@WWE Children’s Book Ideas

50th-birthday-cakeIt was announced that the WWE has signed a deal with DK Publishing to produce eighteen books over the next three years. According to MarketWatch.com

two upcoming commemorative books WWE 50: Celebrating 50 Years of Sports Entertainment, which chronicles the company’s 50 year history and 30 Years of WrestleMania, the ultimate guide to WWE’s annual pop-culture extravaganza. DK will also publish new line of children’s books focusing on the careers of John Cena, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and other top WWE Superstars.

Both of the commemorative books sound pretty damn cool. I’m sure you will have seen some of that information before but they always seem to turn up a little something more every time. The eye catching part to me though is the line of children’s books. They mention that John Cena and “The Rock” will get books but we don’t know their titles. May I suggest:

Dwayne The Rock: Too Cool For School – How One Superstar actually got out of the Biz. Inspiration here.

John The Bachelor: John’s Big Bachelor Pad (My First Bella Twin Experience). Inspiration here.

That also means that there will be fourteen other books. Let’s see if I can guess the other fourteen titles:

Daniel Hears a YES! by Dr. Bryan. Inspiration here.

Diary of a KSU Grad: Kick To The Head – The Story of Dolph Ziggler. Inspiration here.

Roderick Rules: The Story of a Company the WWE Won’t Acknowledge. Inspiration Here.

Jake & Scott: No News Is Good News Because That Means We Haven’t Relapsed. Inspiration here.

Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky I Am For Getting This Many Chances? By Alberto Del Rio. Inspiration here.

AJ Lee Wardrobe Malfunction

She is an odd one. But also hot. From wrestlingnewssource.com.

There Was An Odd Diva Who Got a Tattoo by AJ Lee. Inspiration here.

Rob Van Dam and the Grower’s Stoned. Inspiration here.

Randy Orton and the Chamber Pot of Gym Bags. Inspiration here.

Brie & Nikki’s How To Dress Like a Slutty Princess. Inspiration here.

The Superstars Employment Agency: The Future Endeavored Edition. Inspiration here.

Evan’s Not So Secret Garden. Inspiration here.

The World of Vince McMahon: The Complete When We Were Very Young and Now We Are Sixty-Eight and Trying to Bury Every Hatchet. Inspiration here.

Who do you think some of the other Superstars and titles will be? Put them in the comments below and I’ll make a full post of those ideas.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I'm not sure if they've watermarked this well enough.

I’m not sure if they’ve watermarked this well enough.

That’s the story around here, it’s fucking cold. I practically had to drag my boxer Cayenne out. Then my knuckle head of a mutt Kia couldn’t get enough even though she knows her hips (because of dysplasia) are going to give out. At least I didn’t have to carry her back inside like a football. Time for some wrestling that’s probably at a locale that’s a tad bit warmer. Let’s roll.

So wrong to have the Old School WWF symbol without the F flags on them. May as well start with Ric Flair considering he was the only man teased for this show. I didn’t see any spoilers in the early AM when I looked at the wrestling sites. That’s right, Baltimore. It’ll be plenty cold there soon enough. I guess he’s our host? Randy Orton comes out. At least Flair did poorly enough that he can follow. Randy wants the Authority to over turn their decision. Randy lays out a platter for Flair to jump on, which he does. Orton goes the intimidation route. Flair pulling out the stops now that he’s dressing down Orton. John Cena comes out to defend Ric Flair’s honor. Cena going hype man. “If you’re feeling froggy, jump” is definitely an “Old School” line. I wanted to go to the Royal Rumble since it’s in Pittsburgh but I slept on getting tickets. When I finally checked Ticketmaster, they only had floor seats left. Too damn expensive. Then I checked Stub Hub, people were selling the cheap seats for 3 times the price. Definitely too expensive. They pimp the WWE App so we can know Jerry Lawler‘s health. That’s a scum bag move even if they told us it wasn’t part of his heart condition. We get a recap on Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan makes his Wyatt Family debut with Luke Harper & Erick Rowan taking on Rey Mysterio & the Usos. I listen to JBL & Mitchell Cool for this entrance. JBL has the right question, how good is this group now? I dig the change in attire even if I saw that picture of him last night. Not too deep into the match, Bryan faces off against Rey Mysterio. Rey tosses him out of the ring quickly for a break. Rowan is working over Jey Uso. He’s (Next Day Edit: Who do you mean, jackass? I was referring to Bryan. I was wondering if he’d pull out some new moves with the new gimmick.) not busting out any new offense, yet. Rey knows how to work with big men so well. Jimmy misses a top rope splash. Mike Chioda in the middle of a Wyatt Family show down. Harper gets rolled up for the loss. Interesting way to start this angle. You can go with a sabotage from within angle for Bryan.

Batista has entered the Royal Rumble. Brad Maddox tells someone that Damien Sandow is having a rematch against the Great Khali. Ahh, three Hall of Famers actually. Kane is wondering why Maddox is talking to the Authority behind his back. Kane reads some of the rules for conduct. These two could be a good combo similar to Kane & Maddox. Fun segment. Big E Langston runs into Nikolai Volkoff singing and the Million Dollar Man with Aksana and finally IRS. I’d take that pay day if I were them too.

Big E Langston is taking on Curtis Axel with Ryback on the head set. Ryback is cracking me up. Langston & Axel brawl in front of the announce desk but nothing comes of it. Big Ending. No surprise. Ryback steals the scene for me. Perfect attitude for his character. Pretty meat head with lots of cockiness.

jocks-Revenge of the Nerds“Rowdy” Roddy Piper is going to interview The Shield. They interrupt his intro. Dean Ambrose stares him down. Then drops a lame age joke. The only person that can match him on the mic is CM Punk. Ambrose gets worked up. Seth Rollins jumps in to calm down Ambrose. Rollins calls Ambrose a better US Champ than Piper. Roddy cracks me up when he grabs Reigns cheek. Reigns threatens to break him in half. CM Punk comes out for the save with the New Age Outlaws. I’d be fine with this turning into a match. No dice with the singles match though.

I haven’t missed Sin Cara or Alberto Del Rio. So of course they’re having a match against each other again. Twice wasn’t quite enough. I’m fine with changing Sin Caras but I really wish they’d change his lighting to normal. Sin Cara misses the Swanton. Kick to the head for the Del Rio win. Of course he wants a piece of Batista. Ugh, are they really giving this clown his twentieth chance? The WWE gives some random people way more chances than other people.

Daniel Bryan wants to be transformed. He can teach them a lesson too about tag team wrestling. Bray Wyatt shows up. He informs Bryan they will be teaming together. “We The People” is a popular chant for a heel team. Jack Swagger starts off against Goldust. Antonio Cesaro gets an atomic drop. Cody Rhodes takes over. Goldust ends up taking the beating for their team. Not for long as Cody tags in. Disaster Kick to Jack Swagger gets him off the apron. Cesaro is legal and whacks Rhodes for the break. Swagger is bear hugging Rhodes. I need to download the App for the Cesaro Swing. You just showed it to me. (Next Day Edit: I know they’re trying to bring you in with this footage but they do it for almost every match which means I won’t download it. I don’t care about an inane interview from Heath Slater.) Cool & JBL try to sell the Real Americans but I can’t buy because of how often they lose. Patriot Lock on Rhodes. He almost gets to the ropes. Goldust kicks Swagger in the pie hole to break it up. Goldust gets the hot tag. He cleaned house something fierce. The Curtain Call for the win. I didn’t figure the Real Americans would win even in a non-title match. DDP meets up with Booker T. DDP Yoga gets shilled. Ron Simmons comes in. Damn. Not the best spot to deliver that one but I love me some Simmons.

Runjin Singh is with the Great Khali for some reason. Damien Sandow is his opponent. Sargent Slaughter gets the assignment. I was hoping for Arn Anderson. JBL agrees with me. Mitchell Cool notes Singh’s presence. I’m not sure why Cool called JBL on the microwave comment. You’re getting hit by something large and heavy like Khali’s hand. Sandow had his leg on the rope when Khali pins him. Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch on an angry Sandow. Sarge dances with Khali. People love it. (Next Day Edit: It just dawned on me that Damien Sandow may be in the midst of his second losing streak gimmick. And Alberto Del Rio gets to call out Batista. Go figure.)

Brock Lesnar comes out with Paul Heyman, who naturally does the introduction. Heyman was just money in that promo. It’s hard to justify writing about it because of Heyman’s delivery. Mark Henry comes out again. Henry has his “arm broken.” I’m still bummed that’s not a longer feud. Big Show comes when I start to FF. Lesnar backs down after taunting Big Show. I’m okay with setting up this feud. Heyman tries for the distraction but Show catches Lesnar and tosses him across the ring. Lesnar sells a leg injury. Lesnar landed pretty hard on his shoulder. Looked like he over rotated.

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Headlines: Beth Phoenix written off TV, Colt and Pearce besmirch NWA, DDP moves in with Jake Roberts

In news that has been brewing for months, according to Prowrestling.net (and according to watching WWE Monday Night Raw last night), Beth Phoenix has been written off TV, via an angle where she was fired by Whatever Type of General Manager Vickie Guerrero. Phoenix asked for and was granted her release a while back, so there really isn’t much to say other than good luck keeping Jeremy Maes away from you while you read your zombie comic books.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Colt Cabana threw down his NWA “World” Title belt after beating Adam Pearce in the seventh of their best-of-seven series in a match in Australia. Since the NWA belt has been thrown down more times than Lilian Garcia, the real news here is that Colt Cabana and Adam Pearce were paid to travel to and wrestle in Australia. Not that they aren’t worth it, because they are (two of my top 10 draft pics, easily), but it shows how upside down these Aussies are, dropping that kind of coin on transportation and payoffs. Oy, was Rick Tick Tillah and Moykey McGongileydoo bof already booooked that noight? Nine hundred dollaridoos?? Ah, screw it, I’ll just have a cup of coffee…

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Diamond Dallas Page and Jake “The Snake” Roberts are working on a documentary where DDP helps Jake get in shape for one last run, employing DDP Yoga over an 8-week period. To ensure success, DDP has moved in with Jake, and Jake has agreed to regular drug testing throughout the filming. The filming will end when Jake’s landlord gets tired of seeing his coked-out ex-wrestler tenant being accompanied by a scummy 50-year-old man in a leather vest and tight Guess jeans and boots them both out. (Other punchlines include: “This video will resemble less a documentary on health and more a low-budget docudrama about the Village People,” and “These two guys could leave a ring around the Atlantic Ocean, so I hope Jake’s landlord has a Rug Hospital, not just the Doctor.” Eh, none of these were any good. I need to keep my day job. Oh, and click on this link for TWNP.com, which I assume stands for Talking to Women is Not a Problem for us, to see how well Jake’s workout regimen is going.) -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I’m almost playing catch up, but the show is going live. I’m way too close to the TV but it’s smaller than mine so it helps to make up the difference. Sort of. I love the glitch of starting the show too early. Wouldn’t normally catch that. That’s what you get, slick observations when I start on time. Let’s roll.

My girl appreciates that John Cena isn’t doing a Star Wars parable but that is all about this promo. I concur. Daniel Bryan interrupts. Nothing happens before CM Punk shows up. Bryan was not at his best. OK, good come back by Bryan. Chris Jericho is next on deck. Jericho’s hair does look a bit Bon Jovi these days. He’s doing a good job too. Kane comes out to kill the segment. Even the girl knows that Kane keeps losing. She knows people’s pyro too. Big Show is the next one out. They brawl. Big Show sort of looks tough but didn’t crush everyone.

David Otunga & Cody Rhodes are teaming with Young Money against Christian, Santino Marella, Kofi Kingston & R Truth. Wow, this is just a way to get people on TV with no regard to any type of a story. We’re getting a commercial out of a throw away match, really? Kofi is taking the beating for the faces. Santino is the hot tag against David Otunga. AW pulls back Young Money. Rhodes leaves too. The Funkasaurus comes out to distract Otunga. Santino gets the win with the Cobra. Brodus Clay can not feel good that he has a feud with Otunga. Teddy Long is dancing when Alberto Del Rio comes into his “rightful” office. He begs for a rematch. Del Rio gets a match with the Raw anniversary wrestler.

I have to watch these Raw anniversary segments. Bad part of going live. This segment with Vince & Shane was pretty funny even when it was a rip off of the Rocky montages from various movies. Alberto Del Rio is taking on Sin Cara who gets ambushed. It’s a great way to put over Del Rio without hurting Sin Cara. Make no mistake though, Sin Cara is on the outs. AJ gets to talk to Daniel Bryan first. Damn, she is getting some camera time, yo. AJ nails a promo. She is earning the time. Paul Heyman is on Satellite, next!

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So DDP does some pretty awesome stuff.

I have been sick for the better part of two weeks now with no end in sight. So, while feeling sorry fvor myself I came across this video over on GammaSquad. Check it out I sure hope this is legit.

Apparently DDP, yes that DDP, and his goofy yoga shit do work? How high of a fever can you run before hallucinating?

A quick side note” Water for Elephants” has one of the most hilarious endings in film history. Skip the rest of this shitty movie and go straight to the end. the elephant kills the bad guy. I shit you not. it grabs a pipe and kills the guy. -Jeremy

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

What does this picture have to do with Raw? Absolutely nothing.

I’ve recently been amused on Twitter by the guys from The Pensblog doing #Jagrwatch, which is an amusing way of lobbying for the Penguins to rehire Jaromir Jagr. I decided I’d do some similar shenanigans and try to get #JeffHardyWatch trending while he is awaiting his verdict on his drug trafficking charges. You try to mimic lyrics, crack jokes or find numerical patterns and apply them to Jeff Hardy. My latest tweet: Carolina barbeque is not served in prison. #JeffHardyWatch. I may as well mention it on the site to continue my futile efforts to get more people to follow us. I haven’t been able to mention Twitter on things like the Big 11 because we’ve all been assholes and slacked off on that duty. Time to spin the wheel and try to make Raw a big deal. I’ll be live in no time since I’m starting at 9:20.

Booker T gets to spin the roulette wheel all night. HBK comes out to start things off. He couldn’t stay away. He’s still not getting in the ring. He goes with the DX shameless plug. CM Punk saves us. Mason Ryan suffered an injury over the weekend. Did I miss some news or is this a story line? I love Punk ripping on the addictive personality and losing in his last match. HBK can always pull the Super Kick out of nowhere. Punk gets the first match of the night. Mystery opponent for all of five seconds. Kane and they at least admit he’s from Smackdown.

According to Cole’s logic, which makes sense, no one would ever wrestle until the pay per view. Punk gets counted out because wrestling sucks.

Bourne vs. Sin Cara has to wait until Booker does another intro for the match. Cow girl Eve is smoking. No count out. Booker tries to sell the stip. No one is buying it. Sin Cara is tightening his stuff up some but he’s still sloopy. Bourne even has to put over Sin Cara. I wish Bourne were in an ethnic group or from another country. Del Rio, Sheamus, McIntyre, Sin Cara, Jinder Mahal & Great Khali have been given better pushes and far less jobs. Vickie interrupts Kofi and spins the wheel for him. Player’s Choice and Kofi bans Vickie from ring side. They make good on both botched matches from last week. I guess they did have legit problems last week. Sorry WWE.

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Movie news: Gorgeous George biopic, DDP/Danny Trejo flick expected

danny trejo

"Read my interview or I'll kill you."

What a weird (but awesome) place to find professional wrestling information: According to The AV Club, WWE Films is slated to film a biopic on recently inducted WWE Hall of Famer Gorgeous George, based on the book “Gorgeous George: The Outrageous Bad-Boy Wrestler Who Created American Popular Culture.”

The picture breaks McMahon’s odd, self-imposed code of never doing a film about wrestlers, an exception he made because of the unique historical impact George had—not only within the world of professional wrestling (which borrowed all of his flamboyance and outsized theatricality, and the idea that audiences love rooting against a bad guy almost more than rooting for the good guy), but well beyond it. Both Muhammad Ali and James Brown said that they based their boastful self-promotion on George, while a chance meeting with Bob Dylan (which he later wrote about in The Chronicles) gave the young singer “all the recognition and encouragement I would need for years.”

A big congrats to Vince & Co. for finally embracing pro wrestling history pre-Bruno Sammartino (or pre-Hulk Hogan, for that matter.)

Also according to The AV Club, Danny Trejo (soon to be of “Machete” fame, as well as almost 200 other roles) is set to star in “Vengeance,” a movie that takes its cue from the Charles Bronson “Death Wish” series, where Trejo plays a vigilante whose wife and kids were killed and who goes on a murderous rampage. And Diamond Dallas Page is in it!

DT: Remember I told you that I love Charles Bronson? Charles Bronson was doing movies called Death Wish, where they kill his family and he becomes a vigilante. That is basically the storyline: They kill my wife and daughter, and I take revenge, vengeance, on criminals. I kill people that are jaywalking.

AVC: Really? Is it a comedy?

DT: No, no, no. It’s a really serious vigilante flick.

AVC: And 50 Cent and Jason Mewes are in it?

DT: 50 Cent, Jason Mewes, Diamond Dallas Page, Donal Logue, Baby Bash, Tech Nine, Houston Alexander, and Rashad Evans. We’ve got some monsters in it.

So yeah, good for Diamond Dallas Page, who worked with Trejo on the Rob Zombie film “The Devil’s Rejects.” The Trejo interview is really good, and it makes me wonder if meeting DDP would turn the new old softy from a life of boxing to a routine of Yoga for Regular Guys. -Eric

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