TNA Ready To Copy WWE Again

In Berlin from Streetartnews.com

In Berlin from Streetartnews.com

Just like yours truly, TNA saw the writing on the wall that Cody Rhodes was going to come up with another one trick pony gimmick, this time as Stardust. To combat this new angle and create their own, they decided to sign Matt Hardy. Matt is excited because he’s a one trick pony too. Unlike Cody Rhodes, he’s used only one gimmick his entire career. Matt is finally ready to reinvent himself though in his third go around in TNA. I’ve heard from sources that don’t exist that his new gimmick will be Madmartigan. He will help Willow retrieve a magical child who will banish Dixie Carter from TV. Carter will lock all of the Knockouts who are pregnant in Universal Studios. Madison Rayne’s midwife, ET, will aid in getting the child to Willow before being struck with diabetic shock from not eating enough Reese’s Pieces. Willow will meet Madmartigan, who is trapped by the evil Mummy, and get him out of his cage. Willow then entrusts Madmartigan with baby Claire. Madmartigan is attacked by Dixie’s general and his old rival (for the king of the mid-card in the WWE), MVP who takes Claire back to Dixie Carter. Just before Carter can banish Claire off of TV, Willow tricks Carter by making Claire disappear, like she was an employee at Universal Studios who didn’t want to put up with her own TV time any more. Carter then falls into her own spell that banishes her from TV. I can’t wait for this new Hardy reunion. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

20140607_111246I spent the past weekend in Richmond VA visiting with my older brother and his family. I will fill in the particulars later in the week but let’s just say I definitely went to a pair of breweries thanks to his hospitality. I did manage to squeeze in Smackdown then Impact Wrestling after we got home from the trip. There were only two memorable things between the shows. One was my boy Dolph Ziggler continuing his “big mouth” persona and having a great match against the newly turned heel Seth Rollins. I also enjoyed that Rollins, HHH and Orton didn’t spill the bag on the reasoning for the turn. Another small positive from the show was that neither Dean Ambrose or Roman Reigns showed up. TNA yet again showed how inept they are by cruising into a rating under 1 million people. The only positive in yet another train wreck of a show was James Storm making a re-appearance after a year plus hiatus. Ken Anderson has been doing some terrible work and Storm got to call him out on it. Like many TNA story lines though, Storm looks awesome and likeable as the heel and Anderson looks like a douche as a baby face. On to Raw now. Let’s roll.

Sometime after I wrote this introduction, news started to trickle out that Daniel Bryan is too hurt to compete at MITB. HHH & Steph are here are brag about being right. They give us footage of Dr. Joseph Maroon of telling us that Daniel Bryan can not compete. I had to look up images of Maroon and they actually got him to do that video. How much did they pay him for his time? Steph strips him of the title. They are really hamming up this angle up. The crowd is really flat. Alberto Del Rio is the first entrant into the match for the title. HHH informs us that Randy Orton gets a spot because of his status. I’m starting to think the crowd is bummed. Anyone who loves wrestling should be. No matter how much they make logical points, Bryan being out of wrestling sucks. HHH turns to Seth Rollins talk. They are in a match against the Wyatt Family with a partner of their choosing. That doesn’t get much heat either.

Sheamus vs Wade Barrett is a MITB qualifying match. These guys have fought a lot recently and I can’t really argue about it. His Bad News is that he’s coming down with the title. That’s not bad news! JBL sounds like he’s drunk already. It could be an interesting night. He figured the opening segment bombed with the crowd so he’d join in. I do feel like Barrett is getting some of the swagger back in his promos recently. Sheamus clubs away on Barrett. He then brings Barrett in the hard way. Sheamus cross body blocks them over the top rope to get the break. Barrett suplexes Sheamus. I guess I don’t understand Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole’s view point on the title stripping. Sure, it’s disrespectful to strip the title without informing him but at the end of the day, it’s the right move with the injury. Barrett hits Winds of Change for a two count. The crowds awakens with dueling chants. Sheamus misses a dive from the top rope to the barricade. Sheamus gets in at nine. Wasteland but Sheamus kicks out. White Noise from an attempted Bull Hammer Elbow. They exchange punches. Head butt by Barrett allows him to toss Sheamus into the post twice. Brogue Kick from the corner for the win. Sheamus sold the damage in the corner before pinning him. Another good match and I understand putting Sheamus into the spot. Let Barrett keep racking up wins on lesser opponents. Barrett should be in that picture soon if he keeps up. Luke Harper sometimes get urges from a deep, dark place. Bray Wyatt admits to his urges. Wyatt reminds us that the Wyatts beat them. Wyatt is reborn. I love that angle which started on Smackdown. (Next Day Note: With all of the religious words thrown around Wyatt’s promos, being reborn after a crushing defeat is perfect. Now he just has to win an extended feud.)

Lana comes out and runs down Obama as a girly man. He is no Vladmir Putin, who has wrestled bears. Crush! is so stupid. Crush was only cool in Finding Nemo, dude. Lana, we don’t need to worry about Mother Russia. We should continue to be worried about China. It’s going to help to name him simply Rusev. Yep, going to make all of the difference. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him again. His record is unblemished because he’s wrestled 3 guys a bunch of times. The Accolade. The whole “control” by Lana is very antiquated too.

Goldust is teaming with R Truth against Rybaxel. Truth starts against Ryback. Curtis Axel takes over on the early beat down. Goldust gets a luke warm tag. A crossbody by Goldust takes out Axel & Ryback. Ryback makes a save on a pin. Truth gets tossed out of the ring. Axel rolls up Goldust for the win. A heel wins in his home town. Layla El is acting really catty to the make up lady when Summer Rae comes in and dumps milk on her then beats her up. Layla’s character has taken a big step back in the toughness department. I don’t like that.

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Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #WWE #Payback

payback grandmaSheamus comes out first even though he is defending the US Title. Paul Heyman comes out and quells the CM Punk chants. He then introduces Cesaro. JBL has it right that the WWE is happy about the early slugfest between the two. We get 10 Beats early in the match. Sheamus goes in for seconds. Cesaro nails an European Uppercut when Sheamus goes for a sling shot shoulder block. CEsaro only gets a two count when he suplexes Sheamus back into the ring. Double stomp from the ground by Cesaro. Irish Curse back breaker only gets Sheamus a two count. Sheamus drops a knee from the middle rope. He hits it three times. An uppercut turns things around for Cesaro. He hits the Super Uppercut. Tilt-a-whirl slam by Sheamus continues the back and forth. White Noise only gets a two count. Blackhawks score early. Chicago could be rocking tonight. Sheamus locks in the Cloverleaf as Pedro Alvarez drives two in for the Pirates. Cesaro Swing for the first time in a while. Cesaro takes time after the swing. Sheamus rolls him up for the win. It protects Cesaro a little bit but I still feel like they should have given him a win. I would have been really happy with both of them having easy wins at Payback then start a feud. It doesn’t help that roll ups are always weak especially after a smash mouth match.

For some reason, we have a Rybaxel vs Cody Rhodes & Goldust. They only had three matches planned for Payback so it’s going to be a guessing game the whole time. Axel gives Goldust a running knee that gets a two count early. Ryback comes in and out with him to continue the beating. Axel tries to keep Goldust from tagging but can’t do it. Rhodes gets Ryback reeling. Rhodes with a pair of drop kicks on Rybaxel. Cody goes for the Disaster Kick but gets tossed into Goldust. Cross Rhodes is nailed on Ryback but Axel makes the save. Rhodes goes for another Disaster Kick. Ryback catches him in Shellshock for the win. Cody tells Goldust that he needs a better tag team partner than himself. I wasn’t expecting anything that simple.

Lana comes out to introduce Alexander Rusev. Just in case you didn’t know who to root for, Big E Langston has gone to wearing red, white & blue tights. I wonder if these two had a lengthy feud in NXT and the WWE is hoping moving the feud to the main roster will spark both of them. Langston spears Rusev off the apron. A leg lariat slows down Big E. The Accolade for the win. Or maybe we’re going to see the demise of Big E.

It looked like Kofi Kingston was going to Bo-Lieve but Kane comes down to the ring. Kane attacks Kofi. He ends proceedings with a Tomb Stone. Nice of them to get us to the nine o’clock hour. All Kofi has to do to come back is Bo-Lieve. What a douche. Ha. No one cares that Hornswoggle got his hair cut.

RVD comes out to challenge for the Intercontinental Title against Bad News Barrett. I don’t care about this match. RVD should do the job in this match. A slow moving swinging neck breaker for Barrett only gets a one count. RVD drop kicked Barrett who was on the outside. RVD tossed Barrett into the barricade. RVD nails the cork screw leg drop from the apron. Barrett kicks RVD in the stomach after tossing him into the air. RVD turns it back around with the round house heel kick to the face. RVD misses the Frog Splash. Winds of Change side slam only gets Barrett two. Barrett hits the post with the elbow. RVD takes advantage with a DDT but still can’t get the three. Barrett nails the Bull Hammer Elbow for the win.

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Review of #WWE Main Event From Someone Who Actually Watches It

vanilla-ice1

I wonder if Damien Sandow is a good contractor too. From hiphopwired.com

We here at Stunt Granny are looking to expand our coverage of sports, entertainment and sports entertainment. Our good buddy Chris Calamita has come on board to do a couple of reviews for us. He’s going to suffer through Main Event and then enjoy NXT. Here’s his first crack at the show that is still better than ROH or TNA. – Kevin

Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton welcome us to this week’s edition and throw to the opening contest…

Cody Rhodes w/ Goldust vs. Curtis Axel w/ Ryback

During the entrances, we see clips of The Brothers Rhodes being destroyed by Evolution last night on Raw and then follow with a wwe.com exclusive of Rybaxel confronting a defeated Rhodes family. Axel made a reference to Barry Horowitz and Ryback gave them a Dr. Scratch N. Sniff inspired raspberry before shoving down Goldy as Cody does nothing. The match begins with a tribute to Mr. Perfect as Axel does his leapfrog followed by a sweet high dropkick from Cody. Cody then kicks Axel’s leg out from under his leg and Axel takes his father’s patented bump off of it. The match then slows down with Axel in control (shocking I know) and not even a chop exchange gets a reaction from the Atlanta crowd. I mean I know this isn’t a Japanese crowd or even an ROH crowd but they didn’t even “Whoo!”. Cody makes his comeback with other people’s moves again namely Goldust’s uppercut and Bob Holly’s draping groin kick. Cody finally hits something from his own repertoire, that being his moonsault, for a nearfall. Ryback then gets on the apron which brings over Goldust to assist but Ryback quickly disposes of him and climbs back on the apron where he is greeted with a Disaster Kick. This all distracts Rhodes long enough for Axel to clip him from behind, cradle him, hook the tights, and get the win in an average match.The brothers are despondent afterward but show no overt signs of dissension.

Recap of last night’s Cena/Wyatts/Lawler angle which ended with the Usos making the save setting up tonight’s Main Event on Main Event.

R-Truth vs. Damien Sandow

I hope you all appreciate the sacrifices I’m making by watching this show so you don’t have to. And… And…

Here comes D-Sizzle, dressed in a red/white track suit, a gold chain with a roll of duct tape around it, shades, a backwards baseball cap, and a gold grill. He’s here to treat us to a rap…

Yo Everybody know Hotlanta is the hip hop capital of the world

That being said I’m about to break y’all off something proper

You know I roll with the sinners but I’m praised like a saint

And when that bell rings I go hard in the paint

When fools start to step I start tossin

My teeth are clean but I still be flossin (holds up duct tape)

Truth interrupts saying “You rappin, ain’t nobody got time for that”. You’d think D-Sizzle would be totally flustered after such a witty retort but he continues

I’m holding it together like tape

Do you have a problem with that cuz in

I’m about to run up and get done up

Thuggish living til the end

Tell a friend

*mic drop*

And I take back my opening line. I love this show. The performance of D-Sizzle is a must watch. Unfortunately the match had to start. Thankfully its short as Truth escapes the You’re Welcome and hits whatever it is Truth calls his jumping Downward Spiral for the win.

Recap of the Bryan/Stephanie angle on Raw

Brie Bella vs. Natalya

Usual Divas match between these two as literally nothing of note happens early. Anyway the match goes on until Brie catches Natalya in a half crab which is reversed into the Sharpshooter by Natalya which gets her the tap out win. Brie then breaks down and cries into her sister Nikki’s ample bosom. Lucky girl.

Renee Young then interviews the Usos who call John Cena “Big Us (ooss)” and say that being real family gives them the advantage.

Music video recap of the Shield/Evolution angle from Raw.

The Wyatt Family cuts a promo that begins with a longer than usual speaking part for Luke Harper. Harper says Bray created for them a stronger bond than family. Bray then called the Usos pawns in John Cena’s game who are guilty by association “and together they will burn”. Rowan finishes with “Run”.

Main Event – World Tag Team Champions The Usos vs Luke Harper and Eric Rowan (non-title)

Rowan starts off still wearing the sheep mask but it is quickly slapped off by Jey. A quick tag out on both sides bring Harper in with Jimmy. Harper hits an impressive dropkick as we go to commercial. We come back from commercial with Rowan in the ring and Jimmy about to make a tag to Jey. Jey comes in and run mild until a fall away slam send him rolling to the outside. Harper goes after Jey whipping him into the ring apron and whiffing on a running elbow that Jey still has to sell. Harper throws Jey back into the ring and tags Rowan back in. Jey attempts a comeback with an enziguri to Rowan but Harper is tagged in and stops the attempted tag on the other side. He hits Jey with the big boot for a 2 count and then does his gator roll into two suplexes which is certainly creative. Harper hits a Michinoku Driver for a near fall that is broken up by Jimmy. Harper goes for the charge into the corner but gets a boot in his face and a 2nd  rope dropkick which helps turn the tide. Jimmy finally gets the hot tag and runs wild with a Samoan Drop and a Superkick. Rowan breaks up a pin attempt which bring Jey back in for a donnybrook. The Wyatt Family members end up outside where The Usos hit them with Running Planchas. Jimmy Uso then throws Harper back in and climbs to the top turnbuckle. Rowan, however, manages to toss Jey Uso into the ropes on the outside causing Jimmy to momentarily lose his balance. Jimmy is still able to make the jump but he ends up jumping over Harper who has fully recovered and manages to hit Jimmy with the spinning lariat for the 1-2-3 to finish what was certainly a good match. I assume this means that the 3rd match in 9 days between these 2 teams will take place at Payback with the titles on the line.The Wyatts aren’t finished yet with the Usos as they jump them after the bell. I lose track of which Uso is which at this point but I know Rowan ran one back first into the post while Harper threw the other out of the ring where he landed at the feet of Bray Wyatt. Bray then gave him Sister Abigail on the floor and then went back to his rocking chair and laughed maniacally as Harper counted to 10 as the show came to a close.

Final Thoughts:

Its Main Event so nothing Earth shattering ever happens but the antics of D-Sizzle and a good main event make this episode a thumbs up. Recommended if you have 45 minutes to kill this week. – Chris

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Part of what we did this weekend.

Part of what I did this weekend.

I’m just finishing the preliminaries from UFC 173 before I do this show. I didn’t spend much time indoors this weekend so that’s what happens when you go Yard Crashers style on your place. Happy to get the work done but feeling it too. I wish it were a four day weekend. On another note, we have big announcement and we’re ramping up to it so you may see some extra content on the site this week and going forward. Time to do this show up right. Let’s roll.

Stephanie McMahon comes out and tries to be condescending about Daniel Bryan. I’m not sure there’s a performer who I switch on disliking and liking more than Steph. HHH gets the mic so that he can talk up the Evolution versus The Shield feud. Brad Maddox comes out for a brow beating or a firing. They bring out Kane to attack Maddox. After being choke slammed and Tomb stoned, Maddox gets fired. As much as I like Maddox, they weren’t giving him TV time. Maybe he can move up to the pre-show booth. (Next Day Note: Congrats to Maddox on getting both of my suggestions along with beaten up.)

Cesaro is taking on RVD again. Before the match can start, Bad News Barrett shows up. According to Barrett, we’re going to find out we’re all fat. Barrett busts out an Indian Summer reference. I didn’t realize they still use that term. RVD gets in the offense early but Cesaro takes over right before the break. Cesaro has now added the Guerrilla Press to his arsenal. RVD gets in Rolling Thunder but only gets two. RVD hits the senton off the top rope. RVD nails the plancha. Barrett goes after RVD but gets super kicked. Another thrust kick leads to a split legged moonsault. RVD with the tilt a whirl kick. Barrett distracts RVD. Cesaro German suplexes RVD for the win. Sheamus sprints down to the ring and Brogue Kicks him. So can this feud help the US Title? Sheamus could chase after losing this weekend.

Eva Marie is in the ring with Nikki Bella. That’s a little weird, right? Summer Rae comes out alone. She falls for the boot adjustment trick. Summer keeps slamming Eva’s face into the mat. Fandango shows up with Layla El. Isn’t this supposed to happen to a good guy? Eva Marie rolls her up for the win. Summer screams in the ring. (Next Day Note: Though I don’t have hate for Summer Rae like my woman, there’s no reason to feel bad for her losing this match.) Randy Orton & Batista are talking when Cody Rhodes & Goldust show up. Cody really delivered with the trash talk. We get a match between the four men later. Batista complains about the skinny jeans comment and HHH responds “You just have big legs.” Ha.

El Torito is coming out for a match against Drew McIntyre. Both clown cars are at the ring side. Ouch. That slam had to hurt. McIntyre goes for a superplex when Los Matadores try to interfere. They get attacked By Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal. El Torito pins McIntyre after some shenanigans. El Torito gets attacked by 3MB. El Torito has to pretend like the fake tail hurts when it’s removed. (Next Day Note: Can a get a showing of hands on whether it matters I didn’t have the winner to this match listed last night? Didn’t think so.)

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Wrestlemania XXX Preview: The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Andre The Giant Battle RoyalJeremy & Kevin start the second half of their Wrestlemania previews with a look at a match announced by Hulk Hogan, the Andre The Giant Battle Royal. He didn’t announce what the prize was for winning. The WWE hasn’t announced anything in the time since then. So does it matter if Big Show wins? Or will he get to continue his losing ways? Does it matter that Dolph Ziggler has been on a winning streak? How about Big E Langston who isn’t defending the Intercontinental Title? Could a returning Rey Mysterio beat the odds again? Will Kofi Kingston get to be a spot monkey? Will Sheamus Brogue Kick everyone out of the ring? Will one of the mystery guests win the Battle Royal? Is anyone speculating on who will be in the vacant spots? Jeremy & Kevin’s big question of this show though is, why are some of these other jokers getting a Wrestlemania bonus if they can’t crack one of the main television shows? Shouldn’t the over talent want an even larger slice of the pie? Both of yours hosts would so click on the link below for something we won’t earn a dime off.

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker

Stunt Granny Audio Show #247

US-olympic-mens-hockey-team-rosterJeremy & Kevin are back for another week. They start off talking about why Kevin likes the Winter Olympics. I mean, other than the fact that hockey is the main event of this half of the Olympics. Jeremy brings the show to a screeching halt minutes in by talking about “My 600 Pound Life”. As usual, they finally get around to talking about wrestling. This week’s main topic is the athleticism being shown in the WWE. Being agile isn’t just for the little guys any more. Luke Harper is Jeremy’s main example but doesn’t forget to include Bray Wyatt. Does Erick Rowan get into this grouping or is he being protected too much? The Wyatts took on Cody Rhodes, Goldust & Rey Mysterio? We know that Cody can go in the ring but are the two old guys fitting into this new mold? Were they a look into the WWE’s future during their heyday? Did Cody really need to do the moonsault off the top of the cage? The Wyatts are also ready to take on the Shield at the Elimination Chamber. Roman Reigns is showing off some serious in ring skills that are being highlighted by the Superman Punch and the Spear. Is it more incumbent on the victim than the hitter to make that move look good? These moves look good but what is Kevin’s favorite move that Reigns does? How good is Seth Rollins? Good enough to not talk about his in ring skills? And where does Dean Ambrose fill in with this theme? And how do Jeremy & Kevin squeeze John Cena into this conversation? Find out when you click the link below!

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

frozen-beerSo I didn’t end up getting a new refrigerator until Saturday. I tried to get the old fridge repaired but when that failed, I had to go for the new one. After checking out the appropriate outlet stores, I made a purchase. The delivery came two hours late. Oh The humanity! Ha ha ha. The fridge has been restocked. I’m just glad my beers have finally unfrozen. Luckily none of them got to the state of the beer above. Time to watch some wrestling. Let’s roll.

Betty White and Big Show lead off the show. She’s going to kick ass tonight. (Next Day Note: No one is shocked she didn’t.) HHH then big foots her. How dare he! Doesn’t he know who she is? (Please note the heavy dose of sarcasm.) Before Steph can say anything, Randy Orton comes down. She gets to bring the condescension. Orton apologizes to them. It’s coming from his heart. Ha. Orton wants more TV time on other shows. Daniel Bryan comes out. Steph lays down the law. Bryan wants a match with Kane. He insults Steph & HHH. Randy Orton gives their rebuttal. HHH gives Bryan a rest. He’s getting a well deserved day off. Ha. I agree with JBL. It’s good to give your stars a rest.

Rey Mysterio is teaming with Cody Rhodes & Goldust against the Wyatt Family. Good win for Bray Wyatt on Smackdown. That’s the kind of credibility that would have helped me believe his win against Daniel Bryan. Erick Rowan starts against Rhodes. Goldust gets a quick tag. Luke Harper takes over. I love that Rey Mysterio sliding spot. It’s ridiculous. Goldust is still being beat down after the break. Bray Wyatt comes to continue the offense. Goldust power slams Harper to get Rey into the match. 619 to Harper. Wyatt pulls Rey from a spring board attempt. Rey goes for a 2nd 619 when Bray Wyatt makes a blind tag, I guess? Wyatt turns the run into a Sister Abigail. Kind of cool. Follow the buzzards.

The Shield gets the recap video. Renee Young gets to interview them. She starts with questioning Roman Reigns. Seth Rollins gets a short talk. Dean Ambrose gets questioned about defending the US title. After Reigns questions his manhood, Ambrose makes an open challenge. Vickie Guerrero, The Bellas and Natalya get their time with Betty White get their time until the Road Dogg & Billy Gunn take her away.

Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae to start us off. He’s taking on Santino Marella with Emma. It seems like a good way to introduce her character which seemed weird to start with. Keeps Santino fresh with someone new to play off. The Miz complains on the head sets again. He’s like Bad News Barrett except slightly different. The circus surrounding the match made me forget one was going on. Fandango with the top rope leg drop for the win. Byron Saxton is back? Why? More faces for the WWE Network? Sheamus points out the obvious that he can still main event Wrestlemania if he wins the Elimination Chamber. Fair enough promo.

Christian is Sheamus’s partner against the Real Americans. They snuck back into the WWE. Antonio Cesaro finally gets some mic time. He’s going to be the WWE Champion. Not much of a promo. Zeb Colter makes Jack Swagger wait on the apron to start the match. Swagger gets an early tag anyway. Christian gets in enough offense to get Sheamus in. I dig the fighting between Cesaro & Sheamus. Cesaro tosses Sheamus outside. Swagger drags down Sheamus. Cesaro takes advantage. We get a break. They’re still going at it. Christian gets the hot tag. Cesaro ends the streak with a super upper cut. Swagger gator rolls him. Swagger bomb followed by the double stomp. Big Swing tosses Christian outside the ring. Christian barely beats the count. Quick pin doesn’t work. Sheamus gets the real hot tag. Swagger is on the end of the ass kicking. No surprise given the present story line. Cesaro makes the save for Swagger. Jack turns the distraction into a Patriot Lock. Christian makes the save. Brogue Kick. Sheamus brings Christian back in to celebrate. John Cena gets Renee Young’s second interview. He’s going to beat Randy Orton in the middle of the ring. Everyone needs to go through him to get to the WWE Championship.

My Avery Brewing Company Karma is quite cold. And tasty. #SippyTimeBeer. I buzz through the Batista bomb Youtube clips and the entrances of both Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio. Ziggler gets to show off early in the match. Fame Asser only gets a two count. Thrust kick to the head ends the match in short order. Wow Dolph, you are out. Cross arm breaker on Ziggler after the match brings out Batista in ring gear. Spear. The Animal tosses Del Rio into the barricade. Batista Bomb thru the announce table.

HHH runs into Batista. HHH wants Batista to keep it in the ring. HHH gives him a match against Del Rio at Elimination Chamber. The third Hall of Fame entrant is Lita. Cool. The New Age Outlaws are still hanging out with Betty White. They’re having tea. She does the cup switch-a-roo. I’m in stitches. (Sarcasm alert.)

The New Age Outlaws are now at ring side. The Usos come out. They are taking on Curtis Axel & Ryback. The Usos are on the attack early. Billy Gunn still gets to play dumb. Woof. The Goldberg chant makes no sense at this point. I’ve been paying more attention to the ramblings of Road Dogg. Jimmy flies over the top ropes and takes out Ryback so that Jey can splash Curtis Axel for the win. Slick finish. Gunn pretends he has to poop. Oh, she put something in it. Even funnier. (You get it by now, right?)

Dean Ambrose is in the ring when Mark Henry answers his challenge. Rollins & Reigns get out of the ring for formal introductions. Ambrose acts defiant. He has to deal with Henry’s power to start. He tries to take advantage of the elbow injury but it doesn’t work. Ambrose got tossed into a ring post. Ambrose takes off his brace. Henry tosses Ambrose outside with his good arm. Break. Ambrose is still working over Henry’s elbow. Ambrose goes for his finisher. Henry pushes him off and gives him a World’s Strongest Slam on the rebound. Seth Rollins interferes to get a DQ. Reigns spears Henry to put him out of the picture. The Wyatts are here. The Shield comes back over the barrier. The Wyatts come closer. The Shield step up to the apron. The Wyatts reply. Then they back out like the heels should do. Bray is saying “Make your move” as he holds his arms out.

My ring time will be "Girl Bye" when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

My ring time will be “Girl Bye” when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

Bobo Brazil gets the tribute for Black History Month. Ernie Ladd inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame. Brie & Nikki Bella are teaming with Cameron. Nikki starts against AJ Lee. Mitchell Cool acknowledges Naomi’s eye socket injury. I remember the initial reports but never remembered seeing a recovery time frame. Middle rope drop kick gets two for Brie. Aksana is kneeing Brie’s back. She didn’t mess up her spine. Alicia Fox gets her time in the ring. Mitchell Cool says “She’s improved, hasn’t she?” as Cameron botches a move. JBL seconds the point. Woof. DDT on Aksana for the Cameron win. Wow. She’s a complete train wreck that deserves to be a reality show like Total Divas. She’s awful in the ring.

Alexander Rusev is impressive. At least they’ve thrown things off by making him from Bulgaria instead of Russia. Kane comes down to the ring. Kane starts to apologize when Daniel Bryan hits the ring. Bryan drop kicks him over the barrier.

They get Betty White on TV one last time to say she was on. John Cena takes on Randy Orton start with 25 minutes left on my DVR. They start off slow, tipping off to me that they’ll use most of that time. Cena starts a slugging come back shortly after the break. He misses a flying shoulder tackle. Orton lets Cena get back up to the apron. Suplex on the way into the ring. Vicious looking DDT by Orton only gets a  two count. Garvin Stomp. Cena makes the full come back. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Orton back breaker out of the AA. Cena back drops Orton out of the ring. Orton power slam but Orton show boats long enough to cost himself. Tower DDT from the top rope. Orton yells at the crowd. Cena turns an RKO into an STF.  Orton gets to the ropes. Orton backs up to go for the punt. Cena  goes for the AA. RKO by Orton. Cena kicks out. AA but Orton kicks out. I’m thinking this is better than their match at the Rumble. Orton fights out of a Top Rope AA. Cena leg drop to the back of the head. Another AA for the win. Fun stuff. Nothing after it either. Cool. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

fridge1My refrigerator died almost five years to the day of purchase. The Grandma Fridge hasn’t been fired up. It’s a legit 50s fridge that my fraternal grandparents purchased. When my last refrigerator died, I fired that puppy up and it worked even if it sucked down a shit ton of power. Since it’s freezing ass cold out, I decided to use nature as a refrigerator. Mother Nature comes in handy. Used to use it to keep my Mountain Dew cold while I was in architecture studio because we had a ledge and operable windows. You could keep stuff cold most nights (and days) of the spring semester since it was warm for about the last two weeks of class. Any way, enough about my weird refrigeration techniques and adventures. Let’s roll.

Randy Orton takes his time as usual. I skipped out on the early promo but was more than happy to hear Orton putting himself over with a lot of conviction. HHH & Stephanie McMahon come out to throw cold water on his parade. I’m glad Steph has really found that condescending tone in just about all of her promos now. She tells him that he’s going to wrestle Daniel Bryan and the rest of the competitors in following weeks. JBL, Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler give us the low down on the New Age Outlaws versus Cody Rhodes & Goldust. The Shield comes down through the crowd. We get more announcers recapping the cheap baby face win and the Shield’s impending feud with the Wyatt Family.

For some reason, Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston & Big E Langston are taking on the Shield. Dean Ambrose starts against Langston. Kofi takes over against Seth Rollins. Roman Reigns is the last one to join us. Kofi starts getting his ass kicked. Rey gets the first hot tag. Rollins is in the ring selling. Reigns sneaks a tag in. Tall Hart attack by Rollins & Reigns leads to a commercial. Rey sells for a while. Big E gets the 2nd hot tag. He’s taking over on Reigns. We get the finishers spot that ends in the Superman Punch. Ambrose tags in as Reigns is ready to go for the spear. Ambrose executes a move but is still getting a cheap win in my books. The Wyatts warn the Shield that they’ve made a grave mistake. Fun, creepy stuff. I really wish this would have been at Wrestlemania for my own live enjoyment.

Bad News Barrett greats us with some Super Bowl talk. Jerry Lawler smacks him down, I guess. That’s the reaction we’re being given by Mitchell Cool & JBL.

Jack Swagger is facing Christian. Zeb Colter & Antonio Cesaro are at ring side. Factiod of the night, Christian has never been in an Elimination Chamber match. A little surprising in my book since he was a king on Smackdown for many a moon. Swagger has been dominant for most of the match so far. Swagger goes for a move that he never would normally to give Christian an opening. A counter into a reverse DDT gets Christian a two count. Swagger catches Christian doing a cross body. Swagger Bomb gets countered. Christian rolls up Swagger for the win. We get recap of Brock Lesnar destroying Cody & Goldust.

Road Dogg & Billy Gunn did their introduction as usual. Cody Rhodes & Goldust did before the commercial break. I dig the no escape clause in this match but for some reason I feel this ring will get compromised since they are emphasizing no one will interfere this week. I didn’t type anything for the first break because it was standard fair. Teams taking turns, everyone getting in a little offense. Goldust is getting his ass kicked after the break. A spine buster gets Goldie an opening.  Cody & Gunn come in. Cody is on fire. The teams trade blows. Rhodes nails Gunn with the Disaster Kick. He only gets two and blows up at Chioda. Cody appears to hit a top rope moonsault but it’s on Road Dogg who is not legal. Gunn nails the Fame Asser for the win. I’m not sure why he went for that one. JBL does a decent job of covering for the choice.

Titus O’Neil comes down so we get a recap of him punking out Darren Young. Zack Ryder gets TV time in the ring. Titus is beating down Ryder. The Miz complains on the head set about not having a match then storms away. Ryder gets the knees up for a corner charge by O’Neil. Titus takes over again. Sky High for the win by O’Neil.

Earnie Ladd gets the nod for Black History Month. Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae. Santino Marella is back for a dance off. Santino wants a dance off between someone in the audience and Summer. Emma is introduced. She isn’t really good at dancing if that’s all she’s got. Emma does the arm thing. The audience is confused. They decide to cheer for Emma any way. Stupid.

Sheamus has a match against Curtis Axel. Ryback is at ringside. Sheamus is taking Axel to task early. Sheamus clothes lines Axel off the ring apron. Sheamus puts his head down so Axel knees him in the shoulder. Axel tosses him into the post. Axel continues to work it over. Sheamus makes a come back with a barrage of punches and clubbing blows. Brogue Kick. Ryback talks trash to him.

I’m sure Batista is making another fashion faux pas by wearing a jean jacket. Before he can utter a word, Alberto Del Rio comes down. Why is Del Rio taking Cena’s material from the Rock feud? Batista tries to get Del Rio to go away but Del Rio decides to attack.

R Truth, Xavier Woods & Dolph Ziggler are taking on Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. Woods starts against Rowan because his team mates don’t really like him. Truth & Woods double team him to get the upper hand. Harper gives Truth a big boot. Ziggler gets a hot tag in a so far boring match. Ziggler goes for the big DDT and gets a two count. Ziggler goes for the sleeper but is bucked off. Harper nails him with the big clothes line. Sister Abigail for the win. I’m not sure why Ziggler’s video got internet push over the weekend. I heard similar stuff in his TV promos. The Shield gives a verbal brow beating to the Wyatts. Believe In The Shield. Wyatt says he welcomes the war. See now this is where I say, why anyone think the Wyatts do actually have the clout to beat the Shield? In some ways, it should be a David versus Goliath match up.

Naomi is taking on Aksana. AJ Lee gets to throw on a head set. She goes cocky while Cool prods her. Aksana executing solid looking suplex. I did get a kick out of AJ calling Naomi a baked potato. A pin by Aksana goes awry because she kneed Cameron in the face. Split legged moonsault for the win. Alicia Fox tries to attack but Cameron catches her. Rear View for those at home that love it. Trin is going to have a nice shiner.

Nice of the WWE to let me blow through the entrances of Daniel Bryan & Randy Orton since they were followed by a commercial break. So far, no acknowledgement of the numerous Punk chants. Orton is taking the early phsyical edge without doing much damage. Bryan knees him. Dragon Screw Leg Whip. Bryan starts working over the left leg. Orton’s legs takes several blows to the knee to the ring post. Orton bites Bryan to get out of another hold. Bryan goes back to the injured leg. I hate the butt crash onto the leg. Bryan tosses Orton over the announce table and onto Mitchell Cool. Bryan tosses him in the ring. He goes back to work on Orton’s leg. Top rope head scissors only gets a two count. It’s weird because the announcers are taking center stage. Everyone seems to have traded usual opinions. Cool just selling Orton’s toughness. Bryan strategically kicks Orton. Bryan goes for a single leg crab. Orton tries to get to the ropes but Bryan drags him back to the middle. Orton slides outside the ring. Bryan goes out and pays for it. Back drop onto the barricade to turn the tide. The match feels like a baby face set up for Orton because of how much of a beating he took early. The baby face’s early offensive flurry doesn’t usually last that long. Bryan is kicking Orton in the middle of the ring after the break. Orton counters into a T Bone suplex. “Now that’s the champ!” exclaims Cool. That’s a baby face description not a reviled heel champion. Bryan gets tossed into the ring post and stairs but to his shoulder. Strangely, he’s going after the right arm. Moments later, Cool says “Couldn’t care less about anybody.” Make up your fucking mind. Are you for him or against him? Bryan nails Orton with a top rope drop kick but hurts his own arm. They trade blows. Orton tosses Bryan into the mat. Bryan gets on the Yes Lock. Orton gets a leg on the ropes. A great match like this is best for business. Orton gets drop kicked but returns fire when Bryan goes for number three. Hanging DDT. Bryan kicks Ortonas he’s going for the RKO. Air Goat  for two. Bryan nails the head kick. Kane comes down to ring side. Bryan drop kicks him off the ring apron. Randy Orton gets dumped outside. Bryan nails both with a suicide dive. Kane attacks again but Bryan tosses him into the stairs. Bryan nails the running knee for the win. Orton & Kane attack Bryan. Kane’s fire works go off late. Woof. Never screw up at the end. Always makes it seem worse than it really is. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog:Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

iowa final cover

From lettermachine.org

Jeremy and Eric were dreaming of doing the above tonight in Cedar Falls, Iowa tonight. Alas, my partners in crime are now star crossed and hoping to hook up a day later. Let’s roll.

The lovers and guardians of the WWE in the form of HHH & Stephanie McMahon greet us. Trips has a decent collection of suits. They’re not too loud or overly slick. Just nice. Randy Orton interrupts their joyous announcement. Sorry Steph, people aren’t tuning in in record numbers. Steph giving the brow beating to Orton before she gives us a video package. Her line of anger is perfect but it’s making their characters really weird. Why are they waffling between baby faces and heels? HHH is playing it right too. I hate when I love the material but not the logic. HHH gives Orton another match against Kofi Kingston. He’s also making him apologize to John Cena. Batista makes his entrance. He soaks up the cheers. HHH & Steph leave to leave Big Dave with Orton. The skinny jeans are not a good look. He’s back for the title. And to headline Wrestlemania. I’m starting to like the looks of the card they’re laying out.

The Shield are taking on Goldust, Cody Rhodes & Big E Langston. Big E starts against Dean Ambrose. Goldust dukes it out with Seth Rollins. Cody gets back in to work over Rollins. I do like that JBL is playing it right since he has invoked lawyers against baby face attacks that he’s mentioning Cena’s father not pressing charges. Roman Reigns is in control after the break. Rhodes gets out of it with a Disaster Kick. Big E takes the hot tag. Turning Big E baby face seems to have been a great idea. Reigns breaks up a pin. Then takes out Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Seth Rollins super curb stomps Big E for the win. Awesome looking move. I love Rollins. The Superman punch by Reigns on Cody is getting top billing though.

Daniel Bryan is in the ring getting the Yes! chants already. Bryan had a plan all along. He became the buzzard to chew on Bray’s carcass. Weird. What did you expose? He wants Wyatt one on one at the Rumble. Bray Wyatt shows up on the Titantron. I really loved his promo on Smackdown. Good come back material. He insinuates he may do something to Brie Bella.

Fandango is going against Xavier Woods with R Truth on the head set. Truth is calling Mitchell Cool, Mike Snow. As far as I can tell, everyone who has been on TV is in the Rumble match. Falcon Arrow leads to the top rope leg drop for the Fandango win. Emmataining is in the crowd again. Brad Maddox is talking to Kane. Stephanie is mad at Kane for attacking CM Punk. The baby face angle of the Authority continues. He has to apologize to Punk.

Kane hits the ring after the break. Punk’s insult was pretty weak for it to get under Kane’s skin. He requests Punk’s presence. CM Punk comes out after just enough hesitation. Kane offers an apology. Punk doesn’t accept. Brad Maddox cools off the situation. Punk gets a match against Billy Gunn. The Road Dogg gets on the head set. The NAO being heels is all the weirder in the baby face Authority move. Road Dogg tries to make sense of it, speaks well but doesn’t make a lick of sense. JBL saying Gunn is better than ever is hilarious since he wasn’t very good ever. Mitchell Cool pursuing the conspiracy angle is weird to because real evidence exists that the NAO should get a title bout. It’s a good one off, short lived feud for Goldust & Rhodes. Gunn does the missed splash routine. Road Dogg pulls Gunn out of the ring. Punk suicide dives onto Road Dogg. Punk nails the GTS. Kane comes out and tells Punk he’s the first entrance. Interesting.

I buzz thru the yearly numbers break down and the Mae Young tribute. I saw the later on Smackdown. Very nice video package. Rey Mysterio takes on Alberto Del Rio for the third time in seven days. Mysterio wipes both of them out withe a spring board moonsault onto the floor. Del Rio takes over. A rough looking kick to the head makes it a target.  Tilt-a-whirl back breaker only gets a two count. Enziguri to the ribs. The toss bounce Rey takes to the outside looks so rough.Del Rio is still beating up Rey. Why is Del Rio having so much trouble with an injured Rey? The announcers brought up his obsession with Batista. We have no reason to believe this clown can beat a gentleman more than twice Rey’s size. Rey nails a senton off the top rope but can’t capitalize. Mysterio turns a power bomb into a huracanrana.  Del Rio kicks Rey in the head. Rey back to the 619. Drop of the Dime but Del Rio grabs the rope. Del Rio counter Rey’s next move into the cross arm breaker for the win. How is that a statement for the Rumble, Mitchell? A cross arm breaker will do you no good in that match. Batista confronts Del Rio. Batista spine buster and Bomb. He looks good. A bit slimmer than before which isn’t a bad thing since he’s still massive.

Big Show comes out first. Paul Heyman comes out alone. I love the look on his face. Brock Lesnar‘s music hits. Lesnar walks to the ring and waves his hand and walks away from Show. Brock comes back out. He takes his sweet time getting into the ring. Brock fakes him out. Lesnar goes for take down. Show tosses him. Lesnar goes for another take down. Show tosses him out of the ring. Much smoother exit than Rey’s. I like the confrontation. Just enough action to not give anything away.

I missed Bad News Barrett congratulating AJ Lee on the longest reign by a Divas Champion ever.  Josh Matthews returns. AJ puts the the cake in Tamina Snuka‘s face. It has been the longest and maybe one of the dullest. Maryse was the former holder of that distinction. I’ll have to look up if Trish Stratus’s reigns were longer than 218. They are taking on the Funkadactyls. Why is Cameron starting the match again? She is getting her ass handed to her like last week. They give Naomi a hot tag this week. She can get the crowd into it but she hasn’t been pushed smoothly. AJ Lee skips around Naomi. Small package by Naomi. See that’s uneven too. Why not have her hit a real move before making the pin?

I buzz thru another video package break. I may not get done too late now. Thanks for letting me skip two segments WWE. The Usos are taking on Erick Rowan & Luke Harper. The Usos aren’t wearing their wraps they had on Smackdown. Jey Uso gets a tag and does a flying shoulder block. Jey & Harper trade blows.That arena sounds really empty right now. Rowan interferes to turn things into their favor. Rowan later tags in to work over Jimmy. He ends up taking a header into the barricade for the break. Jimmy is still getting worked over. Bray starts to talk to the crowd. I always thought that should be used more. Jimmy has got the serious moves. He’s the one that does Whisper in the Wind. Nailed a slick high flying move earlier. Jimmy takes out Rowan. Jey gets caught by Harper. Scoop slam for a two count. Daniel Bryan attacks Wyatt. Jey rolls up Harper for the win. They’re really making the Wyatts look dumb in all of this. Do they not really like them? I’m so confused.

Kofi Kingston gets to say he main evented a Raw against Randy Orton. Congrats on the achievement Kofi. There the very good chance that I missed the end of this show with how late this match is starting combined with John Cena not “arriving” yet makes me think it’s running long. Orton gives the You Can’t See Me wave. Kofi’s tights looks like they were designed by a child. Kofi doesn’t win with the SOS. John Cena hits the arena in his ring gear. Why did everyone walk into the arena tonight? No one rented a nice car? Cena attacks Orton. They start fighting through the crowd. Well, JBL describes it correctly that the fight is one sided on Cena’s behalf. Randy Orton had a get away car. Weird. Mitchell Cool was right to point out that it wasn’t a car jacking since the car drove when Orton got into the passenger side. He should be the one spouting the conspiracy theories though. They did end on time. Congratulations WWE! – Kevin

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