Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Review of @WWE #Raw1000

As Jeremy so eloquently put it, tonight starts my descent into madness. No, not the Aurora variety madness but the kind that makes me want to throw my lap top against a wall kind of madness. Tonight will likely be a very good, packed show. The writing will fall apart after tonight though. As for the poll below, I voted for “It doesn’t matter, the title was rendered meaningless long ago.” I’m not sure it was a long time ago but I had been long harping on the meaninglessness of the IC, US, Tag Team & Women’s Title. For some reason, since main event level guys held the belt, I didn’t think about it being meaningless. It is though. Mostly because as another choice point out “It doesn’t matter, John Cena is basically “the champ” anyway.” So, CM Punk may be merch champ and putting on spectacular matches, but you can tell the WWE doesn’t really favor him. Or even Sheamus. Enough editorial, time to do it during the review.

And just so you know, this is our 1850 post. Beat that WWE! We get a retrospective of Raw. It was a nice enough video package. Vince McMahon comes out first. I didn’t listen to his special email message that he sent out. Why is the chairman introducing Degeneration X? I’m guessing everyone else on the internet asked this question. They’re rebels who don’t, aw, you get it right? Even the video package accompanying their entrance seems lame. Shawn Michaels acts out of breath and really stupid. HHH checks for his underwear too. They introduce Road Dogg, Billy Gunn and X Pac. Gunn & Michaels get cutesy with another line. Damien Sandow interrupts the proceedings. You aren’t going to save us. We’re going to get this dreck for the rest of the three hours tonight and in the future. What did I type earlier? This episode would be fine? I’m taking that back already. They still have two words for us. Yuck. Time to get drunk.

I miss Jim Ross coming out because I wanted to get cake for my girl. Wink, wink. Rey Mysterio comes out before he can say a word. He’s teaming with the botch machine Sin Cara. Sheamus is on the team too. We can’t have too many matches tonight so let’s have huge tag team matches! Chris Jericho is still a heel by being on their team. Dolph Ziggler is out the chute next then Alberto Del Rio. Then a commercial.

Ziggler starts off against Sin Cara. Oh, by the way, no animosity between Mitchell Cool and Ross. Stupidity central. My vote is Jericho costing Ziggler and his team the match. Looks like Ziggler is going to cost Jericho the match. Sheamus wins with the Brogue Kick. Not much of a match. What? JR is only calling one match? Fuck off WWE.

Why an I watching these dumb videos? I still don’t care about Tout. Charlie Sheen is hosting from Las Vegas. I’m glad he can Skype so we can plug something else. I buzzed through the replay of AJ & Daniel Bryan from last week. AJ then gets to talk to Layla. Of course dumb shit is happening outside of their locker room door. Kill me. The hand is grown up. Shouldn’t it be half black? Mark Henry was the father.

Sonic gets pimped. Why would wrestling be important during the 1000 Raw? Jack Swagger gets to lose to the Funkasaurus. Another match that doesn’t matter. Shazam app. Clay gets to introduce Dude Love. Splat was an accurate description from Cool. Swagger gets the Mandible Claw with the mandatory gullet use. Trish Stratus gets to talk yoga to HHH. We’re supposed to laugh again. We don’t.

Continue reading

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Get it, hefeweizen!

No witty introduction this week.  I went out with some friends and had a couple of beers (Elevator Brewing Company Heiferweizen from here in good old Columbus). One of them is heading to Iraq as a contractor but that isn’t sparking me for a picture so I’ll wait until the inspiration hits me.

A-Ri interrupts Cena. He calls up Anti-Cena video. Good for him. He introduces the Miz. He goes for the cheap Spurs heat. Good for him. They do a good job of making Riley being well dressed but Miz looking sharper. Cena does the dumb jokes that make older gentlemen hate him.  Ahh, serious turn Cena. I really dug when he talked about seeing the fear in Miz’s eyes. Miz gets to deliver a dumb line after the GM’s ruling. Commercial?

Kofi takes on CM Punk. He needs some ring time after Ryan got all of it the past 2 weeks. Cole did a good job of defending Punk’s credentials. Then he says faith drives your life. Faith doesn’t drive my life. A want to be better does. To make more money does. Not faith. Kofi rightfully misses the high punches. GTS. Good win. Punk gets the mic. Nice to have a mission statement. Now if they actually push them. I mean Otunga & McGillicutty could be a tag team but that’s dead horse made into glue territory. Ryan gets a middle level push, get the US Title from Kofi maybe.

Poor Matthews has to hype the Women’s division. No twin magic so no win. Shocker. Kharma is looming. She  locks in on Kelly Kelly. Only one Bella does after her. These are two dumb broads. Plant a kiss on her! Kharma just flicks her on the head. Weird. The fans don’t know how to act but she’s getting some response.

Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: