Ken Shamrock beats up a woman whom he thought was a man

“Whooo, meeee??”

God, this is rich. According to PWTorch.com, Ken Shamrock beat up a woman.

OK, fine, there’s more to the story. According to TMZ.com (unbelievable the news they uncover):

We’re told Shamrock dove into the scrap and tried to pry the women apart … when one of the bystanders, a HEAVYSET bystander, jumped on his back and tried to rip Ken out of the pile.

Shamrock’s rep tells TMZ … he threw the person off of his back and followed up with a move that knocked the attacker to the ground.

After the person was incapacitated, the crowd shouted at Ken, “You just hit a girl.” Ken took a closer look and realized the attacker was in fact a female .. so he immediately backed off.

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2012/08/23/ken-shamrock-fight-mall-attack-woman-ufc/#ixzz24QQduZH2

Two justifications for this: One, don’t jump on another person’s back if you don’t have some level of expectation of getting your ass handed to you. Two, Shamrock simply worked for Vince Russo for too long and has both no respect for women and no concept of gender.

Point well taken, Shamrock. Point well taken. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio #196

This week it’s a three man booth as Eric, Kevin and Dusty combine their resources to discuss the latest happenings in the world of professional wrestling. While Dusty was the only person on earth who enjoyed Booker T’s commentary, the trio all agree that it is for the best for him to move on to being the general manager on Smackdown. They also talk about just how bad ROH is lately, with their unique brand of fat guys in t-shirts wrestling for belts that mean nothing, and Jim Cornette seemingly losing the magic touch by the day. They also turn their attention to TNA, and agree that it has largely been actually good lately, with one glaring, crack addled elephant in the room preventing perfection. All this and so much more, so spare an hour of your life, because while you probably *will* regret it, they want you to and have mob connections, so you’ll be forced to eventually anyway.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #196

Chyna has filmed a Royal Rumble inspired porno.

You read the headline right, according to TMZ, Chyna is continuing her porn career and doing it all wrong. She has reportedly filmed a Royal Rumble inspired porno for Vivid Entertainment. No official details have been released yet but it is safe to say it is some sort of gangbang. Or did they actually go with the Royal Rumble format of a new guy every 2 minutes as Kevin suggested?

This would help but then we all know that at one point in the Rumble that there are more than two participants in the ring. At the very least she is riding a train. What are the rules of all of this?  In the words of Eric, how do you get eliminated cough, moving on, that does bring up a valid point do you get eliminated by eliminating? So is this a friggin bukake video as well? Someone needs to step in and guide her career and that person is me.

I know you can’t go back in time and reverse your decisions. You did start off correctly though with the poorly shot celebrity sex tape. It was gross and poorly directed and edited as it should be. What you did there was build up anticipation for a real video.

Chyna, may I call you Chyna? You don’t start a porn career by knobbing two men at once. You especially do not start your career by allowing yourself to be slobbed on by any more than one participant. It is called anticipation. You build your audience up. Remember pro wrestling? You don’t have a cage match at the beginning of a feud unless you are in TNA. No, you start off with a simple match and then escalate from there. You should have stuck with a one guy cameo role and then some alone time with you and your favorite rubber friend. You begin building up the feud until everyone is clamoring for the payoff.Where is your management in all of this?

Your career path in porno is going to burn out by the end of 2012 at this rate. You need to take a step back and start over. If possible delay this flick until 2015. This way you can start the build again. Chyna with men; then Chyna with all women; the Chyna with two men again; then Chyna goes anal; then Chyna goes all threesomes; then Chyna gives up all her holes, then you get to the gang bang when you are really desperate for money, I mean when you have done all you can with your art.

Please heed this advice; you need management that knows what they are doing. If you need any help feel free and contact us here at Stunt Granny. There will always be a voice of reason for you. -Jeremy

The 12 Days of Jesus H. Christmas: Day 12 – John Morrison is boring, Chyna is gross, dude looks like a Lita

(Whew, this is it, the final day of the 12 Days of Jesus H. Christmas, nearly two weeks of looking back at the dummies and their news stories of 2011. Let’s end it with a whimper: the perennially boring John Morrison decided to take time off after seeing the writing on the wall that no one cares about him; Chyna dove even deeper into the world of pornography, and Lita ill-advisedly appeared somewhere without make-up. *shudder*)

(Originally posted Dec. 12, 2011) According to Prowrestling.net, John Morrison has posted a YouTube video (oh god, not another one…) explaining that he needs time to heal and re-train so that when he comes back, he’s better than ever. That’s not saying much, because he’s not very good. If you’ve ever wanted to see 50 seconds worth of wrestling talk that battles Jumpin’ Jeff Farmer for least interesting wrestling talk, this is it.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, former WWE superstar (not diva) Chyna is listed on the My Porn Provider Web site (please don’t click that) as a “porn star escort.” Even as righteous as I am, I’d still rather just see the words “porn star” as her title, because I can’t imagine anyone in their right god damn mind wanting to be escorted by that train wreck. You might as well drag a dead pig on a chain next to you, because the looks from your friends are going to be the same.

“BRAAAAY”-kin’ the law!

Finally, that dude who played Lita in WWE was arrested over the weekend for speeding and driving with a suspended license. By the look of that mugshot, I’m surprised she (“Amy” Dumas) wasn’t charged with DWD (Driving While Donkey). Yikes. Thank god she was gone before WWE went HD. -Eric

Day 1: Ric Flair still can’t keep his finances straight
Day 2: 
Bret Hart on Twitter, put the letter “S” in front of the wrong word 
Day 3:
 IWA-Mid South: Going Out Of Business Since 2002
Day 4: 
Triple H leading WWE new talent development
Day 5:
 Chyna to make more porn, eidvo43we.. oops, can’t see, gouged my eyes out
Day 6:
 Jeff Hardy tases a woman
Day 7: 
IWA-MS is bakk, Ric Flair is in debt, Sin Cara is suspended
Day 8: So Jimmy Yang still hasn’t gotten paid
Day 9: Matt Hardy’s DWI, Kurt Angle’s DWI, one of them goes to rehab
Day 10: Ronnie from MTV “Jersey Shore” coming to TNA

The 12 Days of Jesus H. Christmas: Day 5 – Chyna to make more porn, eidvo43we.. oops, can’t see, gouged my eyes out

chyna

(For the 12 days leading up to Christmas, Stunt Granny will relive with you the 12 most head-slapping, dipshitty stories of 2011, the things that made us wonder why we still watch professional wrestling and support some of these dingbats. Here’s someone who needs all kinds of support: Chyna. The Eighth Wonder of the World? Apparently it’s in her pants, as she continues to make porn. Which, of course, is what cost her a job with TNA. You know that when even TNA turns its nose up at you, you’ve got issues that need to be, um, worked out.)

(Originally posted May 26, 2011) Yowza. According to Prowrestling.net, Chyna has made an “extremely graphic porn” movie called “Backdoor to Chyna,” starring herself and two male leads. Because at this point, the bar for porn is set so high that you absolutely must have three lead actors, or it’s hardly worth stealing from a bit torrent site and eating a bag of Cheetos with your other hand, m i rite? As you may remember, in 2004, Chyna and her then-boyfriend Sean Waltman released a semi-produced sex tape they titled “1 Night in China,” where X-Pac stuck his X-Coc in about any hole he could dig to Chyna. If I recall correctly, a review posted on SomethingAwful.com likened an anal sex scene featuring Chyna’s heavily pimpled ass to “someone shaking a large pepperoni pizza off their arm.” Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?

This news comes weeks after TNA brought in Chyna to play the part of Kurt Angle’s mistress. Let’s see… bestiality jokes are too easy… clouded judgment due to too many pills, nah… John Piermarini is to Kelly Kelly as Vince Russo is to Chyna? Maybe. Let’s just all agree that it’s good Chyna finally got her act together, until the opportunity to get railed by two guys in front of a camera crew and work out her daddy issues came a-knockin’. -Eric

Day 1: Ric Flair still can’t keep his finances straight
Day 2: Bret Hart on Twitter, put the letter “S” in front of the wrong word 
Day 3: IWA-Mid South: Going Out Of Business Since 2002
Day 4: Triple H leading WWE new talent development

Headlines: John Morrison is boring, Chyna is gross, dude looks like a Lita

According to Prowrestling.net, John Morrison has posted a YouTube video (oh god, not another one…) explaining that he needs time to heal and re-train so that when he comes back, he’s better than ever. That’s not saying much, because he’s not very good. If you’ve ever wanted to see 50 seconds worth of wrestling talk that battles Jumpin’ Jeff Farmer for least interesting wrestling talk, this is it.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, former WWE superstar (not diva) Chyna is listed on the My Porn Provider Web site (please don’t click that) as a “porn star escort.” Even as righteous as I am, I’d still rather just see the words “porn star” as her title, because I can’t imagine anyone in their right god damn mind wanting to be escorted by that train wreck. You might as well drag a dead pig on a chain next to you, because the looks from your friends are going to be the same.

"BRAAAAY"-kin' the law!

Finally, that dude who played Lita in WWE was arrested over the weekend for speeding and driving with a suspended license. By the look of that mugshot, I’m surprised she (“Amy” Dumas) wasn’t charged with DWD (Driving While Donkey). Yikes. Thank god she was gone before WWE went HD. -Eric

Peenclit 2: Electric Boogaloo

Just, oh shit:

The former WWE star, Chyna, is relaunching her porn career with a brand-spankin� new debut. When she approached Vivid demanding a role with the best male stuntcock, Vivid did her one better and gave her the two top male performers in the business. How do you make Chyna better? Team her up with Dylan Ryder and Diana Prince. Tentatively called �Backdoor to Chyna,� this premier represents a whole new side of Chyna as she pushes her boundaries with a scorching anal scene� Enter through the back.

I’m going to go take 832 showers now. – Dusty

Chyna claims TNA won’t bend over backward for her because of new porn

chyna

Yep, TNA has been the cause of all of Chyna's drama.

According to Prowrestling.net, Chyna is claiming that TNA iMPACT Wrestling will not use her if her new porno, “Back Door to Chyna” is released.

“The whole thing has been constant drama,” Chyna told TMZ. “It’s all good in the end. [TNA Wrestling] is missing the boat.”

Yes, the witty Jason Powell already made the obligatory “all good in the end” joke, so why did I even bother to post this? Let’s see, what else can we say… Is the boat TNA is missing a glass bottom boat? If TNA misses the boat, does Chyna still get pulled like a train? If this is constant drama, does that mean it has a better plot than 90 minutes of two hairless men railing one androgynous shit-show? Would Chyna do an actual shit show for $20 and a hot meal? Is all of this making Kurt Angle very, very horny? All of these questions and more on “I Love the ’90s: Hulking Irrelevant Women Edition.” -Eric

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 5/28/11

1. Chyna – The girl is back at it again and backing it up with two gay porn guys. It may not be confirmed her co-stars are gay but have you ever watched porn? No way are those guys straight. No straight male looks at his rod pistoning some sweet vagina and looks disgusted. Sure we have all had our share of pigs but even that is no excuse. – Jeremy

2. Kharma – Sticking with the boot knocking, she is pregnant. It’s not like there is a good time to have a kid but this is a bad time to have a kid. She was getting a mega-push on a national television show. If she was in TNA this would be better news since no one cares about them anyway. – Jeremy

3. Ric Flair – Can he now add fugitive to his long list of accomplishments? He owes money and autographs to HighSpots and that sentence couldn’t be funnier. The man owes signatures, ink from a pen he is holding as payment. The justice system sucks a dick. Unless of course he has to sign with his mouth like he is pushing a wheelchair.-  Jeremy

4. Hulk Hogan – He took his “Hulk Hogan and Friends” tour back on the road, trotting out such Saturday Night’s Main Event-era cronies as Koko B. Ware, Greg Valentine and the Nasty Boys to share stories about how great Hogan, Andre the Giant, Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage and Hogan are. Did you know Hulk tore up his entire back bodyslamming Andre while fearfully accepting the torch from the angry Giant? I think Pontiac Silverdome’s attendance is up to about seven hundred thousand now. – Eric

5. Eric Bischoff – He and Jason Hervey got a show concept starring Cee-Lo Green, um, green-lit; he was seen with Bill Goldberg, possibly courting him for TNA; and he spoke eloquently on why Ring of Honor’s sale to Sinclair Broadcast Group means next to nothing in the big scheme of things. Say what you will, but he’s a *busy* douchebag. – Eric

6. Carly – My girlfriend and I caught the end of Raw this week, and when she saw Rey Mysterio — black mask, black pants and dark tattoos — standing on the second rope, emotively encouraging the crowd to clap as John Cena crawled to the corner for the hot tag, she glared at the screen, paused for about half a second, then declared, “Fag.” I love her. – Eric

7. Tough Enough – We’re down to three contestants – Jeremiah, who is having problems not killing his opponent in the ring but has the best charisma; Luke, who is cockier than he should be because he’s not that special but his look definitely fits into the WWE; and Andy, who the WWE probably likes because he’s tall and they can probably give him some “vitamins” to become a monster. The finale is on Memorial Day. Too bad that the only star (re)made out of this show will be Steve Austin and possibly Bill DeMott. – Kevin

8. CM Punk – You’ve got to love this guy whether he’s performing in the ring or skewering someone on Twitter (@CMPunk, for us go to @StuntGranny). Though he proclaims to not want to get the cheers of the fans, he clearly does little and big things in the ring to get the cheers. This week, he wore pink trunks and yellow boots (a staple Macho Man color scheme) then went for the top rope elbow. If the WWE doesn’t resign him, I’m sure they’ll keep their same 3 point something rating. – Kevin

9. Jacques Rougeau – Rockin’ the newsreel lately. Peep this:

Jacques Rougeau Jr had his last match last night.

The match was the main event of the long scheduled last show of the Rougeau Gym winter/spring tour in Drummondville, saw 5000 people pack the Marcel Dionne Centre (150000$ gate). Rougeau worked a tag team match with his oldest son Jean-Jacques.

After the match, Rougeau removed his wrestling gear (Pads and boots) and threw them in the crowd. He then said that he still felt good but that at age 50, it was time to go. He said he felt that the Rougeau name would live on forever thanks to his 3 sons (more on that later) and the rest of the roster.

At a press conference after the show, he announced that he would graduate an unprecedented 20 students class in July which will double the roster size of his promotion. He also said he was considering running full-time rather than doing tours, and that he was in discussions with Quebecor about having a weekly TV show on the upcoming TVA Sports channel.

This show was marked by the return of Cedric Rougeau, the 2nd oldest son of Jacques’ who had dissapeared years ago due to “injury”. Cedric had been working matches under a mask with midgets as a kid but towards the end he had gotten too big for midget matches and too small / frail for full-sized matches. Many people had speculated that the “injury” was in fact puberty.

Well, the days of being too small for anything are OVER for Mr. Rougeau: He re-emerged, at 17 years old, as a hulking, muscular, Lesnar-sized 6’7″ behemoth. He will start working regular matches in July. If he can work, and there’s no indications showing me that he can’t, this guy will one day sell out the Bell Centre for Rougeau Gym.

Sunny days ahead for Montreal wrestling!

Here’s a family picture taken last night showing, from left to right: little Emile Rougeau (working midget matches until he gets “injured…” but the “midget” he works with seems to grow up too…they’re both larger than midgets now.), the hulking Cedric Rougeau, the smaller but talented J.J. Rougeau, and papa Jacques.

And then there’s the little matter of this video:

Thanks to Miquelio for that. – Dusty

10. Averno – WWE is playing small ball! Read:

Super Luchas reported on their cover today that Averno will be signing with WWE and most likely dropping his mask to La Mascara at CMLL’s next big show on June 17th.The story claims that he had a tryout match with WWE last fall and did well, but WWE was concerned about his age. However, Sin Cara isn’t getting over like they thought he would feuding with guys like Chavo Guerrero Sr., and so the idea is they need to bring in someone who can work his style and showcase his strengths, which Averno can do. The story claims WWE is looking at two other young CMLL luchadors as well.  
 
I’m not sure in today’s wrestling environment this is the best way to get Sin Cara over. He just needs to fight American professional wrestlers that can actually wrestle, as opposed to Chavo Guerrero. In fact, he’d be better off facing Chavo Classic at this point than Chavo Jr. An extended feud with, say, Evan Bourne could potentially elevate both of them. Obviously that is not in the cards. – Dusty
 
11. Cats are awesome – They fucking are. – Dusty
 

Chyna to make more porn, eidvo43we.. oops, can’t see, gouged my eyes out

chyna

Yowza. According to Prowrestling.net, Chyna has made an “extremely graphic porn” movie called “Backdoor to Chyna,” starring herself and two male leads. Because at this point, the bar for porn is set so high that you absolutely must have three lead actors, or it’s hardly worth stealing from a bit torrent site and eating a bag of Cheetos with your other hand, m i rite? As you may remember, in 2004, Chyna and her then-boyfriend Sean Waltman released a semi-produced sex tape they titled “1 Night in China,” where X-Pac stuck his X-Coc in about any hole he could dig to Chyna. If I recall correctly, a review posted on SomethingAwful.com likened an anal sex scene featuring Chyna’s heavily pimpled ass to “someone shaking a large pepperoni pizza off their arm.” Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?

This news comes weeks after TNA brought in Chyna to play the part of Kurt Angle’s mistress. Let’s see… bestiality jokes are too easy… clouded judgment due to too many pills, nah… John Piermarini is to Kelly Kelly as Vince Russo is to Chyna? Maybe. Let’s just all agree that it’s good Chyna finally got her act together, until the opportunity to get railed by two guys in front of a camera crew and work out her daddy issues came a-knockin’. -Eric

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