Kevin’s Twitter Compilation of @ImpactWrestling

Tweet: Oh, the picture of Hogan in the hospital is priceless for comedy. Pay Back Time doesn’t sound like you’re mad enough.

Tweet: I liked Storm’s promo but he hit 4 topics: Aries, Roode, Aces & Eights & Kurt Angle. That’s a bit much.

Tweet: How neither Taz nor Tenay guessed it was Aces & Eights. Ah nevermind. They’re terrible announcers. After The Show: The announcers sat there and wondered why Kurt Angle wasn’t showing up. I hate announcers playing the super dumb card.

Tweet: Remember when Pope had lots of untapped talent in WWE? Yeah, it’s getting foggy for me too. After The Show: I remember when he had lots of talent in TNA too. Then he got caught in the endless Devon’s children feud after a botched feud with Samoa Joe, his opponent last night. Some people have no luck. He’s one of them.

Tweet: TNA wants you to check Twitter so that you can see that their roster got even more bloated with Chavo Guerrero.

Tweet: It was a fluke Jason Hervey! Aren’t you glad you’re producing Z grade shows with Eric Bischoff?

Tweet: At least TNA has had the good sense to keep Robbie T out of the ring. They need to kill this lame gimmick though. After The Show: I think the guido gimmick could still work but neither TNA nor the WWE have gotten behind the guy and allowed a consistent theme to be established. Robbie E just happens to be more lame than Zack Ryder who has his own take on the gimmick that feels much more personal.

Tweet: Jeff Hardy is a moron. After The Show: He was a moron because he got counted out attacking Robbie T. You’ve beat worse odds plus, do you lose your hearing when you attack someone? Shouldn’t you be able to hear the ref especially when you’re no more than ten feet from him?

Tweet: EY mention the name of the program you’re hosting you dumb ass! After The Show: Come on, I even mentioned it in this dumb column. You need people to watch your show to get it renewed. Why mention a new program without a channel or show name. Maybe the dumbest thing in wrestling for this week.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Impact Wrestling

Immortal should have been dressed more like these two. This bar is in the Stanley Hotel, where "The Shining" took place. Cool place.

After review from Slammiversary, Immortal shows up in tuxedos. I’m laughing already. Waiting for a train wreck. How white trash, a camo tuxedo. The poker theme is better than the Raw Roulette Wheel, right? Trying to find something positive about this skit. Crazy Sting is comedy awfulness. He needs to channel his inner R Truth. Did they let Orlando Jordan go because Sting is going to be acting as the gay Joker? Oh no, Pennywises are in the rafters. I’m confused but it’s still shit.

They are doing a good job of hyping the Bound For Glory Series. It is ridiculous that they’re trying to sell us on “Bobby” Roode. His character change isn’t working. He’s not a common man.Roode shouldn’t have let Dinero off the hook for the Muscle Buster. you’d be 1 on 1 against Joe, who you have a step on. The losing gimmick doesn’t work in TNA. Samoa Joe has to be kicking himself. What an after thought. Punk is the talk of the town.Did I miss when the Jarretts stopped being gone forever?

Now they’re ready to kick Abyss out of the crew? You need stability with your factions. What was that belt? Shouldn’t you explain that more? I’m not sure where they’re headed with this Devon and Pope thing. If the kids turn on Devon, like Pope suggested, doesn’t excite me.

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Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 5/14/11

1. Cheese – Some people just can’t get enough of it. Some of those people should try to get less of it. – Eric

2. MVP –  He’s been all over the wrestling media in the past week, promoting New Japan’s first big visit to the U.S. In the process, he’s been very well spoken about what he liked and grew to dislike about WWE’s evolving style to more kid-friendly, PG “entertainment.” Search it all out, it’s all totally worth the read. – Eric

3. Maryse –  Hotsy totsy, did you see that picture Jeremy and Kevin posted for Stunt Granny Audio #142? If that doesn’t make you harder than a left turn in front of the mall, you have no soul. – Eric

4. Chris Harris, Mick Foley & Chyna – These three were supposed to be surprises this week on iMPACT! Since I don’t read spoilers, I was surprised by Harris’ appearance especially since it was his bloated brother that got the gig. I was surprised by Mick Foley because I assumed it would be Dixie Carter. Finally, I knew it was Chyna but was surprised that she looked somewhat with it. What doesn’t surprise me is the fact that I am completely underwhelmed with this treasure trove of surprises. – Kevin

5. Jason Bane – I know my viewing habits are a little behind for Pro Wrestling Ohio so this item could have been posted a couple of weeks ago. After going long spans for PWO Title reigns, Agent Aaron Maguire’s latest client “The Megastar” Marion Fontaine dropped the strap to “The Most Dominant Man in PWO.” It is the second time within the past couple of months that the title changed. I’ll hope that it stays around his waist until Wrestlelution. Congratulations to Jason Bane though. – Kevin

6. TNA Sacrifice – Samoa Joe is feuding with Crimson but isn’t on the PPV. AJ Styles is feuding with Bully Ray but isn’t on the PPV. Mr. Kennedy is feuding with, well, everyone, but isn’t on the PPV. Chris Harris is sad looking and out of shape and he has no feud but he is on the PPV. A guy named Max Buck is on the PPV but not having anal sex with another man. Chyna is on the PPV although she has been out of wrestling and forgotten for a long while. Order estimation- 14,000 or so. – Jeremy

7. Smackdown – Christian and Randy Orton proved to be ratings flops. As the flag carriers for the Friday night broadcast this should be troubling but then it isn’t Monday Night Raw so who cares. – Jeremy

8. Bill DeMott – Since I’m trying to push our Twitter account, I’ll pimp the Tough Enough trainer @BillDeMott since @StuntGranny follows him. My favorite tweet for this week “I have decided how I will answer all those with #Negative comments………theres your answer.enjoy the day-BD”. – Kevin

9. Living in the past – 2011 – 1997 = 14:

Hulk Hogan vs. Sting is the current plan for the Bound for Glory main event, although not etched in stone. When asked, Hogan said right now he’s 50% about doing another match, according to an interview on the “Monday Night Mayhem” radio show. “If you would have asked me two months ago, I would have said no way. If I could get six and a half months (since the most recent fusion surgery) under my belt, I’d pretty much know the answer to that. If I did land wrong or something, just don’t know if all this hardware and stuff would hold together.” Watching Hogan walking on Impact this past week, the idea of doing a match, unless it’s a tag and he’s in for one spot and never does anything that requires movement or falling, looks like a very bad idea. The guy can barely walk. Considering how badly hurt he gets every time he wrestles, this seems really sad to even consider it. Maybe for a million dollar payday you can justify the risk, but him wrestling at this stage won’t move the needle at all unless he says it’s his retirement match (wouldn’t work in storyline since he’s the heel) and goes on all the talk shows to promote it, and even then, with wrestlers and retirements, that may end up meaning nothing for business at this stage.
14 goddamn years ago. – Dusty

10. Elijah Burke – Blew this popstand:

According to TheElijahExpress.com, D’Angelo Dinero, also known as Elijah Burke, has graduated with a degree of high honors in Criminal Justice. This could have been what he was alluding to on May 13th with various tweets, including one Thursday night that read: “My time has come, It’s time to move on. I’ve served well. Hope none has been disappointed; hope my hard work has been Applauded&Appreciated
It has from here. – Dusty

11. Brother Love’s floating head – I just, there are no words:

Dusty

Eric’s Blog: Uh oh, I think I liked last night’s Impact…

hulk hogan shocked

"You gotta be kidding me, brother!"

Five words I never thought I’d say: Can I smell yo’ dick?

Five more words I never thought I’d say: I liked Impact this week.

That’s right, the same iMPACT! I’ve clowned on basically since its inception, the same TNA whose dirtball antics and white-trash roster have been the butt of jokes across the Internet for years, the same company owned by a ditzy money mark who would rather Tweet about “nice surprises” than research ways to better her business and actually collect decent returns on her investment, the same company that… pushes Abyss. *shudder*

Honestly, the constant revolving of the show around this tired Abyss character — made worse by the involvement of decrepit Hulk Hogan — was the only remarkably bad part of Impact last night, and anything else I’d point out negatively is either nitpicking or something showing signs of improvement. I’ll get those out of the way now: Abyss is a big, pouting retard who shouldn’t be allowed to use a hammer and who should be suspended for his actions, whether or not the Hogan character treats him as his pet project; Jesse Neal is not marketable, and Bubba Ray Dudley is an overbearing, overweight ass who is only helping book this angle to keep himself on TV; Rob Van Dam is a former ECW wrestler, which should immediately disqualify him from being a rules enforcer, a choice seemingly made on a whim by Exasperated Eric Bischoff; and Chelsea means about as much to TNA as tits on a boar, and her abused-girlfriend angle smacks so much of Russo that I might start calling her Ryan Shamrocksabletorimarlenasocalval.

Now, onto the surprising number of positives.

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Happy birthday, pro wrestlers! (May 21-27)

Oooh, someone controversial turns 29 tomorrow!

May 22: Daniel Bryan (Bryan Danielson, 29)
May 22: Traci Brooks (Tracy Brookshaw, 35)

May 23: Alex Shelley (Patrick Martin, 27)

May 24: D’Angelo Dinero (The Pope, 32)

May 27: Charlie Haas (Charles Haas II, 38
May 27: Natalya (Natalie Neidhart, 28 and hot)
May 27: Eric Bischoff (ATM Eric, 55)

I’m just kidding, D’Angelo Dinero’s real name is Elijah Burke. But Sylvester Terkay is his twin brother, who changed his last name from “Burke” because he doesn’t get along with their mother, Delta. -Eric

Genesis Preview (Text Edition)

Michelangelo was a hell of a painter.

I was ready to bash TNA for their shoddy build up for this pay per view in the audio context but I found an unwilling crew in the rest of my comrades. I can’t say I blame them. After watching the last half of iMPACT!, I’ve at least partially changed my mind. I still think they could have used a show last Thursday to capitalize on Hulk Hogan and everyone else showing up. TNA could have also pimped the regular time slot for iMPACT! along with building the storylines to the pay per view better. From what I saw though, they did a good job of setting up the matches and focusing on them with just this one show. On to the preview even if I’m not sure Dusty’s neighbor will get it tonight.

The Pope D’Angelo Dinero vs. Desmond Wolfe – I can’t believe they are having this match. First, they make Wolfe lose three straight major matches after his debut in TNA finishing with his loss to the Pope on the Monday iMPACT! so to make up for that gaffe they had Wolfe beat Samoa Joe this week. Way to fuck up three of your future stars all at one time guys. It should be an entertaining match and no matter who wins, someone is getting kicked down the ladder too soon in their push. Winner – Desmond Wolfe.

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Stunt Granny Audio #77 – Welcome Back

Welcome back to one of our crew and who has a hairdo like these guys that we want to see back?

Kevin welcomes back Jeremy to the Audio rotation and we go back to school. Well, back to TNA’s special Monday iMPACT! to get some additional thoughts out of Jeremy and bring up some points that Kevin & Eric skipped last week. We milked more out of a subject that needed no more milking. It’s new information though so give it a listen and find out how non-pasteurized milk tastes.

Stunt Granny Audio #77

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