Stunt Granny Big 11- Week Ending 2/26/11

1. Smackdown Elimination Chamber – Even though the individual performer medals went to John Morrison & CM Punk in the Raw version, the Smackdown version was the better of the two matches. It was the best multi-man match I’ve seen in quite some time. I don’t think it’ll be a match of the year candidate by the end of the year, but it was a great surprise on the Road to WrestleMania. – Kevin

2. No Word Promo Heard Round the World – Triple H interrupting the long hyped return of the Undertaker was just what the Wrestlemania card needed. Considering they did this without saying a single word tells you how important Undertaker’s streak is at the event. Now if only Undertaker could really live forever. – Kevin

3. Tough Enough – After Rima Fakih was the first contestant to be officially announced for Tough Enough, Val Venis and my sources revealed that “M-Dogg 20” Matt Cross was another contestant. After watching him for 3 1/2 seasons in Pro Wrestling Ohio, I’m wishing him good luck. – Kevin

4. Fetuses – Jillian Hall and Candace Michelle both announced that they’re pregnant. (Candace might have been last week, who knows and who cares. And it might be “Candice,” whatever.) (Dusty edit: It absolutely is “Candice” and from this point forward, I’m editing it every single time.) I guess don’t know what trimester the women are in, so I maybe should be giving credit to “zygotes” or “embryos.” Really what I need to do is give myself credit for letting two women I did not impregnate take me back to fifth-grade science terminology. Next up: I’m going to dissect a worm. – Eric

5. Sting – After all of the hype about him possibly being the Undertaker’s opponent for WrestleMania, Sting goes back to TNA and wins the Title. Sting is much smarter than anyone has given him credit for being. He just bilked more money out of TNA based off of rumors. Way to go, kid. – Jeremy

6. TNA – So let’s get this right. They take Impact on the road and then proceed to tape two weeks of television? They recorded a live show instead of forking over for a live broadcast? On top of that they have Sting return at this show that was taped? So, they had a major surprise happen on an episode that was recorded instead of airing live in the same night that Impact airs. If this makes no sense at all it is because it doesn’t. – Jeremy

7. Mistico/Sin Cara – Okay, I don’t get it. I watched CMLL for a while on Telemundo or Univision or whatever, and never saw Mistico. Maybe I did and didn’t realize it since they don’t run the shows in English. So I went to YouTube and looked up some videos of Mistico. Um, I don’t get the appeal. He is just another spotfest Mexican wrestler that wears a mask. How is he a huge star? This isn’t a criticsm of WWE for signing him but why is he such a big star down south? – Jeremy

8. Chris Jericho – The new media gadfly (move over Mo Rocca, you huge nerd) released his epic second book last week, but I read it over that weekend so it still qualifies here. (Note: Buy it, check it out from the library, steal it, I don’t care, it’s great.) And he’s still making the rounds through the media to promote the book, while still making himself look smarter about the business of professional wrestling than 10 Triple Hs. – Eric

9. Hacksaw Duggan – It was recently announced that he will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this year, along with Shawn Michaels. It’s sad that the first thing that comes to mind when I see the name “Hacksaw Duggan” is that he had snot coming out of his nose after his WrestleMania 5 match against Bad News Brown. It’s too bad he turned into such a comedy act in the WWF because his work in Mid South/UWF for Bill Watts was very good and he was probably one of the best brawlers in wrestling history. If you are a member of the PWTorch VIP Forum (and if you’re not, you need to sign up immediately!!!), be sure to check out Stunt Granny Nostalgia Expert zourah’s blog about how Duggan’s work for Watts shaped his wrestling fandom. It is an excellent read. – Dusty

10. Austin Aries – Peep and weep:

Dusty

11. Randy Orton – Apparently some kid recently did a doorbell ditch on Orton’s home. Since Orton has a home security system, he was able to post some pictures of the kid with the message being that if someone can catch him, Orton will provide them with free tickets the next time WWE is in St. Louis. I understand that Orton is coming off here like the old man yelling at the punk kids to get off his lawn, but I will always side with the athlete in situations like this. He deserves the same privacy as anyone else, and I hope the kid who did this to him gets humiliated for his effort at 15 seconds of fame.

By the way, how many godfucking times in a row can Eric put up a piece about Chris Jericho? We get it, you like him. We really truly get it. – Dusty

Now This Is More Like It

Thank god I received this in my e-mail. Colin Vassallo of Wrestling-Online.com, included a link to some pics from the latest Flex magazine of Beth Phoenix, Layla and Candice Michelle. I have to say this is the hottest Beth Phoenix has ever looked and I now officially place her on top of the wrestler I want to violate list. She bumped off Batista but really he did himself in after he dumped Kelly Kelly.  I didn’t care to ay attention to the photographer but whoever you are, kudos. You managed to take Candace Michelle and make her spectacular. This is the hottest she has ever looked and that includes all of the movies and layouts of her nude. How is it possible a woman looks better with clothes on than naked? It is against the law of probability I am sure.

Layla , who has come a long way from her “mom” days as Dusty and I coined. But really, the star of the photos is my new boo Beth Phoenix. I find it disgusting she looks that good and all I can do is violate 8×11 glossy photos of her. -Jeremy

Shelton Benjamin Looks Stupid

This would have been better.

This would have been better.

WWE.com has a photo spread of Candice Michelle and Shelton Benjamin at the Democratic National Convention. Now the pics are nothing special but they require a look for two things.

One, Candice looks a lot different then the last time she was on Raw breaking her collarbone. Not sure if it is an improvement but she sure looks different.

The second reason is to see what a total tool Shelton Benjamin looks like walking around a pep rally, yes that is all it is, with a gold belt on while wearing a suit. Sure there are a bunch of other retards in the crowd but they are what they are. They are freaks of nature that have the power to vote. They aren’t to be taken seriously. If so they wouldn’t have dressed like it was 80% off day at Miracle Hill.

Shelton, on the other hand, is an adult male in a nice suite, carrying around his United States title, representing a multi-million dollar company. Whoever told him he needed the belt should be fired immediately. It encompasses all the bad stigmas of pro wrestling. So congrats WWE. -Jeremy

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