@RingOfHonor Is The Worst

conversations.nokia.com

conversations.nokia.com

I haven’t reported on Ring of Honor recently because they have done anything blatantly offensive recently. They haven’t exactly been hitting their show out of the park either. I’ll take the improvement to mediocre. After I came back from a Wrestlemania, I was giving my parents the run down of all things not wrestling and watched ROH on mute. It was a Road Rage edition so it was iPPV worthy material. The opening segment didn’t get my dander up but figured I may as well lay out my observations. The  second match was what led me to writing this article. I’ll get into those reasons below.

Chris Hero vs Roderick Strong – I’m starting to wonder how close Chris Hero was close to being called up to the main roster in the WWE. I’ve seen two or three matches and none of them have blown me away. The other match I know I saw was with Adam Cole, who I do enjoy both in the ring and on the mic. Roderick Strong usually has good matches in ROH. Hero hasn’t blown me away in either match. He doesn’t seem as athletically gifted as anyone called up recently. Hero looks like he’s going through the motions since he’s stuck back where he started. Maybe it’s dawning on him that he blew it in the WWE by not getting into shape, but I don’t think that’s the case since he still isn’t in shape for a guy who is 6′-4″ and 225. Bray Wyatt gets away with extra weight because he uses it to his benefit in the ring by showing off his agility and that spear/body block move he does. It’s hard to take advantage of being a thin tall guy without muscle tone and a baby gut. If you’re going to disobey a WWE edict, you better have something special to back it up. So far in his ROH run, Hero hasn’t shown me that something special.

The Young Bucks vs ReDRagon – Let’s start with the positives in this match. I have never been fond of The Young Bucks persona but I have enjoyed them in the ring. reDRagon is another act that I enjoy in ROH, both in the ring and on the mic despite how little time they’ve been given. Matt Jackson did have a cast on his right hand which limited him in this match but they worked around it fairly well. The main problem with this match was the ending, which ending in typical ROH style. Kyle O’Reilly was taking on Matt. Jackson whacked O’Reilly with his cast on the head while his brother Nick distracted the referee. O’Reilly kicked out which is ridiculous. Then the Young Bucks nailed their finishing move on O’Reilly, who kicked out again. O’Reilly quickly recovered from both of these devastating shots and went to lock in a triangle choke. Matt reversed it into a jack knife pin and got the win for the Tag Team Titles. So O’Reilly felt good enough to lock in his finisher but not good enough to kick out out a jack knife pin? ROH finishes are the worst.

The other problem with this match was called out during it. Forever Hooligans had not been on TV before they defeated the American Wolves last year. Kevin Kelly remind us of this event. The Young Bucks have been gone for months, if not over a year since their last TV appearance. reDRagon has defended the belts against all comers and defeated them. So like the American Wolves, reDRagon lose the titles to people who basically aren’t part of your product. I’m not a big fan of the booking. Have the Young Bucks at least win a contenders match before capturing the straps. The other comparison that could be made is that Forever Hooligans then left shortly after winning and then losing their titles to reDRagon. Wouldn’t it have been more effective to have the American Wolves beat Forever Hooligans then losing the straps to reDRagon? Not title hot potato and both of your acts look better than someone you brought in for two tapings at the most. ROH booking is the worst too.

Stunt Granny Audio #243

A-diamond-in-the-roughOh holy crap, Dusty and Kevin are back once again to lay down some serious opinionz for your listening pleasure. They start out by trying to recreate the magic of their off-air conversation about ROH and pro wrestling in general. Are Adam Cole and Jay Briscoe the only diamonds in the ROH rough? How would their skills translate in the major leagues? Was WWE justified in getting rid of Chris Hero? Does Dusty believe that having good talent on your roster is a good thing?

Then they turn their attention to the big “real sports” story of the day: Dan Lebatard giving his Baseball Hall of Fame to Deadspin.com. Kevin stays out of the way as Dusty rails against the holier than thou baseball writers that have been torching his hero the last couple days. Is the voting process flawed? How can real change be effected? How do we know who did and didn’t use steroids when Alex bleeping Sanchez tested positive for it? Dusty has a proposal for the Carolina Panthers to counter the 49ers’ use of Ric Flair before their victory over the Green Bay Packers last week. They also talk briefly about the NFL coaching carousel and it will only take about an hour of your life, so listen to it or else you might lose your vote!

Weekend Rewind – #Impact365 and Kassius Ohno

In the video above, you can see Bully Ray attacking Tommy Dreamer and dear lord, why is Terry Funk still taking bumps? You’re 69 years old. It’s unnecessary. I’m perfectly fine with my father having mowing lawns being his most strenuous activity. Any who, Bully Ray challenged Tommy Dreamer to a Falls Count Anywhere Street Fight at the House of Hardcore even this past weekend. I love the idea of using a house show to advertise a pay per view. Too bad I don’t in any way  want to see Tommy Dreamer fight anyone.

Prowrestling.net is saying that Kassius Ohno, better known as Chris Hero, has been “Future Endeavored” by the WWE. The 33 year old is going to move on to greener pastures if that is the case. It took CM Punk about six years to get to main event status. If Ohno had gone to the gym, he might have gotten a main event slot in approximately 2019 when he’d be 39 years old. The WWE isn’t losing much by getting rid of him and Ohno will get more exposure at the tail end of his career by suffering in TNA or ROH. If the WWE had called him up, they would have followed the pattern with recent major call ups though, Ohno would become a cousin to Apolo Anton Ohno since he could come out on a sheet of ice on the stage and have a big entrance. Everyone will think it’s cool for about two months then even the WWE writers will forget you’re on the roster…cough, Fandango, cough. – Kevin

Kassius Ohno is skating on thin ice

Kassius Oh No He's About To Get Fired

Kassius Oh No He’s About To Get Fired

Once again, from Facebook by way of the Observer:

Plans for NXT star Kassius Ohno, f.k.a. Chris Hero, to join the main roster have apparently been put on hold.

According to a source, the creative team had a storyline to introduce Ohno this summer. People within the company were impressed with his in-ring skills and his promos, and had asked him to improve his physique while creative worked on his introduction. According to trainers at NXT, Ohno seemed reluctant in the weightlifting and gym sessions, although he continued to receive high marks for his overall attitude and the great effort in his daily in-ring sessions.

Word got back to Triple H about Ohno dodging gym time, and he was removed from TV tapings. Ohno has missed two tapings in the past few weeks, and there is said to be increased concern about his status with the company. A lot of people are still high on him, but this could prove to be costly for one of the top prospects in WWE’s developmental system.

It is obvious to this reporter that Ohno was not a Hulkamaniac growing up. Train. Say your prayers. Take your vitamins. Believe in yourself. This bloke is 0-for-4 on all accounts, sad to say.

In any event, this is another byproduct of today’s pro wres scene, where everyone has to look the same, talk the same, be the same build, and wrestle the exact same style. Because Ohno dares to be different in any way whatsoever, he will never work in WWE. At least then he’ll be able to debut in TNA with a “bullshit of the politics behind that curtain” promo, so he’s got that going for him. – Dusty

Albert/Giant Bernard is coming to WWE for realz.

Over the weekend word leaked that A-Train, Albert, Giant Bernard or Matt Bloom was returning to WWE. Well it is time to give him another name and that is Lord Tensai. The name sure sounds impressive and actually fits the man in this case but what is WWE’s deal with giving white guys Asian names? First Chris Hero becomes Kassius Ohno and now Matt Bloom is Lord Tensai. Aren’t there any good Bulgarian names left out there to use?  -Jeremy

Oh yes: Chris Hero added to FCW roster under the name Kassius Ohno

(L to R) The yet-to-be-hired Ricky Steamboat, Jr., Kassius Ohno, the soon-to-be-fired Evan Bourne, the smaller-than-Evan-Bourne PAC.

According to Prowrestling.net, Chris Hero, indy darling who finally signed on with WWE after months of medical clearances and haggling with Triple H about cutting his ratty hair, has been added to the Florida Championship Wrestling roster under the name Kassius Ohno.

Look, WWE, we’re not stupid. We know you enjoy renaming wrestlers whose characters you didn’t create as a doodle on your seamstress’ sketchpad while Cranky Vince McMahon tried to finger her – with CM Punk being one of very few exceptions. And you love using the lesser-known aliases of ex-WWE wrestlers or other recognizable athletes – Santino Marella after Bob “Gorilla Monsoon” Marella, Khosrow Daivari after Khosrow “Iron Sheik” Vasiri, and the one that I’m sure kept you up all night, Kenny Dykstra after Lenny Dykstra. I even offered a few names for Hero at the PWTorch.com VIP Forum:

Parker Peter
Bruce Bannnnner
Bruce Mitchell
Bruce Sammartino
Braden Walker
Chris Weiner
Chris Doubledeedoo
Chris Morneau
Chris Kennedy (if he’s smart, he’ll pick that, then cut his hair)

But Kassius Ohno takes the fucking cake. This may be the most bizarre name a white man on the WWE roster has ever had. Is it a play on Cassius Clay, the current Muhammad Ali? He’d be touched. Is it a play off former WCW stereotype Sonny Onoo? He’d be touched, if you gave him $500 and a ride from Mason City, Iowa, to Albert Lea, Minn. So let’s save a post and allow me to wish Ohno the best in his future 2013 endeavors. -Eric

"Hey, nip me, pay me!"

UPDATE: Jeremy just asked me, “Is ‘Ohno’ even an Asian name?” That caused me to think of Apolo Ohno, the speed or figure skater, whatever he is. In pop culture, Ohno is a revered sporting name that will go down in the annals of athletic history with Wepner, Strawberry and Beefcake. In pro wrestling, a slight alteration of the spelling makes me think of the weaselly, photo-snapping tourist. To-may-to, to-mah-to.

Headlines: Health-type situations for Richards, Hebner (you figure out which ones)

Whoa, I mention all three of these guys in this post!

According to Prowrestling.net, Davey Richards missed this Friday’s Pro Wrestling Guerrilla event, where he was set to headline in a three-way match against (WWE-bound??) Chris Hero and Claudio Castagnoli, due to a staph infection. Here are some things these three have in common: A) Between Hero’s old superhero T-shirt, Richards’ staph infection and Claudio’s, um, visa problems, WWE has had a few reasons to avoid these guys. B) WWE is full of idiots and should absolutely sign all three of these guys. C) If they don’t pick up Richards, I’m going to make it my life’s goal to win the lottery, start a wrestling company and make him my top heel. D) Letter C isn’t anything all three guys have in common.

Also, according to Percy Pringle’s Facebook page, former WWF referee Dave Hebner is having heart surgery today.

My dear friend, and wrestling legend David Hebner is having heart surgery this morning. Prayers please!

Fellow “Percy” Percival A. Friend, who just returned home from the George Tragos/Lou Thesz Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame weekend in Waterloo, Iowa, wished Hebner the best, as did former WWF tag team champion Samu Anoa’i. Stunt Granny also wishes Dave a speedy recovery, and we wish Earl would get an ability-to-referee transplant. See, because we don’t think he’s very good. -Eric

ROH on HDNet Review

The stretch marks I watched on ROH were not this sexy.

So Jeremy pussed out since we drank too much last night and stayed up way too late trying to review that piece of garbage pay per view Sacrifice by TNA. I ended up watching the majority of the ROH show by myself and figured I’d throw in my two cents since I normally don’t watch the product because my broke ass can’t afford an HD TV so there is no reason whatsoever to have HD Net.

Jeremy did stay up long enough to watch Rhett Titus & Kenny King defeat the House of Truth (Josh Raymond & Christian Able). I had no idea who any of these clowns were except Titus and that’s only by name. I can’t really rate the match because we maybe saw the last two minutes. It did strike me though that the announcers are terrible, especially the old guy Mike Hogewood. I may sound like a homer but I’d take Joe Dombrowski & Aaron Maguire over these two jokes (Dave Prazak being the other). Neither of them have any passion. They sound like they’re reading off of Mike Tenay’s script.

Next they showed a replay of  a Pick Six Battle Royal in which the announcers said they’d show you as much action as possible. There’s only six of them. Your cameras should catch everything you dummies. Next they showed a replay of Austin Aries, who won the battle royal, clearly kicking Delirious in the chest but they claimed it was his throat. Aries at least capped off the beating by hitting Daizee Haze and dropping an elbow on Delirious (who is still doing the same worn out gimmick when the bell rings) while his neck was on the steel ring barricade. They showed too much meaningless action from the Battle Royal then showed another replay right after it. Hey Corny, work on some more material so you’re not showing replays back to back. You only have an hour of TV a week.

Jeremy went to bed as I realized much to my horror that Claudio Castagnoli’s finisher, executed on Andy Ridge, is an airplane spin. Way to keep up with the times ROH. It was “great” to see Chris Hero is still a useless puppet.

Jim Cornette said that last week’s match for the TV Title was the best match anyone may see on TV this year so they are going to show the end of it for those of us who missed. Fucking seriously, another replay? One lousy hour a week and you’re on your third replay? I’m not sure why I had the courage to continue.

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