3MB is now a One Man Band, Baby!

Heath Slater

I’m sure localbozo.com doesn’t care if I use his screen grab.

I suppose this is what you get when you cannot handle the Shield for the boss? WWE has released two more competitors (see, keeping with WWE protocol) as Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre received the bad news today.  So just like that the fourth strongest faction in WWE has been destroyed.

WWE sure seems bent on breaking up their factions outside of The Wyatt Family so far. Seth Rollins turned on The Shield. Evolution saw the departure of Dave Batista. Now, they couldn’t break them up so they had to fire two-thirds of the Three Man Band.

Out of the three members, (Hornswoggle doesn’t count as he is a mascot) Jinder Mahal was the blank slate. He never caught on. His only shining moment came on Total Divas when Eva Marie mispronounced his name. Maybe that should have been the first hint that you needed to do some extra work to be a household name for WWE fans?

Drew McIntyre is a weird case of being elevated much too soon and then falling off. He may have sabotaged his chances by fighting with his wife, Taryn Terrell, a few years back. Taryn was arrested after the “domestic incident” but the damage was done. His push ended and he disappeared. If you can’t keep your woman in line you aren’t going anywhere in WWE. You cannot place the WWE in a bad position or you suffer the consequences. Even divorcing  the woman will not matter. His career in WWE never recovered but he certainly made the best of his spot in 3MB. He stood out while Jinder faded away.  Let’s be frank here, no one is going to overshadow heath Slater.

So all the best to the both of these men.  Seriously, good luck out there. -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Podcast: OHPA

Ken & Kevin are going to try a new show called OHPA for their joint living experiences in Ohio and Pennsylvania. We aren’t going to focus on one subject so that’s why we started with the How Did This Get Made? podcast starring Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael and Jason Mantzoukas. They “turned us on” to the Blended trailer, which is provided above. How does this movie rank with other movies with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore? Which obvious one did Kevin forget about? Which one did his ex-wife have him watch too many times? Ken scolds Kevin on speculating too much because there is plenty of bad things in the trailer alone. They move on to another movie trailer, Guardians of the Galaxy which is much better. How much do we know about these characters? Is that part of the appeal of the movie? Why is an Ent in this movie? What species in Drax aka Dave Batista?  How far in advance are they advertising this movie? The last movie that they take a look at is Godzilla. What do both of the trailers have in common? What are their differences? How versatile is Bryan Cranston? Ken & Kevin do a little sports review talking about the status of crowds storming the court. Will it be banned after the brawl at the Utah Valley versus New Mexico State game? Who exactly is to blame for this incident? How often has this happened? What does Kevin remember about storming the field after Kent State’s 0-16 losing streak? Who did Kevin know on the team? Can people break a stem off of a field goal post? Will Kevin crumble under Ken’s intense scrutiny? Come on this new adventure when you click on the link below!

OHPA

The CM Punk Saga Continues

Jeremy and I had a nice show going last night talking about Matt Hardy and CM Punk. Unfortunately, I used my recording equipment incorrectly. Jeremy sounds like he’s speaking through a tin can and I sound like a pug breathing into the microphone while he talks. It’s a truly riveting show that will more than likely never see the light of day. So instead of presenting that, I’ve got a clip of CM Punk talking at Wizard World’s Comic Con that you can probably watch on just about any other wrestling website. I just happened to get it from Dot Net. Enjoy. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #203

Kevin and Dusty are at the helm for this edition of Stunt Granny Audio, and what an edition it is! The two heroes are momentarily distracted by Dusty’s A’s destroying Jeremy’s Tigers, but are eventually able to turn their attentions towards the latest happenings in the world of professional wrestling. Both Brian Gewirtz and Jim Cornette lost their jobs as head writers for WWE and ROH, respectively. What is the fall out going to be for those two promotions? Can we expect tangible changes, or are these just superficial changes that won’t really incur actual changes unless other moves are made? CM Punk had showdowns with both Vince McMahon and a fan on this past Monday’s Raw. Can a slap really reverberate to the knee, or is the fan just looking to get his sue on? Is it ridiculous for Vince McMahon to be standing toe-to-toe with a top wrestler? TNA’s salary information got leaked on the internet mysteriously. We agree that it’s fun to just gossip about things you’re not really supposed to know. Who is overpaid? Who is underpaid? Will Kurt Angle be heading back to WWE anytime soon? Dave Batista made his MMA debut recently. Is he in it for the long haul or is he just trying to keep his name out there until Vince takes him back? Will he actually be successful at this endeavor? Would he stand any kind of chance whatsoever against Brock Lesnar in a shoot? And finally, much like walking in on your parents as they are, you know, getting busy, the Hulk Hogan sex tape is something you see that you can never ever unsee. But it’s news, so we have to talk about. And you can listen to it by downloading the link, so you better do that immediately.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #203

Dave “Brass Body” Bautista fancies himself an MMA fighter. You be the judge

Here is the full fight of Big Dave in his very first MMA fight. I watched it live last night and feel even worse about this than I did while watching. You be the judge. That is of course if you have a few seconds to see Dave get punched by a walking bag of liquid marshmallow for 3 minutes before he gets taken down and beaten like a self defense rape dummy. It is up to you. -Jeremy

Brock Lesnar and Dave Batista at WrestleMania 28?

Let the speculation begin with these two news items hot off the wire. It has been reported that Dave Batista, star of The Scorpion King 3 along with Billy Zane, is in Miami. Now he is supposedly doing work for The St Jude Children’s Hospital but we all know there is no chance of that. Primarily due to the fact that all of the children in a children’s hospital are way too young for his poon hound ass. Making matters even more clear is he is supposed to be in one leg of a triathlon and really, come on, Batista running, biking or swimming is an obvious torn muscle waiting to happen. So, we all have to figure he will appear on the WrestleMania broadcast in some capacity. Best bet for his appearance is during the divas match. This way he can make it way more interesting by pulling out his schlong and yelling ” Did ya miss me?” This would increase the workrate, internet mark alert, of this match exponentially.

Also, Brock Lesnar is negotiating with WWE to appear at WrestleMania 28 as well, according to Prowrestling.net. Lesnar was last seen being pummeled in a UFC octagon by Alistair Overeem. Soon after the rumblings started that he would return to WWE but that talk had been quiet for the last few months. So, we now get to play the same game of placing Brock Lesnar on WrestleMania 28. The only place to go would be the main event and The Rock even let the cat out of the bag last week so it seems like there will be some sort of interference. Now, if this is the case does this match go on last? Do they really want another ending similar to last year’s? Or could Lesnar simply appear at the end of the show for a stare down? Could he possibly pick up on the Undertaker confrontation? -Jeremy

Batista tells U.K. Daily Star that he can beat people up, that today’s WWE is “brutal”… look who’s talking

batista skinny

And he gets all the pretty ladies, too.

According to PWTorch.com, Dave Bautista, aka Batista (because we kids couldn’t handle that extra “u” in his last name), recently told a U.K. newspaper, the Daily Star, that today’s WWE is “brutal.” He didn’t mean it in the same way as the brutal force he uses to beat people up in MMA’s Strikeforce oh wait that never happened because he sucks and is old and has asthma. He means “brutal” in the same way as watching a Batista wrestling match, which was pretty god damn brutal.

I can’t connect with it. I no longer know this business. I don’t do PG wrestling.

Thankfully, PG wrestling no longer does him. He also made a point to talk about how big and bad and scary and legitimate he is, because, of course, the people who have to tell you that are the ones with the largest penises and coolest Affliction shirts.

Love me or hate me, when I was there everyone took one look at me and knew I could beat someone up. I don’t think they look at Miz that way.

He makes a valid point; I’m pretty sure 50 percent of Stunt Granny readers could beat up the Miz if a fight broke out over the last bottle of hair product in the salon. But that doesn’t make it right to disparage the company responsible for your bank account, cars and, of course, humongous, totally-not-shriveled-up penis. One of these days, he’s going to come crawling back on all fives (get it, because he has a gigantic penis that needs no defending) and say, “Vince, I can’t cut it in MMA and I miss the nonstop road head, pleeease bring me back.” And then Vince will, because he’s a mark at heart. (Sorry, I hope you weren’t expecting another punchline at Batista’s expense.) -Eric

Dave Batista shows interest in WWE run (but if he runs, he’ll be out of breath, see…)

If Dave Batista really thinks he's gonna get some sort of retirement send-off, this is all he deserves.

According to something called Business Insider (who got its news from a Wrestling Observer podcast, tsk tsk), Dave Batista is interested in returning to WWE for one more run and possibly even a retirement match. I assume this is because he thinks he’s worth it, when in reality he shouldn’t even make a Top 50 WWE Superstars Named Batista list.

The article says this is just one bullet point in a “fantastic” interview, so if you’re a mooch and haven’t started coughing up the money to subscribe to the Observer/Figure Four Weekly, you should consider it. But don’t let Batista’s interview be your decision maker; how interesting could it possibly be to hear a white-trash 42-year-old failed MMA guy talk about getting Melina’s sloppy firsts, leaving his cancer-ridden wife, and only making himself useful to WWE on his way out the door. Seriously, you waited until the end of an 8-year, asthmatic, falling-on-your-ass-while-delivering-your-finisher WWE career to finally show some personality? Thanks for nothing, Buttista, can’t wait to see you come back. -Eric

Stunt Granny Big 11 – Week Ending 1/22/11

Yeah it's magical.

1. Derrick Bateman – Wow, did he have an awful commercial on Raw. The reason I mention him is because he started out in Pro Wrestling Ohio under the name Michael Hutter. I’m whoring out the PWO, go figure. – Kevin

2. Eric Bischoff – Mr. Bischoff redlined a column by our former boss Wade Keller at the PW Torch. He gave Keller an undressing that made no sense what so ever. Bischoff claimed that they misreported that “TNA is considering scrapping the X Division.” After giving Keller a number of definitions, Bischoff seemed not to realize that the word “consider” doesn’t mean “will definitely scrap.” Well, Bischoff must have allegedly stopped drinking because he’s had the good sense to take the berating down. Check the url – HERE – which now is unavailable. I’m even more entertained by Bischoff’s idiocy. – Kevin

3. Kimbo Slice – Could the former MMA star be the key to creating buzz for WrestleMania? Absolutely. If this were 2009. Hey, maybe that homeless guy with the golden voice can do ring announcing for the main event of WrestleMania 31! – Eric

4. The Core – First it was Nexus and now it is The Core. Wade Barrett and friends team up again on Smackdown and the marketing genius give them that as a name. The fact they broke up Nexus in to smaller units is good but naming them after a shitty Hilary Swank vehicle is ridiculous. I have a name for a new group that I think is way more marketable; how about shittymcfagcunt? – Jeremy

5. Chris Jericho – He was interviewed by Pro Wrestling Illustrated, and his answers to general questions about the wrestling industry as well as specifics about his career, life, books and side projects show that he’s the smartest and most level-headed man associated with wrestling today. If he never wrestles another day in his life, he’ll still go down as one of the greats. – Eric

6. Dave Batista – The guy hasn’t been around for months and has generally been out of the spotlight as well but yet his name keeps coming up as a possible entrant in the Royal Rumble. Jim Ross went so far as to kind of sort of deny it on his blog so take that for what it is worth. Of course Big Dave is pretending to start a MMA career with Strikeforce but we all know how that will turn out. What’s Bobby Lashley up to these days? – Jeremy

7. Randy Savage – The old man is slowly getting back in good with WWE. First he appears a few months back to announce that he is finally getting an action figure worthy of his stature. Now he is featured in a commercial for the upcoming WWE All-Stars video game. Being he was my most prized Hall Of Fame inductee for Atlanta this a good start. But then they have Shawn Michaels as the headliner which effectively killed that idea. Still, seeing Randy Savage in any sort of WWE capacity is good news. Oh, and the old bastard can still talk. – Jeremy

8. Dirty Laundry – That was the title of this week’s episode of iMPACT! Unsurprisingly, it didn’t deliver since Kurt didn’t air any dirty laundry about Karen and Karen didn’t get to say anything before Kurt attacked Jeff Jarrett. Good thing this episode was so boring I got to make my dirty laundry clean. – Kevin

9. Tom’s Snacks – Peep this:

The new sponsor for TNA. Out of all the snacks in the world, Tom’s Snacks are certainly among them. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. – Dusty

10. New Best Match Ever – It’s this:

Dusty

11. I can’t even count to 40 – I had to do something wrestling related this week for the 11 spot since I only got three. I know Eric loves the guy, but Jim Ross recently wrote, in all his resplendid wisdom and glory, “Bitching, moaning & complaining re: 40 man RRumble match underway. When has there EVER been more than appx 10 potential, viable winners?” That is an asininely stupid argument, because that’s *exactly* the reason why adding 10 more non-viable winners is a horrible decision.

Remember the 1992 Royal Rumble? (You should, we just did an audio about it!) Remember how almost everyone in that Rumble could claim some type of legitimacy towards winning the thing? Like even Greg Valentine, you could say, Hey, he’s a former Intercontinental Champion, he’s legit as hell. But then remember Skinner, and how when he got eliminated, Gorilla was all, “Well there’s one longshot we won’t have to worry about”? Well, now WWE is adding 10 more Skinners to the Rumble and expecting us to be excited about it. Smells like fresh fail to me. – Dusty

Batista Hates Cancer

I almost didn’t post this since I’m allergic to things that really really suck. See the sacrifices I make for you lovely people? – Dusty

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