Bryan Danielson aka Daniel Bryan Talks About His Ass

I was amused by this short promo. He had more charisma in Absolutely Intense Wrestling than anyone gave him credit for. Or I just found his best 25 second clip and am assuming he was better than he really was in 2010. – Kevin

Total Divas – She Said (He Edited)

Total-Divas

Since the craze of reality television I tend to jump on the crazy train of reality television from time to time. I’ve gone from the early seasons of The Real World, to Keeping up w/the Kardashians (which was very short lived in my television watching) to the Jersey Shore and finally to the Housewives of Beverly Hills and New Jersey. Each one proving that I am most content in my so –called boring life.

When I started dating Kevin, he introduced me to the WWE. All I could do was laugh at the story lines, the wrestlers and what some of them are wearing, good gravy! So when I saw that the Diva’s were going to be having a reality show on E! I thought, let’s give that a try and see what kind of train wreck this could be.

Here’s what I thought.

I laughed.

The good news is that since the Diva’s don’t really have any air time on the WWE, I found it to have some insight on them as individuals and it actually helped me realize the stress that they have to compete to even be on Raw, Smackdown and earn a spot in Wrestlemania. To be a woman in this industry, you have to have a backbone, extend the claws and do what you need to do to get on TV.

We start with the Bella Twins, Nikki and Brie. First, I really don’t think they are all that, but that’s just my opinion. They start with John Cena’s current girlfriend Nikki. Um, all I can say is that they are completely ridiculous and their scene was totally made up. Fishing in the rain and trying to be cute by reenacting a scene from Nicholas Sparks The Notebook, was a total flop. (Kevin’s Edit: I didn’t even see The Notebook and I thought the scene deserved a fail.) She says she’s totally into John and thinks he’s the ‘one’. He buys her a brand new Range Rover, can you say, Lame! Their intimate Thursday night dinner, lead her to ask if he would marry again and he said he’s been down that road and isn’t sure. Should I be on the edge of my seat to see what happens? I think not. (KE: I had all kinds of women thinking I’d be mentally scarred over my divorce. This dumb broad wants to get married less than a year after his divorce.)

Brie is in a relationship with Daniel Bryan. They are much more down to earth. They live in an apartment together, walk their dog together and go to the Farmers market to get fresh food to make dinner. They are definitely boring, but on that same thought, they are probably the most sane and easy to watch along with not wanting to gag. It’s so normal that she cheers him on in his Wrestlemania match in NJ.

The Funkadactyls were next, Ariane and Trinity. Ariane is dating a ‘tool’ who wants to beat up Brodus for yelling at Ariane during their dress rehearsal for Wrestlemania. Trinity is engaged to Jimmy Uso. Ariane acts like some whiny, annoying girl who will cry to anyone that wants to listen, which is probably why her tool of a boyfriend of 7 months, thought he could beat up Brodus, (KE: Ariane can’t even get her man to watch the WWE. No way he offers to fight Brodus if he watches. How did I manage to get my girlfriend to and write a post?) which she thought was chivalrous, but in reality would be beaten like a pulp (now that would have been something fun to watch). Trinity on the other hand, is more level headed and made it sound like she is about ready to throw in the towel because she wants kids and is approaching 30.

The final Main Diva is Nattie, a member of the Hart family. What can I say about Nattie? Even though I like her and have enjoyed seeing her on Raw, she has no backbone and the show really showed how she really has no ‘pull’ at WWE and that they use her as a stepping tool as she was not given a spot at Wrestlemania, and as she recounts, trained the Bella’s who are scheduled in Wrestlemania, and instead was told to ‘babysit’ the 2 new Diva’s, Eva Marie and JoJo. (KE: No backbone is a great description. The only time she showed fight was over the blonde hair debate.)

The two new Diva’s are young, young as in JoJo is only 19. Eva Marie seems as though she could be a spitfire and a possibly crazy like AJ Lee. I could maybe see friction between her and the Bella Twins (as the twins had Eva and JoJo go get them cocktails at a party and then made them wait while they did photo moments), but Eva’s career could be short lived with the WWE as she disobeyed an order by dying her hair Rihanna red instead of going blonde or they could keep her on as the new crazy person and have her and AJ duke out who is crazier. (KE: I don’t care about either of these broads. Let me know when Eva Marie’s, um, pictures leak. Thanks. Moving along now.)

The shows 10 day story line came down to the main event of Wrestlemania, where since it’s live and the matches were taking too long, the Diva’s got cut. Needless to say, here is where you see that the WWE is a ‘man’s’ world and being a woman in the WWE won’t get you much air time, which is why you create your own TV show and call it Total Diva’s.

So, if you want to waste an hour and see emotional Diva drama, that falls flat, then go ahead and give it a try. I have to say, maybe next week will be better, or maybe it won’t. Guess I’ll find out at 10 on E!. – M (& Kevin)

Daniel Bryan Is Out To BURY People

Daniel Bryan knows how to do four things well, and four things only. Eat, sleep, breathe and BURY people. – Dusty

Daniel Bryan Got Himself A T-Shirt

Let’s take a closer look at it, through the aid of a lovely and talented t-shirt model:

First of all, I wonder how much it pays to be a t-shirt model. Do people tell their fifth grade class, I’m going to be a t-shirt model when I grow up? There’s so much psychology going on there that I just don’t have the time to get into here.

In any event, that t-shirt is awful. It looks like it was designed by that same fifth grader, you know? Playing with paints or some shit. Is it really that hard? This is just another example of the trend where it seems like wrestling is going completely backwards. Bret Hart would never wear that shirt, goddammit. – Dusty

Stunt Granny Audio #110

Join us next week on Monday Night Raw as Team Nexus performs Flight of the Bumble Bee...

Kevin and Dusty pilot this here edition of Stunt Granny Audio, and oh what an audio it is, folks. The fearless duo talk about TNA’s latest boneheaded move of signing Rob Van Dam to a match limit contract instead of a grown up person contract, and the ramifications of such a decision. The gang also tackles the WWE pay-per-view spectacular Summer Slam, and the following night’s Monday Night Raw program. Are they pushing Nexus properly? Are they really getting over? Or can different things be done to better help get them over? They talk about these things and more, before switching over to talk about their fantasy football league, which includes all the members of the Stunt Granny Universe. They talk strategy, picks that made them happy and picks that they might regret. All this and so much more, so just fucking listen and like it!

Stunt Granny Audio #110

Dusty’s Blog: The Rain, Michael Cole, And Other Things

I figure if I post their picture, you might be able to get the reference. Sledgehammer of reference.

The rain: Man, it sure was raining a lot this past weekend. If you get a chance, ask Jeremy Maes about it. Better still, ask him where he was while he was being rained upon. You know, for conversation sake.

Michael Cole: So it occurred to me watching Summer Slam last night that Michael Cole would make the perfect manager. I’m always complaining about the lack of managers in wrestling these days (the dancing, no penis buffoon Runjin Singh does not count, btw) and I think that Michael Cole transitioning into a managerial role would be the perfect WWE way to make managers digestable again to the viewing public.

Cole has been awesome lately in his ongoing saga anti-Bryan Danielson and pro-The Miz. I know that this isn’t exactly a new concept since I was championing Cole to be the mouthpiece of Nexus back when that angle first started, but I’m going to beat the horse until it’s dead, because it’s a legit good idea.

The problem is that who would replace Cole as commentator on Raw? Sure, you could beg Jim Ross to come back, but a more likely scenario would be for them to place Matt Striker in there full-time opposite Jerry Lawler, an idea which gives me severe gas because Striker is fucking terrible and doesn’t deserve to be bagging old lady’s groceries at Piggly Wiggly, let alone announcing the biggest wrestling show on television. Obviously, more thought would have to go into this.

Speaking of heartburn: The finish to the Team WWE vs. Team Nexus match gave me a triple bypass. What I would have done is, after Jericho and Edge get eliminated, have them lay out Cena on the floor. Cena gets rolled back in, gets the bejeezus kicked out of him by the three remaining Nexus members, and then have him get counted out. That way, he gets eliminated in a way where he keep every last shred of credibility he has, since that’s apparently so important to him, while he still gets eliminated, which was the best thing to do for business.

So that would leave Danielson against Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel and Wade Barrett. From there, you have Danielson eliminate Slater and Gabriel, before losing to Barrett because he’s tired and the odds were against him. That way, Cena stays strong since he has a reasonable excuse for getting eliminated, Danielson gets built up to the max and has a plausible excuse for getting eliminated, and Barrett looks super strong by getting a PPV main event win. So then, Cena can seek revenge on Jericho and Edge, and Danielson can go after Barrett.

Meanwhile, it’s about time to pare the Nexus group down to four or five members. Seven is too many for a group of wrestlers, and I’m sure you can think of at least two pieces of dead weight in that group anyway. Slim them down to five members and keep them strong going into the Survivor Series, which should be the absolute next time they all team up together in a match. WWE likes having seven on seven and six on six matches or whatever, but that needs to stop immediately. It is old and it is dead.

Other things: TNA has some of the ugliest fans in wrestling history. I know I’m no sunshine and lollipops over here, but I’m also not parking myself in the front row facing the hard camera every single week on national television, you know? Enough is enough here.

Shannon Moore is perhaps the worst wrestler in the history of professional wrestling.

Melina is certainly the worst babyface ever.

Bring back Sid already! – Dusty

Danielson bookings continue, Brock’s rich, little people have big show

lesnar carwin

"I'm rich, beeotch!" / "Yeah, but, um, do you have THESE? BAM! BAM!"

According to Prowrestling.net, Bryan Danielson will wrestle for Rampage Pro Wrestling on July 31 in either Macon (Johnny B. Badd’s hometown) or Warner Robbins (Ron Simmons’ hometown), Ga. In other news, “Rampage” used to be my backyard wrestling nickname. Oh, and Jimmy Rave also will be there, so bring your toilet paper. Not to throw at him, but because he’s a real bathroom break.

Also according to Prowrestling.net (via MMAJunkie.com), Brock Lesnar scored a $400,000 payday for his World Hvt. Title fight against Shane Carwin at UFC 116 this past weekend. This doesn’t include the $75,000 bonus Lesnar earned for his “Submission of the Night” and the all-white-meat and Metamucil dinner Sable cooked for him that weekend. By contrast, Carwin’s base pay for this fight was $40,000, or one-tenth of Lesnar’s guaranteed figure. Then again, Lesnar could have fought his extracted lower intestine on pay-per-view and it would have sold a million buys.

And while I’m borrowing liberally from Prowrestling.net, Eric Bischoff’s Micro Championship Wrestling will hold a live event Aug. 6 in Austin, Texas. This is not Bischoff’s first foray into midget wrestling; he used to book Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko! Hey, he should put a mask on one of these little guys and call him Micro Machine! HEYOOOOO! -Eric

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