idea what an email blast was until I watched Brooklyn Nine Nine (If you’re not watching, jump on board. Funny stuff.) I then had to confirm this is an actual term which my buddy Ken was familiar with because of his time in a marketing firm. I thought of that when I read this story on Prowrestling.net (Kind of sad I didn’t get the news from the source of origin at the PWTorch – VIP link warning – since they don’t break news) noting that the WWE blew their own announcement about the fruition of the WWE Network by sending out an email blast confirming it. Hopefully some combination of us will be recording right around their 9:30 PM EST announcement time. It’ll be live so it’ll be Internet Blast worthy.

hannah-holly-blossom

Hannah & Holly Blossom announced on their Facebook page that they are no longer with TNA or Ohio Championship Wrestling. I had no idea they were even on the roster or British Bootcamp which has produced the terrible Brad Maddox rip off known as Rockstar Spud. They realized after four years of being in OVW and nine years of wrestling that they weren’t getting the call up from TNA even though they easily could have ripped off the twin gimmick to get heat like the Bellas. Of course they didn’t admit to it but we can all read between the lines. Hannah & Holly did say they’ve had a fantastic time with both OVW & TNA so that they can keep the door open if TNA gets Spike TV to start airing Complete Knockouts.

– My boy Dolph Ziggler will be headed to the Pittsburgh to have his cranium looked at by a neuropsychologist, more than likely Dr. Maroon. Reports are surfacing that Ryback is getting heat for what he did from this match and working stiff & recklessly in other matches. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’ve found the new Bob Holly. I can’t wait for Ryback to be repackaged as Ryan “Radiator” Reeves. He’ll cool you off! – Kevin

Headlines: Illiterate Bob Holly hires ghost writer, WWE floats legends reality TV show plan

"Mouth Breather" Bob Holly

According to Prowrestling.net, Bob Holly, aka Hardcore Holly, aka Big Bald Hick #1 (that team would have drawn money in Smoky Mountain Wrestling) will be the subject of a biography, released by ECW Press in about a year and a half. Yeah, because it’ll take a year and a half for Bob Holly to recount all of the riveting tales of his childhood, from catching carp with a screwdriver tied to a pole, to weightlifting with buckets of sand to make his 8-man high school football team, to the struggle for literacy to be able to read his own biography.

Not only that, but Holly promises stories you never thought you’d hear. This is Bob’s book report:

I will talk about things no one has dared to talk about. It will be written in a very unique style thanks to Ross Williams who I’ve chosen to write my story. I believe this book will be an interesting and entertaining read. You will definitely want to read this book not only for what I am going to share but the exceptional brilliant style of writing Ross uses when putting words on paper.

Yes, Bob, that’s what happens when people write, words go on paper, good job! I can’t wait to hear his stories about Vince McMahon: “Mr. McMahon has an office in a tall building in Conneti.. Conneti… … … up north. Mr. McMahon offered me a job. He has nice suits. Mr. McMahon isn’t mean like people say he is. He didn’t even fire me after I played with BB’s big boobs or beat up two rookies. I’d like to work for Mr. McMahon again.” F-plus.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, WWE is asking for votes on five potential titles for an upcoming reality series where WWE legends live together in a house. The titles are awful and deserve no space here in this sacred ground known as Stunt Granny, but think of the possibilities of the plots. Make them all keep a job like in “The Real World” or “Jersey Shore” and watch them work indies for 35 paying fans. What’s this? Sgt. Slaughter and Mae Young are in the hot tub?? Get a camera out there! Iron Sheik and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine are planning a road trip? Check their luggage! As long as Scott Hall comes to visit Kevin Nash, that means Hall will be under surveillance for a while. -Eric

Bob Holly moves to Iowa… oh no!! (*car tires squeal*)

bob holly

"I'm-mo be tha may-ir of Duh-byook!"

According to a TNA house show report, at Prowrestling.net (submitted by Stunt Granny friend MattheWWFanatic), Bob Holly, who was in attendance at the live event, now lives in the city where the show was held, Dubuque, Iowa.

Wait… I live in Iowa.

And Bob Holly lives in Iowa?

I’m dead.

Well, let’s think about this. It’s not like Bob Holly knows we’re saying any of this stuff about him; if he has the Internet, I’ll eat my hat. Christ, have you seen his wrestling school’s Web site? No one’s made a site at Tripod since the fucking dancing baby. Holly seems like the type of guy who’s been trying to find a place to plug his TV into his typewriter for the last 10 years. “I’m-mo git this gawd damn thang ta workin’ yet!” He probably thinks “going to Yahoo” means riding the mule to the next town over.

And anyway, Dubuque is three and a half hours away from Des Moines. If he finds anyone first, it’ll be Dusty, a mere 2.5 hours away in Fon du Lac! -Eric

Stunt Granny Decade-End Awards: Dusty’s Picks

This picture is lying to you. Find out who the real winners are by reading below.

The older I get, the more I question why I still hang around with wrestling. Wrestling is the old friend who betrays your trust time and time again, but you keep forgiving him because of all the great times you had together 20 years ago. You keep giving him more and more chances, and he keeps letting you down. This was a snoozer decade at best for our old friend, but I’ll try to find the cream of the crap anyway, or else I wouldn’t have a column.

BEST WRESTLER

Shawn Michaels: I like the Shawn Michaels of the 2000s almost as much as I dislike the Shawn Michaels of the 1990s. After a five year sabbatical, Michaels came back and basically reinvented the wheel. No longer would he be the Mexican jumping bean doing highspots with no discernible psychology, being a bad influence for a decade’s worth of indy wrestlers (1990s Shawn Michaels is to wrestling what Led Zeppelin is to music). He now works smart *and* hard, and has provided us with a full palate of memorable and exciting matches and storylines. I would spend many a minute arguing that this Shawn Michaels is the best wrestler ever, no matter what the decade.

Runners-up: Kurt Angle (A sad case if ever there was one, a guy who couldn’t keep his shit together outside the ring, and who couldn’t turn the corner inside the ring to take his work to the next level. As it stands however, he’s still head and shoulders above most everybody else from the decade, and was TNA’s biggest squandered opportunity.) John Cena (The best wrestlers draw the most money, so whether you like him or you hate him, the Marine belongs on this list. He is probably the most identifiable wrestler of the past decade for the casual or non-fan. That means something.)

BEST TAG TEAM

MNM: The ascension of MNM is sort of like the Stone Roses at their heyday. For a very brief period of time, they were the absolute best, and if you weren’t around to witness it, you probably wouldn’t believe it. They were fresh, they were new, they were hip, they were young, they were beautiful, they could talk, they could work, Melina was hot, and they put the world on its ear. And just as quickly as it happened, it ended. You just had to be there, man.

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Stunt Granny Decade-End Awards: Eric’s picks

Two-time Slammy award winner Owen Hart

Dang, we should have called these "The Grannies." (Photo borrowed liberally from the UK Sun)

In a decade that started huge, slumped pathetically and began an upswing as the final ball dropped; that saw John Cena, Randy Orton and Edge come into their own, Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker continue to wow at their increasing ages, and Triple H somehow still on top of the mountain, sometimes wearing beaver pelt while he stood there; that saw WCW and ECW disappear, ECW re-appear, TNA and ROH emerge, and IWA-MS, um, bleed for a buck and a quarter per wrestler… here are the big winners (and a couple of losers) from the sometimes-maligned, sometimes-acclaimed ’00s.

BEST WRESTLER
Shawn Michaels:
No one ever — not Flair, Hart or Steamboat — could have wrestled as many good-to-great matches during the first 14 years of his career, taken four and a half years off for a completely torn-up back, and then returned to wrestle seven more years of great-to-excellent matches. Possibly the best in-ring storyteller ever; you understand — and feel — exactly what he feels because of his excellent facials. And he’s a human pinball to boot.

Runners-up: Kurt Angle (Probably the fastest learner ever. Many great WWE matches, some good TNA matches considering what he had to work with — including a broken-down body.) Undertaker (Somehow still improving every year. Always having great matches. And smart enough to take time off when he needs to.)

Honorable mentions: Edge, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit

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Stunt Granny Decade-End Awards: Who would you vote for?

awards

All this can be yours!

Hey friendos, now that the Naughty Aughties are over, it’s time to do like everyone else and take a look back at the decade that was… Stunt Granny style. This Friday, we’ll post our winners (and first and second runners-up) in 12 categories. But before then, we want to know what you think, too! So leave a comment on this post, or join our forum and discuss there, who you think should take home the canned ham in these categories:

Best wrestler
Best tag team
Best promo cutter
Best match
Best promotion
Best angle
Best PPV
Best TV show
Best off-screen happening
Best injury
Worst wrestler
Worst promo cutter

Put in your two cents, then check back here Friday for our 1.5 cents!

Stunt Granny Audio #52

Oh, that camera? Yeah, that cost me... hey, hey Bob, where are you going with it? Get back here!

Oh, that camera? Yeah, that cost me... hey, hey Bob, where are you going with it? Get back here!

Eric and Kevin are back to discuss the past few days in wrestling, on and off your TV screen. Jeremy Piven and Ken Jeong haven’t gotten much of a break from the people for their wacky portrayal of host and co-host of Raw; what did the SG guys think? Where should Miz go now that he can’t be on Raw? And how does his move affect each brand’s roster? After Raw went off the air, Ken Anderson (aka Mr. Kennedy) appeared on the Pro Wrestling Report on ESPN Milwaukee. What did he say to make him Eric’s new hero? (Here’s a hint: It has to do with that redneck Bob Holly.) To hear all this and more, click and listen!

Stunt Granny Audio #52

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