Stunt Granny Audio- TNA Roster Game 2011

This isn't accurate but it isn't any better.

Nearly a year to the day Stunt Granny brings back everyone’s favorite show. Yes it is time for the TNA roster game. For the uninitiated the entire crew gets together and plays booker and the almighty. Who stays? Who goes? Why keep Shannon Moore for any reason? Who is considered an asset in the eyes of some and absolute garbage in the eyes of others? Why go through all of this? Why is Eric squirming for the last fifteen minutes? Why do the guys drag it out much longer than necessary? Well the answer is simple a retarded dog with no education is smarter than the decision makers in TNA. To prove this fact a bunch of assholes will all talk over each other to make jokes at Dixie Carter and her merry pack of goons’ expense. So join in the audio goodness.

Stunt Granny Audio Show- TNA Roster Game 2011

Past TNA Roster shows

TNA ROSTER GAME 2010

TNA ROSTER GAME 2099 Part 1

TNA ROSTER GAME 2009 Part 2

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of iMPACT Wrestling

There is not a chance in hell I was going to review this show on time.

I was going to post the PWO review today from week two but I didn’t even get a chance to do the final analysis while at work. Yeah, damn shame. So in lieu of that, I’m doing this review since I need to get material off my DVR because I’m heading back to Altoona this weekend to campaign for my dad. I’m not sure he wants to be connected to this dreck so no link. Let’s roll.

Kurt Angle calls out Bobby Roode. Angle compliments Roode then tells him how great he’s been in TNA. I honestly don’t remember much from Angle’s reign aside from him leading the Main Event Mafia. Even that, I can’t recall much. That makes me wonder how long I’ve been watching this program. When did it come on Spike? Roode repays the favor as far as blowing each other. I’m still having a hard time taking Roode seriously. He didn’t start the tourney on a roll and hasn’t been able to flesh out “Bobby”. For some reason TNA has a fight between RVD & Styles vs. Jerry Lynn & Christopher Daniels. I suppose this is a good day to do this since it’s final hype for Bound For Glory, which I won’t be ordering.

The brawl comes to the ring with Daniels & Lynn beat on Styles. For some reason, the bell got rung even though both guys were attacking him. RVD makes the save to finally settle into a real match. Lynn being worried about being in RVD’s shadow is hilarious. I like you Lynn, but you’re not in RVD’s league. I’m actually feeling bad for AJ. Aside from his extremely white trash tattoo, I love him as a wrestler. Styles Clash. I feel like I haven’t seen that in a while.

Samoa Joe is in trouble with another tall, thinner muscular guy. This time, it’s Matt Morgan, again. What the fuck? Seriously? Morgan wins with a roll up? Didn’t Crimson win last week with a similarly weak finish? Joe tries to play mind games but no one is buying it. How are you the alpha ass kicker since you’ve lost to them in consecutive weeks? The heel shouldn’t be in a weak spot going to the PPV. Of course Taz agrees with Joe.

Mexican Prison Style is how Mexican America wants to do it with Ink Inc. Oh please don’t go predictable Jesse. He doesn’t really. Oh, punk rock guy gets to deliver the message. Another brawl because you know, two wasn’t enough. Punk Rock chick makes the save against the women. She’s pretty hot even if she doesn’t have an ass. Neal doesn’t mention her name. How dumb. They have hyped only matches for the PPV. About the only upside right now.

Jesse Sorenson & Brian Kendrick take on Austin Aries & Kid Kash. Suicide dives by the faces start the match. Aries busted out the Chinese Door Bell. Always loved that move as a child. Taz saying Kash is getting better even in his older age. Wasn’t his problem most of the time that he kept telling off promoters? Maybe his attitude got better. Kendrick gets the win so that he can lose at BFG. Aries has lost some of his mojo since coming in. The push of the X Division has slowed.

Karen Jarrett gets to give the pep talk to the rest of the wrestlers. She got them on the card. I’m nodding off. I should grab a beer. Good choice. Velvet is still getting the biggest disrespect card. Traci Brooks gets Karen to trip over her. The ladies brawl after wards. That’s brawl number 4 just in case we lost count. Bubba warned Anderson about getting out of line. I’ll be shocked when that match devolves into a brawl. (That’s sarcasm.)

AJ blames Daniels for the current woes of their families not playing together. Daniels attacks him from behind. Nice of brawl #1 to have half a come back. Scott Steiner takes on Ken Anderson with guest enforcer Bully Ray. Whoops, gave him the wrong name earlier. Anderson takes control but is so fat he keeps his shirt on. Abyss is ready to blast Anderson but clocks Steiner. Anderson should not need a cheap win over Steiner. He should look like a threat to Bully Ray, not Abyss. Granted, if he doesn’t attack him here, you know he’s costing Bully Ray at BFG.  Brawl #5 1/2. Anderson makes a temporary save. OK, make Bully Ray look strong is a good idea.

James Storm calls out Angle’s dumb theory. Kurt tries to drop the doubt in there again and Storm sort of buys it. Another Jarrett gets to suck on camera. I FF thru the preview for BFG & the rewind of the championship Roode video. The commercials.

Roode takes on Jarrett & Gunner. So is this a real handicapped match? Jarrett takes a coffee break. OK, it seems like a real one after that break. Roode looked funny with his clothes lines then barely lifted Gunner on a back body drop. Jarrett then Gunner got locked in the cross face. Jarrett attacks Roode. I can’t believe how weak a win over two opponents was just presented. Brawl #6.5 happens with Immortal & James Storm. Jeff Hardy makes the save which makes no sense. If Storm couldn’t help as a singular man, why would Hardy? Roode caves in and shakes Hardy’ hand. Storm is an alcoholic, why should he hate Hardy? OK, all is good. Bad timing for Hardy still though. It takes the spot light off of Roode with his big return.

I FF thru the introdcutions. Why are Hulk Hogan & Sting on the same side of the table? Are they dating? Going to make out? After signing, Hogan barely flips the table. Hogan tries to play the pity card by saying he was trying to help the company. You didn’t help them out at all. The ratings and recognition aren’t better. You barely mention them on your media tours you publicity hound. Man on man action is promised by Hogan. He even said it in bed room voice. Bischoff inserts his mug to distract Sting. They caught me on that. I thought that’d center on Bischoff. Could to keep the spot light on Sting & Hogan. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Impact Wrestling

Since I couldn't organzie our crew, I'm imposing self torture.

I started asking too late in the week who was busy what night. So my self torture involves reviewing Impact Wrestling. It’s this or watch the NBA Finals. I’ll check in on it but who cares. I’m an NHL guy. Ryan Kesler made a hell of a play to set up the game winner for the Canucks last night. I got to watch him at Ohio State and now he’s the best US born player in the NHL. Complete silliness that I need to wait until Saturday to watch another game.  In other positive news, Sidney Crosby was cleared for his summer work out. My Penguins will be back next season. On to the inevitable.

Bischoff starts off by telling a guy in a suit he doesn’t do autographs. I’m ready to poke my eyes out already. We blend right into a brawl between ODB, Velvet Sky & Lee South. Could they involve more useless behind the scenes people? ODB fails to break the table when she slams her on a table. I was fast forwarding but it was amusing to see Velvet Sky cover up while she wore a bikini. Dumb broad. Tessmacher is thrown into the skit for no reason. In the middle of previews, we get Mr. Anderson doing the Sting imitation. This company can not get enough of imitations. He’s taking on someone from Sting’s past. I can’t wait for the swerve. Kendrick asks for another match against Abyss. Bischoff tells him to fight Kazarian. For some reason Kendrick is involved. You don’t get a shot at the title whether you win or lose dummy.

More Bischoff from “during the break”  and in the ring. Roode doing the smart thing and not handing over the Tag Titles. Alex Shelley comes out to a luke warm welcome after a long abscence. Sabin torn his ACL & MCL so he’s out for a year. Shelley is teaming with Storm at the PPV. Yeah?

Crimson (not the PWO variety) takes on “Cold Blooded” Matt Hardy. I’m glad Hardy got rid of the braids but his look is exactly the same as in WWE. The pants are the same design he used for ages with different material. Why is Hardy calling for the Twist of Hate? That’s a face move. Sky High does it for Crimson. Hardy wrestled the same match he did in the WWE too. If they were holding you back, why aren’t you showing them what they missed out on? Joe gets speared when he tries to charge the ring.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of iMPACT Wrestling

Wrestling news has been slow for two weeks now.

For the last two weeks, there hasn’t been much news. God bless Eric who has squeezed blood out of two different stones this week alone. I mean, is Foley bragging about himself again really news? Eric skewers him well as he always does but seriously, that’s the big news of the last two weeks? OK, I almost feel like I’m doing a write up for an audio now. Since the news is slow and my moron buddy forgot to call me before coming over to watch the Bruins against Lightning, I’m headed to the hurt locker voluntarily and doing a review of iMPACT Wrestling, Will it be a new era? Not from what I read. Now I get to witness it.

I almost started without a Yuengling. Silly Kevin. My DVR was still set to record this show even with the name change. RVD has taken a serious tumble. Losing to Sting at this juncture is pathetic. I’m sure this is a new entrance montage but I don’t remember what the last one was like. Immortal saunters to the ring. The blue ring ropes makes me think Smackdown. The whole black, white and blue theme reminds me of Smackdown. You just needed to stay away from blue and red. Is it that hard? Go green. Go black. Go yellow for Hogan colors. Kendrick’s music is worse than Daniel Bryan’s. Kendrick isn’t odd enough to be delivering this message. Plus, the X Division being resurrected is like the US or IC Title meaning something again.Easy E’s arms look bigger than they used to. Mildly, Moderate Red is all you have Bischoff? TNA couldn’t have picked a more bland group to represent the X Division. Plus, it’s another large faction after Immortal & Fortune. Taz acting like Bischoff getting into the ring is a big deal is embarrassing. We end up with one big brawl. The Bucks and Red just about kill themselves to show that the X Division does suck.

Tenay acting like Sting was in his trademark gear was embarrassing too. You could tell by skin color it wasn’t Sting. Six woman tag match starts after the break. Anarquia is the hype man. Better choice than Hernandez. Miss Tessmacher making making up for a lack of wrestling by doing robot dancing. She still has the most fantastic heiney in wrestling. Madison Rayne over acting. Rosita takes the beating since Rayne is a coward.

Kazarian versus Abyss for the X Division title.  Taz bringing an astounding dumb line of logic to why there shouldn’t be an X Division. Taz continues to make no sense (Cole employs logic for Pete’s sake) during a mediocre match. Abyss fakes an injury to win a match that the announcers called him a favorite in. Taz said the internet is burning up because of the title change. Wow, he is terrible.

Samoa Joe squashes Amazing Red. Crimson makes the save. Crimson can’t figure out how to get his shirt off. Great example of how inept TNA is.

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Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 3/19/11

1. Netflix – So did you fork over 29.99 or more on a recent WWE DVD? Well, stupid, you could have waited and watched each documentary portion of the DVD on Netflix. And boy oh boy is this a relief because the Bobby Heenan DVD sucked a fat one. Let’s forget they even bothered with a Big Show documentary as well. – Jeremy

2. The Miz – Another week and yet another strong performance from the forgotten member of WrestleMania 27 main event. A big kudos to the make-up person for the bald cap cause that sure was effective. It fooled a bleary-eyed guy just waking up watching the show. – Jeremy

3. Jeff Hardy – Have you heard the one about the guy that was in no condition to perform but he got sent to the ring anyway? Well this is that one. As much as Jeff should be vilified for this let’s not give an inch on anyone else behind the scenes in TNA. They are just as responsible for this debacle as dear Jeffrey. – Jeremy

4. Jim Ross – The Okie returned to Monday Night Raw in the midst of an awkward but effective Jerry Lawler-Brian Christopher confrontation, got the pop of the night, then suffered a legit (but probably minor) injury in the process. Even though we’ll be there live, it’ll still be nice to know JR is at ringside calling the action, if he’s allowed to be. – Eric

5. Drew Carey – Just goes to show that an association with TNA means nothing. Carey didn’t even make the Stunt Granny Big 11 last week when he called TNA’s Brian Kendrick to “The Price is Right’s” stage, but now that he’s being inducted into the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame, he’s all over this list! Lucky duck! – Eric

6. Snooki – You know, I planned on slamming Jersey Shore. Then I got the smart idea to Google what their ratings are. Much to my surprise, their season 3 debut had 8.4 million viewers. This garbage got a 4.2 rating among adults. These numbers beg the question, if crap is rewarded this well, why aren’t our hits through the roof? – Kevin

7. The Rock – I love that every male above the age of 16 that watches wrestling is so desperate to see John Cena mocked for his ridiculous antics that they liked the Rock’s awful promo on Monday. The Rock doesn’t walk on water, he’s not perfect. One could see the child gag coming because it’s the WWE and anytime someone is mocking their opponent they use a child or midget. Hack material, no way around it. Don’t worry, I’m not just offending you the reader, I’m also offending my site comrades. – Kevin

8. WWE Superstars – In a shocking turn of events, Superstars is going off the air April 7th, according to WGN. Another poorly run program that wasn’t used for any storyline purposes and half of the show was reruns from the previous Raw or Smackdown. This cancellation feels like a tree falling in the woods with no one around. – Kevin

9. GLAAD – WWE recently announced a partnership with GLAAD in order to “create and promote an anti-bullying initiative aimed at their core audience.” This comes on the heels of the backlash against John Cena’s anti-gay promos. Look, this is nice and all to say, but let’s face it here. WWE’s “core audience” is lower income white trash Walmart people. They are by and large racist and homophobic people. (I’m stereotyping just like they do.) They aren’t going to buy this message, no matter how well done it is. And shame on GLAAD for trusting WWE in any way whatsoever after the whole Billy and Chuck fiasco. – Dusty

10. Daffney – So Daffney’s contract expired, and TNA chose not to renew it. In turn, she has filed a worker’s compensation suit against TNA because of on-the-job injuries suffered that have not been properly compensated for by the company. This basically makes her unemployable for any major wrestling company, but maybe her thought is to cash in while she has the chance and get the hell out of the business altogether. My mom recently filed a worker’s comp suit herself, and the lawyer said he only takes cases where he thinks he has a great chance of winning, so maybe that bodes well for young Daffney. – Dusty

11. Victory Road – Holy god, that was an awful PPV. Maybe one of the worst ever. Sweet Jesus, what an awful company. – Dusty

TNA’s Brian Kendrick on The Price is Right, will probably be fined, fired

 

How much did you bid for that wonderful luggage?

This is the type of morning news we all want to read: According to Prowrestling.net, TNA flounderer Brian Kendrick was a contestant on “The Price is Right” this morning, bidding his way out of contestant’s row, but losing Secret X and then not winning when he spun the Big Wheel. It’s still awesome that he was on — one of my secret lifelong dreams is to play Plinko on TPIR, but who’s dream isn’t that? — but because it was a third-party booking without TNA’s approval, and because Kendrick wore a Seattle Sounders soccer T-shirt instead of an AJ Styles “Flying Forearm” tee, Kendrick will likely be fired by TNA by this afternoon. -Eric

Happy birthday, pro wrestlers! (May 28-June 4)

dirtballs

I imagine this is TNA's standard birthday cake design.

Happy birthday to one eccentric little moptop, one beer-drinkin’ son of a bitch, one homophobic hillbilly with terrible merchandise, and well, one super hot chick.

May 29: Brian Kendrick (Brian “Spanky” Kendrick, 31)

June 1: James Storm (JamesAllan Black, 33)

June 2: AJ Styles (Allen Jones, 32)
June 2: Velvet Sky (Jamie Szantyr, 29)

It’s a real TNA party! Yeeeeee haw! -Eric

velvet sky

Figured I'd better throw in a picture of a topless Velvet Sky for good measure. And for Web site hits.


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