Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 3/26/11

1. Abdullah the Butcher – I told a co-worker for the first time since I started here that I’m a pro wrestling fan. Of course he wanted to make sure I knew it was fake, but then he knowingly talked about wrestlers using pieces of razor blades to cut themselves during matches. I told him about Abdullah the Butcher and the scar tissue into which he can insert a quarter. I thought my co-worker was gonna puke. – Eric

2. The Miz – Let’s see how many times he ends up on the list this week. The Miz’s appearance on “Conan” was the stuff televisions were made for. Not too many people could verbally get the better of Conan O’Brien, but Miz unabashedly talked over the host, then gave him the nickname “Ginga Ninja” and the catchphrase, “Step into my dojo, mofo!” I really hope it sticks. – Eric

3. Bret Hart – The Hitman relieved himself of the old “HitmanBretShart” Twitter handle but kept up the juvenile, one-sided war of words with Hulk Hogan, particularly via Twitpic (or YFrog, or whatever, who cares), portraying Hogan as a withered-up old hanger-on, to the enjoyment of a few thousand smelly Internet nerds. Meanwhile, Hogan made a cameo on “American Idol,” still one of TV’s biggest rated shows. In other words, fuck you, Bret Hart. – Eric

4. TNA Impact – I swear I am trying to watch this show but damn they make it difficult. This is the exact train of events of trying to watch this week: I went to the DVR menu. I chose Impact. I fast forwarded thru the end of Gangland. I stopped when I saw Ken Anderson. I started getting annoyed at the opening. I fast forwarded until I saw a marker board in the ring. I got more annoyed. I shut it off after four minutes of viewing. I then got a text from Dusty. It wasn’t positive. How the hell were we watching at the same time when we are in different time zones anyway? – Jeremy

5. Michael Cole – Cole is the greatest heel in wrestling. He would make a great character in WWE comics. I mean he already has his own hideout in the Cole Mine as well as a loyal henchman. – Jeremy

6. Eddie Edwards – He won the Ring Of Honor title. He defeated Roderick Strong. Past champions in ROH include CM Punk, Samoa Joe and Homicide. We once met Homicide in Orlando, which is the home of Walt Disney World and Universal Studios.  We were trying to drunkenly speak with Cheerleader Melissa. She was a very nice person but her friend was annoyed. I bet if she knew who we were it would  have had a much more positive effect on her. By the way,  I used these names so I can tag them without a hint of guilt for hits for the site. – Jeremy

7. Kurt Angle – As Eric posted earlier today, Angle was arrested today in North Dakota when he couldn’t keep his car on the road. Police smelled alcohol on him and he was done for. Does TNA have the least professional locker room in wrestling history? There just seems to be no discipline or personal responsibility whatsoever there. – Dusty

8. Kurt Angle’s mugshot – It’s as if he’s simply taking a fan photo on a sunny afternoon.

9. Ian Rotten – Recently ethered into oblivion on some blog talk radio show by a 40 year old weirdo. I experienced this audio in the following way: The two idiots are yelling at each other. I am drowsy. I fall asleep. I wake up. The two idiots are still yelling at each other, now in harsher tone. Ian is basically every lowest common denominator wrestling fan ever, separated only by the fact that he actually got to run his own shows. So kudos for that. – Dusty

10. WWE’s partnership with Kmart – I guess WWE figures before all the Kmarts in the world are driven out of business by the existence of Walmart and the fact that they are crummy, dirty stores, they better form a partnership with them to promote their house shows. Soon enough, though, Ian Rotten will be hosting IWA MS shows on the parking lots of each and every one of these fine retail stores. – Dusty

11. TNA’s Spring Cleaning Sale – Don West is the fucking fucking man.

Dusty

MsChif Ascends to Goddess Status

Choosing an arty pic to offset the obvious machoism.

I am getting to this first because  my head may explode soon. MsChif, was featured on PBS’s show “The Secret Life of Scientists and Engineers.” It turns out MsChif is a Microbiologist when not wrestling. Yes, a fucking microbiologist. Now I understand that not all women are complete dolts and I’m not saying I expected her to be one but a microbiologist? Jesus Christ. I didn’t understand regular biology in High School so the idea that a wrestler, male or female understands any of it, let alone a particular study.

This news makes my groin ache as I always considered McChif to be one of the underrated cuties in wrestling. Now it comes out she has brains as well? Not just street smart brains but actual clinical analysis style brains? This news also changes my long standing ideas about one day meeting her. It always played out that I would be cool and star struck like usual but not a total goof. Now, if that day ever comes I may have to bring a change of underwear. -Jeremy

Aloisia out of NXT?

Damn near perfection.

This better be an angle or a fucking joke cause NXT season three was setting up to be a disaster until my new fantasy woman debuted. Straight from WWE.com, my ultimate stroke fantasy apparently is not going to be participating on the show. Yes; that’s right, Aloisia, was “fired” by Vickie Guerrero.

Two things, and I’ll start with the less personal. It makes no sense Vickie Guerrero can fire her. She is a pro not her boss. Of course they have never defined Vickie’s role so maybe she could but whatever. They could have had Michael Cole bark out McMahon’s lines on the debut show and say she couldn’t cut it and the internet darling is back in front of fifity people a night.

On to the second issue; she is the only reason people even talked about Season Three of NXT. With that out of the way, this chick is a living goddess on this planet. Has anyone put any thought in to the wonderful nasty shit you can get in to with a perfectly proportioned six foot nine inch tall woman? If you haven’t you are gay, dead below the waste or both. When she first appeared on screen my eyes widened and I repeatedly said, in front of my live in girlfriend “Look at her. Look at her. Look at her!”

This wasn’t some beanpole flat-chested Betty. This was a fully proportioned woman with curves. Who cares if she will mimic Eli Cottonwood in the ring?  The woman is a real life Valkyrie or Greek/Roman goddess. This is what an Amazon woman is supposed to be like. Hell, this is what every woman is supposed to be like. So leave it to WWE to go and fuck it all up. It doesn’t matter if it is her fault. WWE should have been bending over backwards to keep her happy. God damn this may ruin my weekend. OK, I will accept this move if it means they signed Kong or Cheerleader Melissa but no chance that is the case. -Jeremy

Alyssa Flash Gone From TNA.

Thanks to Cheerleadermelissa.com and Chickfight for this fine picture.

It just gets funnier and funnier in the land of TNA. Cheerleader Melissa, better known in TNA as Alyssa Flash has asked for her release from TNA according to PWTorch.com. These dumb bastards are possibly going to let another, young, fresh face go so they can continue with the likes of “Towel Guy Dudley” Sean Morley? Yes she may be just another puny woman but she is marketable and young unlike TNA’s current direction. Plus she has an amazingly cute lisp. This doesn’t really mean much but she does.

Here comes the full disclosure statement; I love everything about Melissa. So the idea of her being unemployed after this is unsettling. There is always the indy scene of course and a return to Shimmer would be aces.

I am not sure she is what WWE is looking. As Eric likes to say “She is the bee’s knees” but then WWE doesn’t like their women to look like real women, let alone wrestle.

Since Kong has also asked for her release it is possible that WWE can swoop them up as a package type deal and interject them on Smackdown. This won’t happen but the idea of her versus Mickie James makes my nether regions tingled in delight. – Jeremy

Awesome Kong Gone From TNA?

When I get to the WWE, I get to kick Michael Cole's ass.

Finally Beth Phoenix versus Awesome Kong can happen. Let me back up, the greatest women’s wrestler on the planet has asked for her release from TNA. Yes, Awesome Kong has asked for her release according to PWTorch.com.

In typical TNA fashion they acted retarded and it has ended up costing them, hopefully, one of their only real marketable and money drawing wrestlers. Regardless if she is a woman or not she is a hundred times better than 98 percent of the roster. But since she has a vagina, she gets no respect. Whatever. WWE is the only place she should be.

John Lauranitis better be on the phone starting Monday to sign her for immediate exposure on Smackdown. Get her in the middle of Beth and Mickie and then have a big blow out at WrestleMania damnit. He also needs to make sure and sign the package deal and bring in the extraordinary Cheerleader Melissa. Yeah, she’s available as well. Fantasy booking at its best! This has to happen. -Jeremy

It’s Not A Disaster As Originally Thought

Brains, Beauty and Talent

Brains, Beauty and Talent

So let’s all allow this to sink in and realize that TNA has let Gail Kim go to WWE. Kim is seemingly doing what she should — protecting her best interests — and no one can blame her, nor should they.

Now the first response to this is that TNA is losing yet another talent. On top of that, they are losing a top talent to WWE. None of this can be disputed. Gail was a very memorable part of TNA and is responsible for the success of the Knockouts Division.

At the same time, Gail peaked on TNA. She really had nothing left to do there so the timing of her moving on is just right. She will not overstay her welcome and fade in to the scenery that so many other hot wrestlers have in TNA.

Unless TNA was going to go forth and have a spin-off women’s program, Gail was eventually going to be in a rut. She could have turned heel obviously, but it wouldn’t have accomplished anything. She had already played that role upon her debut and only after she broke out and started wrestling again did she prove her worth.

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